My Heart's Desire - Part 1. To Wait for you.

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Epilogue. A Road Ahead.

Haldir was the first to wake up in the morning. He lay absolutely still listening to the soft breathing of the elf in his arms. Gildor was sleeping in his bed. In *his* bed. Haldir still felt wonder at the fact. Gildor’s back was pressed against Haldir’s chest and his golden hair was tickling Haldir’s face. The Galadhel could smell the heady mixture of Gildor’s scent of fresh apple blossom, the aroma of the clover-scented oil they had used and the musky tinge of sex.

Haldir smiled into Gildor’s tumbled tresses: oh, they had had a lot of *that* during the night. Haldir had always been proud of his stamina when it came to lovemaking, but he had surprised even himself last night. They had it – how many times? He tried to remember exactly but failed and smiled again, happily and a little self-consciously. He had discovered that Gildor’s scent, taste and touch had a stronger effect on him than any powerful aphrodisiac.

They had fallen asleep only when dawn painted the blue of Lórien’s night with the first strokes of pink. But Haldir was soon awakened again by this warm and very special presence at his side. So he was lying still, content for the moment just to have Gildor close to him. Though Haldir did not see Gildor’s face, he could tell the exact moment when he woke. The Vanya tensed in his arms suddenly and Haldir’s heart sank: was Gildor already regretting everything that had happened?

Gildor was surfacing up from his slumber slowly, feeling peaceful and happy. There was something unusual about this morning… Abruptly he understood what it was: a warm powerful body, pressed against his. He went rigid instinctively but then he remembered: Haldir.

“Haldir,” he said softly, snuggling back closer to the younger elf, and could swear he heard a purring sound in his own voice.

Haldir let out a sigh of relief carefully and tightened his embrace.

“Good morning,” he whispered into Gildor’s ear and the Vanya shivered at the warm puff of breath.

“Hm.” Then he chuckled. “If I’m reading the signs right, you are almost fully awake already.”

Haldir also chuckled and raised himself on onbow bow to lean forward and to kiss Gildor on the mouth. “Shall I do something to arouse you too?”

“Meaning waking me up or…?”

“Both.”

Haldir was now kissing the pulse point just below Gildor’s earlobe, where the line of his jaw and the sourveurve of his throat began.

“Oh, you are insatiable, Haldir!” Gildor sighed in mock reproach. “I’ve heard rumours about you, but it seems even the most extravagant of them did not do you justice.”

“It’s your fault,” Haldir murmured against his skin. “I cannot have enough of you.”

Gildor’s eyes fell on the empty flask lying on the edge of their bed, then darted to another one on the bedside table; and he burst into laughter.

“O-oh, Haldir… I think… I think you’ve outdone yourself this time: we’ve run out of oil!”

Haldir was slightly taken aback but then he started laughing as well. “I believe there must be more in the bathroom.”

“No.” Gildor wiped away the tears running down his cheeks. “I do not want to exhaust you as I seem to have exhausted your oil resources. And I’d prefer first to wash off the oil I already have on me. Besides, I’m hungry. And you promised me a shoulder rub, too. Yes, a massage, a bath and a breakfast – in this order. And *then* we’ll see.”

Haldir sighed with regret but complied. “All right. Flip over and I’ll give you your shoulder rub. Then you can take a bath and I’ll try to find us some breakfast. I’m not sure if I have any food at in the house.”

Gildor lay on his stomach and Haldir straddled the backs of his thighs. He put hands onto Gildor’s shoulders, pressing strong fingers into rigid muscle at all the right spots. Gildor moaned into the pillow appreciatively.

As his hands massaged Gildor’s shoulders, finding hidden catches and knots and working them loose, Haldir let his eyes rove the golden body beneath him. Gildor’s unquestionable masculinity was wrapped in a slender, graceful body and, in spite of Gildor’s hard core, his skin marked as easily as a ripe peach. There were love-marks blooming on his neck and shoulder and between his shoulder blades as well. And there were bruises on his hips where Haldir’s fingers had dug into them in the throes of passion during the previous night. That was an arousing memory. Haldir’s hands started to slide down Gildor’s back of their own accord till they reached his lovely rear. And there they stayed. Gildor gave a muffled laugh.

“Haldir, that part of myself can certainly do without rubbing right now.”

Haldir grinned. “I cannot help it. To have you face down under me is too much of a temptation.”

At this moment the door was suddenly thrown open and Rúmil burst into the room. When his eyes fell on the pair on the bed, he froze on the spot.

“Rúmil!” Haldir growled as he slid off Gildor’s hips swiftly to sit on the mattress. “Will you ever learn to knock first? And close that door, for Valar’s sake!”

Rúmil pushed the door closed absently, still unable to speak. Gildor rolled onto his side and propped his head on his hand. He was looking at the gaping Galadhel in mild amusement. When Haldir saw his brother’s eyes start roaming Gildor’s nude form, he grabbed a sheet and threw it over his lover. Rúmil blinked and seemed to come to his senses.

