In Her Words

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them, I merely play with them.
Title: In Her Words
Author: Jade (aka Aragornsfavorite)
Email: elvenjade2@gmail.com
Warning: AU, angst, implied Slash.
Rating: R mostly
Type; FPH..FPS(implied)
Pairing: Elladan/OFC.
Chapter: 15/15
Feedback: more reviews means more chapters
Summary: Glorfindel reads from Anira's journal

A/N2 In Her Words has been nominated for best original character for the 2007 MPA (My Precious Awards)

This has become one of my favourite stories to work on and I do hate to see it end. I would like to thank everyone who read it and to those who reviewed. I do hope you have enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing….

Chapter 15

~

Elladan sat with his back against a tree. Everything the others had told him now running through his mind, though it was Glorfindel’s words that had stung the must.
“I am trying” he whispered softly, leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
“Not hard enough.” Came a reply, making Elladan look over.
“ I do not need a lecture from you” Elladan told Haldir
“Nor am I here to give you none.” The marchwarden replied. “ you have been gone now for more then 5 hours and your father asked me to see if you were alright.” He added
“ I am far from being all right.” Elladan sighed.
“ I can not begin to know how you feel, Elladan” Haldir replied.
“No one can.” Elladan replied quietly
“ except perhaps Glorfindel” Haldir pointed out. “ I will let your father know I found you.” He stopped before walking away. “ Dawn is almost upon us” he spoke quietly.” Do not forget your promise to your brother.”
Elladan watched as Haldir walked away. He wrapped his arms around himself and watched the sun rise. Knowing he had little time left, he made his way to the River. Elrohir was already there along with Glorfindel.
“ Are you sure you want to…” Elladan started to speak to Elrohir but his brother just shot him a look to silence him
“ If I was not sure, Elladan I would not be here” He replied.
Elladan nodded silently and looked up at Glorfindel.
“ what I said last night” Glorfindel sighed softly
“needed to be said” Elladan finished for him.
Glorfindel tilted his head slightly then allowed himself to be hugged by Elladan.
“ I want one last promise from you” Glorfindel replied quietly. “ take care of my daughter.” He added quietly
“ I promise” Elladan replied.

Elrohir looked over Glorfindel’s shoulder and saw Arwen standing there. He walked over and hugged his sister, promising her that things will be fine as he had wiped her tears.
“ Make sure Anira gets this” She whispered softly as she handed him a package.
“ I will.” He nodded, watching as she went to speak with Elladan. As he went to join them he was stopped by his mother. Her tears had already started before she had spoke and all he could do was wrap his arms around her. He had to close his own eyes as he tried to hold back his own tears. He knew they had to go, Elladan would not survive if they did not, it was just hard to say goodbye.

Elladan emotions were tearing him apart. It was hard to leave everyone behind and he could barely whisper his goodbye. Yet at the same time he was anxious to begin the journey and finally be reunited with Anira.
“Elladan” Erestor had stopped him just before he was to board the ship. “ I found this, it is addressed to you.” He added
Elladan looked down at the note and knew it was Anira’s writing. He merely nodded his thanks and stepped onto the ship. He watched Elrohir standing against the railing as the ship had began to sail. The last think he saw as his family faded from his view was his mother collapsing against his father.
With a deep breath he looked down and the writing on the note once more and closed his eyes. The smooth motions of the ship along with the gentle breeze he could feel was more relaxing then he thought it would be. He allowed himself to be soothed into a light sleep, still clutching the note in his hand.

The next few days were hard on Elladan and he had spent most of his time in his bed, Elrohir always close at his side
“ This has not been fair on you.” He said softly “ You feel my suffering as well as your own.”
Elrohir had moved to sit next to his twin on the bed.
“ Do not worry about me Elladan.” He commented. “ save what strength you do have so you can arrive in Valinor with me and be reunited with Anira.”
Elladan closed his eyes and took a deep breath
“ I will try” he whispered.
Reaching over to the small dresser, Elrohir picked up the note that Elladan had dropped the day before.
“ I think you should read this now.” He said.” It may help”
Elladan took the note from his brother and gave him a small smile when Elrohir said he would let him read it in peace. Once the door was closed, he leaned back and started to read.

~ ~
My Dearest Elladan,

Know that I love you more then anything and anyone. Even now as I write this I miss you. I know I will miss you more each day we will be apart. I wish none of this had happened and then we could continue our lives with what would have been our child. I do not want you to blame yourself for any of this, we cannot control everything that happens in life. If I had not gone riding that day, if I had only listened to you and stayed home instead. These are things we cannot change no matter how much we wish we could.

