The Corruption and Degredation of Mary Sue

Chapter 14: Sisterly Love

“Here. Put this on,” said Kalina, entering Celebelen’s room without knocking. The girl was putting on her makeup in front of her mirror after having bathed. She was looking agitated and twitchy.

Celebelen turned to look at Kalina who was waving an incredibly cut cut dress at her. It was the sort of garment generally worn by large breasted serving wenches in inns that tended to charge rooms by the hour. It was a flattering shade of green that went with Celebelen’s eyes.

“Don’t you have anything in pink?” hazarded the human, feeling uncertain.

“No. I have taste and decency. Actually, scratch decency. But no pink!!” Kalina’s voice took on a militant tone. She then noticed that Celebelen hadn’t touched the joint she’d given her earlier and it was still on the dressing table. Shrugging, she snatched it up and lit it.

“So what should I do?” asked Celebelen.

“Find something people want from you and charge them for it,” said Kalina bluntly, taking a deep toke and revelling in the sensation.

“What, like sex?!”

“I leave that up to your discretion. Depends on how much you want to capture that beautiful sensation you had last night. I mean, I’m very liberal with my drugs. I’d happily give you them free but it costs a fair bit to acquire it,” explained Kalina in a syrup laden pitch. Little did Celebelen know that Kalina hoarded things she found on the corpses of her foes. She often rode with the Dúnedain and her brothers seeking battle against orcs and goblins. It was a great way to get rid of pent up violent urges. As a result, she had quite a decent hoard of random things, including a small treasure trove of crack that she never actually abused, merely held onto in case it came in useful.

“Well, it’s not like there are any ugly guys here,” conceded Celebelen. The urge to recapture that bliss was overwhelming.

“Great. Look. I’ll leave this here for you,” said Kalina, dropping the dress onto the bed. “Just wander around and find someone who looks like they could do with some company, and politely inform them that there is a catch. And voila. You get cash, I get paid, you get more er… sedatives, and we’re all happy. Meanwhile I must go.” Kalina swiftly departed back to her own room where Legolas was waiting for his reward for bringing his mistress breakfast. He was such a thoughtful pervert and Kalina had shown her gratitude by stripping him naked, slingling him to a wall and leaving him blindfolded and gagged while she sorted out Celebelen. “Oh, and before I head off have this.” Kalina tossed Celebelen a small vial of crack. There wasn’t much but the human’s eyes instantly lit up with joy. “But from now on, you pay. Understood?”

“Thanks!” said Celebelen, standing up and looking around for the pipe Haldir had left the night before.

“Enjoy,” said Kalina, shutting the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, Celebelen lit up and treated herself to a
few hits of crack before changing. Her confidence boosted by the high, Celebelen strode out of her room and leisurely sauntered around the Last Homely House, hoping to attract attention.

Meanwhile, her newly crack-addled brain was dwelling on a problem. So far she had determined that Kalina seemed to be making her life miserable. Yet despite her reprehensible behaviour, Kalina seemed to be well liked. This left Celebelen with two options in order to stay sane and get on with her life in Middle Earth (so far nobody had bothered to offer trying to send her home so she reckoned she was stuck here). The first was to find allies, other people who didn’t like Kalina and would prefer Celebelen’s company. The other option was to act like Kalina. Kalina seemed to have friends of a sort. Maybe if she started swearing more, throwing weapons, and shouting at people then everyone would like her and respect her more than they did her nemesis.

Celebelen’s memory went back to her days in high school. There had been a few people sort of like Kalina. They’d cut class, smoke pot around the back of the school, and still somehow managed to have friends, even though they were all losers alike in Celebelen’s all-knowing cheerleader wisdom. So far everyone she encountered here seemed to act like some kind of delinquent.

Peer pressure began to beat down heavily on Celebelen’s conscience. It was suddenly becoming apparent. She was not the norm in this existence. In order to fit in she’d have to sleep around, smoke strange things, and throw implements of destruction at innocent bystanders. It was becoming obvious. THAT had to be the way to popularity in this strange and intimidating world.

Attempting to mimic Kalina’s inherewaggwagger but winding up looking awkward, Celebelen wandered down the hallway until she came across a room with an open door. It was Elrond’s study where he did most of his dull and official paperwork. He was currently sat behind his desk, scowling at a letter written in Dwarvish and wanting something to distract him. As if in answer to his subconscious, he noticed Celebelen.

“Hello there!” he said cheerfully, putting down his papers and smiling at the human.

“Hello, Elrond,” said Celebelen, trying to sound husky and seductive but sounding more like she needed to clear her throat.

“Have you got a cold?” asked Elrond politely, beckoning for Celebelen to come in. She shook her head while shutting the door behind her then sauntered over to Elrond’s desk and leaned over it, putting her low cut dress to optimum use.

