Gifts of the Valar.

Disclaimer: I own nothing but the Original Characters and their adventures. Everything else belongs to JRR Tolkien, the Tolkien Estate, New Line Cinema/Peter Jackson, et. al. This was done purely for entertainment and as an exercise in creativity.
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That night Sarendir took his warriors and, along with Vanurion, they removed everything from Goroth’s former chamber. All of the furnishings, devices, any clothing or other items that were left, were taken out, destroyed and burned in one of the fields behind the fortress.

“I hope that is the last we ever see of Goroth’s sickness,” Pomea said quietly. She, Alex and Helcarin stood looking out at the glow of the fire. Alexandra was wandering the walls of the keep, restless and unable to watch as silently as the Elves. Legolas, Glorfindel, Haldir and Orophin were also standing guard, ranged around the perimeter of the keep. The eastern elleth and Helcarin had posted themselves not far from each other on the side of the keep facing the field.

“You are Vanurion’s cousin,” Alex said. “Were you related to Goroth?”

She shook her head. “I am afraid I was a distant relation to him. I was kin of Vanurion’s father. Our mothers were cousins.” She watched the fire a bit longer before speaking again. “But that does not absolve me of my people’s sins.”

Helcarin looked at her. “Your people all seem to carry a heavy burden. How complicit could you have been in his evil?”

Pomea sighed. “Those of us who did nothing are just as guilty as those who carried out his orders. I was---I am---a warrior of my people. I did not protect all that I could, or all that I should have protected. These people---the mortals of this land---they were entrusted to our care and we were not good stewards. We were given a responsibility that we abused and that failure will haunt us forever.”

“It’s one thing to feel remorse, but another to let it control your lives,” Alex said. “You’ve repented, and are atoning. Now just trust that Eru will guide you. You know what not to do and you can’t change the past, so dwelling on it does no good.”

The Elves looked at her appraisingly. “Your words are surprising, for a mortal,” Helcarin said. “Men often seek retribution for every slight. It is not often they counsel one to simply ‘trust Eru’.”

She laughed. “I’ve been around Elves too long; maybe it’s starting to affect me. Besides,” she looked out at the fire, “I know what it’s like to have remorse and regret and to yearn for forgiveness.” Her tone lightened and she turned to her friends. “But you know, since I’ve been with Legolas, it’s as though all of that has faded away. I’m no longer the person I was and I feel closer to … Eru here in Middle-Earth than I have since I was a child.”

“I am glad you have found peace among our people,” Helcarin said with a smile. “Mortals do not usually like to dwell with Elves, I have found, though in the north it was not so strained as it seems to be other places. Possibly, it is because there were few Elves there we all depended on each other for survival.”

They lapsed into silence as they continued to watch the fire and the surrounding countryside. Alex eventually left to walk the ramparts further. She was still restless and envied her companions their ability to remain so still.

Haldir did not turn as she approached and she thought at first he did not notice her. Then she remembered, he was the Marchwarden of Lorien. He noticed everything.

“You could be sleeping,” he said quietly.

“I’m not good enough to watch with the Elves?” she retorted.

“I did not say that,” he said. “I merely observed that you do not need to give up your rest. We will watch over those within.”

“I know,” she sighed. “I just … It goes against my nature. I was one who protected my people before I came to Middle-Earth and even though I no longer think about that life, I still …” Her voice trailed off.

“One never gives up being a guardian,” he replied, his voice surprisingly gentle. No hint of his usually haughty tone. “I sometimes wonder what it will be like when finally we arrive in the Blessed Realm. There will be nothing to guard against and I will not know what to do.”

She looked at his strong profile. It belied no uncertainty, though his words caught her off guard. It had never occurred to her that Haldir of Lorien would ever have doubts about anything; especially about life in Valinor, something sought by all Elves.

“If what I’ve always been told is true, then when you arrive in the Undying Lands, your worries will fade and all that’s troubled you in the past will be healed.”

