the trouble with love

Chapter 38 Getting back on track

Elrond had arrived in his rooms, tagging Melpomean along, not long after he had left the secretaries room.
Melpomean was pleased they had seen no one during the trip. The way he was being dragged would have roused some suspicion. Suspicion he knew Elrond could do without. And when he had realised they weren’t headed for the healing rooms he had kept silent, wishing for this trip to be over soon. But now that they were inside Elrond’s rooms he addressed it. “This is not the healing rooms.”

Elrond continued scrabbling in his bookcase. “How perceptive of you. This was closer and I have no desire to face Lómiol any time soon. Nor would you, I wager. Ah, knew I had some left.” He retrieved his prize and walked back towards the other, who seated himself at the chair Elrond pointed out. Melpomean meekly allowed Elrond to apply the salve, something Elrond had not expected. Somehow he had feared Melpomean would have thrown another tantrum. He smiled when he was done. “It heals extraordinarily fast, meldir. Within days you’ll no longer have to read with one eye, though I’d advice you to go slow and avoid the headache that will accompany the sight-overindulgence.”

Melpomean nodded. “I will try.” Elrond smiled. This was the Melpomean he knew.

He closed his eyes, readying himself for a possible battle. “Melpomean, there is something I don’t understand. You went out of your way to keep me here, which was totally unnecessary for I am not leaving, I feel I cannot emphasise that enough. But you also took the extreme effort to come all the way to the yard to wish me a pleasant journey.” He looked at smaller elf, sighing when he saw the other had averted his eyes. “To me those two contradict each other. First a happy journey and than….” He didn’t finish his sentence as a realisation just hit him. Melpomean’s voice had been creaked when those words of farewell had been uttered. As if he had been crying.
“You where crying?” He did not know he had spoken that out loud but he saw Melpomean nod, affirming his suspicions. “Why?” /Why cry so much over such a trivial thing? Why can’t I figure this out? Why is it that you’ve come to mean so much to me? Why? Why do things that happen happen? Elrond, snap out of this, pay attention or you’ll never solve this riddle./

Melpomean quickly went over his options. He could not tell Elrond a lie, who would instantly realise it. But at the same time he could also not tell Elrond the truth. How could he tell such a powerful and gently lord of his love for him? Why, Elrond would look at him in disgust and laugh at him. He would become the laughingstock of the entire valley, and probably beyond.

Not receiving an answer Elrond quickly drew his conclusions. Melpomean would never lie to him; he d and answer truthfully or not at all. Elrond had always felt comfortable around him and he now realised why. Because he did not have to pretend around him. Even around Thranduil Elrond felt the need to pretend, but that need had never been there around Melpomean. /Why did I never realise this before?/
He remembered how Thranduil had silently told him to go after Melpomean. /Had he known? Known? Known what? That I…? Could it be that….?/

Elrond suddenly realised that whatever it was Melpomean was keeping from him, it was the missing piece. But he also wasn’t so sure he wanted to know anymore. But he did, he had to. “Melpomean?” His voice and posture had become that of Lord Elrond, ruler of Imladris. No longer did Elrond Half-elven stand before Melpomean but it was his ruler that demanded his attention.
He had heard the tone so often he recognized it immediately and adopted himself accordingly. Melpomean knew all of Elrond’s tones. /Except the one he uses whilst making love./

Now that he had Melpomean’s undivided attention he asked again, keeping his voice and posture regal. “Tell me.” It was an order.
Melpomean’s eyes widened. He could and would not deny an order, but how could he comply this one. He started panting and fear overtook him. “I did not want you to leave.”
“And?” Elrond just knew there was more.
Now Melpomean panicked. “And what, I did not wish you to leave and yet you would, you will and” “ENOUGH!!!” The suddenness of the order bolted him out of his chair and he stared at Elrond in shock. Never before had that tone been used against him and now that it was it scared him. Elrond glared at him. “THE TRUTH!!!”
Melpomean started reaching behind him. His mind had deserted him and he was panicking bad. “I-SANDA, QUENNESSË, SÍ.” That prompted the words out of Melpomean like nothing could have done. “I love you.” His eyes where everywhere but directed at Elrond, not wanting to see his rejection. He frantically searched for a way out now that his hand was unable to locate the handle.

Elrond on the other hand stood mouth agape and his eyes wider than they’d ever been. Of all the things he had expected this wasn’t one of them. His thoughts were going in circles, not understanding why Melpomean had been so persistent he left if that meant he would no longer be in his vicinity.
Suddenly the impact of those feelings hit home. /He never feared me. He feared his feelings towards me./ He would not have understood this had Galadriel not shared the mirror with him again. It had showed so much.

