The Lost

The Lost

Chapter 17
Author: Frosty the Dairy Cow
Rated: Strong R
Codes: Elrond, Legolas, Aragorn, Haldir, Galadriel, OC, AU, N/C
Summary: After the defeat of Sauron, Elves and Men go to war. The reason, though, is not so clear. Contains real plot.
Notes: Elvish translations are at the end of each chapter.
Disclaimer: LOTR is not mine. Bleh.

To BETH: Thank you for the compliments. I am glad you're enjoying the story, and hope the ending (sorta-ending) won't disappoint. Elven, my writing partner, actually wrote "In Darkness and In Doubt" and "Where the Shadows Lie" - she's an amazing writer. "Shadows" is one of my favourites. You should go tell her that she's a better writer than I am. ;)

To RANGERLADY: Thank you to you, too. About the "licking lips" thing - you're right. I re-read that one story of mine and was amazed how many times I used it. In the story I'm writing now, I'm keeping consciously aware of not using it too often. For the older stories, though, they were all written very quickly (the new ones are, too), and were never beta-read before being posted (same with the new ones), so I won't be going back to change anything. Just pretend I wrote something else besides "lips". ;)


*

It was late.

Anólindë sat on her bed and stared out the window into the midnight sky. It was like any other night, the sky carried wisps of cloud and was sprinkled with the stars of heaven. The cool breeze moved her hair gently as it flowed into the dark room. Nothing was different. Tonight, though, seemed worlds away from any other night. Elrond was dead. It was all she could think about.

Legolas had stayed with her until she told him she wanted to be alone. He had tried to make her feel better by telling her of Lothlorien and how good things seemed there. Many elves had stayed behind to take care of it, only a few of the hundreds following her friends back to Minas Tirith. They were open to talks of peace. This was good news, she knew. Still, though, her thoughts continued to fall back to Elrond. He had been her life for too long for her to just forget. No matter what he did to her.

She asked questions, wanted to know why he would die from something as drastic as grief. It was as if he had taken his own life. Legolas seemed reluctant to stay on that topic, but she managed to find out that his death had occured only a day or so before Legolas and Haldir entered Lorien. The other elves had said he became agitated and reclusive after she left, choosing to remain alone most of the time. They spoke of how, when they did see him, he was often distracted. Legolas surmised that the ring Elrond wore probably had too much of a hold over him for there to be any way of escaping it. Anólindë knew she could never know her former lover's thoughts, but she found herself wondering if he realized the wrongs he had committed, and became grieved with despair. She knew it was despair. It could have been nothing else. But the reasons, she did not know.

He was gone now. He would not be returning.

Silent tears escaped Anólindë's eyes as she watched the trees sway in the soft wind. She had to keep reminding herself that she hadn't abandoned him to his fate. If she had stayed, things would never have gotten better for the elves as a whole. Elrond might still be alive, but the world would still be at war. She knew this to be true, but it did not quell her thoughts.

Legolas had been gone for hours. She had wanted to be alone, but now found herself craving the presence of someone . Th. The room began to feel small, and it wore on her. Wiping her face and wrapping a cloak around her shoulders, Anólindë slipped out the door without looking back.

As she stepped outside, she realized she could have easily found Haldir or Legolas for company. Even if they were sleeping, she knew they would offer her support without a second thought. Her feet, however, did not carry her towards their doors. They took her out into the dark of the night, and brought her swiftly towards the fourth level of the city.

The white tree glowed under the starry sky. Anólindë swallowed heavily as she passed it, continuing up the courtyard towards the stairs of where Aragorn slept. She did not halt her approach, nor did she stop to think before pushing open the doors to the Hall. She knew the way to his bedroom, having remembered from her earlier tour of the city. Taking a deep breath, she knocked softly on the door.

Her racing heart made her tremble in nervousness. The response to the knock was quick; she could hear his footsteps approach. When the door clicked and opened, she saw he was still clothed in his daywear, a soft brown shirt and leather pants.

Aragorn looked down on her with a concerned and quizzical expression. "Anólindë?" he asked, "Is everything alright?"

She shook her head softly, and took only a moment to react. Without asking, without thinking, she plunged forward and pressed her lips against his, wrapping her hands over his face as she kissed him.