“That is what I have heard,” he said. “My entire life has been spent protecting those in my care and in the Lady’s realm. It will seem strange not to do that anymore.”

She was moved by his words. “You have been a strong guardian for millennia, Haldir,” she said. “If anyone deserves to rest, it is you. You and the others.” She tried to keep her voice steady, but all thought of her husband’s kin traveling to Valinor always stirred deep emotion in her.

He looked at her for the first time since she had approached. “Why does the thought of the Undying Lands pain you so? I know we no longer sing of them when you are near because it distresses you. No,” he said with a smile as she opened her mouth to speak, “We do not mind. There are many songs we may sing. But it is no secret that you do not like to speak of Valinor.”

“It just … it’s like you’re dying; that you’re choosing to die---like suicide. You’re going to a place from which you can never return and that is what death is to my people. We leave this plain of existence and never come back.”

He nodded. “I can understand the comparison. It is a pity you cannot come with us when we go. Legolas will be … he will miss you terribly, as will others.”

She smiled, refusing to give in to tears. “Yes, who will you torment there if you don’t have me around?”

He raised a brow. “You enjoy it, and it keeps you alert.”

She laughed. “Yes I do and yes it does.” She once again studied the Elf. “Thank you, Haldir, for all you’ve done for me since I’ve been here.” He looked at her in askance. “You’ve protected me when I needed it; provided friendship and companionship; and you’ve made me feel welcome because you’ve treated me like … not like a stranger.

“Even when I have ‘tormented’ you, as you say?” he asked with a smile.

“Especially then,” she replied. “It made me feel like you … accepted me.”

“You are much beloved by your husband,” he said, candidly. “One cannot help but accept you, as you say, when one sees how happy Legolas is with you. And you do not seem uncomfortable among us, as many mortals do.”

“I just hide it well,” she said. “I was terrified to be around Elves for a long time. And it’s still odd sometimes, being the only mortal around.”

The look he gave her was one of genuine concern. “You have no reason to fear us, Alexandra.”

“I know,” she said with a small laugh. “It’s just … I know I’m not an Elf and there are things your people share I can never be a part of. Most of the time, it doesn’t bother me at all and I don’t even think about it. Other times … ” She shrugged. “It’s just me; nothing to worry about. Maybe I said it wrong. I was afraid of making mistakes, of embarrassing Legolas. I wasn’t really afraid of Elves, just of not being able to meet Elven standards, I suppose.”

Haldir’s smile was faint. “You need have no such concerns, Alexandra. You have seen us at our best and …” His smile widened a bit. “At not quite our best,” he finished. She chuckled. “You have nothing left to fear.”

“I suppose you’re right,” she said. She bid him farewell and continued on, circling the walls of the keep. The next Elf she spotted was Glorfindel. He was his usual, relaxed self and his vivid, sky blue eyes shone with good humor as he glanced in her direction.

“You are restless, Alexandra?” he asked.

She nodded. “I don’t know how the rest of you can remain so … still. I feel a little edgy, anxious. I have since we got here.”

He tilted his head, his gaze suddenly sharp. “What do you sense?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s just being here, knowing this was where Goroth lived. But don’t you think this place is odd? No cobwebs? No signs of rats or spiders or scavengers? Have you noticed, we never even see birds around here? No insects? No sounds of the night?” She had not thought about it consciously until he asked her. Glorfindel nodded.

“I have noticed, though there seems to be nothing one may point to as being truly amiss.”

She sighed. “I imagine Elves take such things for granted. It’s just odd to me.”

“No,” he said. “We do not take these things for granted. Rest assured, we have noticed. Why do you think we keep watch?”

“Because that’s what Elves do?” she answered. He laughed.

“Well, there is that,” he replied.

