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Orlando hugged his knees tighter and silently rocked himself back and forth, staring ahead with unseeing eyes. Everything had gone down the drain. Sean didn’t want him. He understood it now. But why? Why couldn’t Sean return his feelings? Never before had he desired someone as deeply as this man. Never before had he been as happy as in the time they had met. Sean just had to realize that they belonged together. Those feelings of affection and longing which Sean triggered inside of him just couldn’t be wrong. Orlando took a shivering breath. He felt so sick. With shaky legs he barely made it to the bathroom area of the trailer to throw up the little bit of food he’d eaten today. Exhausted, he sank down to the floor and coiled up to a ball. Nothing mattered anymore. Why should he fight any longer, why bear the constant pain in his back which tortured him so often until he got sick from it?

Oh yes, he knew exactly what Viggo and the others were thinking. But that he kept losing weight wasn’t because he wanted to. His body, in its own way, simply resisted all the exertions and strains which the shootings and the additional physical training demanded from him. Often in the night he puked up a great deal of the stuff he’d eaten over the day. His body obviously was too stressed to contain the food where it belonged. Also, he couldn’t sleep very well in this narrow bed which didn’t really have the right to be called ‘bed’. But all that didn’t matter anymore now. If he was going to vomit himself to death right here and right now, who would care anyway?

His head jerked up and Orlando’s whole body tensed with panic. There it was again! A knock on the door. Karl. It had to be Karl, an agitated thought shot through his mind. Karl was here to make his nightmare come true. To make it more than plain to him that Sean would never ever return to him.

Sean? Maybe it was Sean at the door. Maybe he wanted to apologize and tell him that he felt terribly sorry about it all and that he still loved him. Orlando felt his heart leap into his mouth...

The door swung open quietly. Orlando was still huddled up in front of the toilet. He didn’t care how miserable an impression he gave. His body felt so absolutely floppy and weak. Even if he had wanted to, he just couldn’t get up.

Viggo was at his young friend’s side with just a few strides. Concerned, he squatted down and looked him in the dark eyes.

“Orlando, I knocked a few times, but you didn’t answer and I was worried. I’m sorry that I’m bursting in like this. Come, I’ll help you up.“

He gently grabbed the younger man under the armpits and manoeuvred him to his bed. Not for the first time of late he noticed how alarmingly fragile Orlando felt under his firm grasp. With a relieved sigh Viggo sat down on the edge of the bed, next to the British actor.

Orlando nodded. He didn’t mind. Viggo always was allowed to come in here, he never bothered him. But now, in this very moment, he wasn’t as pleased with Viggo’s visit as he usually was. Inside of him, everything felt so horribly numb. How should all this go on? He would see Sean every day. Every day, he would be reminded of the fact that for the love of his life there was someone else who was more important to him than Orlando. Only when Viggo started to speak again, Orlando realized that he had been totally caught up in his own thoughts.

“Too bad. I actually wanted to ask you a favour. And your advice. But you’re not feeling very well, right? Here, drink some water. Shall I come back and check on you later again?“ Viggo had reached for a glass and a bottle of mineral water which stood on Orlando’s bedside table and offered him a drink. Orlando gratefully took a few sips to get the bad taste out of his mouth.

Orlando was surprised. Normally he was the one who turned to Viggo with all his problems and grievances.

“You want my advice?“ A first spark of curiosity came alive in the sad, dark eyes which didn’t have any tears left to shed.

“Yes. You know that I’m looking for an apartment or a house with lots of space because I want to paint again. It’s just too small here. In these trailers I will eventually get into a paddy. Yesterday I visited a property that could be ideal, I think. But I’d like to hear your opinion about it before I sign the contract.“

Distraction. Orlando’s thoughts rushed through his head. To be far away from all the others. That didn’t sound bad. The young man nodded again, more determined this time.

“If you want we can drive over right away. You’re right, I’m not feeling so well, but it’s not going to get better if I keep on sitting here. Your ‘dream house’ will surely help me to stop moping.”

