Legolas and Haldir's Most Excellent Adventure
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,016
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
16
Views:
1,016
Reviews:
3
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 16
Authors: the Gruesome Twosome (you know who we are...;))
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion and
kissy noises...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...actually, I think we wouldn't
because if we owned it…it would be called a SEQUEL…or PREQUEL if you
are George Lucas…
Summary...: we are so making you guess...
//text// - stolen from our first chapter...:P
Chapter 16 –
Just as the two elves were about to slide back down the watery tube,
both felt a firm hand gripping their shoulders.
"WE are leaving, NOW!" Came Rufus' very pissed voice. Haldir and
Legolas turned, and jolting slightly at the angry expression on the
short man's face, they winced. "YOU TWO have made a right bloody
mess of things!" Dragging them down the steps and pushing small
children off as the same time, Rufus gripped them firmly by the
ears. "I am sending you back to your world, and all your friends as
well." A well-tanned Galadriel, who just rolled her eyes, greeted
them at the bottom step.
"Rufus, you could have just asked my opinion first before trying to
get these to warriors to help you," the elf-witch smirked. Appall
and shock registered on the two warriors' faces, slowly turning to
glares at Galadriel's belittling of them.
"Well none of that matters, now! I have figured out a way to fix the
whole situation," Rufus stepped off the ladder, still dragging the
elves with him. He led them to the phone booth, which stood just out
side of the turnstiles. Haldir and Legolas noticed happily that no
shrieking females were anywhere near them.
Already most of the group had been stuffed into the small box, and
were just waiting on Rufus to bring the last three.
"What are you going to do with us," Legolas, eyes down cast, asked
quietly. Haldir rolled his eyes at the prince's attempt at being
meek.
"Sending you ALL back where you came from! Then I am going to go,
myself, to the time and place just before Bill and Ted were killed,
and rescue them!" Rufus squeezed into the box between Haldir and
Legolas. Haldir swore later he could feel Rufus' hand on his ass…
One by one, Rufus returned them all back to their homes. The hobbits
were dropped off in the Shire. Galadriel dropped off in Lorien, and
received quite the raised eyebrow from her husband when he saw her
clothing or lack thereof. Aragorn was returned to the front steps of
Minas Tirith, and still being quite naked, received more than a
raised eyebrow from Arwen. Especially when she saw the bar of soap
he still clutched in his hands. Gimli returned to his pub. And
Gollum and Grima were kicked out at random.
"Now," Rufus started. "To return you, too." With just three of them
there was more room, and they pressed themselves firmly up against
opposite walls. Haldir held his hands protectively over his ass.
The short man punched the buttons on the little black thing – that
they had learned was a `telephone,' and they thought had some
connection to Celeborn's other name Teleporno…
The box began to shake for the last time with the two elves in it.
Before they knew it, it landed with a soft thud, and was quickly
being jostled. All three jumped as they saw an orc's face slammed up
against the window, slowly sliding down leaving a trail of filth and
slime.
"Get out!" Rufus opened the door and closed it quickly as he shoved
the two barely clothed elves out the door. Both blushed as they
realized they were still dressed in their under shorts, Haldir's
jiggly ass hanging out for all to see. Realizing that orcs don't
care how you are dressed, they grabbed a couple swords from fallen
men and began to fight.
Later they would become legendary as the two naked warrior elves who
pulled swords out of their ass...
-------------
//As they rounded a corner of the wall, the two Elves were shocked
into immobility by a sudden bolt of lightning, so close that it
singed the hair of their eyebrows. When the smoke cleared they found
themselves facing an odd, silvery box, slightly taller than an Elf,
and twice as wide. A funny hinged door opened, and, to Legolas and
Haldir's continued surprise, one human stepped out. //
"I am Rufus…and I am here to…"
Before the mysterious human could finish, an orc behind them
dispatched the strange man. Taking care of the orc, they were even
more surprised when an identical box landed softly near the first,
and two more humans stepped out…
"I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire…" said one.
"And I am Ted Theodore Logan…" said the other.
"And together we are…Wyld Stallyns!"
Betas: ourselves...