She leaned against the wall, looking out into the darkness, her mind still pondering her recent conversation with Haldir. “What was it like in Valinor? I will never see it, but from what the others say, it is supposed to be beautiful and peaceful. Legolas says you were born there. If it was so wonderful, why did you leave it the first time?”

He propped against the wall next to her and joined her in scanning the murky shadows of the night. “I joined my friends and kinsmen in following the House of Feanor in their quest to recover the Silmarils. Melkor---Morgoth, he is now called---needed to be stopped. We had the best of intentions; but some of us did … terrible things. Once we left Valinor, we were forbidden to return. So, we made the best of our life here.” He briefly told her of his life in Gondolin as Lord of the House of the Golden Flower; his friendship with his kinsman, Turgon, who was the King of Gondolin; the battles they fought against Melkor; the fall of the city---seeing his friends struck down as their lives were given up in a hopeless, but valiant defense.

Alexandra turned to watch him as he spoke. He told his tale calmly---much calmer than she would’ve been able to. He told her of seeing the city lost and going with the exiles through the secret pass built from the city out through the Encircling Mountains, where he was slain while taking a Balrog to its doom. He fell silent at that point and she did not press him further, though her curiosity was high. Finally, he turned his smiling gaze upon her.

“When we return to Ithilien, you and I will take a few bottles of wine, take the dogs and find a comfortable spot in the forest, and I shall tell you everything you would like to know about Valinor, about those who came to Middle-Earth, and I will answer any questions you may wish to ask.”

“And you think one day will do it?” she laughed.

He chuckled. “Well, we may have to spend a little longer.”

When she left Glorfindel, her unease once again settled upon her. She saw Orophin in the shadows of the wall.

“You are not with Legolas?” he asked in an amused tone. “I thought you could not abide to be out of each other’s sight.”

“Very funny,” she said. “I just felt like moving around some and he can’t leave his post.”

The Elf looked out into the darkness. “I do not like this place,” he said, surprising her. “Something about it is unsettling.”

“I know,” she said. They watched quietly for a while. She was comfortable with Orophin and so there was no awkwardness in their silence. Outside of Legolas, he was her closest friend and she trusted him implicitly. In truth, she trusted all of their friends; but Orophin and she had connected in some way when they first met. It was not the same kind of connection as the one she shared with her husband, but was nonetheless deep and she would be diminished without it.

She turned and studied her friend for a bit. Like all Elves, he was beautiful and would remain so; in fact, Elves grew fairer as they grew older. Once again, she was reminded of her mortality. She would begin to show her age, soon looking much older than her husband and their friends, though she would likely not live long enough to reach what was considered Elven majority. Not only would her appearance change, but her strength would wane and she would wither and fade. The thought terrified her.

“I---I am afraid,” she finally said softly. Orophin looked at her in askance.

“What troubles you? We will protect you.”

She laughed quietly. “Not that kind of fear. I am afraid of growing old and not being able to take care of myself. I will soon begin to look much older than Legolas and the rest of you and won’t be able to do the things I do now. I’m afraid Legolas will resent me when I am old and ugly and helpless.”

Orophin shook his head. “Then you do not truly understand what it means when an Elf gives his heart and bonds with his mate. Legolas loves you and it does not matter what you look like or what you are able to do or not do.” He smiled. “Have you spoken to him of your fears?”

“No,” she said. “I wouldn’t want to burden him. And I sometimes think he … I don’t know. Never mind,” she sighed. “I’m just being silly.”

“You are not silly at all,” her friend said gently. “The things you fear are real concerns for you. For an Elf, they only concern us as they are signs of your mortality and we do not wish to lose you---none of us do, especially Legolas.”

“Especially Legolas, what?” came the voice of her husband as he approached from the direction where he stood guard. Alex smiled at him and cast aside her fears. Orophin saw how her expression softened and how she basked in the glow of her husband’s love and felt a tug at his own heart. He wanted to find that sort of love with someone, wanted to be the cause of that sort of expression on someone’s face. But he had not yet found the one Iluvatar had determined to be his true mate. The voice of temptation kept telling him that Alexandra was the one meant for him, but he knew that to be false. Anyone who saw her and Legolas together knew they were brought together by Eru. That fact, however, did not stop him from wondering if maybe there was an Alexandra waiting for him somewhere.

