Awakenings

Part 15.

“They are precious.”

He watched with a fond smile as Celebrian handled her sleepy sons. He had been in Imladris only a short while, and although he was still trying to find his feet he had already become well known and cared for as a member of the house. All treated him with a slight awe and reverence that he had to admit made him somewhat uncomfortable at times. All except a few, Elrond and the lady Celebrian, who so far had treated him as family, and Erestor.

Erestor, there was a strange atmosphere between the two of them that he did not yet quite understand. He could tell that the advisor refrained in his actions in his presence. Every time he would enter a room, the advisors eyes would light up briefly, only to die a moment later. Having only been there a short while he had yet to properly speak with the advisor. He was nervous, he could not tear his eyes away from him when in the same room and knew that there was a history between them as Erestor had only briefly mentioned, yet he knew not what exactly. The advisors words continuously repeated themselves in his mind. ‘It is I Erestor! Your Erestor!’ Now he was not so presumptuous as to assume he and this heavenly creature were of an romantic item in the past. But a strong connection lay there, and there was still this nagging persistent feeling in the back of his mind, screaming at him mutely. If only he could remember more.

Now that most formalities had finally been done with he had a chance to catch his breath. But he wanted nothing more than to spend his free time with Erestor, not only because of his overpowering attraction and unexplainable affection for the elf. But because Erestor was his only connection to the past. And having no previous memories of his past life, and being new to Imladris, he felt adrift. He could not say who he was, for to his mind he had no past and his present was as a blank canvas.

“Indeed they are.”

Glorfindel turned and felt his cheeks redden as Erestor the very person he had been daydreaming about stood behind him. He may have no memory but he somehow knew he was not one to blush easily. He smiled at Erestor and felt another pang of guilt as Erestor smiled back, but with a pained look clear in his eyes. He felt utterly wretched for not remembering someone who had obviously cared for him so.

When whimpers and the beginnings of a wail began to emit from the overzealous cradle Celebrian turned pleadingly to Erestor. She already held Elrohir in her arms, it had taken her a while to quieten her younger son. And now that Elladan was apparently craving the attention his brother was receiving Elrohir also began to whimper ominously in what seemed in sympathy and moral support. It was a vicious circle for a mother of twin boys.

“Allow me.”

Glorfindel watched as Erestor walked over to the cradle adorned with many a ribbon and bow to lean over the side and smile down at the child within.

“Hello little one, do wish out of this atrocity of a cradle?”

Glorfindel grinned at their similar opinion of said cradle and at the playful scowl Celebrian gave the advisor. He sighed as Erestor smiled back and then gently lifted the child up to rest against his chest.

They were still young, less than a year old. They had mastered the art of crawling and mumbling nonsense. So Glorfindel chuckled as Elladan immediately smiled and flew his arms up to gurgle some baby version of the Erestor’s name. He went as far as to chuckle as Erestor smiled adoringly and gently kissed the child on both cheeks, giggles and gurgles being his happy reply. The advisors presence had apparently had the desired effect as Elrohir had quietened and had settled for leaning against his mothers chest to suck his thumb. And Elladan, was content gumming Erestor’s forefinger to death whilst continuing his giggles.

“You have a way with them.” He whispered. Erestor hesitantly met his eyes and his breath caught at the picture before him.

Erestor was without a doubt the most beautiful creature to walk Arda, he stood cradling the child close to his chest, gently holding the back of Elladan’s head with his hand and with the small head resting under his chin. If he were lesser of an elf he would of strode forwards and simply pushed the child out of the way, but fortunately for Elladan he was not. Erestor held the babe as if he were the most precious and fragile of creatures, and the sight of Erestor kissing the child’s rosy cheeks and smooth brow was to adorable for words.