‘Excellent! I have an excuse to procrastinate!’ thought Elrond, Celebelen’s cleavage at eye level. This was a situation that happened quite often. In most of these situations involving far-flung females manifesting on his property they would often repay his hospitality with intimate company for an hour or so.

Trying to guess what Kalina would do in this situation (and utterly ignoring the fact that she was currently coming onto the elf’s father), Celebelen grabbed Elrond’s collar and pulled his face towards her suddenly. The movement caused Elrond’s elbow to slip and dislodge sev boo books and a chaotic stack of paper onto the floor.

“Oh for the love of Eru,” gasped Elrond. It had taken him the better part of a week to come up with his own cryptic filing system that seemed to mere mortals to consist of stacking things on top of each other and randomly selecting bits of paper to study or respond to in writing. It seemed to work well for classified documents as nobody would think to look in an unruly stack of paperwork other than Elrond.

“Takenow!now!” urged Celebelen.

“No! I can’t! I’ve got to sort this mess out!!” snapped Elrond, irritated. “And you’d better get out of here. If you see some of these things I’ll be forced to kill you in order to bind you to secrecy. No offence, though,” he added, although rancour was still in his voice. Bloody clumsy humans. Couldn’t even going about being seductive right.

Backing off from the irate elf, Celebelen exited, wondering what she had done wrong. Trying to figure out why Elrond had turned so mean over just a few pieces of paper, Celebelen nearly walked into Arwen.

“What were you doing in my father’s study?” she inquired. As soon as Kalina was old enough to walk and hold a sharp object, Arwen had lived in fear of her father conceiving another child. Her sanity just could not take another episode of the terrible twos with a knife wielding sadist child with a face nobody would believe capable of destruction.

Celebelen felt affronted by the question. Still seeking to act like Kalina, she decided to take an aggressive stance. “What’s it to you?” she snapped.

“He’s my father, you upstart! I have a right to know who he’s consorting with,” snarled Arwen. Kalina could get away with talking to her like that, but that was an established element of their complex sibling rivalry. This little slut on the other hand needed to be taught a lesson. She stepped towards Celebelen, menacingly.

“Well you have no right to invade my privacy!” retorted Celebelen. ‘Now what would Kalina do in this situation? Ah-hah! She’d hit her!’ The human quickly balled her hand into a fist and punched Arwen in the stomach. The elf doubled over, more surprised than in pain. She backed off, then stood up straight, eyes narrowed. Letting out a shriek she charged at Celebelen and with long nailed hands grabbed hold of her hair with one hand and slapping her across the face with the other.

The noise attracted Kalina who was wandering around in search of Aragorn to let him know of Haldir’s success. Hearing her sister’s shriek, she hurried over in hope of finding impromptu theatre in her own home. Instead she found Arwen grappling with Celebelen.

“Oi!” said Kalina, suddenly feeling a surge of defensiveness rise in her spine. “What did she do now?” she asked Arwen.

“I saw her coming out of Ada’s study and when I asked her what she was doing in there she attacked mspatspat Arwen, shoving Celebelen and backing off.

“You tried to solicit my father?!” demanded Kalina.

“What’s it to you, bitch?” snapped Celebelen, before realising she had picked a fight with the very person she was trying to be. Without a sound Kalina reached forward, grabbed Celebelen and spun her around into a headlock.

“Arwen, would you like to hurt the harlot?” asked Kalina.

“With pleasure,” said Arwen grimly.

“Try head-butting her!” suggested Kalina. Arwen looked at her, shrugged, then lowered her head and rammed Celebelen in the gut. The human gasped and went slightly limp in Kalina’s grip.

“That was amazingly cathartic!” said Arwen, genuinely surprised. She had prided herself on never stooping to this kind of heinous violence. But suddenly it had all become clear. There was a certain degree of stress relief to be found in inflicting pain on upstart morons.

The scuffle, however, drew Elrond from his study. “Kalina! Arwen! If you’re going to fight do it outside! I have work to do!” he snapped before realising that his daughters weren’t at each others throats. He blinked, stunned in amazement. “You’re not trying to kill each other?” he said, slowly uttering the syllables in disbelief.

“She was being a bitch to Arwen and me,” said Kalina. “I hold exclusive rights when it comes to tormenting her!”

“And I think I’m starting to understand this ‘joy of battle’ you and Kalina are so keen on,” said Arwen, smiling at her father.

“That’s wonderful!!!!” said Elrond, ecstatic. For years he was more or less resigned to the violence that occurred between the girls. But this stupid little human had brought them together! “Thank you Celebelen!! You’ve brought my girls together! You’re welcome to stay here as long as you like,” said Elrond. Kalina released Celebelen who slumped to the floor and stepped over her as Elrond reached out to embrace both his daughters. Celebelen took the moment of distraction to pull herself together and scurry back to her room before Elrond’s girls turned on her again.