“So it’s true, then,” he breathed.”

“What’s true?” Haldir was still angry.

“The city is full of rumours about you, brother, making love right under the Lord and the Lady’s talan and proclaiming your feelings for your… er… her cousin so loudly that you actually woke her up.”

Gildor turned his laughing eyes to Haldir. “The last part of it can be true, in fact,” he murmured.

“And whose fault is it?” Haldir raised an eyebrow.

“Have no idea,” Gildor shrugged with one shoulder.

They held each other’s eyes for a moment and then burst into laughter. Rúmil watched them, amazement written plainly over his face. They looked so happy and so… yes, so much in love.

“Why are you still here?” Haldir turned to him. “Do you have nothing else to do?”

“Oh, how very hospitable of you, little brother,” Rúmil smirked. “Where are your good manners? You could have asked me to stay for breakfast and let me get better acquainted with your boyfriend. Oh, all right,” he added when he saw Haldir’s eyes darken dangerously. “I do not have time for that anyway. Do not bother to show me out. I can find the way.”

He opened the door but Gildor stopped him. “Wait!”

Both brothers turned to him in surprise.

“Could you fetch us some food for breakfast?” Gildor asked Rúmil.
“Me? Food for *your* breakfast? Do you mean to say you want me to run errands for you?” Rúmil looked appalled.

“Yes,” Gildor confirmed, unabashed.

“And what shall I get for it?” the Galadhel promptly switched to a businesslike tone.

“A kiss?” Gildor offered.

Haldir’s eyes widened in indignation.

“A deal,” Rúmil agreed swiftly and closed the door behind him before Haldir could voice his protest.

“Gildor!” Haldir glared at his lover. “You cannot kiss my brother!”

“Really? Why?” Gildor asked in amusement and lay back.

“You cannot give him that, which belongs to me by right now.”

“Oh, I see,” the Vanya drawled lazily. “I think you are outrageously possess Mar Marchwarden, and I think I like it.” He smiled up at Haldir. “If you do not want me to kiss your brother, do it yourself. I did not specify whose kiss he would get, did I?”

Haldir laughed. “Crafty, aren’t you?”

“Of course,” Gildor agreed. “I’m well versed in diplomacy.”

When Rúmil returned with a tray laden with food, he found Haldir alone in the room. The splashing of water told him of Gildor’s whereabouts.

“I think this will be enough for you to recover your strength after an exhausting night,” he smirked as he put the tray on the table.

“Thank you, brother. You are most touchingly caring,” Haldir smirked back. Then he looked at Rúmil expectantly. “Well, you said you were in a hurry? Or are you waiting for anything, perhaps?”

“Er… actually, yes.” Rúmil glanced at the bathroom door. “I was promised a kiss, remember?”

“Oh yes,” Haldir gave him a predatory smile. “*I* can give you a kiss if you are so bent on getting one. ‘Cause you cannot be seriously expecting me to allow you to kiss *my* lover.”

Rúmil could not help laughing. “You are so spiteful, Haldir!”

“Yes,” Haldir agreed advancing on his brother and making him back towards the door.

“And you are so ungrateful,” Rúmil went on laughing

“Yes.”

“And so possessive.”

“Yes! Will you leave now?”

“Oh, all right. Have a nice morning romp... I mean rest… well, whatever.” Rúmil ran down the stairs, still laughing.

Soon after Gildor emerged from the bathroom dressed only in his leggings, just like Haldir.

“Ah! Breakfast!” he said when his eyes fell on the food display on the table. “Did you kiss Rúmil?”

“No,” Haldir chuckled. “He turned altruistic all of a sudden and refused any compensation for his trouble.”

“So very generous of him.”

“Very,” Haldir agreed.

They sat to table but in spite of his repeatedly declared hunger, Gildor ate little. Finally, he put down the piece of bread he had been crumbling. He could not delay it any longer.

“Haldir,” he said in an unhappy voice, “I won’t be able to stay. I must return to Imladris.”

Haldir froze in his seat. He felt as if he were dying again. So that was it, the end to it all. And so soon; much sooner than he could expect.

“I cannot ask of you to leave your home and family for me,” Gildor went on, looking anywhere but at Haldir. “So if you choose to stay, I’ll understand.”

At that, Haldir was able to breathe again. “Wait a moment. You want me to go wiou?”ou?”

Gildor looked up. “Yes.”

Haldir laughed with relief. “You fool! You’ve scared me to death. I thought… ” He shook his head.

“You thought I would leave you behind willingly?!” Gildor stared at him in disbelief. “Fool yourself. I’ve been waiting for you way too long to give you up so easily. Of course, I want you by my side, always! But it’s not a trifle to abandon your home, your kin and friends, your patrol too. You must think everything over carefully.”

“I do not have to think. I’ll go with you. That is, if the Lord and the Lady give me leave.”

“Oh, they will.”

“Why are you so sure?” Haldir asked curiously.

“First of all, Celeborn would never interfere with your personal life. And Galadriel… Tell me: what will you do if she forbids you to leave? Will you stay or will you go?”