“You will to, no one can resist their charm, here hold him.”
“Oh uh, I don’t know, I’ve never held a child before…I think.” Both Celebrian and Erestor grinned as the great warrior backed away with a worried expression.
“He will not bite, I assure you. He has no teeth.” Erestor grinned.
“You are to be their protector Glorfindel, you will not break them.” Said Celebrian reassuringly.

“You want to meet Glorfindel Elladan? Look..” Sweetly the advisor pressed the babies cheek against his own and pointed towards Glorfindel who stood nervously shuffling his feet.

Elladan’s face was blank for a moment as he looked at the stranger, and then a bright smile lit the youngsters face and chubby arms and fingers reached out for the warrior.

“See, he likes you already. You’d better do as he bids and hold him, he’ll make a great fuss if you don’t.” And as if to prove the advisors words Elladan began to whiny and whimper, stretching his arms out further towards the warrior.

Hesitantly and continuously glancing back at Erestor for reassurance he gently took the child out of Erestor’s arms and into his own. Closing his eyes briefly as he inhaled Erestor’s scent when close enough.

“Now what?” He tried smiling at the child as he held him at an arms length in front of himself. Elladan continued to stare back at him blankly, almost in offence and obviously confused by the impersonal way he was being held.

“Try holding him like this..” Erestor chuckled as motioned for the warrior to hold the elfling closer. Eventually Glorfindel held the youngster against his chest much as Erestor had.

“I…I don’t think he likes me very much.” He wore a worried expression as Elladan continued t stare at him quizzically, glancing back at Erestor every now and then.

“Nonsense.”

Glorfindel shuddered slightly as Erestor moved to stand closer to him, placing a hand on one of his shoulders as the advisor gently stroked the child’s chubby cheek with a single finger.

“Elladan, this is Glorfindel, Glor-fin-del.”
“Ga?”

Both Erestor and Glorfindel grinned at the baby’s response.
“Yes Glorfindel.” Erestor confirmed with a chuckle.
“Ga! Ga!” Excitedly Elladan slapped the palms of his small hands down on the warriors chest, a bright toothless smile on his face.

Glorfindel laughed, a noise which apparently impressed the child as his bright eyes went wide. A mistake on Glorfindel’s behalf as Elladan apparently wanted to share his new big blond toy that made deep rumbling noises with his brother. The child spoke more inaudible gibberish which apparently made perfect sense to his brother. Elrohir turned in his mothers embrace and quite astonishingly seemed to be listening patiently to his brother’s gurgles and half words. Soon enough Elrohir was stretching his arms out for the warrior just as Elladan had.

“You think you can handle two of them?” Celebrian asked with a mischievous grin.
“Uh…I..”
“Of course he can.”

If Glorfindel could find it within himself to scowl at Erestor he would of. Fortunately for the advisor Glorfindel could never scowl at such beauty and accepted the second child that was carefully placed in his arms. Just at that moment a handmaid appeared in the door way, asking for the lady’s assistance.

“Will you be alright?” Celebrian asked when half way out of the door. Glorfindel wanted to scream no but Erestor simply nodded yes. They were alone, with two squirming babies.

Now holding a baby in each arm Glorfindel nervously observed the two elfling’s that he could swear were conspiring against him, missing the adoring smile on Erestor’s face. He grinned and heard Erestor chuckle charmingly as the two babies he held began their extensive exploration of the warrior.

Elrohir was fascinated with him, his chubby little hands reached out to touch the warriors face, his own face contorted with fierce concentration as he prodded, poked and pulled. Glorfindel grinned and bared the mistreatment bravely, only letting out a quiet ‘ouch’ when Elrohir let one of his fingers poke him in the eye. Elladan on the other hand had obviously become most comfortable in the warriors presence as he had settled back into the arm that held him and contented himself with chewing on blond hair.

“Oh you’re enjoying this aren’t you?” Glorfindel asked whilst squinted one eye closed to keep from being poked again and tilting his head to one side as Elladan pulled on his hair to devour. Erestor stood before him biting the inside of his cheeks to keep from laughing. Though he could not control the shaking of his shoulders at the adorable and extremely amusing sight before him.

