Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,034
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
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Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,034
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Inflicting Sobriety
Chapter 16
"Right. Just lie back against that log and take off your shirt," ordered Kalina, helping herself to a few mushrooms.
"Why are you getting high?" asked Legolas, worriedly.
"You still trust me?" Legolas nodded. "Good... now tell me when things start going odd."
"What, the way that tree behind you is sort of dissolving into the sky?"
"Yeah, that's about right. Here," said Kalina, helping Legolas off with his shirt. "If you're going to have a massive trip you may as well be full of endorphins," she explained, moving onto Legolas's lap and slipping a hand down his trousers. Almost
immediately Legolas tensed and gasped, opening his eyes wide.
"Wow..."
"And I've only just got started," Kalina whispered, biting his ear ever so slightly. "You just lie back and relax."
"Come on... drink it," urged Aragorn. He'd concocted a strange and sobering combination of herbs steeped in water and was waving a small tin cup of the vile brew at Haldir. Haldir was sitting on a tree branch, clinging to the trunk in fear. He had been very happy, cooking. Then Kalina stole part of the food, but that was okay because he had cooked for her. But then Aragorn stole the rest and threw it away, claiming that he wasn't going to be responsible for two tripping pointy eared gaylords and went off to make that vicious tea Aragorn was now harassing him with.
"No!! It smells vile!! And you ruined my good mood!! I hate you!! Almost as much as I hate Kalina," he added as an afterthought.
"Really? I thought you wanted to drag her into the forest, strap her down to a trunk and take her from behind. At least that's what you said last night," lied Aragorn, a cunning plan developing in his head.
"I SAID WHAT???!?!" demanded Haldir. "What in the name of Elbereth are you wittering about, you demented mortal?!"
Aragorn breathed a sigh of relief. He had succeeded in baiting Haldir back into his state of perpetual panicked indignation.
"And will you get rid of that rancid liquid? I swear, what is wrong with you?? Bloody round eared short lived arses the lot of you!" Haldir began to climb down from the tree.
Aragorn threw the cup down and embraced Haldir. "You're BACK!!!! I was so worried you'd stay like that!"
"Like what?" asked Haldir, feeling suspicion brewing in his mind.
"Uhm... Your mood swing earlier," said Aragorn, realizing that if he told Haldir he'd been shot up with tranquilizers by Kalina in an effort to quiet him, the consequences would be dire.
"Oh... didn't notice," shrugged Haldir, confused about the last few hours, but letting the subject slide in favor of a continuation of Aragorn pawing at him. Annoying as he was, Haldir just couldn't resist those dark and pained human eyes. "Where
are Legolas and the Harpy Queen?"
"Having wild and crazy mushroom sex," said Aragorn with a longing sigh.
"Bitch! I could have had him," grumbled Haldir. A thought crossed his mind. "Still, let's just leave them for now. Bitch face will be in a much better mood that way."
"Uh-huh," said Aragorn. "That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're trying to out out of doing anything?" he asked with surprising shrewdness. Haldir quickly disguised the irritation at his cunning ploy being foiled, then decided to just
stick with lying.
"The bitch hates me enough already. I have to spend another fuck knows how many days in her bloody company. This way she gets laid, she won't decide to make my life as much of a hell as she usually does, and Legolas won't be as fucked up.
See?"
"We give them an hour at the most and then we leave," snapped Aragorn. He was starting to get intis ais adventuring business and was sure it would impress Elrond to some degree, albeit in all probability a small degree. Plus it meant a lot more time around Kalina, which therefore meant a lot more illicit sex that he could probably get away with. And the two other elves...
"FINE," shouted Haldir, preventing Aragorn from exploring new avenues of depraved potential in his brain. "You go break them up when it's time."
"Alright, but that'll leave you at the mercy of that Gollum thing... unless that's what you want..." There was a certain pleasure to be gained from winding up Haldir. It was also an easy way to be entertained.
"When the hell did YOU get so bitchy?!" snapped Haldir. He wrinkled his nose at Aragorn and stormed off to sit on a rock and comb his hair and preen like a peacock. Aragorn smirked, pleased with his petty achievement
"Right. Just lie back against that log and take off your shirt," ordered Kalina, helping herself to a few mushrooms.
