In the Garden

Title: In the Garden, Chapter 15 (B)
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, others implied
Rating: PG-13, but rating will increase in future chapters
Warning: AU (Story set several hundred years after ROTK in Aman); Het.
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AFF.net; fanfiction.net
Acknowledgements: Thanks to Lady Victoria for betaing this fic.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Prof. Tolkien. A quick check of my bank account should prove I’m not making anything off of writing my stories. Sigh!
Summary: Life in the Blessed Land has not been so blessed for Elrond. Can the happiness that has long eluded him be found in the words of a red-bound journal, the help of his scheming friends, and the granting of a wish that none thought possible?

Chapter 15 --- The Travelers

Camp had been made and a fire built with only the minimum of conversation between the elves traveling the road between Valimar and the Gardens of Lorien. Millennia of life in Middle-earth had conditioned the travelers to the tasks of making camp. That experience held them in good stead, as each found their thoughts focused on the summons they had received to attend the Valar in Lorien. Many had never been faced the prospect of standing face-to-face with a Vala.

Pouring a cup of the tea from the pot she had made, Meril accepted a plate of food from Erestor before moving to sit beneath a large tree, intent upon using the truck as a backrest after hours in the saddle. Setting the plate to one side, she took a soothing sip of her tea as the events of earlier that day replayed in her mind.

Flashback

She and her parents were still having breakfast when her uncle had arrived. That he had come with word she had been summoned by the Vala Irmo and the Lady Estë to come to Lorien, along with a party of other elves likewise called had immediately upset her mother. “Gildor, what does this mean? Why would they call you and Meril to Lorien?”

Walking over to place his hands on his sister’s shoulders, Gildor attempted to calm his twin. “You know as much as I do, Los. I would guess it has to do with Celebrian and Haldir… their condition, but I know not why or how. She and I must go as we are bidden, trusting all will be revealed when we arrive.”

“But…why Meril? We have been paraded before the eyes of Valinor too often in our time here. This will only bring more attention to us,” Elulos cried.

“It is the will of the Valar, Los. She has no choice but to go. I would suggest that worry over possible gossip is of secondary importance for now.” Turning to face his niece, the elf lord urged, “Go and pack several changes of clothes and other necessities, Meril. We must leave within the next few minutes to meet the others.”

Walking over to pull his distraught wife into his arms, Cúron asked, “Who else has been summoned?”

“Silael and me… your Uncle Cirdan and Lady Aerel, Ereinion, Lady Taerad and her sons… their wives, your cousin Gwing, Maidhlos of Greenwood,… our grandfather and Uncle Fingolfin along with his son, Turgon and their ladies… Indril and Nimloth*.”

“Ai! They are the kin of the Peredhil! Our daughter has no business being pulled into that mess. Her association to Haldir and thus Celebrian was shame enough! Why must we bear the public scorn by such an association?” Elulos cried. “I knew we should have forbidden her to associate with them!”

Face set in a stern mask, Gildor proclaimed, “You speak of our friends… kin of our own. They are among the most revered of our people. They have made Meril welcome and given her a chance to rebuild her life… which is more than her own family has done!”

End Flashback

“She did not mean it as harshly as you and I took it, pen vuil. We both know my twin speaks from her fears before anything else.” (dear one)

Looking up to find her uncle standing over her, Meril attempted to smile. “I do know her. I have always known she, in her heart, blamed me for bringing scandal to our door. I very much fear they will forbid me to continue to be associated with the plans for the school and will deny me my time spent with Master Lindir and Lord Elrond playing our music. I have avoided my parents as much as I could of late, knowing she would eventually decide such alliances were bad for our family.”

Settled down at her side, Gildor wrapped his arm around her drooping shoulders and urged her to rest against him. “I fear you are right. The question you must be prepared to answer is… will you accept her edict if it comes?”

Sighing, Meril rested her head on her uncle’s shoulder. “What choice do I have? I have no home of my own and no means to establish one.”

“So, you would give up the only happiness you have known in… dare I suggest a millennia or more, because your Naneth refuses to let the past remain in the past?” Tilting his head so that he could watch Meril’s expressive face, Gildor observed, “I love my twin, but she has never been able to view the world beyond the narrow perspective she acquired as an elfling in our Adar’s palace. She has never been able to put the unfortunate circumstances of our childhood behind us… focus on what was good. Ada loved us, then and now. He never sought to hide the fact he sired us, as so many would have done. We had a good home and many to care for us when he was absent.”

