Bed of Wild Roses

"I like Karl." Evie announced seriously, suddenly, causing Sean to inhale his drink rather than swallow it. Coughing and sputtering he stared incredulously at his daughter, who was looking at him with a shrewd glint in her eyes, that no seven-year old should have. "Don't you, Daddy?"

Oh god. After another bout of coughs Sean finally managed to get his voice working. "Sure I do." He sort of gasped, trying to get the last drops of liquid out of his windpipe. "He's nice."

He waited, slowly setting his glass aside. Better not to have anything fragile in his hands. Especially since Evie looked as though she was ready to fire the next question at him. And the one after the next probably as well. Well. Sean frowned, eyeing Evie's raised eyebrows - an almost perfect imitation of one of his expressions - and the way she was leaning forward on the table wearily. Actually she looked ready to give him the third degree.

"Dad."

Sean winced. How could a seven-year old, any seven-year old, look that determined without the opportunity of winning a bar of chocolate or a meeting with Johnny Depp if they were persistent enough?

"I think you really like him." Evie continued, cocking her head at him.

"Evie..." Sean trailed off, sighing deeply. He had no idea how to put this. Maybe he should have kept on drinking after all. At least choking would have saved him from having to answer.

"I think you even like him sort of like you liked mom..."

Sean blinked helplessly, his stomach tightening at the imploring look Evie was giving him from under lowered lashes. What the hell was he supposed to say?
"Well, I....," he coughed again, smiling nervously at the family at the next table. How much had they heard? And why - there!
He brightened, welcoming Karl with a relieved smile. The other man had returned just in time. Phew. He would not have to answer Evie after all. Seemed like at least one of them had good timing.

"There you are." Sean pushed Karl's chair back, his eyes immediately zooming in on the way the dark-green pullover clung to Karl's upper body. "We were beginning to think that you had fallen in or something." He added, giving Evie a pleading glance that he hoped would tell her to abandon their last topic of conversation. For some reason he found the grin she was sporting to be anything but reassuring.

"I'm not that small."

Sean's heart missed a beat as Karl raised an eyebrow at him. "Trust me, I had noticed." He retorted as Karl sat down. "Considering how much you were wearing when I found you it really would have been difficult not to notice."
Sean blinked, frowning. Why were Evie and Karl staring at him like that? Karl especially looked positively shocked. And somewhat flushed. Or maybe flustered. What had he said or done this time?
Oh god. Sean's eyes widened and he cringed inwardly at the heat that was flooding his cheeks all of a sudden. Damn. Motor-mouth Sean had struck again. If ever there was a Freudian slip.

"Um. Yes." Sean said slowly, grinning nervously as he scratched his neck. "I think I didn't mean that the way it sounded."

"You didn't?"

Sean shook his head, willing his blush to fade. He probably looked like an overripe tomato, if the warmth he was feeling was anything to go by. A tomato with an extremely bad case of sunburn. "I didn't."
Yes! Sean sent a short prayer of thanks to which ever god had finally taken mercy on him. Evie had dissolved into giggles again, effectively preventing any further discussion of Sean's unintended revelation. And he had no intention of interrupting her laughter. None at all. Even if the parents at the next table looked ready to drag their children out of the restaurant and away from him. God, sometimes he really hated people.

"So." Sean cleared his throat, giving Karl a disarming smile. "I really didn't mean to... imply -"

"It's okay, Sean." Karl interrupted him. "Really. I, um..." he gave Evie a nervous glance, "It's sort of.... flattering."

"Ah." Sean said stupidly into the sudden silence. With another quick smile he bent his head, giving his steak his complete and undivided attention. He refused to say something imbecilic again and the only way to ensure that was to keep his mouth full and occupied. He glanced at Karl, who was discussing the armadillos they had seen earlier with Evie, through lowered lashes. Damn. Bad idea. It only managed to remind him of what he would rather fill his mouth with. He sighed around a mouthful of steak, earning yet another shaken head from the offended parents next to him. Really. If they were this easy to embarrass, then what would they say if they knew what he was thinking about? He snorted quietly, ignoring the quizzical looks Evie and Karl were giving him. Maybe he could waylay and shock the elderly couple on their way out. If he found a way of doing it without Evie noticing, that was.