Elrond realised he would have to tread real carefully, no matter his own feelings Melpomean’s were highly tender. “For how long?” The anger was gone from his voice. It carried nothing more but compassion, understanding and friendliness. He knew Melpomean was highly sensitive on those hidden emotions. And it indeed soothed Melpomean a little. He still refused to make contact, which Elrond understood only too well.
Melpomean shrugged. “Does it matter?” Elrond let silent tears flow down his cheeks. /If only I had known your pain./ “Of course it matters. How long have you been hiding your feelings behind a mask? How long have you pretended not to care when in fact you do? Such things can creep inside your heart and soul if you’re not careful, Melpomean.”
Melpomean nodded and sighed relieved, thinking Elrond only asked out of professional interest. It told Elrond just how mentally injured he really was. “I don’t really remember.” Elrond squinted his eyes. /That long? Why did you not say?/ But he knew the answer to that question.

He slowly and carefully approached the fearful elf. “And there I was thinking you feared me. We need to talk about this, Melpomean, but not now. You’ve already had too much to deal with. You need to calm down first. Here, drink this.” He had secretly mixed a powerful sleeping potion and had blended it the water. He did not care if it would come out again, as long as it worked.
It did. Only a mere seconds after Melpomean had drank it the secretary fell sound asleep. Elrond barely had time to catch him and carry him to his own bed. “I will not let you run away from this, Melpomean. You’ve been hiding for all those centuries and I think I know why. Sleep, I will watch your dreams. May my presence keep the nightmares at bay.” He knew beyond a doubt that Melpomean frequently had nightmares. And what about. /Why is it that there are two elves in my direct vicinity suffering so terribly and I never noticed? Am I such a lousy friend?/

Elrond made himself comfortable besides Melpomean and smiled as the sleeping elf snuggled up to him. “Aye, be at peace. I am here.” He was shocked when the other relaxed completely, showing just how much he trusted Elrond. “I hope I will never betray it.” He would never intentionaletraetray it, but Melpomean was an emotional mess, and Elrond realised one wrong word could hurt him in his soul. He said a prayer to the valar, begging him to keep the wrong words in his mouth. He also asked Nienna to give the sleeping elf the needed strength.

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Now that he had finally gotten rid of a questioning Elrohir Erestor hurried to his rooms. He wanted to have some peace and quiet.

But it was not to be.
Before he had even turned three corners Elladan walked up to him, a worried and pained look on his face. “Have you seen Elvil?”
Erestor smiled. “I think the little ones are in the kitchen, driving Apsontë crazy.”
Elladan growled. “Do you think me witless, Erestor. I’ve tried there already. They were there but first Elnihir had suddenly left, after a fight with Elvil. And Elvil went after him. And now..” He trailed off, unwilling to end his sentence. Erestor nodded. “and now you’re concerned. No, I haven’t seen either of them, but I’ll help you look. Now think, what are their favourite places.”

Together they went searching for the illusive elves.

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He smiled as he looked at his sleeping lover and wondered how much pain the other was hiding. He caressed his hair and waited for the other to awaken. And when his lover did stir and awoke he was presented with the most sexual sight on arda. He couldn’t believe he had almost lost it.
His lover rubbed his eyes, getting rid of the sleep, and then blinked them, unable to believe his eyes. “Val?!” He smiled and leaned down to kiss him. Sealbeth melted in the kiss but Valthroman broke it before their passion took over. “My king has decided I needed a vacation and told me to remain behind for a while.”

Sealbeth couldn’t be happier. Having his lover present made him feel safe and protected, and he needed that right now. His eyes became watery as he remembered the face and the memories that belonged to it. Valthroman saw it and drew him in an embrace. “Why don’t you move over. I’m still rather tired from last night, you know.”
Sealbeth laughed. “You slept.”
Val pretended to be hurt, drawing Sealbeth in a verbal joust. “Don’t you mean to say: we slept.” Sealbeth shook his head. “No, you snored again. Just my luck: to be stuck with the only elf that snores. Do you have Dwarven blood?”
Valthroman pouted and then smiled. “Maybe I do. Axes always do fascinate me. I wonder how many orcs I would be able to kill with an axe in stead of a sword.” He smiled when Sealbeth’s pearly laughter filled the room, who sobered up too soon according to him.