“When she married my Ada, she found a safe and stable place to hide. Ada sees nothing beyond Naneth’s needs… desires. He would never override her decision if she demands I stay at home and quit my associate with the House of Elrond.” In a voice riff with bitterness, she continued. “They only want to find a nice, acceptable elf to marry me, so that I am no longer an embarrassment… my loving and desiring this mate is not a concern. She feels I had my chance at love with Haldir. Now I have an obligation to marry well and draw no further attention to our family.”

“Meril, surely you do not believe this! Your parents love you...”

“She has said this to me, Uncle… many times in recent years. She was glad of my attending your recital, for she hoped you would introduce me to acceptable ellyn. She does not approve of the time I have spent with Lord Elrond and his house. She has begun to make comments about the propriety of my being seen so often in their company and the possible damage it might do to my… our reputation. I see the signs clearly; soon she will forbid me to be seen with any of them.” A tear streaked down her cheek, clearly seen by the other elves scattered nearby.

Trading a concerned look with the others, Gildor asked, “And what will you do when she gives you this order?”

“As I said… what choice do I have?” The defeat in her voice rang clear to those listening.

Sighing, Gildor turned her to face him. “You are not an elfling, Meril. You must decide how you will spend your life. You cannot abdicate your own happiness to her unreasonable fears. Your music is a gift, not to be wasted or ignored. I can see your excitement at the prospect of teaching and I believe you will find you have a natural talent. You clearly enjoy the company of these elves. Will you give all of that up and return to the isolation of your rooms to satisfy her demands?”

“Nay, if I had a choice, but…”

“You have a choice, pen vuil. You will always be welcome in our home, for your aunt and I love you as one of our own.” Lifting her chin so she was forced to meet his gaze, he added, “And, you must know you would find welcome in our aunt and uncle’s home… in the home of your cousin and her husband… I can go on, for you have many options. Do not give away your happiness without fighting for it, Meril. Let us help you, if it comes to that.” (dear one)

Startled by the proposal, Meril stared into her uncle’s eyes for several minutes before she spoke. “You would support me in such a decision?”

“Of course I would! I love Elulos dearly, but I could not bear to see you retreat into your rooms again. I love you too, penneth, and I have very much enjoyed seeing you smile again.” Giving her an encouraging smile, he added, “If it comes to this, you must promise me you will remember you have a choice and come to us if that is what you want.” (young lone)


A spark of hope kindled in her eyes as she held her uncle’s gaze. “I never considered…”

“Never considered one of us would take your side, Meril?” Seeing her nod, Gildor hesitated momentarily before asking, “Am I wrong to suspect you felt you had no one to turn to for help and advice in the years before… before Haldir’s betrayal became known? Did you have doubts that you held inside because you felt you were alone with them?”

In a bare whisper, she replied. “I was alone with them. Naneth always refused to discuss any worries I had… bridal jitters she said. Ada would tell me to talk to Nana or Min. Min never wanted to discuss Haldir… even when it was happy things I wished to share. Sael avoided me most of the time. Himiel… her brothers… how could I say anything to them? To talk to our aunt and uncle would have caused Haldir difficulties had my fears been without basis! I did not think… it seemed I was alone.”

“Oh, Meril! We all failed you, did we not? I wondered at your… reserve when Silael would attempt to engage you in talk of your wedding plans and you said so little. We both found it odd that Los seems to be more excited about the plans than you did, but we assumed it was due to the fact you wanted a small family wedding and your mother insisted on a large, lavish one. I saw… something in your eyes that gave me pause, but put it down to jitters as well.” Sighing, he tightened his hold on her shoulders. “Never let that happen again, Meril! You must promise me you will always feel you can come to us for advice… or just a friendly ear to relieve your worries.”

Glancing up at her uncle, Meril met his eyes and then quickly looked away. “Ah, you have something you wish to discuss, but hesitate! Trust me, penneth. I will listen and not judge or scold you. You are a grown elleth of several millennia and, unlike my twin, I will treat you as one… so tell me what worries you?” (young one)

Meril looked out across the glade where they had made camp and let her thoughts order themselves before she spoke. In a very low whisper, she asked, “Will not the Valar see what is in my heart?”

