winterborn
folder
-Multi-Age › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
15
Views:
1,638
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
15
Views:
1,638
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
I am your past, present and future
Author: Az
Email: az.ombie[at]gmail.com
Homepage: http://www.nad-no-ennas.net
15 - AN: I had some questions about the Maglor/Maeglin issue, and no this story will not end happy for them, but it will for everyone else, so just relax *smiles* - Actually it is because me myself dislike the stories where they all hug in the sunset at the end, I like happy ends just as much as the next person, but too much fluff can destroy a plot as well.
Betaed by; Erestor Junkie
Rating: G
Disclaimer: none of these characters are mine, sad but true.
Summary: Maedhros and Maglor make ready to leave Fingon’s house. And Maedhros has to set things straight.
Warnings: angsty fluff.
Pairings: (over all) Amrod/Elured Maedhros/Fingon Maeglin/Maglor & Maeglin/Eöl implied
CHAPTER 15 – I am your past, present and future
/the pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath/
AN; Gwador = quenyan for brother
________
Maedhros had watched his brother being strangely silent and withdrawn ever since their cousin Orodeth had left. And Maeglin had left with him. Maglor had been standing in the courtyard, and even if they had not done so since they had been but wee ones, Maglor had snuck his hand into his big brothers. Not worrying about what others might think, or that Maedhros was his king, he just needed someone to hold on to. And Maedhros let Maglor keep his death grip on his hand, gently running his thumb in soothing circles on the top of his brother’s hand.
It had been very hard on Maglor, Maedhros could tell. Like always his little brother had tried to wear a mask of dignity and strength, but the red haired elf could see it crack. And his heart went out to his baby brother, he himself knew the feeling of choosing to let your other half go, leave with your heart and soul, and leave you behind to lick the wounds.
When they had not been able to see Orodeth’s party anymore, Maglor had let go of Maedhros’ hand and just turned and left. In that second Maedhros decided that they had been here long enough, this place held nothing but ghosts and pain. And so he turned to Amras, “Will you inform cousin Fingon, that I wish to speak with him?” he said.
Amras nodded and left, in his search for Fingon, who had not been there to see the guests off.
Maedhros had gone to his brother’s chamber, and knocked on the door. But no answer had come. This worried him greatly, so he had knocked once more and whispered through the keyhole “Brother, I will leave you alone, if you just say that you are alright”
“I’m fine” a voice came from the other side of the door, a voice that sounded far from allright.
But Maedhros accepted this answer and whispered, “I shall be back later.” No answer came, and he walked to his own chambers. Leave, yes they had to leave. He could not ask this of Maglor, he would not be as cruel as Nerdanel had been to him. He walked over to his window and looked over the garden, smiling sadly to himself as he watched the servants take down all the decorations from the wedding.
-Hours later-
Maedhros had not even been aware that he had fallen asleep, but a knock on the door woke him, he rubbed his eyes and watched as the door swung open.
“Maedhros? Sire?” a voice said softly... oh he knew that voice, this could only belong to his beloved cousin.
“Yes, I am here.” he croaked
Fingon stepped from the shadow of the door, and into the room “You asked to see me?” he said, looking at a point far behind Maedhros.
“Yes” Maedhros said and slowly got up from the bed. How he hated to see that expression on his cousin’s face. He looked ashamed and hurt, but all he had wanted was for Fingon to be happy. Or was it just that he wanted his own sacrifice to not be in vain.
“I wanted to express my gratitude, and give you my blessings before I had to inform you that we are riding”
Fingon turned his head and looked at Maedhros “Riding? You are leaving already?”
“Yes.” Maedhros said flatly “Please believe me, it is not that we did not feel welcome, or enjoy your wedding,. It was very festive, and beautiful. I am afraid, it is a rather delicate matter, cousin.”
“Delicate?” Fingon whispered and bit his lip. He was not ready to discuss this, but if they had to he would.
“Yes, delicate.” Maedhros said as he walked towards a chair to sit “That is all you need to know.”