~***~


"Did you see them, Dad?" Evie was bouncing up and down with excitement again. "Did you see how high they jumped? Weren't they pretty?"

"Yes." Sean grinned, blinking against the too bright sun. "I did." He frowned. His eyes hurt. After the intense spotlights inside the sun should not be too bright. It just was not fair. "Don't walk backwards, Evie." He fixed his frown on his daughter, who was walking backwards, smiling and gesturing wildly at Sean and Karl. "You'll fall if you don't watch where you're going."

"Can we go somewhere with dolphins for the next summer hols?" Evie asked, still bouncing. Well. Sean sighed. At least she had stopped walking. "Please?"

"Let's cross that bridge when we get there, okay?" Sean resolutely turned Evie around, pointing her towards the nearest direction sign. "Come on, let's see what else we can do." He set out to follow her, freezing on the spot as he noticed Karl tensing beside him.

"Um." Sean blinked down at his left arm, which had somehow slipped around Karl's waist. "I'm sorry?" He offered, hoping that the fact that Karl had not flinched away yet meant what he was hoping that it meant. Although. His hand was resting rather comfortably on Karl's hip. One... two.... yep, there the butterflies went again. They seemed to like the fact that Karl was blushing again.

Sean managed to catch himself just in time as Karl suddenly returned the touch and followed Evie, his hand now resting comfortably on the small of Sean's back. Sean stumbled along, not caring where they went. He was too dazed by the warmth of Karl's hand and Evie's grin at their almost-embrace to notice the hushed whispers that followed them every now and then when they passed groups of other people. All he cared about was that he was walking arm in arm with Karl and that his daughter seemed not only to approve but also genuinely happy about it. Amazing. If anything had predicted this a few months ago he would have knocked them out cold without even thinking twice about it.

He forced the laughter that was bubbling up inside of him down. Better not to sound like a maniac right now. There were too many people around. He could almost see the headlines in his mind. Almost-famous children's book author has nervous breakdown in London zoo while on a gay date. Except they were not called nervous breakdowns anymore. They were now major depressive episodes. He chuckled, relishing in Karl's warmth at his side. Somehow he doubted that the tabloids would care about that little bit of information.


~***~


"Blasted, fecking bastard." Sean growled, barely suppressing the urge to flip of the idiot that had just cut him off. "This isn't pick-whichever-frigging-lane-takes-your-fancy-without-any-reason day." He frowned.
"What?" He asked, finally noticing the amused glance Karl was giving him.

"Nothing."

"Nothing?" Sean grinned at Karl. "Come on, if it is nothing, then why are you grinning at it?"

"Did you ever notice that you only use substitutes for some of your swear words when Evie is in the same room?"

Sean's frown deepened. "I do? Really?"

"Really." Karl leaned back in his seat, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "You even do it," he checked the rearview mirror, "When Evie is asleep."

"She is?" Sean smiled. "Thank god. I guess we managed to wear her out."

"Mhm."

Sean's butterflies did another somersault as Karl failed to hide another yawn, causing Sean to smile softly. Great. Butterflies. It seemed as though he was beginning to get not only used to but also fond of the damned things. What would he do next? Write a do-you-wanna-be-my-boyfriend letter and have Karl check a box with yes,no or maybe?

"Today was nice." Karl said, his eyes still closed. "I didn't know that the zoo is that big. And that one actually has to walk everywhere."

"As opposed to flying?" Sean quipped, ignoring the dirty look Karl gave him.

"Yes."

They lapsed into silence, each of them lost in his own thoughts. The only noises in the car were the low music from the radio and Evie's soft snoring. Sean checked the rearview mirror again. Evie was still curled up peacefully, her brand-new stuffed dolphin safely cradled within her arms. It was truly amazing how much noise a single child could make. Even when it was sleeping.


~***~


Phew. Sean exhaled loudly, letting himself fall into the armchair. Finally some peace and quiet. Evie had slept through most of the drive home and even though she had still been tired when they had arrived home, had, in fact, actually almost fallen out of the cat and stumbled towards her room, but she had still been re-energized enough to babble endlessly about all the animals she had seen. Still, he loved her enthusiasm.