Rating: S for silliness or Pg-13
Pairings: Everyone and Haldir's ass...(makes pinching motion and
kissy noises...)
Disclaimer: if we owned Bill and Ted or LOTR, we wouldn't be writing
fan fic...actually we probably would, only more of it, because we'd
be rich and have lots more free time...actually, I think we wouldn't
because if we owned it…it would be called a SEQUEL…or PREQUEL if you
are George Lucas…
Summary...: we are so making you guess...
//text// - stolen from our first chapter...:P
Chapter 16 –
Just as the two elves were about to slide back down the watery tube,
both felt a firm hand gripping their shoulders.
"WE are leaving, NOW!" Came Rufus' very pissed voice. Haldir and
Legolas turned, and jolting slightly at the angry expression on the
short man's face, they winced. "YOU TWO have made a right bloody
mess of things!" Dragging them down the steps and pushing small
children off as the same time, Rufus gripped them firmly by the
ears. "I am sending you back to your world, and all your friends as
well." A well-tanned Galadriel, who just rolled her eyes, greeted
them at the bottom step.
"Rufus, you could have just asked my opinion first before trying to
get these to warriors to help you," the elf-witch smirked. Appall
and shock registered on the two warriors' faces, slowly turning to
glares at Galadriel's belittling of them.
"Well none of that matters, now! I have figured out a way to fix the
whole situation," Rufus stepped off the ladder, still dragging the
elves with him. He led them to the phone booth, which stood just out
side of the turnstiles. Haldir and Legolas noticed happily that no
shrieking females were anywhere near them.
Already most of the group had been stuffed into the small box, and
were just waiting on Rufus to bring the last three.
"What are you going to do with us," Legolas, eyes down cast, asked
quietly. Haldir rolled his eyes at the prince's attempt at being
meek.
"Sending you ALL back where you came from! Then I am going to go,
myself, to the time and place just before Bill and Ted were killed,
and rescue them!" Rufus squeezed into the box between Haldir and
Legolas. Haldir swore later he could feel Rufus' hand on his ass…
One by one, Rufus returned them all back to their homes. The hobbits
were dropped off in the Shire. Galadriel dropped off in Lorien, and
received quite the raised eyebrow from her husband when he saw her
clothing or lack thereof. Aragorn was returned to the front steps of
Minas Tirith, and still being quite naked, received more than a
raised eyebrow from Arwen. Especially when she saw the bar of soap
he still clutched in his hands. Gimli returned to his pub. And
Gollum and Grima were kicked out at random.
"Now," Rufus started. "To return you, too." With just three of them
there was more room, and they pressed themselves firmly up against
opposite walls. Haldir held his hands protectively over his ass.
The short man punched the buttons on the little black thing – that
they had learned was a `telephone,' and they thought had some
connection to Celeborn's other name Teleporno…
The box began to shake for the last time with the two elves in it.
Before they knew it, it landed with a soft thud, and was quickly
being jostled. All three jumped as they saw an orc's face slammed up
against the window, slowly sliding down leaving a trail of filth and
slime.
"Get out!" Rufus opened the door and closed it quickly as he shoved
the two barely clothed elves out the door. Both blushed as they
realized they were still dressed in their under shorts, Haldir's
jiggly ass hanging out for all to see. Realizing that orcs don't
care how you are dressed, they grabbed a couple swords from fallen
men and began to fight.
Later they would become legendary as the two naked warrior elves who
pulled swords out of their ass...
-------------
//As they rounded a corner of the wall, the two Elves were shocked
into immobility by a sudden bolt of lightning, so close that it
singed the hair of their eyebrows. When the smoke cleared they found
themselves facing an odd, silvery box, slightly taller than an Elf,
and twice as wide. A funny hinged door opened, and, to Legolas and
Haldir's continued surprise, one human stepped out. //
"I am Rufus…and I am here to…"
Before the mysterious human could finish, an orc behind them
dispatched the strange man. Taking care of the orc, they were even
more surprised when an identical box landed softly near the first,
and two more humans stepped out…
"I am Bill S. Preston, Esquire…" said one.
"And I am Ted Theodore Logan…" said the other.
"And together we are…Wyld Stallyns!"