In the Garden

Title: In the Garden, Chapter 16 (betaed)
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, others implied
Rating: PG-13, but rating will increase in future chapters
Warning: AU (Story set several hundred years after ROTK in Aman); Het.
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AFF; fanfiction
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lady Victoria for betaing this fic.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Prof. Tolkien. A quick check of my bank account should prove I’m not making anything off of writing my stories. Sigh!
Summary: Life in the Blessed Land has not been so blessed for Elrond. Can the happiness that has long eluded him be found in the words of a red-bound journal, the help of his scheming friends, and the granting of a wish that none thought possible?


Feedback appreciated!

Chapter 16 --- I Dreamed a Dream

A glint of sunlight lit the white-gold mane of the elleth, framing her face in a radiant glow. Hearing his approach, she turned her head to greet her elf, as he moved behind her to wrap his arms around her waist and draw her back to rest against his chest. The warmth of her smile touched him, leaving no room for the lonely cold that had long clung to him. Feeling her hands slide down to link with his, he sighed with pleasure… his heart had, at long last, found its home.

Eyes of the richest blue lifted to meet his. A soft, “Le annon guren. Le annon meleth nîn,” reached his ears… spoke to his spirit. (I give you my heart. I give you my love.)

Pulling her a little closer, he replied. “Le annon guren. Le annon meleth nîn.” Sighing with contentment, he repeated…

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“I give you my heart. I give you my love.” Arms left suddenly empty reached out to pull the warm, desirable form back against him… but found only a pillow. Frantic eyes regained awareness as they scanned the room. “Meril?”

A groggy voice from the next room called. “Ada? What is wrong, Ada?” Within seconds, his eldest son appeared at the door of the talan bedroom he had been assigned. “Ada?”

Dropping back onto his bed, the peredhel struggled to respond, a crushing sense of loss gripping his heart. /It felt so real! I have never known the peace and contentment I experienced when I held her to me… dreamed I held her my arms./

“Ada… are you… well?”

Hearing the growing distress in his son’s voice, Elrond forced his attention back to the present moment. “I am fine, ion. I merely dreamed a dream that I… did not want to end so soon. Is it morning yet?” (son)

Glancing out of the window behind him, Elladan judged morning still some hours away. “Not yet. Go back to sleep if you can. Morning will not dawn for some time.”

Sighing, Elrond pretended to settle back into his bed, but the tension in his body did not escape the scrutiny of his son. “Did you not find comfort in your dreams, Ada?”

Slowly, Elrond began to nod his head. “Aye, I did… for the most part. It was nice to be reminded of how blessed my life has been.”

A soft smile lit his features as he recalled one of those memories. “I remembered playing with Elros in the gardens of our home at the Havens. We had a ball and Ada was sitting in the grass rolling it to us… but it kept eluding our tiny fingers, so we spent most of the time chasing it across the lawn on the uncertain feet of toddlers. Naneth was sitting nearby sketching us, a contented smile on her face.”

“Is that the sketch you have framed in your chambers… the one Lindir gave you for your coming of age begotting day?” Elladan asked, as he walked over to sit on the rug next to the bed where his father reclined.

“The very one. It was one of only a few personal mementos he was able to save for us. I had never been able to remember the day she drew it, for I was so very young and she often sketched us as we played. It is a great gift to have that memory returned to me,” he offered, a faraway look in his eyes. “I also remembered the day you and your twin were born. That day… the first moment I saw you and Elrohir… the first moment I saw Arwen, have long been memories that have sustained me. My children are the greatest gift Eru ever bestowed on me.”

“You delivered us…so the memory of us squalling and still covered in…well, still a mess from birth is your fondest memory of us?” Elladan teased, pleased to see the tense set of his father’s shoulders ease and a bright light begin to glow in his eyes.

“Having known you all your life, I would suggest that… squalling and a mess from birth was the best he could hope to remember of YOU, my brother. I am, however, shocked to find it is the best he has of Arwen and me. We were such exemplary elflings after all!”