“Yes, very much actually.” He giggled.
“Erestor, please help..” He begged pathetically.

Erestor finally had mercy and with a grin gently rubbed Elrohir’s back to get his attention, and indivertibly taking away the child that was intent on blinding Glorfindel.

“Elrohir? Can Erestor have a hug?” He asked sweetly, only to be rewarded with another large toothless smile. Gently he took the child in his arms and held him close. He smiled as Elrohir giggled happily and could not help but pepper kisses all over the small face, making the child squeal in delight.

“They smell divine do they not?” Erestor murmured as stroked back the extremely fine dark brown hair upon Elrohir’s head and took a deep breath of the infamous baby smell.

“They really love you.” Glorfindel remarked whilst unconsciously beginning to sway Elladan in his arms, who was still chewing happily on his hair but was also beginning to yawn and settle further into the warrior’s arms, turning his head to lean against his large chest.

“They will love you just as much, what is not to love?” Erestor snapped his mouth shut and his eyes shot open which had been closed when fussing over Elrohir, who had now slipped into reverie. He looked to Glorfindel with a deep blush but found the warrior simply looked back with a small curious smile. Fortunately at that moment Celebrian re-entered the room before either could speak.

“I’m sorry to of left you like that…well see now, you are a natural!”

Glorfindel noticed at that moment that the lady was speaking to him, turning his attentions to her and away from Erestor’s very embarrassed expression he realised what it was she spoke of. Elladan had dozed off in his arms, a clump of matted and damp hair still in his mouth. He smiled down adoringly at the babe in his arms and gently kissed his brow.

“I fear I have already lost my heart to them my lady. You have my word that I will protect your sons with my life.”
“And both my wife and I thank you for it.” Came the voice of their lord from the doorway.

“My lord Elrond.” Glorfindel attempted a bow but found it difficult whilst holding a sleeping baby.
“There is no need for such formalities Glorfindel, you are apart of this family now. Please just call me Elrond.”

Glorfindel simply smiled and nodded. He with a small amount of regret handed back the sleeping babe in his arms to its mother. Elladan was much more loveable and easier to handle when asleep.

“I know, you just want to hide them beneath your shirt and run away with them when their damned parents want them back.” Erestor admitted with a fake pout as Elrond reached to take Elrohir. Glorfindel was surprised at the boldness that Erestor spoke with, but seeing both Celebrian and Elrond smile warmly at the advisor he then realised what a tight family unit they indeed were. And surprisingly found himself slightly envious at the closeness they shared.

“Erestor will be their tutor you know.” Said Elrond out of nowhere, but it was obvious the lord had a point as he came to stand before Glorfindel with a knowing smirk.

“Oh?” He replied, after receiving a simply nod in reply he cleared his throat and continued. “Their tutor in what exactly?”

“Everything.” Both Elrond and Glorfindel grinned upon hearing a groan come from Erestor’s direction. “Everything but their warrior training, we were hoping that you would honour us by teaching and passing on your skill to our sons.”

A brilliant smile spread across the warriors lips, and it took him a moment to compose himself before answering, a bright smile still firmly in place. “The honour would be mine my lord…” One raised eyebrow later and he quickly adjusted his word, “…Elrond, I greatly look forward to training them.”

“Excellent, now if you were to excuse us, I think it time we put these little ones down to sleep for the night.”
“Aye they will be awake crying most of the night, we need all the rest we can get.” Celebrian continued good naturally.

Both Erestor and Glorfindel bowed their heads and said their good nights, leaving the family be for the evening. They both now walked beside each other in the hallway in silence. Both occasionally stealing glances at the other.