“Oh, but of course sire.” Fingon said, looking at the floor, feeling like he had just been dealt a blow to his stomach. He remembered seeing Maedhros being like this to others, and he had always admired that cool majestic air that surrounded him when he was like that, this elf here was not his cousin, or his lover. It was his king.
“So,” Maedhros said, “I hope that the present we brought was satisfactory.”
“Oh! it was a gift worthy of a king.” Fingon said
“Good.” The red-haired elf paused for a second and then turned his back to Fingon and poured himself some sweet white wine. “My mother has always been good at picking out presents.” He said with more venom than he had intended, but it was just so hard for him to keep this facade up.
Fingon took a deep breath and stepped closer to Maedhros, “Why did you send it back?” he suddenly asked with an impossibly fragile voice
Maedhros dropped his head, and the tips of his hair swayed on the table and dipped into the wine, “It belonged on the hand of your bonded mate.” he said .
“But it is yours.” Fingon whispered in childish defence
The king shook his head “Nay, It never was.”
“I had it made for you.” Fingon whispered and stepped closer “Don’t you remember?”
Maedhros suddenly turned around with a angry move, almost pushing Fingon away, but he stepped backwards by himself, seeing the lightening in his old lovers eyes. “Yes, I remember, but it was a childish dream Fingon, I would never be able to wear it, not like I wanted to, never! Do you hear me? I could never be what you wanted me to be, I would never have become your bonded mate!” He raised his wooden hand to Fingon’s face. “Look at this.. This vile thing.. Tell me how this should carry a ring? Or touch a lover? – No Fingon, it was never mine, and I do not wish to have it anymore, give it to your beautiful wife if you please, I care not”
Fingon reached up to his neck and pulled out a little chain that was hidden under the fabric. Revealing the necklace he said, “I have it here, with mine, and here it shall stay.”
The firstborn son of Fëanor felt his knees give in, watching the two rings dangling from the necklace “You are a sentimental fool.” he said, but his eyes and his shaking hands gave him away. “It would be better if you left them behind, or tossed them in the sea.” he whispered, completely mesmerised by the silver rings that dangled back and forth, the token to prove that their love was more than just a wonderful dream he had had.
“If they are mine to keep, I can do with them as I please, and I choose to have them close to my heart, and never forget.” Fingon said and frowned. “Nor will I forget the heartache you gave me, and the grief I suffered from my broken heart.”
Maedhros looked up at Fingon, and for a second he looked upon him as he would have years ago, “I just wanted you to be happy” He whispered. “I would never be able to do that.”
“You should had let me be the judge of that.” Fingon said, and with a swift move tucked the necklace and rings under his robe again.
Maedhros reached out and caressed Fingon’s cheek “Dear cousin, look at your life now. You have your own household, a beautiful and skilled wife... and pretty soon I am sure that you will have offspring to spread joy to your heart as well.” he smiled as his cousin leaned into his touch, and he continued to whisper. “Can you honestly tell me that this was not what you wanted? That you are not happy?”
“I am happy, yes.” Fingon whispered. “But I would have been happy with you by my side as well.”
“Even if I would never be able to bind with you, and that our love would be forever doomed to take place in the secrecy of the uncertainty and darkness? Forever fearing that someone might suspect, forever afraid of the dire consequences? And...” Maedhros rested his forehead against his cousins “no children.”
“I would lying if I said I did not desire a child of my own,” Fingon whispered
“I know” Maedhros whispered “I shall await your firstborn, like it was my own”. The red-haired elf let go of his cousin and stepped back “We ride tomorrow.”
Fingon looked at his youth’s lover and nodded “I will take care of the preparations for you.”
“Thank you, cousin Fingon” Maedhros said and nodded back “Now, I must take care of something myself, please excuse me.” He said, as the mask of the lover crumbled and the mask of the king slipped back.
“But of course, sire.” The other elf said, turned and walked to the door. “Sire?”