Grabbing a pillow from his father’s bed, Elladan tossed it at his brother. “Arwen maybe… and I do mean maybe, for she loved to cause mischief as much as we did, but you were never an exemplary elfling!”

“I have many fond memories of all three of you to go with the days of your birth… along with many I shudder to recall!” Hoping to halt the roughhousing that was bound to ensue if he left unchecked their antics, Elrond reached up to snag the pillow being lobbed back at Elladan. “The day of your birth was, however, special. Indeed you were each crying and in need of your first bath, but… you each lay in my arms and, for a moment, your eyes managed to focus upon me and you quieted. I saw for the first time the beauty of your spirits and I lost my heart to each of you. You will understand when you begin to bless our lives with children of your own. There is no finer moment than that first moment of recognition with your child. Many have been the times when your presence in my life… my heart was what gave me the courage to continue.”

Moving to join his family, Elrohir stretched out and rested his head on the mattress next to his father. “My heart remembers that moment, Ada. Something told me who you were and I knew I was safe in your care. I remember feeling your love surround me. I know I have no real memory of the moment, but my heart… knows.”

“As does mine,” Elladan mused. “Is such a thing typical of the eldar? I have never heard others mention recalling their first moments from the womb.”

“I cannot say, ion, for I have never heard anyone speak of it either.” Reaching over to stroke his younger son’s black hair, he murmured, “I know of what you speak, thought it defies logic. My heart remembers the feeling of being held for the first time… hearing Elros’ first cry as he was born… feeling warm and safe with Ada and Nana near, as if my heart knew already who they were and that they loved me dearly. I have missed the comfort of that feeling, for it was taken from us far too soon. Thank you for reminding me it was still there in my heart.” (son)

Shifting to join his brother, Elladan settled his head on Elrohir’s shoulder needing to share this moment of intimacy with their father. For both, their unwavering connection to him had been the one constant in their lives. Until this moment, it had not occurred to either that this connection had likewise sustained him.

“Will you share what other memories you were shown in your dreams, Ada… if they are not too personal, of course?” Elladan asked, smiling as he felt his father’s fingers begin to smooth and untangle his sleep tussled hair as he had when they had been elflings. Sharing his smile with his twin, he knew they were both surprised at how much they still needed their Ada’s gentle care.

/Not something one expects of former warriors that rode on the Black Gates in a final desperate attempt to help put an end to Sauron. It was always Ada that provided our stability and comfort, though I know Nana loved us… in her way. Ada… Lindir and Nana Taerad were the ones we went to when we needed to feel cherished and safe. Their sons and their families… Glorfindel were our family as surely as our grandparents. We had so much and, like most elflings, took it all for granted,/ he mused.

Hearing his father start to speak, he focused on what he was saying. “My dreams were varied. Most were of… small moments that revealed so much of what was important to me… teaching one of you to read and write or telling you a story… learning music and how to live with honor at Lindir’s feet… following Ereinion to a meeting of his counsel and being lifted to his knee so that I could learn the duties and responsibilities of leadership… running to his rooms for comfort on nights when a bad dream disturbed my sleep. A few were of the ‘big moments’ we all expect to be important to us even as they happen… like your births or the day Estel came into our lives. My heart knew him as my child as surely as it did the three of you.”

Trading a look with Elladan, Elrohir was struck by a startling insight. “I never thought… it never fully occurred to me before this moment that our connection to you was so vital to you as well. I do not think that I truly understood the depth of your loss and grief when… we lost Arwen and Estel. I am sorry I did not understand that earlier, Ada.”

A sad smile slipped onto Elrond’s face. “How could you know, my son? I had no desire to add you your own grief when you arrived. You were the ones that stood with them and gave them your love to support them as they faced the end of their lives… the unknown of the mortal afterlife. I was not strong enough to stay for them. I felt their passing… here in Aman. I regretted my decision to leave before the ship had even cleared the harbor. I would have turned back had it been allowed, but I could not ignore the call that drew me to these lands.”