If I felt I could stay then I would. I know that if I do then I will continue to suffer and make those around suffer because of it. I do not wish that for you or anyone. I cannot stand to see the disappointment in your eyes when you look at me and remember that I know longer carry our child. I miss that feeling so much. I miss seeing the love and excitement in your eyes the first time we had felt the baby move. Without that feeling now all I feel is emptiness.
My nightmares have become worse, I see the attack over and over and I wake up feeling the same physical pain as well as the emotional. I grow tired of feeling the pain and I wish for it to end.

It will be hard to leave Rivendell, for this has been my home for many years. I wanted this to be where are child would grow up as well. Most of all it will be hard to leave you. I love you, I feel as if I have not told you that enough. I considered asking you to come with me. However I know you are not ready and I can only hope you do not feel guilty for this. My biggest fear is that you will not forgive me for leaving. I wish there was another way, I truly do. I miss feeling safe in your arms and though I know as long as you are there nothing will happen to me. My nightmares prevent me from feeling safe no matter where we might be.

It will be hard to go without you and even harder to sleep without you next to me. I have always and will always love falling asleep in your arms. You have always been there when I woke up and facing each morning alone scares me. Even when I spent many nights in the healing rooms, I always knew when you were with me. During the times when I was too weak to even open my eyes, I still knew you were there. I could feel my hand in yours and your light touch as you pushed some hair back from my eyes.

I will never forget the sadness in your eyes when you had to tell me that I had lost our child, that the attack had been too brutal that it had caused me to miscarry. I will always wish I could give you back the one thing I know you wanted the most. Perhaps one day when you join me in Valinor, we can once again plan a family. I hope we can. I know that I will be waiting for you and missing you everyday until I see you again.

The day I had gone riding, I made my way too far down the lake. I was lost in memories of us that I did not realize how far the horse had gone, not until it was too late. Had I paid more attention then none of this would have happened. I wish I could forget and pretend as if everything is fine. The more I try to forget the more I remember. I want everything to be as it was. I want to feel safe with you and for us to be able to feel our child moving again. To plan our future together and that of our child’s. All our plans were taken from us in a few short minutes and it hurts each time I think of that.
I dreamt of our child last night as I found enough peace to sleep. It was only after I felt your arms around me. I dreamt we had a daughter and she looked exactly as you do. I could see her playing in the fields with other elflings as we sat and watched her. I woke up feeling more pain and sorrow for what we lost.

I wish to ask you one favor, though I know you have your own suffering to deal with as well. After I leave I wish for you to keep an eye one my father. He too suffers through this yet he suffers alone. I can only hope that Erestor will try and comfort him but I had wanted to ask you just the same. Both you and my father mean the world to me and I hate the thought of either of you suffering at all.

I grow tired again so I will end this letter. I will leave it on Erestor’s desk, knowing that he will give it to you. Saying goodbye will be the hardest thing I will ever have to do, please understand that it is something I must do. Never doubt how much I love you, nor will I ever doubt how much you love me. I will wait for you forever.

With all my love,
Anira

~ ~

Elladan sighed as he put the note down, reaching up to wipe the tears from his eyes. He wanted nothing more right now then to be holding her again, making her feel safe once more as well as making himself feel complete. He closed his eyes and could picture her there, calling for him. He saw himself reaching for her but as always she was just out of his reach.

After a while he made his way out onto the deck of the great ship. He looked back towards the way they had already travelled and wondered how much longer until they arrived. As he found himself a seat he watched the water as they moved silently. His memories rushing though his mind.
He could picture Anira on their wedding day, the flowers in her hair as she walked towards him with her arm wrapped around Glorfindel’s. He pictured her as they had travelled slowly towards the cottage and how he would watch her as she wrote in her journal. She was his entire life and he realized now that he knew of the emptiness she had spoke of. His own life had been empty since she had left. His memories became darker as he thought of that day she had gone riding. The hours that had gone by as he waited for her to return. He could feel his fear he had felt that night when a search party had set out to find her, himself and Elrohir riding out with them. The anger he had felt as Elrohir had tried to stop him, holding him back when one of the guards had found her. It had been the only time in his long life where he had hit his twin, knocking him over before he had rushed to Anira’s side.

He shivered as he could see all the blood again, her face swollen and bruised. The cuts and slash marks across her skin. He had been afraid to lift her but had refused to let anyone else touch her. He had kept her close to him as both he and Elrohir had raced back to the manor. They had known that every minute counted if they wanted to save her. They had arrived in time to save her but not their child.
“ Elladan?” Elrohir placed his hand on his twin’s shoulder.
Looking over at his twin, Elladan suddenly had to grip the sides of the railing.
“ I cannot breathe” he said as he tried to catch his breath. He suddenly felt a sharp pain run through his chest. The last thing he heard was Elrohir shouting his name as everything had turned black.

Elladan’s eyes open after a while. He saw Elrohir sitting next to the bed.
“ welcome back” Elrohir said, smiling softly. “ Do not scare me like that again.” He added
“I am sorry.” He whispered before drifting back to sleep.
Elrohir looked over and smiled softly before getting up and walking to the other side of the bed.
“I will leave you two alone” he whispered them silently exited the cottage.

