A heart's miscommunication

Chapter fifteen the journey home

Haldir rubbed his eyes and frowned when there was a knock on the door. His frown deepened when he saw Galadriel standing before him.
She smiled warmly at him. “Colát collatya ar tulát arwa nin.”
He yawned and looked surprised. “Nin Heri?”

Galadriel continued smiling, but didn’t elaborate, leaving him no choice but to do as she said. He followed her through the trees, wondering what was going on.

Suddenly she stopped and turned. “I am so sorry, Haldir. Had I known Mistalas and Coirëhón were the same, I…” She trailed off, but Haldir smiled grateful at her, though his look still was calculating. “I doubt you brought me all this way just to tell me this.”

His eyes widened when she stepped aside and Celeborn stepped up beside her.

The ruler smiled at Haldir. “I’m sorry for the short notice, but I would have you and your brothers accompany Elrond home.”
Haldir gasped and opened his mouth to protest when he saw Elrond step up as well.
The Peredhel was shaking his head. “I’ve forgotten how devious you two can be.”

He smiled at Haldir. “Let’s talk, Haldir.” He signalled for the warrior to follow him as he walked away from Celeborn and Galadriel, who exchanged a warm and happy smile.

She leaned against her husband. “I hope you wait a day before announcing the new vacancies?”
Celeborn nodded. “A month, actually. A letter will reach us before then.”
She smiled and allowed him to steer her back to the house. Her eyes misted over as his hands travelled beneath her clothing.
He looked at her adoringly. “It will have to be swift, nin bess. The night is already half spend and we have to be on our best to see them off.”
Galadriel smiled in agreement.

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Elrond sighed as he sat down on a beautifully carved bench. Haldir stood still beside him, maintaining the respectful distance.

Elrond looked at him and signalled for him to come closer. “We need to talk, Haldir, and we can’t do that if you remain at a distance.”
Haldir cocked his head. “I don’t see what we have to talk about. I should prepare your departure.”
Elrond shook his head. “Glorfindel already took care of it. I know you’d rather stay behind, but I can guarantee you it will not make the pain easier to bear.”
He smiled at him. “Sit down, Haldir. If I a to tell this, I cannot have you stand at attention.”

Haldir frowned and reluctantly sat down. Elrond smiled when Haldir sat on the moist grass instead of the bench.

He closed his eyes and lowered his head. It was painful to make this admission. He opened his mouth but nothing came forth. He did not even know how to start.

Haldir sighed and coughed, forcing the Peredhel to look at him. “Is it that important I come? I shall make sure you have the best guards accompany you, my lord.”
Elrond smiled. “It is said that you are the best, Haldir.” He shook his head. “Nay, I did not bring this upon you, Haldir. Galadriel brought you here. I was already here talking to Celeborn.” He grinned. “Or rather, he was talking to me. I’ve forgotten how perceptive they are.” The last sentence was a mere whisper, spoken more to himself than Haldir, but the Warden’s sharp ears picked it up none the less and wondered about its meaning.

He sighed and smiled shyly he whe warrior and could see he managed to unnerve him. “But they do possess wisdom.”
Haldir smiled but cocked his head. “Are you saying there’s an ulterior motive for us escorting you home?”
Elrond nodded and Haldir’s eyes widened in disbelief and amazement.

Elrond smiled. “Would you ever fall in love again? Would you ever think of taking another into your bed?”
Haldir shook his head. “Nay. It would be unfair to both of us. I cannot substitute him or cry his name when I come when sleeping with another.”
Elrond nodded and his eyes were filled with understanding and knowledge. It made Haldir gasp in shock as he realised the simple truth. His mind went in overdrive.

Now that Haldir remained silent Elrond shrugged. “I know and understand you, Haldir, better than even your brothers or your lord and lady.” He smiled weakly. “I can for I suffer the same.” He lowered his head again. “I fell in love with him when he was but an elfling. There were so many times I came close to telling him, but I could not.”
Haldir frowned. “Why not? Elladan and he are not that…”
Elrond smiled and nodded, cocking his head. “Have you forgotten I have the gift of foresight? I knew he and Elladan would be, eventually. I knew not when or how, but I could not take him as my lover, knowing he would become Elladan’s.”
Haldir’s eyes filled with compassion and he suddenly remembered the look in the grey eyes when the Peredhel had wed Celebrían. He cocked his head in wonder. “Did you know about Celebrían’s faith?”
Elrond smiled warmly at him and nodded. “Aye, I did.”