Reaching up to catch his father’s hand, Elrohir soothed, “You were called here because the Valar knew you had given all you had, and were drained from so many years of service. You would not have survived much longer… and surely not their passing. They knew and understood you had no choice once called. They felt your love and support even as they… slipped away from us. It comforted them in a way we could not.”

Tear-filled silver eyes met and held the dove-grey gaze of his son. “They… knew I was there… that I still loved them?”

“Aye… we all did. Estel smiled and said, ‘Ada has come to be with me. I feel his touch on my brow as when I was a child in his care.’” Elladan replied, in a voice roughened by his own tears. “Arwen’s last words were, ‘I love you Ada. I will miss you. Estel… I am coming…’”

“We have never discussed this, have we?” Seeing both shake their heads, he continued. “I did not know if they knew I tried to… be there. I could feel their lives ebbing… so I went into our garden and let my spirit seek them. As if in a dream, I found myself in a room filled with people… you both were there. Arwen was sitting on the side of a bed with a tall, commanding man that resembled Estel behind her… Eldarion I think. Legolas and Gimli stood nearby comforting two small children. Several women were weeping by the fire.”

“That was indeed the scene, Ada. How could you see this?” Elrohir asked, tears of grief from that day once again coursing down his cheeks.

“I am not entirely sure, ion. I know only that the same experience came to me when I lost Elros and Arwen.” Loosing himself in the painful memory, he continued. “I remember approaching the bed. Estel was very weak… had grown old and frail as my brother did at the end. I was fairly confident that Arwen sensed I was there, for she looked up and met my eyes. I was surprised to find not only grief as I had expected… warned her, but also contentment and even gladness. It took me many years to understand…she was at peace with her choice to the very end and wanted me to know this… wanted Estel to know this.” (son)

“She shifted slightly as if to make room for me, reaching up to pat the hand of her son when he sought to comfort her. Estel’s eyes were closed and his breathing was shallow… labored. I reached out to lay my hand on his brow, hoping some of my healing power would reach him and sooth his spirit… perhaps, ease his breathing. Then, I bent to place a kiss on his forehead.” Elrond fell silent for a moment as the fierce emotions of that moment washed over him once again.

Forcing himself to complete the story, he whispered, “Estel opened his eyes then. The ghost of that smile of his came to his face and I saw him try to speak, though I could not hear what he said… did not know until you told me just now. Arwen nodded her head and she leaned down to kiss him one final time in this life. Still smiling, his eyes seemed to look beyond us, as if he was seeing something none of us could… and I watched as the light left his eyes as his spirit drifted away.”

The room was silent and still for a time until Elrond again spoke. “I felt his spirit linger in Mandos Halls for a few days more; he seemed tired, but at peace… then he… was gone. Lindir, Taerad, and Ereinion, were sitting around me in the garden when I again became aware. They had kept vigil with me, though I did not know it at the time.”

“Ereinion and Lindir had seen me do the same thing when Elros passed beyond the Circles of the World. They had seen me sinking inward and guessed the cause. They stayed close in the weeks that followed and did the same when… I felt Arwen’s time come to her.” Lifting swollen red eyes to meet theirs, he confessed, “I followed her to the Halls of Waiting. I did not plan to… return, but… Arwen made me promise to go back… to live. I did not want that, but… I promised to make her happy and to give her peace. When I came to myself, I was being held by my family and they were weeping… begging me to return to them. I felt the grief in your fëar through our connection, as well as, in their fëar and knew I could not add to it… so I lived as I had promised your sister.”

Stunned by how close they had come to losing their Ada… and by the inexplicable knowledge that they had known this even in Middle-earth, the twins throw themselves into their father’s arms. “Ada… please, promise us this too. We could not bear to lose you!” Elladan exclaimed.