“Okay, then let’s go. It’ll take us about half an hour to get there. If you want to see the beautiful garden before it’s dark outside we should hurry up.“

Orlando was impressed. The “mansion”, as Viggo called it, was situated in the midst of a huge, well-tended garden with a great swimming pool. The spacious, colonial style house that was surrounded by this green oasis offered enough room for a big family. The indoor furnishing was tasteful and at the same time homely. To say it all with one word: Perfect.

“How on Earth can someone want to let a house as wonderful as this?” Astonished, the young man shook his head.

“The house-agent told me that the family inheritted property in Europe and now thinks about spending a part of the year there. And since it’s not good for a house to be vacant for so long the owners obviously decided to find someone to rent it for a limited time.” Viggo’s gaze drifted desirously through the huge parlour which was provided with a fireside to create coziness in this room even in the coldest nights. “I can imagine that you’re searching for a hitch in the whole thing“, Viggo tried his best to get Orlando, whose absently staring eyes were again sad and unfocused, back to reality. “Look, here’s the contract. Before I came over to you, I was at Ian’s place. He perused everything and said it’s alright and that I can sign it.”

Of course Viggo had expected that Orlando would be full of sorrow after his talk with Sean. He was glad that he could offer this house inspection as a distraction. It didn’t have the wanted effect, though. Of course not, Viggo scolded himself inwardly, there was no medicine for lovesickness. He would have to just stick it out and survive through it. Viggo hoped to be at least some sort of support for his friend, now as the pain about being rejected was still so fresh.

Viggo handed Orlando the hiring contract so that he could have a look at the document which consisted of a few pages. Orlando was surprised and at the same time happy that Viggo so trustingly provided him an insight into private stuff like this. He felt taken seriously. With great interest he read through the contract.

“Yes Viggo. I, too, believe that everything’s correct. The house is awesome, and not too far away from the film locations. I’d take it, if I was you.”

They had settled in the kitchen and sat at a huge wooden table which offered enough room for at least six people. Viggo rummaged his bag which he had taken with him to the house and placed a small box on the table. “Could you please open that, I’ll go make some tea in the meantime.”

“So what do you have in mind?” Orlando fumbled with the box until he managed to lift the cover. “What’s that?”

“I thought I should live here on a trial basis for a short time before I sign the contract. We both have to be back on the set only tomorrow afternoon, I just talked to PJ about it. We could sleep in tomorrow and spend the midday here if you want.” Viggo gazed at his friend questioningly. “Of course I could also drive you back later.” Orlando looked at him with large brown eyes and at the same time nodded and shook his head in silence. Then Orlando finally decided to break his unusual silence after all. “Yeah, sure, I’d like to keep you some company while you test the house, but I don’t have any clothes for changing with me. Because you didn’t say anything about staying over night and so on.” Orlando tried to grin.

Viggo grinned back. He triumphantly pulled two boxers and two T-shirts out of his bag, holding them up like pieces of evidence in a court case. “I am well prepared. Even though my clothes aren’t really your size I guess, you can put on something fresh and clean tomorrow.” With the clothes still in his hand, he pointed to the box which Orlando had placed in the middle of the table. „And that’s some stuff from Germany. Zwieback. It’s horribly crumbly, I wouldn’t advise you to eat it in bed. Do you want a taste?”

Viggo came back to the table with two large cups of tea and took one of the small, quadrangular slices. After two big bites it was gone. Orlando reached for a slice hesitatingly, nibbled at one of the corners and then found the dry thing strange but interesting. After a while he absently took his second slice. It didn’t taste horribly bad and now Orlando noticed that he was also hungry.

“Orlando, I’ve got an idea.” Viggo’s voice sounded unusually tense. He felt how nervous he became when he thought about the suggestion he was about to make. It was so important to him that Orlando approved. The young man looked at him wonderingly. “Yeah? What kind of idea?“

“Well, actually this house is a little too big for me alone. You saw that there are some more bedrooms and bathrooms, and I was wondering if maybe you’d like to move in with me. The beds are much better than yours in the trailer, it surely would be a relief for your back. If we share the rent it’s almost for free. And since we shoot such a lot of scenes together we could also drive to the set together.”