The surprise was evident. She knew she had shocked him, but Anólindë didn't care. To her relief, though, it took only moments for him to respond. His hands flew up to her face, cupping it gently as he kissed her back. Anólindë breathed softly as she opened her mouth to him, urging him to deepen their kiss. He complied, moving his warm tongue past the entrance and melding with hers. Groaning softly, Anólindë slid her hands over his shoulders, pulling him closer to her body.

Feeling vulnerable in the doorway, Anólindë pushed Aragorn back. He took the hint, moving into his room and closing the door, then pushing her against it. He caged her there, pressing his hands on either side of her and continuing the assault on her lips. Anólindë clenched his tunic in her hands, feeling all her doubt and rage and sadness bleed though the touching and kissing. She wanted his hands to graze every inch of her, to pull the tension from her weakened body. She wanted the release so badly, her eyes welled with tears before she could stop them.

As the tears rolled down her face, Aragorn's kissing became less frantic. He slowed, pulling away and licking his lips. Tasting the salt. Fluttering her eyes open, Anólindë breathed heavily as he watched her. She didn't want his sympathy, she only wanted his comfort.

He touched her face then, wiping away her falling tears. Anólindë grabbed his hand and squeezed, but he did not release her. "Aniraman togle si?" he asked softly, his blue eyes focusing on her dark, wet ones.

Anólindë did not look away from him. "Nin aniran odh," she replied honestly. Her voice was a whisper in the dark as the proximity of his body caused her to shiver.

"Garim hannas an lin naergon, a nin ind iestan ninglor le," he said, brushing his thumb against her warm cheek, "Im and garle an meleth, ind, sennui ned lin baul."

She bit back a sob as she lowered her eyes. He was rejecting her advances because he wanted more, and it hurt her deeply. "You will not have me, then?" she asked quietly, keeping her eyes on his chest.

Aragorn's finger touched her chin as he pushed her face upwards. When her eyes met his, he came forward and brushed a soft kiss on her lips. "I would have you, but only if you want this for more than just a night's worth of comfort."

"Why?" she asked, confused. She knew any other would have taken her by now. "Why do you wish for more when I am offering myself to you without hesitancy?"

His answer was quick and sobering. "Because I care."

Anólindë looked down to the floor and heard Aragorn sigh as he removed his hand from her face. He stepped away from her, and she became chilled when his body was no longer near hers. Looking up, she watched him as he leaned against the wall beside her and crossed his arms.

"You are looking for something to take the hurt away. I can be your friend, but if I give you want you came here for, you only hate me for it later. I don't want that." Aragorn rubbed his tired eyes as Anólindë shifted her feet nervously. "I sympathize with your loss, Anólindë. I loved him as well. Indeed, I would have enjoyed the release as much as you. But you mean too much to me to use for one night. I would want years of nights."

She shook her head. "I'm so lost, Aragorn," she said as she looked up at him, "I don't know how I feel about anything anymore. I don't know what to do."

Aragorn moved up to her and pulled her into an embrace. She trembled freely in his arms, cold from the strain of her emotions. All she wanted was for him to carry her to his bed and hold her until she fell into a blissful darkness.

She felt him kiss the top of her head before parting from her. Taking her hand he led her to the bed, which she sat gratefully down upon. Aragorn kneeled in front of her and pulled her boots off. "You will sleep here tonight," he said, getting up and pulling the cloak from her, "And we will talk more in the morning."

Anólindë was too tired to object. She laid down and watched him as he pulled the covers over her body. "Where will you sleep?" she asked.

"Beside you," he whispered, pressing a kiss to her forehead. A smile was on his face when he pushed himself up. "Now close your eyes."

She did, listening to the quiet sounds of Aragorn moving around the room. Soon darkness overcame her, without her ever feeling the King lay down beside her.

*

When her eyes opened, the first thing she saw was the painting on the wall. It was of Isildur and Sauron, and the Ring of Power. Rubbing her eyes, she wondered how Aragorn could stand waking to that every morning. Perhaps it gave him hope, but all she felt when looking at it was remorse.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed herself up and looked around. She was alone. Looking to the space beside her, she noticed the blankets had not been disturbed. Aragorn had not slept with her.

Frowning and feeling sad and somewhat embarrassed, Anólindë swung her legs to the floor and pulled on her boots. She did not know the time, but hoped it was early. If Legolas went looking for her and found her bedroom empty, he would be worried. And she didn't want him finding her here.