“I was telling her how everyone adores her, especially you,” Orophin said with a smile.

“Indeed, I do,” Legolas answered. He looked up at the clear night sky. “This place is … haunted, as Helcarin would say.”

“Everyone senses something,” the other Elf replied. “I hope Charika does not find it too frightening.”

“She seems perfectly happy with Rumil,” Alex said. “She sticks to him and doesn’t let him out of her sight often. But then, that’s understandable. He’s her protection; her security blanket, as my people would say.”

She and Legolas eventually walked back along the ramparts to where he was keeping watch and the remainder of the night passed uneventfully. The flames of the bonfire where Goroth’s accursed belongings had been burned had died by dawn, though the pile of rubble still smoldered under the rising sun.

After breakfast, Alex rested a bit---unlike the Elves, she could not go for extended periods of time with no sleep, though she could endure more than most mortals. Legolas lay down with her and they drifted into pleasant slumber. The others continued to explore the keep.

When they awakened, Alex and Legolas joined Orophin, Pomea, Helcarin and Sarendir in going through the cellars and dungeons of the keep. Again, there was a palpable sense of pain and evil in the dank, dark places beneath the building and they were once more struck by the lack of spiders, rodents, insects, worms or other infestations. Sarendir was the only one of their group to have known what went on in these places, though it was apparent that much suffering took place here.

“It appears we shall need to have another fire,” he said as they surveyed the implements of torture in the dungeons. “I will have these items removed tonight, once Rumil has taken his lady to bed and she is asleep.”

“What was this place for? I mean, what enemies did Goroth have that he needed these sorts of things?” Alex could smell blood and old sweat and other things that brought to mind terrible pictures of what must have taken place in the dungeon.

Sarendir and Legolas exchanged glances. Apparently, the prince had not told his lady of the discussion he and Vanurion had had with the western Elves as they packed for the journey.

“Goroth kept those who disagreed with him down here, those who defied him; and these cells,” he gestured to a doorway leading to another wing of the cellar, “were used to house the females he kept for breeding his mortal foot-soldiers.” Memories of being sent to the breeding cells flashed through his mind and Sarendir quickly slammed the door on the disturbing images. For a while, it had been enjoyable; then he began to see the outcomes and questioned his grandfather’s motives---and his sanity.

Alex looked at Legolas who warned her with a glance not to ask questions now. She said nothing further, but her loathing for Goroth only increased.

“We will help you remove these things. I believe Alexandra and Pomea can keep Charika occupied during the day so that she will not see them,” Orophin said.

“Thank you for your offer,” Sarendir said, with a smile. “But it is important that my people do this. It is …” He trailed off as he searched for the right word.

“Attonement?” Alex supplied.

“Yes,” the Elf nodded.

They continued through the dungeons. Several interesting discoveries were made among the items stored away from the sites of torture and rape. Orophin found an object similar to a recorder. It was some sort of wind instrument and he kept it to take and clean later. She was surprised. She had no idea the Lorien Warden played a musical instrument, though she did not know why it would seem unusual. Elves were quite musically inclined.

They found an office of some sort near the center of the vast underground network of chambers filled with documents.

“Erestor will be beside himself with joy,” Legolas said. He and the others each gathered a crate or basket full of the papers and carried them up to the library.

At first, Erestor frowned at the interruption; then, when he saw what they brought, his eyes lit up with anticipation. Glorfindel, Haldir and Vanurion had seen them bringing up the papers, and so they, along with Cunion and some of the other Rhunian Elves, went down and finished cleaning out the office, bringing all of the documentation to the library. Erestor left Durisia to continue sorting the items in the library as he started going through the new pile.