Viggo noticed that his flood-like speech had made him breathless. He’d prepared all the arguments which supported the idea of moving in together, to counter any possible objection. But he had to spill it all as quickly as possible, before the courage left him again.

He didn’t dare imagine what he would feel like if Orlando rejected. But why was it so important to him to have the young man around? First of all he simply saw that Orlando was slowly but surely being consumed by the strains of the shooting programme and, in addition, by his unrequited love. And he would work against that. But his other motives he didn’t want to question right now.

To his great relief – and joy, Viggo had to admit to himself – Orlando nodded and his eyes lit up for the first time this evening, showing a small spark of his usual liveliness.

The thoughts inside of the British actor’s head were all in a tumble. He would be far away from the set, at least in his spare time. The possibilities to run into Sean would be more limited. And if he couldn’t have him, he didn’t want to see him at all. The less he saw him, the less it would hurt. And he could spend more time with Viggo.

Suddenly Orlando buried his face in his hands. Viggo could tell from the quaking shoulders and the weak sobs that the young man was crying. “Good heavens, Orlando, what’s wrong? You don’t have to accept this offer. It was only a suggestion. I didn’t want to press you.“

Orlando shook his head vehemently. “No, it’s not that. I’m only so glad about your suggestion. Especially now. You have no idea how happy you make me with that. It’s so beautiful here, and I’d love to move in with you. And if I wasn’t so unhappy I would be completely happy now... God, I’m talking shit...“ The sentence had started out as the word flood which was typical for Orlando, but then ended in broken stuttering.

Viggo went around the table and protectively put an arm around the shoulders of the young man who was caught somewhere between laughing and crying. “Everything’s going to be alright. Come on, we’re picking a nice bed for you now, and when you had a good and nice sleep, you’ll feel much better.”

“Sean dumped me”, Orlando blurted out unintentionally, although he had wanted to not mention it at all and not bring up this subject for the whole evening. Viggo was probably already fed up with this endless litany on Sean. And he had made him such a tempting offer, he just didn’t want to spoil Viggo’s joy about the house with his heartache. But he didn’t manage to pull himself together, the memory of the whole scene with Sean tortured him too much. The unloving words he had had to listen to. He had to let it out, no matter how hard he tried to behave self-controlled and grown-up. With a sob and the attempt to somehow calm down again Orlando said, “And I don’t want to see him ever again. Let him be happy with this stupid, snobbish beef-cake Karl, I don’t care. I hate them both. They can both go to hell and…“ The rest wasn’t understandable because Orlando had burried his face in Viggo’s shoulder. Gently, Viggo rocked the young man in his arms until he felt that the trembling body started to relax again.

“Come on, we’ll go upstairs. Which room do you want, the one with the blue or the yellow walls?”

From the mumbling at his shoulder Viggo gathered that his protégé had picked the yellow room for himself. He put Orlando, who calmed down very slowly again, in the huge bed. But when he wanted to leave, slender fingers clutched his wrist.

“Can you stay with me, please?” A heartbreaking look out of almost black eyes met Viggo’s.

“Okay, but don’t complain if I squash you in. I need a lot of space.” Belying his words, Viggo suqeezed himself to the edge of the bed so that Orlando could comfortably rest in the middle of the large matress. For a while they silently lay next to each other, until Orlando again started to cry quietly. Always when he thought he finally had found some peace to go to sleep, he again had to think of Sean or Karl, and all pain and affliction welled up again. Searching for shelter and security, he turned to Viggo and wound his long arms around his friend’s neck. With that he pulled Viggo closer, into the middle of the soft, wide flat of the bed.

Viggo hesitated, but then he returned the embrace by resting one arm on Orlando’s hip. That, and the fact that Orlando could press his face to Viggo’s shoulder, calmed the younger man down again. The crying faded, and bit by bit Orlando drifted into exhausted sleep.

Viggo on the other hand tried to keep awake for a little longer to relish the intense feeling of having Orlando nestled to his body so intimately. With Orlando’s appealing unique scent lingering in his nose Viggo finally fell asleep too.