"Why are you getting high?" asked Legolas, worriedly.
"You still trust me?" Legolas nodded. "Good... now tell me when things start going odd."
"What, the way that tree behind you is sort of dissolving into the sky?"
"Yeah, that's about right. Here," said Kalina, helping Legolas off with his shirt. "If you're going to have a massive trip you may as well be full of endorphins," she explained, moving onto Legolas's lap and slipping a hand down his trousers. Almost
immediately Legolas tensed and gasped, opening his eyes wide.
"Wow..."
"And I've only just got started," Kalina whispered, biting his ear ever so slightly. "You just lie back and relax."
"Come on... drink it," urged Aragorn. He'd concocted a strange and sobering combination of herbs steeped in water and was waving a small tin cup of the vile brew at Haldir. Haldir was sitting on a tree branch, clinging to the trunk in fear. He had been very happy, cooking. Then Kalina stole part of the food, but that was okay because he had cooked for her. But then Aragorn stole the rest and threw it away, claiming that he wasn't going to be responsible for two tripping pointy eared gaylords and went off to make that vicious tea Aragorn was now harassing him with.
"No!! It smells vile!! And you ruined my good mood!! I hate you!! Almost as much as I hate Kalina," he added as an afterthought.
"Really? I thought you wanted to drag her into the forest, strap her down to a trunk and take her from behind. At least that's what you said last night," lied Aragorn, a cunning plan developing in his head.
"I SAID WHAT???!?!" demanded Haldir. "What in the name of Elbereth are you wittering about, you demented mortal?!"
Aragorn breathed a sigh of relief. He had succeeded in baiting Haldir back into his state of perpetual panicked indignation.
"And will you get rid of that rancid liquid? I swear, what is wrong with you?? Bloody round eared short lived arses the lot of you!" Haldir began to climb down from the tree.
Aragorn threw the cup down and embraced Haldir. "You're BACK!!!! I was so worried you'd stay like that!"
"Like what?" asked Haldir, feeling suspicion brewing in his mind.
"Uhm... Your mood swing earlier," said Aragorn, realizing that if he told Haldir he'd been shot up with tranquilizers by Kalina in an effort to quiet him, the consequences would be dire.
"Oh... didn't notice," shrugged Haldir, confused about the last few hours, but letting the subject slide in favor of a continuation of Aragorn pawing at him. Annoying as he was, Haldir just couldn't resist those dark and pained human eyes. "Where
are Legolas and the Harpy Queen?"
"Having wild and crazy mushroom sex," said Aragorn with a longing sigh.
"Bitch! I could have had him," grumbled Haldir. A thought crossed his mind. "Still, let's just leave them for now. Bitch face will be in a much better mood that way."
"Uh-huh," said Aragorn. "That wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that you're trying to out out of doing anything?" he asked with surprising shrewdness. Haldir quickly disguised the irritation at his cunning ploy being foiled, then decided to just
stick with lying.
"The bitch hates me enough already. I have to spend another fuck knows how many days in her bloody company. This way she gets laid, she won't decide to make my life as much of a hell as she usually does, and Legolas won't be as fucked up.
See?"
"We give them an hour at the most and then we leave," snapped Aragorn. He was starting to get intis ais adventuring business and was sure it would impress Elrond to some degree, albeit in all probability a small degree. Plus it meant a lot more time around Kalina, which therefore meant a lot more illicit sex that he could probably get away with. And the two other elves...
"FINE," shouted Haldir, preventing Aragorn from exploring new avenues of depraved potential in his brain. "You go break them up when it's time."
"Alright, but that'll leave you at the mercy of that Gollum thing... unless that's what you want..." There was a certain pleasure to be gained from winding up Haldir. It was also an easy way to be entertained.
"When the hell did YOU get so bitchy?!" snapped Haldir. He wrinkled his nose at Aragorn and stormed off to sit on a rock and comb his hair and preen like a peacock. Aragorn smirked, pleased with his petty achievement