Orophin and Haldir were talking with Vanurion and Sarendir and called to Legolas and Alexandra.

“Keep Charika occupied and away from the basement,” Haldir told her. “We are going to help Sarendir clear out the dungeons. There is much to do and the more of us working, the quicker it will go.”

“Do not let her near the rear of the keep; we will be taking them out that way,” Vanurion added. Legolas nodded and gave her a kiss.

“Go and find her. Tell Rumil so that he may help keep her occupied.” Alexandra nodded and went in search of the couple, who were not difficult to find: she simply followed the sound of Charika’s voice. Charika had found more bolts of fabrics and Rumil was patiently listening to her chatter about designs and trim and all of the many details that went into fashioning gowns.

The Elf really had no idea what most of her monologue was about; he was simply happy to let her talk about things that interested her. It was such a change from her timid, fearful behavior.

Alex knocked at the doorway and they both looked in her direction---Charika’s expression startled, Rumil’s amused.

“I haven’t seen you around today,” she said coming into the room. “We’ve been down in the basement,” she added looking at Rumil. “They’re doing some more cleaning out down there and I thought I’d come see what Charika was up to.”

The Elf caught her meaning. Turning to his lady he smiled and kissed her. “I think I shall see what my brethren are doing. Alexandra will keep you company---perhaps she would like some new gowns as well.” He smiled at Alex over the top of Charika’s head as he hugged her close for a moment, then left the room. Charika watched him go with a longing expression.

“He’ll be back soon,” Alex said, trying not to smile. She knew how the other woman felt; she often had that same look when Legolas left her alone for something.

“I know,” Charika said. The look she gave Alex was curious. “What do you all seek to hide from me?”

Alex was taken aback by her friend’s words. “Hide?” she asked hesitantly.

“I see the looks you give each other when I am around. I may be insane, but I am not a fool.” Alex could not believe what she was hearing. This was … this was the old Charika.

“No, you have never been a fool,” Alex said. “And I don’t think you’re insane either.”

The other woman gave a short laugh. “I see things that aren’t there; hear voices when no one is around; have visions of beautiful but terrible things that bring pain, agony, suffering, blood and death to me and those I know. Yes, Alexandra, I am obviously insane.”

“The fact that you can talk about it means you aren’t,” Alex replied.

“My lord---Rumil, has been very patient with me. He has spent all this time with me, talking to me, holding me, loving me, never pressuring me. I know he has given up much to be with me; he has not been with his friends and has not allowed himself to relax and enjoy the many delights that fill the East. And … it is not fair to him. I can give him nothing in return.”

“It’s not a … a transaction,” Alex said. “The entire reason we are here is to see you. We came because Rumil wished to visit you and we wanted to see you.” She did not mention Legolas and Rumil’s desire for vengeance against Lastharos. “Rumil came here to be with you, Charika, and that is what he is doing. He does not feel … cheated.”

The other woman looked away, folding the sheer, yellow fabric embroidered with tiny gold flowers.

“Would you do something for me?” she asked.

“Of course,” Alex answered readily.

“Will you teach me to … to use a sword?”

Of all the things Charika could have asked, being taught how to use arms was not what Alex had expected to hear. Indeed, at first, she thought she had misunderstood the woman.

“A sword?”

“Yes.” Charika glanced at Alex then away again. “You think it a foolish request. I know you all think I am helpless and … and I am. But not by choice.” Her tone held a note of pleading that broke Alex’s heart. “I see you and Pomea and Durisia and you are all armed and you all are so calm when things happen. And when Legolas was telling about fighting here the other day, and you had killed some of those who were attacking him, I … I thought of how I would be completely powerless if something were to happen to Rumil. If he were in danger, I could not help him. He has to spend his time and efforts protecting me. Your lord does not have to protect you. You can help him if he needs it. I … I cannot.” She sat on the couch in the room, gazing down at the folded fabric.