“Yes, cousin Fingon?”
“I am glad I got a chance to talk to you.” Fingon smiled a little timid smile, “I missed you.”
“I am glad we talked as well,” Maedhros said as he picked up his glass from the table, about to take a sip.
“Will you write to me when you return home?” he asked
“When I have the time, I shall write you a letter, cousin.” Maedhros said, unable to look into Fingon’s eyes. They both knew it was a lie, he would not write. And they would never share a moment like this again, the next time they talked or met; it would solely be the king to his cousin, and not Maedhros to Fingon.
-----------------------------
The next morning, Maedhros and Maglor stood in the stables, waiting for Amras, who had met a fair lady during his stay, and now he was saying his good byes. Maedhros looked at Maglor and with a tender gesture ran his hand over his brothers hair “Take courage.” he whispered, “You did the only thing you could.”
Maglor looked up at his brother; “I could not leave your side,” he whispered, “for you are my king, my brother and my destiny.” The dark-haired elf took a deep breath and looked away.
“If you choose it to be so, you can still ride off, and track down Orodeth’s party.” Maedhros said as he let go of his brother’s hair
“I curse the day the Valar gave me the gift of foresight,” Maglor hissed in a hushed tone “When his destiny lies so far from mine, why did the Valar give him a piece of my heart?”
“Because the Valar are cruel in their judgement.” Maedhros whispered as he pulled his little brother in for an embrace “We are cursed, gwador. Always to seek but never to find.”
“Let us leave” Amras said as he came into the stables “I shall leave here with a heavy heart, weighed down by broken promises, and not half the spirit I came here.”
Maedhros nodded at his baby brother “Farewell’s are never easy.”
___________________
The party that left the house of Fingon was a silent one. Maedhros looked at Maglor, who almost seemed as he was sleepwalking, the gift of foresight, he had always thought of that as the only blessing this family had, but apparently not, he could see his brother’s point. Knowing something is inevitable is not always a good thing, then why had he fought so hard for him to write Fingon? He would have to ask him when they had returned home.
-tbc-
Email: az.ombie[at]gmail.com
Homepage: http://www.nad-no-ennas.net
15 - AN: I had some questions about the Maglor/Maeglin issue, and no this story will not end happy for them, but it will for everyone else, so just relax *smiles* - Actually it is because me myself dislike the stories where they all hug in the sunset at the end, I like happy ends just as much as the next person, but too much fluff can destroy a plot as well.
Betaed by; Erestor Junkie
Rating: G
Disclaimer: none of these characters are mine, sad but true.
Summary: Maedhros and Maglor make ready to leave Fingon’s house. And Maedhros has to set things straight.
Warnings: angsty fluff.
Pairings: (over all) Amrod/Elured Maedhros/Fingon Maeglin/Maglor & Maeglin/Eöl implied
CHAPTER 15 – I am your past, present and future
/the pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath/
AN; Gwador = quenyan for brother
________
Maedhros had watched his brother being strangely silent and withdrawn ever since their cousin Orodeth had left. And Maeglin had left with him. Maglor had been standing in the courtyard, and even if they had not done so since they had been but wee ones, Maglor had snuck his hand into his big brothers. Not worrying about what others might think, or that Maedhros was his king, he just needed someone to hold on to. And Maedhros let Maglor keep his death grip on his hand, gently running his thumb in soothing circles on the top of his brother’s hand.
It had been very hard on Maglor, Maedhros could tell. Like always his little brother had tried to wear a mask of dignity and strength, but the red haired elf could see it crack. And his heart went out to his baby brother, he himself knew the feeling of choosing to let your other half go, leave with your heart and soul, and leave you behind to lick the wounds.
When they had not been able to see Orodeth’s party anymore, Maglor had let go of Maedhros’ hand and just turned and left. In that second Maedhros decided that they had been here long enough, this place held nothing but ghosts and pain. And so he turned to Amras, “Will you inform cousin Fingon, that I wish to speak with him?” he said.