“Really, Val, why are you still here?” Realising his lover might take this the wrong way he added. “Not that I mind, but you never take a vacation and now you’re forced to remain behind. I don’t trust it.”
Valthroman caressed his cheek. “You worry too much, melamin. It was Silinde’s idea. And I think it might even be possible Lord Elrohir is involved, somehow.”
This revelation jolted Sealbeth upright and he looked accusingly at his lover. /What is happening? What did he do?/ Val merely drew him in an embrace and started rubbing soothing circles on his back. “I don’t really want to bring this up, but after we fought, I broke apart. It was him who comforted me, who told me I might be seeing things. And later that night Lady Galadriel and Lord Elrond themselves came to my room. Enraged I might add. They showed me I’ve been an idiot.” His eyes darkened as he remembered the images. “I guess they learned from young master hir hir and now they wanted to make sure we’re ok, I guess.”
He could feel his lover tense up. “Now, don’t start fretting. I don’t know for sure that’s what happened. I am merely trying to think of the most logical explanation. Oh, Sealbeth, I am so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?”

Sealbeth laid his head on his lover’s lap, a silent request to start combing his hair. He adored it when Val was combing or caressing his hair. He looked up dotingly and reached out his hand to cup a cheek. “There’s nothing to forgive. Admitted, you’re an idiot, but you’re my idiot.”
To Valthroman these words sounded like a declaration of love and he suddenly realised that even though Sealbeth may never have used the word ‘love’, he did express his love, even verbally, towards him. /He just voices it differently./
This realisation made all earlier hidden declarations come back to him and his eyes filled with silent tears as he truly heard them for the first time, truly heard the intensity with which the other loved him.
When he felt a questioning hand removing his tears he looked long and lovingly at his lover, concern staring back at him. He leaned in closer and kissed him on the nose. “Amin mela lle, an uir.”

He pushed back on the bed, pulling his lover with him, until he felt the wall in his back and made himself comfortable, cradling his lover close. Sealbeth sighed blissfully as he felt himself being stretched on the bed, his upped body touching Valthroman’s and his head resting on his lover’s chest, who didn’t cease the caresses to his hair. Valthroman knew how it made him relax.
The remainder of the day would be spent in that position.
As Sealbeth drifted of into reverie he could, as if from a distance, hear his lover’s caring voice. “Rest, I will guard you. An uir.” /And if I ever find out who hurt you, I’ll make them pay./

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Legolas had made sure Elnihir was rested comfortably in his own bed. His rooms had been closer to the weaponry and so he had not taken the little one to the room he shared with Elvil.

He now hurried to Elrond’s rooms. He did not wish to delay this conversation. He made his way there fast and he knocked on the door, waiting for the other elf to let him enter.

Elrond was startled out of his dreamlike state when Legolas knocked on the door and he quickly disentangled himself from the sleeping elf and hurried to the door. He opened the door enough to see who it was, but not so that the other would be able to look inside. He smiled when he saw Legolas and opened the door completely. “What a pleasant surprise. Come in.”

Legolas entered and bowed. “Lord Elrond.” Elrond waved it away. “No need for formalities, Legolas. Just Elrond will do. I am pleased you decided to join out household, the young ones will benefit much from your presence, Legolas. And not only them.” He saw the worried look on the other’s face and frowned. “Is something wrong? Has Erestor not assigned you to your quarters yet?”
Legolas hurried to assure his host and latest employer. “No, no, Lord Elrond. That’s not it. I am perfectly happy staying in the rooms I am in. I like the peace and quiet.” He chew his lip, not knowing how to start this conversation.

A sudden scream from the bed made them both jump up and look at the origin of the sound. Legolas was surprised to see an elf in Elrond’s bed. /Is he ill?/
Elrond quickly covered the distance and gathered Melpomean close, uncaring of Legolas’ presence, and whispered soothing words in the other’s ear. But neither the gentle words nor Elrond’s presence did anything to calm the elf down. “Legolas, will you please get that green-yellow bottle from my bookcase?”

Legolas did as he was bid and soon returned, handing Elrond the requested item. “Is hrighright?” Elrond didn’t answer as he was focussed upon mixing some powder from within the bottle with the water. When he had twirled the mix around a few times he frowned. “Legolas, I will need your help to make him drink it. Do you think you’ll manage to hold him and loft him a little so I may pour it in his mouth.”

Legolas acted immediatend snd sat down on the bed. The movement alone was enough to make Melpomean swing his arms around vitly,tly, trying to force away an invincible attacker. “Good thing I’m a warrior.” Legolas said and, after a few attempt, actually managed to hold and lift the fighting elf long enough for Elrond to make him drink the potion.
Once it had entered his system, Melpomean went limp in Legolas’ arms and the blond gently lowered the sleeping elf back on the bed, a worried and concerned look in his eyes.

Elrond shrugged. “I don’t know, Legolas. I really don’t know. He’s been hiding so much for so long it’s impossible to tell. He doesn’t confide in anyone, I’m afraid.” He was reluctant to tell Legolas more. “Why did you come here?” Legolas drew in a breath. He had hoped Elrond would elaborate. That way this discussion would have been stalled. But Elrond hadn’t and now the moment was here.