When Elladan woke once more, he looked to where Elrohir had been sitting and found the chair empty. He sighed softly and closed his eyes again. He froze when he felt the light touch, the soft fingers as they moved along his jaw slowly. He knew exactly who the touched had belonged to.
“Anira” he whispered softly, turning his head.
“ I am here” she whispered in reply, running her fingers through his hair now.
Elladan shifted slowly on the bed and had her lay next to him. He wiped her tears first then took her into his arms and held her tightly. He kissed the top of her head at first then kissed her slowly, letting it deepen into a tender passionate kiss.
“ I have missed you so much” Anira whispered, playing with the ends of his hair.
“ as I have missed you” he replied, nuzzling her neck.
Just holding her felt good and after a while the two of them had drifted off to sleep in each other arms, either one of them refusing to let go.

It had taken Elladan a few days to gain most of his strength back. Anira had never left his side and she had even managed to convince Elrohir to move in with them, giving him the spare bedroom.
“ It did not take him long.” Elladan chuckled as he watched Elrohir walking past with not one but two ellith, one on each arm.
“ Did you not think he would enjoy himself here?” Anira asked softly while Elladan led them to the lake. She waited until he sat down then allowed him to ease her down into his lap, sighing as his arms moved around her.
“ I thought perhaps he would be lonely here.” Elladan admitted.” I have you with me and he came only because of me.”
Anira turned her head and kissed him tenderly, sighing softly as he deepened the kiss.
“ I am glad you are finally here” she said softly when the kiss ended.
“ I could not stay away any longer” Elladan told her, gently easing her down on the grass as he kissed along her neck.
“Elladan” she whispered as she had tilted her head for him. She had been worried about him and the state he had been in when Elrohir arrived with him. She did not want him to overdo himself but the feel of his lips against her neck was too much to ignore. When he kissed her ear she gasped his name again and turned her head to kiss him. She had missed him more then she had realized and now she could feel her need for him increasing.

Elladan lifted his head to look at her, his eyes locking on hers as he ran his fingers along her jaw slowly.
“ I love you” he whispered softly.
“ Show me” She replied.” I need you.”
Elladan lowered his head again, kissing her and letting her feel his love for her. He felt their bond opening once more and gave in to it. He felt her hands in his hair as he kissed along her neck then down along her collarbone. He worked slowly at untying her dress then slid his hand slowly along her soft skin.
Anira moaned softly as she felt his touch, the soft gentle caress against her skin before he kissed along the same path. She had cried out softly when she felt his lips close around her nipple and arched into the feeling.

Elladan wanted to just rip her clothes off and claim her as his once more. He knew that after what she had gone through that he could not give into that urge. Instead, he took his time undressing her and placing soft kissing along her skin, admiring every inch of her body once more.
Anira shivered softly as she arched into his touch, sighing his name softly.
“ Should we do this here?” She asked softly, moaning as his lips closed around her nipple. The instant she felt his hand on her, his fingers grazing her center, she immediately gave in. She no longer cared where they were.
“Elladan!” She gasped softly, her eyes closing slowly as she enjoyed the feelings that were running through her now.
Knowing she was more then ready for him and unable to wait any longer. Elladan pushed his leggings off and moved over her. Kissing her as he entered her slowly. He shivered against her as he buried himself deep inside her.

Anira had been about to plead with him when he had suddenly pulled back but could only cry out with pleasure as he entered her again. She had never forgotten how good her felt, but for a long time she could only imagine it. Now she was feeling it and did not want it to end.
“ I love you” She whispered softly, slowly starting to move with him.
Elladan groaned softly, kissing along her neck as they both fell into a slow steady rhythm.
“ And I love you” he replied just before he kissed her deeply.
Completely lost in only each other, they both gave into the feelings that were moving through them. Anira’s soft moans brought Elladan even more pleasure as they moved together. When She cried out his name, he could no longer hold back and had erupted deep inside her, kissing her deeply.

“Elladan?” Anira questioned as he had lifted her up into his arms.” What are you doing?” She asked
“ Bringing you home” he grinned” and to our bed.”
Anira giggled softly but looked back towards the edge of the water.
“and what of our clothes?” she asked. Tilting her head and sighing as he kissed and marked her neck
“ We can come get them later” he replied, nibbling her ear.” Much later” he added, carrying her into the cottage and closing the door behind them.

Elrohir had grinned to himself as he stood on top of the hill.
“ Is everything alright?” The elleth asked him, looking down at the cottage he was watching.
“ Yes” he replied, slipping his arm around her waist and leading her back to her place. “ Everything is finally as it should be” he commented quietly, glancing back briefly at the cottage where his twin and Anira were. “ and it always will be”

~ ~

THE END.