When she exited the Hall, Anólindë frowned into the sun. It wasn't as early as she had hoped. As she made her way down to the third level, passing several people, she knew Legolas would be looking for her. Tensing in expectation, she took a deep breath as she walked up the stone steps and opened the door to her rooms.

Immediately she was greeted by a very concerned elf. " Anólindë," said Legolas as he hurried up to her, "Are you alright? Where have you been?"

Haldir was behind him, looking worried but keeping silent. "I'm fine," she said, smiling up at Legolas.

"You shouldn't disappear like that. I tried to find Aragorn, to help me look for you, but he's gone as well." Legolas leaned forward and knit his brows before continuing, "I thought perhaps he had done something to you."

Biting her lip, Anólindë widened her eyes and shook her head. "Aragorn? No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to frighten you."

She noticed Haldir narrow his eyes slightly. "How long have you been gone?" he asked.

Blinking softly, Anólindë hesitated. She didn't know how early they had gone to look for her. "A while," she said, "It was still dark."

Haldir's gaze was intense and searching, so she averted her own to Legolas. She didn't know what the Marchwarden was looking for from her, but she was not going to volunteer any information. Not now. It was too early.

Legolas sighed heavily. "Promise me you will not do something like that again. This city is not safe, especially at night."

"I promise." She did, having no intention of venturing out in the early morning hours looking for the King of Gondor. She would have to convince herself that her prior action had been a mistake, the act of someone who was too stressed to think straight. If nothing else, Legolas and the others would never approve of such a match.

Her friend seemed relieved when she gave her word. "Good," he said, touching her shoulder, "Nothing would pain me more than to see you hurt. I want you to be safe."

"I know," she nodded. Curious, she looked back up at Haldir. His blue eyes still watched her intently.

Sighing, Legolas released her shoulder and pursed his lips. "I must go find Aragorn. There are things we need to discuss. Will I see you later?"

Distracted, Anólindë nodded. She watched Legolas take leave of her and Haldir, then turned back with a small smile to the Marchwarden. He did not return it.

Feeling ill-at-ease, she took a breath and made to walk past him. When he took hold of her arm and pulled her back gently, she tensed and looked up at him with nervous eyes.

Anólindë waited in anxiety as he released her arm and looked down on her. His face was expressionless as he spoke. "Tell me about last night."

"There is nothing to tell," she replied quietly. Anólindë had never seen her friend regard her with such disquiet. It made her uncomfortable. "If you don't mind, I would like to change."

She swept by him and headed to her rooms. Haldir didn't leave her, though, following and catching up to her quickly. "I mind, Anólindë," he hissed, grabbing her arm before she could enter her room. He spun her around and pushed her against the wall, holding her there by her shoulders. Surprised and a little fearful, Anólindë's eyes widened. "I want you to tell me what you were doing last night."

Feeling angry, Anólindë pushed at Haldir. He moved back a step, letting go of her shoulders. "I don't see what business that is of yours," she growled, turning and opening the door to her room. When she entered, he followed and she was unable to stop him.

Crossing her arms, Anólindë frowned as Haldir closed the door and stared down at her. He was angry now, she could see it. "It is my business because you are my friend, and I do not like seeing friends get hurt," he said, pointing at her. When she opened her mouth to speak, he cut her off. "I know where you went last night. Now explain to me why you went there."

Her stomach felt suddenly heavy as his words weighed down on her. "You followed me?" she asked quietly, "Why would you do that?"

"Stop avoiding the question, Anólindë. I want to know why you went to Aragorn in the middle of the night!"

Shocked by his tone, she held a hand over her stomach and sat down on the bed. Her insides twisted in pain. "What did you see?" she asked softly, looking up at him with glassy eyes.

Haldir seemed agitated by the question. "Did you have sex with him?" he asked, his voice stern and quiet.

Anólindë lowered her eyes and covered her face with her hands. Taking a deep breath, she looked back up and shook her head. "No."

"Is he trying to force you to have relations with him?"

Biting back her tears, Anólindë shook her head. She was too tired to keep secrets anymore. "No."