“I do not know… I think I’ll go anyway.”

“See!” Gildor smiled. “What’s the point in giving an order, which, as she knows, will be ignored? It’s not wise. And she is no fool, our Galadriel.”

Haldir nodded in understanding. “I’ll go and tell them about my decision after breakfast.”

“Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, I can manage it.”

“I’m sure you can,” Gildor smiled at him affectionately.

“So when are we leaving?” Haldir asked matter-of-factly.

“In a couple of days, when I’m able to sit in the saddle again.”

“Oh! I’m sorry,” Haldir tried to look properly repentant but failed.

Gildor gave him a haughty stare. “What do you have to be sorry about, Marchwarden? You have nothing to do with it. The healers do not allow me to travel yet, that’s all.”

“If you say so,” Haldir murmured and they both laughed.

They met Glorfindel near the guest talan. Gildor could tell by the look on his face that his friend was already up on the latest events.

“Good morning, Glorfindel,” Gildor said, hiding a smile. “What’s wrong? do do not seem to be well rested. Did you sleep well?”

“No. Lórien was unusually noisy last night,” Glorfindel grumbled but his eyes sparkled with mirth. “Did *you* sleep well?”

“Yes, thank you. Actually, we did not notice it was noisier than ever, did we, Haldir?”

“No, we did not,” Haldir confirmed.

“Little wonder, as you were the reason for all the noise.” Then Glorfindel tilted Gildor’s chin up with his finger and examined the love-mark on his throat. “Shall I cure it for you?” He arched an eyebrow in a good imitation of Elrond. “It’s only a bruise, after all. I can do it.”

“Very funny,” Gildor smirked.

“Let him do it if he wants,” Haldir murmured into his ear. “I can always give you another one.”

He ran his fingers along the seam of Gildor’s leggings between his buttocks and the Vanya sighed softly at the touch.

“I’ll see you later, gorgeous.” Haldir kissed him and strode away in the direction of the Lord and the Lady’s mallorn.

“He can walk,” Glorfindel observed nonchalantly.

“So what?” Gildor chuckled. “So can I.”

“Will you be able to ride too, I wonder?”

“Yes, we shall.”

“*We*?”

Gildor nodded. “He’s going with me.”

“I see… ” Glorfindel looked at him thoughtfully.

“I love him, Mallos,” Gildor said quietly. “I love him.”

Two days later Haldir rode out of Caras Galadhon side by side with Gildor and Glorfindel. He felt excited, though a little sad and apprehensive. It was the first time that he was leaving Lórien, knowing that he would not be coming back soon. Gildor had told him the woe would be free to return home any time he wished. But Haldir knew he would not do it, as long as all was well between them. And he hoped it would never be otherwise.

Haldir sighed as he remembered the talk he had had with Orophin.

When he told his elder brother about his decision to leave for Imladris, Orophin was anything but happy.

“Are you sure you love him that much?” he asked.

“Of course I am!” Haldir exclaimed. “I almost died for him, remember? And I’ll do it again if need be.”

Orophin sighed. “Sometimes to live with someone is more difficult than to die for him, brother. You two are so much different: your background, your life experience, your age… He is so much older! He’s seen things that are history for you, and an ancient history at that. What can you offer him that he hasn’t seen or hasn’t had yet? You are so young, Haldir! And forgive me, but you are an incorrigible flirt. Do you think he’ll put up with this trait of yours readily?”

“I can stop flirting,” Haldir said sullenly.

But Orophin looked skeptic. “Can you? I somehow doubt it. It’s a part of you and to change one’s nature is more difficult than you think.” Orophin sighed again at the stubborn expression on Haldir’s face. “I know you are attracted to each other, little brother. However, physical attraction is enough for a fling but not enough for a long time relationship. Besides, there are other things that worry me. You’ll be completely on your own there, with no one - neither your brothers nor your friends - to give you support when you need it. Imladris is *his* home. You will be a stranger there. And I’m afraid there will be those who won’t welcome you, who’ll be jealous and envious of you. You’ll have to face *that* alone too, because I know you won’t complain about it to him – you are too proud to do it. And Haldir, what are you going to do there? I mean, he is Captain of Imladris Guards, but what are *you* going to be? Of course he can find you a place in his patrol but you won’t have the rank you have here. Now, weigh everything I’ve said carefully and tell me – is he worth all the sacrifice you are going to make for him?”

“Yes,” Haldir answered simply.

Orophin nodded, accepting his choice. “Then I wish you all the happiness on Arda, little brother. But please, remember this: you will always find love and support here. No matter what happens, Rúmil and I will always stand by you. If you ever feel unhappy or lonely - come back home.”

His brother’s words had troubled Haldir. They sounded disturbingly prediction-like. But as he was riding side by side with Gildor, their knees almost touching, he refused to believe in gloomy prophecies. What he wanted to believe was that his future would be as bright as his lover’s smile and that only happiness and love were waiting for him at the end of the road he was following.


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