Amras nodded and left, in his search for Fingon, who had not been there to see the guests off.
Maedhros had gone to his brother’s chamber, and knocked on the door. But no answer had come. This worried him greatly, so he had knocked once more and whispered through the keyhole “Brother, I will leave you alone, if you just say that you are alright”
“I’m fine” a voice came from the other side of the door, a voice that sounded far from allright.
But Maedhros accepted this answer and whispered, “I shall be back later.” No answer came, and he walked to his own chambers. Leave, yes they had to leave. He could not ask this of Maglor, he would not be as cruel as Nerdanel had been to him. He walked over to his window and looked over the garden, smiling sadly to himself as he watched the servants take down all the decorations from the wedding.
-Hours later-
Maedhros had not even been aware that he had fallen asleep, but a knock on the door woke him, he rubbed his eyes and watched as the door swung open.
“Maedhros? Sire?” a voice said softly... oh he knew that voice, this could only belong to his beloved cousin.
“Yes, I am here.” he croaked
Fingon stepped from the shadow of the door, and into the room “You asked to see me?” he said, looking at a point far behind Maedhros.
“Yes” Maedhros said and slowly got up from the bed. How he hated to see that expression on his cousin’s face. He looked ashamed and hurt, but all he had wanted was for Fingon to be happy. Or was it just that he wanted his own sacrifice to not be in vain.
“I wanted to express my gratitude, and give you my blessings before I had to inform you that we are riding”
Fingon turned his head and looked at Maedhros “Riding? You are leaving already?”
“Yes.” Maedhros said flatly “Please believe me, it is not that we did not feel welcome, or enjoy your wedding,. It was very festive, and beautiful. I am afraid, it is a rather delicate matter, cousin.”
“Delicate?” Fingon whispered and bit his lip. He was not ready to discuss this, but if they had to he would.
“Yes, delicate.” Maedhros said as he walked towards a chair to sit “That is all you need to know.”
“Oh, but of course sire.” Fingon said, looking at the floor, feeling like he had just been dealt a blow to his stomach. He remembered seeing Maedhros being like this to others, and he had always admired that cool majestic air that surrounded him when he was like that, this elf here was not his cousin, or his lover. It was his king.
“So,” Maedhros said, “I hope that the present we brought was satisfactory.”
“Oh! it was a gift worthy of a king.” Fingon said
“Good.” The red-haired elf paused for a second and then turned his back to Fingon and poured himself some sweet white wine. “My mother has always been good at picking out presents.” He said with more venom than he had intended, but it was just so hard for him to keep this facade up.
Fingon took a deep breath and stepped closer to Maedhros, “Why did you send it back?” he suddenly asked with an impossibly fragile voice
Maedhros dropped his head, and the tips of his hair swayed on the table and dipped into the wine, “It belonged on the hand of your bonded mate.” he said .
“But it is yours.” Fingon whispered in childish defence
The king shook his head “Nay, It never was.”
“I had it made for you.” Fingon whispered and stepped closer “Don’t you remember?”
Maedhros suddenly turned around with a angry move, almost pushing Fingon away, but he stepped backwards by himself, seeing the lightening in his old lovers eyes. “Yes, I remember, but it was a childish dream Fingon, I would never be able to wear it, not like I wanted to, never! Do you hear me? I could never be what you wanted me to be, I would never have become your bonded mate!” He raised his wooden hand to Fingon’s face. “Look at this.. This vile thing.. Tell me how this should carry a ring? Or touch a lover? – No Fingon, it was never mine, and I do not wish to have it anymore, give it to your beautiful wife if you please, I care not”
Fingon reached up to his neck and pulled out a little chain that was hidden under the fabric. Revealing the necklace he said, “I have it here, with mine, and here it shall stay.”