“Erestor…” Glorfindel began but at that moment a couple of over excited elves came barrelling down the hallways. They turned their heads briefly to give their apologies before continuing on their way. Form the brief glance it was obvious they were young, and perhaps a little intoxicated. Something Erestor usually would of stopped the young miscreants to chastise them about, but he found at that moment he was unable, and unwilling to move.

Glorfindel had been knocked by the youngsters and had consequently pushed Erestor against the wall, pinning him in place with his considerably larger frame. A spiral of silky black hair had come loose from its previous loose grip and hung across one side of Erestor’s face, just covering one eye. His hands were pressed up against the warriors chest in natural reflex.

“I-I’m sorry…” The warrior babbled, yet did not move.
“’tis alright..” Erestor could feel his heart thunder at the heavenly feel of Glorfindel’s weight leaning upon him.

As if without consent one of the blonds hands drifted up to where the rivulet of hair hung loose and gently tucked it back behind a perfectly pointed ear. He quickly pulled his hand away when the advisor closed his eyes and leaned into his palm that had come to rest against his flushed cheek. He regretted it a moment later when those dark eyes glanced up at him with impossible sadness and much hurt before quickly flickering away.

“I’m sorry that was inappropriate.” He whispered.
“Nay you…nay it was not.” Glorfindel tried to reassure, but only served to confuse Erestor further. “I am sorry Erestor I did not mean to confuse you I…I was simply acting upon impulse.”
“Impulse?” Erestor repeated with a pleading expression for the blond to explain.
“I…I remember nothing of you Erestor, nothing.” Seeing Erestor bit his lip and lower his head with a nod he felt tears sting his eyes at hurting Erestor so.

“Erestor are you sure…”
“What?”
“Are you sure we knew each other in the past?”
“Quite sure. Why?”
“Because, not for the world would I willingly forget you had I known you.” He whispered sincerely, earning a small smile in return. “We were friend yes? Close friends?”
“The very closest, best friends in fact.”
“Honestly?”
“Aye, from childhood until the day you died and beyond.”
“Erestor, help me remember, please. Help me remember my family, home and friends, help me remember you.”
“I will do my best, I never could deny you anything.”
“I was a persistent youth I take it?”
“Stubborn is more accurate. Oh some of the things we got up to…” Erestor began with a laugh but quickly stopped himself.
“Yes?”
“Perhaps….perhaps I shall tell you of other things before we get into that.” Erestor was determined, his lovers last words replaying in his mind repeatedly ‘This is not the end.’

Nay, it was not the end. He could not help but feel hurt at the lack of recognition in his lovers eyes that had once been so full of love and passion for him. But it was not Glorfindel’s fault. Glorfindel had defied death for him, the reborn elf may not remember it but he knew it to be so. For Glorfindel had sworn to him just that. Erestor knew it was his time to fight for Glorfindel, he would not let him forget their love. To do that would belittle the unbreakable bond that was ironically never officially forged that had once and still existed. He could feel it between them, it had not dimmed, it was simply veiled from Glorfindel, he would lift that veil. But not all at once, Erestor could tell Glorfindel struggled, their were so many locked away memories struggling to be freed. To do that all at once would overwhelm him. Nay, he would let their relationship progress anew, and when Glorfindel had regained a sense of who he once was, and still was, he would share the most precious of memories.

“Erestor?” Glorfindel gently touched the advisors cheek, he was delighted and surprised as Erestor smiled up at him with immeasurable affection and tenderness. He felt his knees weaken at such loveliness. He knew not what had occupied Erestor’s thoughts but moments before but suddenly felt a certain feeling of assurance he had yet to feel upon returning to Arda. He knew he could rely upon Erestor to steer him home.

“I know of a balcony that overlooks the gardens, at this time of evening they look most beautiful in the dusk light. Why don’t we go there where we can share a glass of wine and I can tell you of your mother and father?”
“My mother and father?” He whispered with much sadness and eagerness in his voice.
“Aye, come.”