“Indeed they will.” Suspecting what troubled her, he countered, “Why does this thought worry you? You did nothing wrong and were, in fact, the wronged party.”

Dropping her head, she fell silent. “Meril? What troubles you? You can tell me and I will guard your secrets if that is a concern.”

“I will disappoint you with my conduct,” she worried, her voice so low he had to strain to hear.

“I doubt that greatly. What troubles you?”

Eyes fixed on the ground, she confessed, “I have feelings… for another… that I should not have. It is wrong and… the Valar will know. They will judge me and find me unworthy. Perhaps, Naneth is right…”

When she said nothing more, Gildor cautiously asked, “You have feeling for someone, but feel they are inappropriate? Have you… acted on these feelings, pen vuil?” (dear one)

Shocked eyes lifted to meet his. “Of course not, Uncle!”

Struggling not to chuckle at the outraged look she was giving him, he forced the smile away from his lips. “So you care for another, but have done nothing wrong? Why would the Valar find such a thing unworthy?”

Shocked and nonplused by his questions, she shook her head as if to clear her hearing. “Nothing wrong? He is… not free! It is inappropriate for me to have feelings for…”

Watching her face turn a bright pink as she abruptly stopped speaking mid-sentence, Gildor completed her thought for her. “Elrond? It is wrong for you to have feelings for my old friend?”

A gasp preceded her frantic attempt to pull away. “How…? I did not…”

“How did I know? I knew the first time I saw you in his company… the night of our recital. I knew because you took on a glow such as I have never seen you have. I knew because your spirit radiates light from within when he looks at you… with just as much dawning love in his eyes for you as you have for him,” Gildor answered.

Smiling, he added, “And, yes, I see what is in his eyes too! I have known Elrond since he was a child… when he and Elros were found and brought to Lindon. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of that curious little elfling, watching the world with a mixture of both wonder and fear… his tiny face peeking out from behind the King, in the imposing elf lord he has become. I have long held him dear as my friend and ally. It fills my heart with gladness to see the two of you find something both thought to be forever denied you. There is no wrong in loving another.”

“But… but, he is not free!”

Sighing, he sobered. “No, he is not. I hope, though, that he may yet seek his freedom. He deserves so much more than has been his lot in life.”

Dropping her head, Meril stared into her cold cup of tea. “Hoping for such a thing… I have no right to hope that the Valar might free him. He is oath bound and I should not wish to interfere with that.”

Looking up to meet his wife’s eyes, he sought her aid in soothing his niece’s just concerns. After a moment, he asked, “Can you bear to be his friend… love him and not ask for… seek more? If you cannot, perhaps your Naneth is right… though not for the reasons my twin supposes. I would not see either of you burdened by more grief if his company alone is too painful for you to bear.”

Meril was silent for a long time as she considered her uncle’s question. /Can I bear to be in his company and never have more than his friendship? Can I bear to loose what I have found… his friendship and a new start for my life? Does he really love me too? Aye… I have seen it in his eyes. After so many years thinking I loved Haldir… tis odd to finally know what it is to truly love another. These past few weeks I have come to know him and… love him. In truth, his spirit has called to mine of almost two centuries... the time we shared in our garden. I want his happiness above all things, even my own./

“The gift of his friendship is worth anything. I could be content in that alone if he is happy. I will not add to his burdens, if my presence became unwelcome,” she whispered.

Hugging her tightly to him, he offered what comfort he could. “Then accept that for now. I will wish for his freedom and keep that burden from your heart. It is no sacrifice, for I have prayed for his release for many long years… long before the idea of his loving you entered my heart. If that happens, we will rejoice together. If not, then we will help you both make the best of what will be.”

-----

“My lady?”

“You need not worry so, Melian. They are stronger than you know.”

“I have long known that the Eldar possess great strength of will, my lady. I am, after all, married to one. Their ability to adapt has always amazed me, but I no longer underestimate this trait.” Pausing, the Maia found she was afraid to ask the question that had brought her in search of the Vala. Taking a deep breath, she asked, “Will the Valar have mercy on my grandson? He has suffered so much… I long to see his heart find its mate.”