Clinging to his sons, Elrond gave them his promise, lost in the storm of grief these memories revived. Many minutes passed as the three peredhil purged the tears they had held inside for so long… forging a yet stronger bond between them. “I am right, am I not… she was content in her choice even until the end?”

“Aye, she was. She and Estel were happy in their life together. They loved their children and doted on their grandchildren… the two youngest were the children you saw in your… visit. They rebuilt Gondor and left their mark on a new era for Middle-earth. We were both so proud of what they did… how they lived and, ultimately, how they died. They were faithful children of Elrond Peredhel… brave, giving, honorable, and wise. You would have been so proud of them and their children,” Elrohir whispered.

Sagging weakly into their support, Elrond nodded his head. “I am. I am also thankful I had the chance to see her… hold her in my arms one last time… tell her I loved her and Estel before she left us to follow her destiny.”

Bending to press a kiss to each forehead, he added, “And I praise Eru Ilúvatar and the Valar each day that you two chose to join me in Aman. I could not have borne losing you too!”

“That was one of the reasons we choose to counted among the Firstborn… gave you our oath before you sailed. While we had other reasons for our choice, we could not bear the thought of you being alone to mourn the three of us. We knew Naneth was never likely to be as a spouse should be for you, and we feared you would not seek you freedom if left alone,” Elladan admitted.

Worried by his son’s revelation, Elrond pulled away to ask, “You do not regret your choice so you, my sons? I could not bear it if you had accepted this path but to keep me company… though your company is dearly loved.”

“I have no regrets, Ada. I still had hope Himiel and I would find a way to be together and I knew my heart demanded the chance for try. Thankfully, I have been proven right in this hope,” Elrohir assured him. “I am too much the son of Elrond… I knew I wanted to see what life in Aman was like. I chose as my heart and spirit called me, so worry not.”

“I too made my choice for many reasons. I am an elf, in most respects, and I felt the call of the Valar to come home. I knew I had chosen wisely when I was reintroduced to a certain lady while visiting an old friend in Ithilien. Besides this, I wanted to see old friends lost to me. I wanted to meet my forbearers and hear their tales first hand… I wanted to aid my brother in his quest to reclaim the one her loved. I wanted to see my parents again. Indeed, I had many reasons for my choice.” Hugging his father, Elladan gently teased, “I am afraid you can find no cause for guilt over our choices in this matter. We have no regrets and are thankful to be in Aman with you.”

Relieved, Elrond fell back against his pillows. “I am glad to hear this. I think I have enough things to feel guilty about. Tis a relief not to have this matter weighing at my heart.”

Sitting up, Elrohir studied his father before declaring, “Then I for one, am more fully committed that I already was to aiding your healing. It is time for you to free you spirit of the burdens it has carried for far too long.”

“Know we will stand with you when the time comes for go before the Valar to ask to end your marriage. It is time you found a partner to share your life.” Trading a mischievous grin with his twin, Elladan added, “If the name you were calling out when I woke this morning is any indication, I heartily approve of your choice. Meril is a wonderful lady and would match you quite well. She deserves both your heart and your love.”

“Calling out her name in his sleep is he…”

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Accepting her husband’s arm, Estë looked up at her tall, handsome mate. “Why did you choose to give him that last dream? It has not happened, so it was not a memory like the rest? We have made no decision of what to do about his pending petition, so why would you give him hope that might yet prove false?”

Sighing, Irmo looked down into the bottomless depths of his wife’s eyes. “I did not give him that dream. It was as much a surprise to me as it was to you.”

Pulling her husband to a stop, the Vala stared at him puzzled. “Not one of yours… then why… how? He was in a sleep of your making, so it could not have been a dream of foresight derived from his gift as a seer.”

“Indeed, it could not have been, for I did have control of his sleeping mind.” Holding her gaze, he added the final piece of information. “The dream came to him from beyond his own thoughts, but was not of my choosing. It resonated with his heart, for he does indeed love Meril as deeply as she loves him.”

“From beyond? What does this mean, my love?”

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