They sat upon the balcony for many an hour, until the moon was high and the stars bright. Glorfindel had laughed upon hearing some of the foolish stunts he had pulled in trying to impress his father, and he had smiled at how his mother had always insisted upon a hug each morning and each night. And he had cried upon hearing of their deaths. Erestor had been there, to allow the warrior to weep into his shoulder as he soothingly stroke his hair and tried to remind him of other more happy times.

“…You insisted upon making her breakfast in bed and her very own begetting day cake, unfortunately for her you were not the most talented of cooks and instead of using sugar you used…”
“Salt, I used salt.” Glorfindel stated in amazement.
“You remember?” A slow smile spread across the advisors lips.
“Aye! I used salt! I was so proud I watched her as she took her first mouthful, she didn’t have the heart to tell me I had got it wrong so she ate the entire slice in front of me. It was only on her next begetting day that she offered to help make the cake and told me to use sugar.”
“You remember!”
“Aye, oh Erestor she was so beautiful, I loved her so much.”
“And she loves you still, you will see her again Glorfindel, I promise.”

Glorfindel turned to Erestor with a sad smile and teary eyes. “Thank you Erestor, for helping me remember that.”
“You will remember more, but not tonight, take away those happy thoughts with you, and let them bring you pleasant dreams.”
“It is late, and I have to meet the Imladris guard tomorrow first thing.”

Both silently stood and left the balcony, coming to a split in the hallways Glorfindel turned to face Erestor.

“Thank you again Erestor, perhaps…again tomorrow night?”
“Aye, I will tell you of Gondolin, of a dearly departed friend of ours, Ecthelion. And of a very special old oak tree.”
“I look forward to it.”

Glorfindel wavered for a moment before wrapping his arms around Erestor’s slim waist in a sweet embrace. Erestor fit so perfectly in his arms, he gently ran his hands up and down the lithe back and not so innocently breathed in the scent of Erestor’s hair. He was about to pull back when Erestor finally returned the embrace, wrapping his arms tightly around his broad shoulders and allowed Glorfindel to pull him closer. Neither wished to release the other so they stayed that way for a while, simply holding the other close. Glorfindel smiled happily as Erestor rested his head upon his shoulder with a small sigh, a sigh that was the sweetest sound his ears had ever heard.

“Erestor?” He whispered into pitch black silk.
“Hmm?”
“……Please tell me that there was more than mere friendship between us.” Unconsciously he tightened his hold and closed his eyes tightly in desperate hope.

“There was more than friendship Glorfindel, so much more.” He spoke softly, finally he pulled back and gently cupped the warriors cheek. “But first you must know who *you* are. If my feelings have not wavered in millennia for you then a little while longer will not hurt. I will return to you what has been taken, and then…”
“And then I shall return to you what was taken.” Glorfindel replied quietly but with his meaning clear.

Erestor felt such a hope and the beginnings of peace, something he had not felt in many years. And for a moment he swore he could see the flicker of deep love and belonging he had missed seeing in those blue eyes from so many years ago.

“Good night Glorfindel.”
“Good night Erestor.”

Slowly they pulled away from each other, letting their hands slowly run down each others arms until their hands touched and held for a moment, and fell to their sides. With content smiles they finally turned and went to their separate beds.


That night Glorfindel had taken the first step to remembering his previous life. He had remembered his parents and knew for certain that Erestor had been a key part of his life. And as the great Valar of death had told him, with memory his burden would also return to haunt him.

Fire.
Shadow.
Pain.

Glorfindel awoke with a cry, he panted heavily, sweat drenched his sheets and covered his brow. That was one memory he did not wish to recall. He felt an overwhelming urge to run to Erestor’s room, crawl beneath the advisors sheets and ask him to hold him tightly. This of course, was ridiculous. Having splashed cold water upon his face and vigorously running his fingers through his hair a great deal many of times, he returned to his bed. And prayed that those memories would not invade his dreams again that night.

TBC...