Turning, Estë studied her faithful servant. “I do not know the answer to your question, pen vuil. I wish I had the foresight to know. My brethren are torn, for they know he plans to come to us to seek an end to his marriage to Celebrian. Her conduct… the lack of a marital bond between them troubles us all and we have long felt his grief and loneliness, but… marriage is for all time. Unlike Finwë, Elrond’s wife lives. They… he took his vows freely, of his own volition. We must weigh the merits of his petition against the precedent such a thing would set.” (dear one)

“Elrond has done so much… devoted his life to the service of the Valar and his people. Aye, he took his vows willingly, but for duty, not love. He saw how scattered… divided the Eldar of Middle-earth had become after his foster father’s death, and he knew the union of Lorien to his sanctuary in Imladris would give hope and comfort to many. It did,” she whispered.

Hesitating, she added, “The Valar knew why he took those vows… vows he took with an obedient and honest heart. The Powers also knew that Celebrian spoke without commitment or honesty, something Elrond could not have known… and yet, they allowed the marriage to be consummated. Does this not suggest that the Valar agreed with the need for their marriage? I mean no disrespect in asking this, my lady… but… on behalf of my grandson I must ask… do not the Valar have some responsibility for the suffering it has caused?”

The usually serene visage of the Vala wavered. “We are asking ourselves this very question, Melian. I do not have an answer for you.”

-----

Sleep was slow to come for the elves in the talans of Lorien, as it was for those that traveled to her sanctuary. Exhaustion warred with worry, for none knew what the coming days would bring. The night had settled deeply over the landscape as… one by one, exhaustion claimed them.

As they fell deeper into reverie, dreams drifted into their minds… their hearts. Slowly, the tension that had marked their waking thoughts slipped away as cherished memories, vivid in every detail, replayed themselves to their unconscious minds. Smiles caressed drawn lips and eased the bunched muscles that knotted their necks and backs. Peace settled in their hearts as the magic… the gift of Irmo worked its will.

“Look Ada… I wrote my name just as you taught me. Will you tell me another story like you promised?”

/Who is she? She is… the most beautiful being I have ever seen! Ai! She has seen me staring, with the longing of my heart clear in my eyes for all to see… and she smiles!/

/I think he sees me watching him! How can I not? There is no more splendid an elf in all of Arda!/

“Cirdan… I hear something near the falls? It sounds like elflings singing… Ai! It is!”

“What will you name your daughter, my lord? She is lovely!”

/When did the cold and gloom of Mandos leave me? Perhaps, it was when I first saw this, our valley home… or was it the day I realized I had been gifted a new family to share this life?/

“Ada? It is you! I have not let my heart hope too much to find you here… remade and whole! Thanks be to Eru!/

“Listen to the music in your heart, penneth… it will guide your playing far more powerfully that listening to your own thoughts, for the music of your heart is a gift from our creator. Learning how to play an instrument is but the first part of becoming a musician. Learning to listen is always the true test. Now, let us begin.” (young one)

“How long will you be home this time, Ada? We have missed you! Home is not home when you are not here. Will you tell us of your travels?”

/I have never heard such beautiful music! She is so lovely… her music is her match!/

/Ai! I love him! I have denied this thought for so long. I could spend eternity sitting here watching… listening to him tell his stories, for he is so very beautiful to my eyes!/

“Naneth?” “ Welcome home, my beloved child!”

-----


A/N --- *I am assuming Tuor would not still be alive as he was a mortal. Though he was granted permission to travel to Aman with Indril, I don’t think he was granted immortality. The same would be true of Dior. As he was half-elven, I think he would have been considered mortal. His daughter, Elwing and her husband, Eärendil… their sons were given the choice, but that was well after Dior’s death. As his mother Lúthien had chosen to return as a mortal and his father was a man, I see no other likely fate for him. As Elros… and later, Arwen’s choice bound their descendants to lives as mortals, I am assuming Lúthien’s did the same.

A/N --- Yes, I know the several of snippets at the end could be from the dreams of several of our elves. That was the idea! Mix and match as you think best!

Thanks MarzBar! Hope you enjoyed the chapter!