“Glorfindel showed me to the weaponry earlier.” He decided to start at the beginning. Elrond nodded, unsure what was to follow, but he expected some questions on the many types of weapons and armouries. But Legolas surprised him.
“At first I thought myself insane but when I listened intently I heard crying. I followed it and found Elnihir.” He cringed, seeing Elrond’s worried look. “He’s alright. Physically.” /Ai, wrong words./ Legolas swallowed.

Elrond guided him to some seats near the fire. He seated himself in such a way he could give Legolas his undivided attention and yet have full view of the sleeping elf. “Calm yourself, Legolas. What happened? Did he tell you what happened to make him cry?” Legolas nodded and slowly told Elrond of what he had learned earlier in the day. Elrond’s brows furrowed during the tale and his face became grim. When Legolas was done he had resorted to squishing the chair. He didn’t like this.

“You’re saying he feels we don’t care about him? That’s ridiculous. We love him and we show him daily. Granted, things have been hectic lately and Elrohir a bit fidgety, bu don don’t love him any less and he s ths that. I would not worry about that. He still feels guilty for what happened to Elvil. No, what worries me is that he thinks he can’t trust us. That’s not something that happens overnight. Nor does it go away that easily.”
He looked at his bed. He wished he had Melpomean’s advice right about now. “I wish Melpomean were awake. His advice on these matters is priceless.”

Legolas didn’t miss the loving look that passed over Elrond as he spoke. He cocked his head and squinted his eyes. /What about ata?/ When Elrond looked at Legolas again he was surprised to meet an interrogative stance. “Legolas?” Legolas didn’t want to pry, but his eyes involuntarily flickered towards the bed.
Elrond sighed, realising he had just given himself away. “You’re perceptive Legolas. Aye, I love him.”
He saw the hurt expression enter Legolas’ eyes and immediately understood. “Aiya, Thranduil. You know about… how?” Legolas reddened as he remembered. “I accidentally walked in on the two of you. Almost.”

Elrond reddened as well. “There’s not much you could have walked in on, Legolas. Our relationship was only starting and I now know that what your father and I had was nothing more than lust. And I did not know about my feelings towards Melpomean at the time. If I had I would not have started anything with your father, even if it’s only based on lust. You know me better than that I hope.” As he spoke the words, Elrond realised he meant every one of them. His relationship, or what it was, with Thranduil was over.
He decided to be totally honest with Legolas. “To be honest, Legolas, I did not even realise I’m in love with Melpomean until today. You came here for my council and here I find myself in need of yours.”
Legolas looked surprised. Elrond never seized to amaze him, who instantly elaborated. “You know your father better than I do. Should I write him or not? I do not wish to offend him.”

Legolas thought about all Elrond had told him. He knew the other was sincere, but he also knew his father did have feelings for Elrond, even if he hid them. But should and could he tell Elrond that?

After a long silence he spoke. “May I ask you a personal question before I answer?” After receiving a nod he continued. “What are your plans concerning my father and Melpomean?”
Elrond smiled. “I have no intentions of continuing with your father, if that’s your concern, Legolas. And don’t feel embarrassed for asking. You would be a lousy son if you hadn’t. I plan on doing anything and everything that is in my power to make Melpomean happy, to make him forget his pain, to let himself to allow me to love me. I just don’t know whether or not to tell yfathfather and how much. I do not wish to cause him pain.”
Legolas nodded. He appreciated the honest answer. “I think you should inform my father your heart has been recently captured. He is a soft and gentle soul, though everyone thinks otherwise. Don’t give him hopes where there are none.”/For his heart will be broken none the less. I just hope a quick message might lessen the blow./
At Elrond’s widened eyes he laughed. “I’m sorry, I know you will not, it’s just……Maybe I should help write the letter, I know my father better than you do and will know how he will react.”
Elrond immediately accepted the offer. “Why don’t we get started right now. The sooner it’s done, the better. Melpomean won’t be wakening for a while. And perhaps afterwards share a bottle of wine with me?”

Legolas nodded. “But what about Elnihir. I don’t think waking up alone will do him good.” Elrond nodded. “Bring him here. He’s a sound sleeper and the journey won’t waken him. His presence might do Melpomean some good as well.” So, while Elrond made a start on a very difficult letter, Legolas went to get Elnihir.

End chapter 38
TBC

Translations:

I-sanda, quennessë, sí means the truth young elf (elfling) now
Melamin means my love(r) in Sindarin
Amin mela lle, an uir means I love you, for eternity in Sindarin