The firstborn son of Fëanor felt his knees give in, watching the two rings dangling from the necklace “You are a sentimental fool.” he said, but his eyes and his shaking hands gave him away. “It would be better if you left them behind, or tossed them in the sea.” he whispered, completely mesmerised by the silver rings that dangled back and forth, the token to prove that their love was more than just a wonderful dream he had had.
“If they are mine to keep, I can do with them as I please, and I choose to have them close to my heart, and never forget.” Fingon said and frowned. “Nor will I forget the heartache you gave me, and the grief I suffered from my broken heart.”
Maedhros looked up at Fingon, and for a second he looked upon him as he would have years ago, “I just wanted you to be happy” He whispered. “I would never be able to do that.”
“You should had let me be the judge of that.” Fingon said, and with a swift move tucked the necklace and rings under his robe again.
Maedhros reached out and caressed Fingon’s cheek “Dear cousin, look at your life now. You have your own household, a beautiful and skilled wife... and pretty soon I am sure that you will have offspring to spread joy to your heart as well.” he smiled as his cousin leaned into his touch, and he continued to whisper. “Can you honestly tell me that this was not what you wanted? That you are not happy?”
“I am happy, yes.” Fingon whispered. “But I would have been happy with you by my side as well.”
“Even if I would never be able to bind with you, and that our love would be forever doomed to take place in the secrecy of the uncertainty and darkness? Forever fearing that someone might suspect, forever afraid of the dire consequences? And...” Maedhros rested his forehead against his cousins “no children.”
“I would lying if I said I did not desire a child of my own,” Fingon whispered
“I know” Maedhros whispered “I shall await your firstborn, like it was my own”. The red-haired elf let go of his cousin and stepped back “We ride tomorrow.”
Fingon looked at his youth’s lover and nodded “I will take care of the preparations for you.”
“Thank you, cousin Fingon” Maedhros said and nodded back “Now, I must take care of something myself, please excuse me.” He said, as the mask of the lover crumbled and the mask of the king slipped back.
“But of course, sire.” The other elf said, turned and walked to the door. “Sire?”
“Yes, cousin Fingon?”
“I am glad I got a chance to talk to you.” Fingon smiled a little timid smile, “I missed you.”
“I am glad we talked as well,” Maedhros said as he picked up his glass from the table, about to take a sip.
“Will you write to me when you return home?” he asked
“When I have the time, I shall write you a letter, cousin.” Maedhros said, unable to look into Fingon’s eyes. They both knew it was a lie, he would not write. And they would never share a moment like this again, the next time they talked or met; it would solely be the king to his cousin, and not Maedhros to Fingon.
-----------------------------
The next morning, Maedhros and Maglor stood in the stables, waiting for Amras, who had met a fair lady during his stay, and now he was saying his good byes. Maedhros looked at Maglor and with a tender gesture ran his hand over his brothers hair “Take courage.” he whispered, “You did the only thing you could.”
Maglor looked up at his brother; “I could not leave your side,” he whispered, “for you are my king, my brother and my destiny.” The dark-haired elf took a deep breath and looked away.
“If you choose it to be so, you can still ride off, and track down Orodeth’s party.” Maedhros said as he let go of his brother’s hair
“I curse the day the Valar gave me the gift of foresight,” Maglor hissed in a hushed tone “When his destiny lies so far from mine, why did the Valar give him a piece of my heart?”
“Because the Valar are cruel in their judgement.” Maedhros whispered as he pulled his little brother in for an embrace “We are cursed, gwador. Always to seek but never to find.”
“Let us leave” Amras said as he came into the stables “I shall leave here with a heavy heart, weighed down by broken promises, and not half the spirit I came here.”
Maedhros nodded at his baby brother “Farewell’s are never easy.”
___________________
The party that left the house of Fingon was a silent one. Maedhros looked at Maglor, who almost seemed as he was sleepwalking, the gift of foresight, he had always thought of that as the only blessing this family had, but apparently not, he could see his brother’s point. Knowing something is inevitable is not always a good thing, then why had he fought so hard for him to write Fingon? He would have to ask him when they had returned home.
-tbc-