Alex stood there for a moment, unsure of what to say. Finally she walked over and put her hand on Charika’s shoulder.

“I … think it is admirable that you would like to learn to use a sword. I could not use one when I first came to Middle-Earth.” At Charika’s look of surprise, Alex laughed. “Believe me, you don’t want to know how bad I was with one. And the bow? Legolas has forbidden me to touch a bow and arrow without direct Elven supervision.”

Charika giggled. “You cannot shoot a bow?”

“Why do you think Orophin and Haldir called it a miracle that I didn’t hit Legolas? I have injured myself more often than any enemy when trying to use a bow.” She sat next to her friend. “I do not think I am the appropriate person to teach you, though. I am not good enough. I just … get by. Perhaps Pomea would teach you.”

“Do you think she would?” Charika sounded hopeful, but somewhat skeptical.

“I don’t know why not. I will ask her for you if you like.”

“Would you? I … do not want Rumil to know. If I am unable to learn, I just … I don’t want him to know.”

Alex understood the woman’s feelings. She was embarrassed and did not wish to look foolish in front of her lover. Changing the topic, Alex and Charika spent the rest of the day plundering the keep for more treasures, Pomea joining them. Of course, they would take nothing without Vanurion’s permission, but they still managed to find items that were of interest; mainly things only females would find valuable.

Occasionally Charika would glance about as if she had seen something Alex and the elleth had not. She did not seem ill at ease, however, perhaps because of the company of the other females. When Alex broached the subject of Pomea teaching Charika to use weapons, the elleth nodded.

“It is a good thing that she know how to defend herself,” the elleth said. “Life is dangerous for mortals, especially mortal women. Every one should know how to wield some sort of weapon if not to defend herself, then her family or friends.”

They wandered through the keep and found a large, empty room with enough space to practice and Pomea began instructing Charika in the basics of holding a sword and even the use of the tatequalme. Surprisingly, the woman found the double-bladed weapon of the Rhunian Elves easier to manage than the simple, straight sword.

“I will also show you how to use a bow, though we must find a way to put targets in here.” Pomea glanced around. “It should not be difficult.” She smiled at Charika. “You are doing very well. But I will warn you: you will be sore tomorrow. Take a warm bath tonight and let Rumil massage your muscles. I am certain he will not object,” she added with a smile.

“Thank you,” Charika said. “I … am most grateful for your help.”

“It is my pleasure,” Pomea replied. “We shall find you some armament somewhere. I am certain it cannot all be gone from this place.”

They spent the next few days teaching Charika the basics of defending herself and others. She was not as strong as either of the other females, but she was determined, something they found both surprising and touching. They could see she was obviously in pain at times, but would not give up. She would have suffered much more bruising had Alex not insisted she wear braces for archery practice.

“Believe me, the bruises are not pleasant; those bowstrings hurt.” The woman was both pleased and embarrassed that Charika proved more talented with a bow than she had, though nowhere near as skilled as life-long archers. At least she managed to hit some part of the target she was aiming at more than half the time, something Alex had yet to accomplish.

Rumil seemed pleased that Charika was finding other pastimes with Alexandra and Pomea, giving him time to join his brethren in helping comb through the keep.

“I do not know how they spend their days, but she is often tired and occasionally sore,” he told Orophin and Haldir as they ripped manacles out of walls in the dungeons. His brothers exchanged looks.

“Well, were she with Pomea alone, I might think of some quite pleasant pastimes in which they may indulge,” Orophin said with a slight smile. “But, knowing Alexandra is involved, I believe they most likely are doing something much less exotic.”

Legolas walked in to pick up another basket of the discarded chains and heard their conversation. “Rest assured, it is likely quite tame compared to what your---,” he paused with a chuckle, “our---imaginations might concoct. Just be sure to check her for new ornament.” He took the basket and left, the brothers exchanging bemused looks.