Haldir swallowed, unsure if he should ask this. “How does it work? You meet someone and you see something?”
Elrond shook his head. “Nay. I can see an image long befohe phe participants are born.” He smiled. “Always I’ve considered it a curse, but not any more, not for a long, long time. Now it gives me hope and the courage to continue.”

He smiled warmly at Haldir. “But no more of that. Will you join us and allow Imladris to heal you a little?”
Haldir sighed and shrugged. “I am not given a choice in the matter.” He locked eyes with Elrond. “But it will be easier to bear, knowing I am not the only one.”
Elrond smiled and rested his hand on the warden’s shoulder. “Which is why we had to talk. Celeborn is wise and cares about you, Haldir. He, and Galadriel, want to see you happy. If it were up to them you’d meet your mate tonight, but I know the heart cannot be rushed.”

Haldir nodded and sighed. He was silent for a while but eventually curiosity got the better of him. “I don’t suppose you ever saw me in your images?”

Elrond cocked his head and thought a moment before answering. Should he tell Haldir the truth? Should he tell him he once, before Coirëhón was b bef before Haldir himself was born, that he had seen the warden’s wedding? He supposed he could. But what if he wanted to know the name of the elf? Elrond knew he could not lie and be undetected. But he could see Haldir needed to know to keep him strong. /I’ll just have to risk it./

He smiled and placed a strand of hair behind the delicate ear. “I can see why Coirëhón picked you.” He mentally hit himself when the warrior shank within himself. “Ai, forgive me. I did not think. Forgive me, Haldir.” His voice was genuinely saddened and filled with guilt and remorse.
It made Haldir’s smile true and he shook his head. “The pain will not easily fade, I fear. It is not your fault. And I thank you for the compliment, my lord.”

His eyes were questioning, but he dared not ask again.
Elrond smiled warmly. “I should guard my tongue. Instead of allowing it to gallop ahead I should answer your question.”
He hid a grin at the hopeful expression that entered the green orbs. “Aye, I have seen you before you were born.” He smiled warmly. “Which I why I know you will be all right in the end.” He placed his hands on Haldir’s shoulders. “For I saw your wedding, Haldir. And you were truly happy.”

Haldir seemed inclined to dismiss the notion, but he haen nen nothing but sincerity in the compassionate grey orbs. /I will wed another? But whom? The only one I would ever consider bedding in the future is him, because he shares my pain and would not feel angered if I don’t call out his name./
He gasped as he suddenly realised Celeborn’s hidden agenda. /He wants us to heal each other. There can be no other explanation. Does Elrond see that too?/
For the first time in his life he looked at Elrond without his distance and respect. For the first time he looked at the elf and not the lord that sat before him.

He cocked his head. “I think I figured out why they want me to escort you.” He smiled warmly. “They are hoping we can heal each other.” He grinned. “And we must be able to succeed or else I would never wed.” His eyes were filled hop hope and Elrond could see life returning to them. He was happy he made the right decision.

Haldir stood and pulled Elrond to his feet as well. “What do you say?”
Elrond nodded. “Aye, let’s heal each other, Haldir. You will ride any place you desire tomorrow.”
Haldir grinned and nodded.

He didn’t linger longer. He still had to alert his brothers. He no longer feared tomorrow or the journey. His brothers would be with him and Elrond would be there as well.
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Galadriel and Celeborn smiled warmly as they watched their loved ones depart and become smaller.

He embraced his wife. “Did you see Haldir’s eyes. I think he knows.”
She shrugged. “Who knows what Elrond told him.”
Celeborn frowned and suddenly started laughing. “I think we were wrong this time, melamin.”
Galadriel turned and looked stunned. He was never wrong.
Celeborn grinned. “Just try to remember the first time Elrond entered our realm and the first time he saw Haldir.”
Galadriel did as she was bid and her eyes widened, realised what he meant. “His eyes… they were surprised. And knowing, as if he had seen him before.”
Celeborn nodded. “In a foresight, perhaps?”
Galadriel looked at him and nodded. “And his eyes were warm as well, pleased. A little hidden lust perhaps.”
She laughed as she realised. “Can it be…”
Celeborn nodded. “I think so. Haldir and he will become lovers.” He shook his head. “And there I was thinking Haldir would never get over Mistalas.” He grinned. “And I can’t even begin to think how misjudged I was thinking Elrond pined after Mistalas as well.”
Galadriel sighed. “Maybe. Maybe not.” She shrugged. “Let’s wait and see.”

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The journey went along nicely. There were no dangers and all elves were experienced riders so they made top speed.

Rumil and Orophin always kept one eye on their brother and didn’t understand they looks he sometimes threw Elronday. ay.