Her voice quaked slightly, and Haldir seemed to notice. Exhaling softly, he sat beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "You're frightening me, Anólindë," he breathed as she rested her head against him, "I don't know what to think. I heard you leave, and I followed out of concern. When I saw you enter the Hall, I thought the worst. Please, explain it to me. Why did you go there?"

"I don't know," she replied, "I wanted comfort, Haldir. Aragorn...he has feelings for me."

"Feelings?" Haldir's voice grew concerned. "Has he touched you?"

"No. Yes," she sighed, frustrated at her inability to vocalize her thoughts. "He hasn't hurt me, Haldir. I think he really cares for me."

The Marchwarden rubbed her arm soothingly. She could feel his breath against her face. It calmed her, having someone to talk to. She hadn't had anyone. After a long silence, though, Haldir spoke a question she wasn't sure how to answer. "Do you care for him?"

Her wet eyes looked up at Haldir. He did not look angry, or upset in any way. He looked like he cared what she felt. "I don't know," she whispered, pulling away from him and wiping at her face. "If you asked me when he first told me of his feelings, I would have said no. But now...now I don't know. I went to him last night, Haldir, and I kissed him. I was willingly giving myself to him, out of desire. I wanted him." Meeting his eyes again, she shook her head. "He took care of me instead. I couldn't believe he was turning me down, after everything he had divulged. He said he wants me for love. This morning I was so intent on forgetting and leaving it be, never allowing myself to do something like that again, but I can't stop thinking about it. About him."

The Marchwarden's eyes lowered as he rested a hand on her knee. "I will not lie and say I am happy to hear this. You know my feelings for men in general, and the King in particular. I still do not trust him fully." Licking his lips and looking up, Haldir surprised Anólindë by smiling softly. "I am, however, your friend, and will support you in your decisions. Make them well, Anólindë, this is not a simple choice."

Rubbing her eyes, Anólindë sighed heavily. "I don't know what to do. Legolas would never approve."

"You don't need his approval."

Her eyebrows raised. "You do not approve, either."

"And you certainly do not need my approval. This is your decision."

She wrung her hands softly. "I do not even know what decision I am making. How do I know? I can't even discern my own feelings." Clenching her jaw, she stood up and paced to the wall. "This is not just my future. What if something bad happens? All our kind will be at risk."

"Do you believe the King to be as trivial as that?"

She stopped short and stared at Haldir. At a loss for an answer, she groaned in frustration and sat back down on the bed. "How do I leave my preconceptions behind, Haldir? How can I leave Elrond behind?"

Fresh tears stung at her eyes as Haldir leaned close to her. "You must do so anyways. Especially Elrond. What happened is no fault of yours. Remember him for what he was before, and move on. It must be done."

Anólindë bit the inside of her mouth and sniffed. "How can I trust in love again?"

"We all risk for love. Nothing can ever be certain." He smiled gently and brushed the hair back from her face. "If you do not try, though, you will lose infinitely more."

She sniffed back a laugh and licked her wet lips. "Are you telling me I should give Aragorn a chance."

Smirking, Haldir sat back and pursed his lips. "I would never say such a thing. I would, however, want you to find happiness, wherever it may be."

Sighing heavily, Anólindë smiled at her friend. She was so grateful to him for being easy on her, being supportive. "I don't know, Haldir. I'm so confused."

"Just...take it slow. Live each day like you normally would, and see what happens. Fate has a way of making itself apparent." Haldir patted her knee, then stood. Smirking down at her, he titled his head. "Now, would you care to have breakfast with me?"

Biting her lower lip, she narrowed her eyes as she looked up. "I think I'm just going to stay here for now. I'm a little tired." Haldir nodded and turned, making his way to the door. Before he left, though, Anólindë spoke up again. "Haldir...thank you."

"Naeithel," he said, smiling and closing the door behind him.

When he was gone, Anólindë laid back on the bed and rubbed her tired eyes. There was too much to think about. Taking a breath, she rolled over and crawled up to her pillows, collapsing her face against one. She was tired. She wanted to sleep.

It didn't take long to slip into darkness.

*

TBC

Elf-Talk:

Aniraman togle si? - What desire brings you here?
Nin aniran odh. - My desire for repose.
Garim hannas an lin naergon, a nin ind iestan ninglor le. - I have understanding for your lament, and my heart wish(es) to gladden you. I long for your love, though, instead of your torment.
Naeithel. - Be well.