Sean yawned and stretched, trying to work out the kinks in his neck and back. Carrying the backpack with the picnic stuff for almost the whole day had taken its toll. He was exhausted, but unfortunately not tired enough to go to sleep. Of course his worrying about Karl might just have something to do with his inability to settle down as well. After spending most of the drive in an - at least in Sean's opinion - agreeable silence, Karl had immediately vanished into the woods when they had arrived at home, telling sean that he needed some time to think and a little bit of solitude. Sean had, quite unhappily, agreed, knowing that Karl would not leave. Not without hearing Sean's wish first.

"Oh for fuck's sake." Sean jumped up, stalking into the kitchen. He needed to do, no, to eat, something. Time to raid the fridge. He yanked the door open, sneering at the contents with disgust. Or maybe not. He was pretty sure that he did not really recognize about half of the stuff in the fridge and the other half looked way too healthy for a late-evening snack. He glanced briefly at the clock over the sink. Or a late-afternoon snack. A very late afternoon snack. He slammed the door shut, closing his eyes to savour the noise it made more thoroughly. He could only hope that he had not woken Evie. A tired and hyperactive child was the last thing he needed. What he needed right now was for this whole mess to be cleared up. To his satisfaction, if possible.

"Oh, just fuck it all." He growled, heading outside. He was tired of waiting. Dead tired. If he could not get anything unhealthy to eat in the near future then he would at least do something. Soon. Just a second later the kitchen was empty.


~***~


"I am calm." Sean told himself for the umpteenth time. "I am so calm that even a friggin Buddhist monk after seven hours of meditation could not be calmer." He took another deep breath, his hands resting loosely on his knees, open palms turned skywards. "I am calm." He opened his eyes, looking towards the edge of the forest. "I am calm and not a control freak and I am not going to follow Karl."

He let go of the breath he had been holding, still eyeing the pale green shrubbery into which the small path that led to the clearing with the stone circle disappeared. Karl was coming back. He had to.
Sean shifted again, uncrossing his legs and stretching them out. Damn, but it was getting cold. He sighed, tucking his hands into his arm pits. At least his hands were warmer now.

Grudgingly Sean settled into an at least semi-comfortable position, pushing each thought of what exactly the moss he was sitting on would do to his jeans away. The sun was already low, half-hidden behind green firs and blooming hazelnuts and birches, which cast long shadows over the garden and fields. The lights of the city were already visible in the distance. Sean smiled softly. He liked them best in the twilight. Even from his house, from the very outskirts of the town they were, in his opinion, way too bright and aggressive by night.

"Hello, Sean."

"Shit!" Sean yelped, impacting heavily with the floor. "Damn, you scared me!" He glared at Karl, who was laughing freely now. "That hurt."

"I can imagine." Karl snorted, sitting down on the stone Sean had been sitting on only moments before. "You were waiting for me?"

"I was." Sean admitted, climbing to his feet. "Evie's asleep." He added, brushing some leaves and moss from his jeans. "I'll never get them clean."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?" Sean repeated, frowning. "What for?"

"Well..."

"Yes?" Sean prompted, waiting for Karl to speak again. Why was the other man so uncomfortable? Gods, Sean winced. He could only hope that this would not be the final, awkward conversation where everything went to hell for good.

"I shouldn't have acted the way I did today." Karl said. Sean opened his mouth and immediately closed it again as Karl held up a hand to silence him. "It wasn't fair. Not after I made you promise to stay away from me."

"I..." Sean hesitated. How much to say? "I didn't really mind." Damn, he was sure he was flushing again."I mean... I'm still attracted to you. And I'd like to get closer to you."

"I know." Karl's sighed heavily, giving Sean a sad smile. "But...," he trailed off, shrugging.

"The whole fairy and wish thing." Sean said bitterly. "The number one reason why we," he waved his hand back and forth between himself and Karl, "Can never be." He frowned as Karl winced visibly. What was he missing this time?

"Not completely." Karl said slowly, reluctantly even. "I mean.... it isn't really done anymore, but some of us had relationships with humans. It's just that..."

"Yes?" Sean croaked, still completely baffled by what he had just heard. And wondering just how much of an effort it had cost Karl to finally admit that.

"I can't kiss you. Ever. If I do, I will immediately be banned from your world."