But Haldir couldn’t help himself. The more he saw of the Peredhel the more interested he became. And the more he saw the Peredhel the more arousing he became. Haldir wondered why he had never seen his beauty before. Slowly he started comparing him and Coirëhón and came to a shocking conclusion.
He was glad they halted shortly after. It gave him a chance to get himself together. He all but fled to the stream. Instead of bathing he sat on a rock and looked at the distance.

Rumil and Orophin followed him, worried. They climbed on and sat beside him. “How are you doing?”
Haldir smiled warmly at them. “I don’t know. I’m confused.”
They widened their eyes. “How so?”
Haldir shrugged. He had decided not to tell them. They would never understand. He didn’t even understand.

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Elladan sighed and rested against his lover, enjoying the feel of those arms around him. He frowned when he saw Coirëhón’s brooding look. “What is it?”
Coirëhón smiled and shrugged. “I wonder why they are part of the escort. Galadriel knows he’s hurt. I’ve hurt him, Cuil-nin.”
Elladan sighed and remained silent. He knew he could never change his lover’s guilt. Only time would erase it.

Elrohir settled beside them and grinned. “I think you should stop feeling so guilty. I think Haldir is looking better and better each day. Give it time and focus on my twin.”
Elladan blushed and glared at him, making Elrohir laugh whole-heartedly.

Glorfindel and Elrond, sitting on the other side of the camp, smiled warmly at each other. “Finally things are looking up. I hope Erestor is coping.”
Elrond nodded. He had every faith in his chief counsellor. “He is.”
Glorfindel rolled his eyes. “I didn’t mean coping with ruling. That he will always be able to do single-handedly. No, I meant coping himself. He’s not one to handle solitude very well.”
Elrond nodded but remained silent. ~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Haldir drew in a deep breath and moved his horse closer to Coirëhón’s. “Mistalas, I mean, Coirëhón. Can we talk?”
Coirëhón nodded, but didn’t lock his eyes, shame and guilt coming form him in waves.
Haldir smiled and placed his hand on the other’s. “Stop feeling so guilty. You did not plan to hurt me and that is all that matters.” He smiled when the orbs settled on him in surprise. He shrugged. “And I am not hurting any more.” His eyes shined and that, not his words, made the other believe him.
Coirëhón smiled. “If I can ever help you…”
Haldir grinned. “No, this is something I have to do myself. But thank you, meldir.” His tone was warm and caring.

He moved away again and resumed his former position. He locked his eyes with Orophin, silently telling him nothing was wrong.

He nearly jumped when Rumil suddenly appeared beside him.
The elf grinned. “Spill!” He ignored Haldir’s puzzled look. “You’ve changed these last few days. Your eyes are alive again, like someone lit them.”
Haldir sighed and looked at him. “Nainá aiquen carnëstiëstië.”
Rumil grinned and shrugged. “As long as it isn’t Mistalas. I don’t want to see you and Elladan fight, toron.”
Haldir laughed a true laugh. “No chance, Ru. No chance.”

His eyes were filled with warmth and his heart sped up as they darted towards Elrond.
Rumil saw and followed his gaze. He frowned and cocked his head.

He moved horshorse over to Orophin’s. “Toron. Something is happening.”
Orophin ed hed his eyes. “We are journeying to Imladris or haven’t you noticed?” Rumil sighed, but ignored it, setting of Orophin’s alarms. The Galadhrim instantly scanned his surroundings but sensed nothing.
Rumil shook his head. “Nay. It is safe. It’s Haldir.”
Orophin narrowed his eyes. “He’s happy again. But maybe it’s his presence.”
Rumil shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’ve studied him. He looks at Lord Elrond a great deal and his eyes warm when he does.”
Orophin frowned. “He is a healer. Do you think he’s…”
But Rumil determinedly shook his head. “We would have noticed if he had.” He rubbed his nose. “But I have seen the lord look at Haldir a few times. Just now, when he talked to Coirëhón, Lord Elrond kept them in his gaze, which was worried.”
Orophin rolled his eyes. “Of course he was worried. If Elladan misinterprets…” He didn’t finish his sentence but shivered.
Rumil sighed. He knew not what was happening, but he would keep his eye on his brother.

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Translations:
Colát collatya ar tulát arwa nin. Means : Put on your cloak and come with me.
Nin Heri means : My lady
nin bess means : my woman (Sindarin)
Cuil-nin means : my life
Nainá aiquen carnë ú istië. Means : Maybe someone did without knowing it.
Toron means : brother

TBC