Against all odds

Chapter fourteen storm contained

CRASH!!!
The lovely golden vase that used to hold the beautiful flowers Glorfindel kept bringing was now shattered to pieces. Erestor had ruthlessly and with great force thrown it against the wall.

He was angry and frustrated, but most of all he was confused. After Glorfindel had brought him to his room he had been edgy. Edgy and lonely. No, that was not true. He had been lonely even as Glorfindel had walked him to his room. Erestor had realised that fast enough and it was that realisation that upset him so.

He did not understand why he felt so alone now. He had always been alone. His room was his safe haven, his sanctuary, his place away from the world, where he was alone and happy. But not anymore. Now the walls were closing in on him. When he had focused on the river’s sounds, his thoughts had wandered. Wandered back to Elrond’s room.

Erestor also realised that whenever he thought of Elrond he could no longer do so without warming inside. It had made him angry. Elrond was invading his personal space, broken his highly precious distance and it made him mad. But he could not fight it. He was fighting a lost battle.

It was that more than anything else that had made him act violent. He did not wish to feel like this.

Now that he had thrown everything that could be thrown around his room he sagged to the floor. And now his weakened condition registered. He felt cold, weak and extremely tired. But he had definitely felt better before.

Overwhelmed by all of this Erestor, for the first time in his life, did not know what to do. He felt lost and more alone than ever. And this time he did not like it. His eyes filled with tears and he did not stop them from flowing down his cheeks. Slowly he started to rock himself back and forth, crying softly.

Erestor did not hear the knocks on his door nor did he hear when it opened.

When Elrond had realised he had let Erestor leave he had grown worried. Erestor needed him close during this. He was Erestor’s strength. And so he had hurried to the counsellor’s room.

When his knocks weren’t answered he let himself in. Cold was encircling his heart now and Elrond feared Erestor was slipping again. But he sighed relieved as he saw Erestor alive.

For a moment the lord of Imladris stood motionless, indecisive about what to do. Having made up his mind he softly spoke the other’s name. Erestor showed no signs of acknowledgement and so Elrond moved closer, slowly; he did not want to startle Erestor.

Erestor did not notice Elrond’s presence until he was standing right behind him. Startled Erestor turned his head suddenly. Seeing Elrond filled him with pleasure of an intensity he did not understand. And so he was angry as well.

Through the bond some of the confusing emotions within Erestor came to Elrond, but he could not pinpoint those feelings. Therefore he did not understand why Erestor was crying. Not willing to guess wrong he knelt down and put his arm around the raven-haired advisor. “Erestor? What is it? Why do you cry? Is there anything I can do?”

Without even realising it Erestor leaned in to the embrace, increasing the bodily contact. Of course that was the bond’s doing; the more bodily contact he had with Elrond, the more strength and energy could flow in him. But Erestor did not know that. And he did not know why, but he did feel better now that Elrond was here. Involuntary his breathing became normal again and his crying died.

Suddenly he sat up right. The noises he rhe river were invading his ears again. He could hear the river, whereas before he could not. This brought tears of happiness to his face. Though the change was small, it was detectable to Elrond. “Erestor?” “Enakašân.”

A smile appeared on Elrond’s face. He drew Erestor closer to himself as he moved them both closer to the window. It would make it easier for Erestor to hear the river. And even though Erestor had once more spoken in Valarin Elrond did not address it. He would wait with that until Erestor was more healed. He also decided to wait with sharing the news of the bond with Erestor. He knew Erestor was smart enough to figure things out and if he did not mention it, that would show Erestor Elrond gave him the choice. And that was something Erestor valued highly: having a choice.

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Elladan and Elrohir were practising their fighting skills. It was a good way to get rid of the tension in their system.

A soft cough broke their trance and Elladan glared behind him. Who had dared to disturb them at a time like this better be delivering orcs. Lindir was hesitantly shuffling his feet at the edge of the practise fields. He had not wanted to disturb the twins but he was even more reluctant to border Elrond. And since Glorfindel was nowhere to be found, he had not choice. “I am so sorry to interrupt, my lords,” he addressed both twins, “but there’s a storm approaching and t’s a’s a lot to be done if the valley is to endure it. I’d rather not disturb your father and…”

Elladan came forward immediately. Lindir had always been extremely loyal to the family. “Come on, the three of us will do it.”

Elrohir had now joined them and nodded. He also did not wish to disturb his father, or Erestor. “Oh, Elladan, we should send someone after Glorfindel. If the storm surprises him we might have to patch him up as well.” Elrohir cinched as he spoke. He should not have said it like that, now Lindir would now. But Lindir smiled. “So that’s why I couldn’t find him. O well. Let’s go get to work. With the three of us, we might be able to save Erestor’s precious scheme.”

Lindir’s normal behaviour made the twins feel better. Lindir knew that. He felt sorry for them. They had suffered so much already when Celebrain had been attacked and now Erestor. Keeping them busy was always the best thing to do. If they were to busy the emotions could not get too strong a hold on them. And as time passed by they became stronger and more capable of handling the situation.

Lindir had kept a close eye on them ever since Erestor had been tortured and now that the counsellor had tried to kill himself he would increase his attention. Nobody informed him of what had happened in the Room of Fire, but Lindir had a pretty good idea. And had had been part of the reason why he had not sought out Elrond.

The three split up and running around they set to work, checking everything before the storm would arrive. They were soon joined by many others who had sensed the approaching storm as well and came to help.

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Elrond had almost fallen asleep. It felt so blissful to just hold Erestor in his arms, listening to the noises nature made.

Suddenly Erestor sat up right. He had heard and recognized the noises nature made before a storm; the quietness of the animals while the wind increased in strength. His first thought was for Imladris. It had to be secured.

He realised Elrond was still with him. He had forgotten his presence. Elrond only looked at him questioning. “There’s a storm coming. We have to secure everything. We..”

But Elrond interrupted, holding Erestor back, who was now trying to walk towards the door. “We are staying right here Erestor.” When Erestor looked at him in utter disbelief he hurried to explain. “Erestor, we are too weak to be of any use and besides, I am sure Glorfindel and the twins got it covered. Please be reasonable.”

Erestor stopped and allowed Elrond to close the door and guide him back, but not for long.

He shrugged from Elrond’s comforting embrace. He had stopped listening when Elrond had said they were both too weak. But Elrond did not seem weak. Erestor was confused and now stared at Elrond, total disbelief on his face.

Elrond, realising the slip of the tongue, silently asked Erestor to sit down. He himself took a chair opposite the one he offered Erestor. “You tried to kill yourself remember?”

“Aye.” Erestor did not understand. It explained his weakness, but not Elrond’s. A sudden thought made his face contract. Elrond had probably used his healing powers, his own energy, to heal Erestor. That explained why they were both weak. He now felt even more sorry for his actions and started to cry.

Elrond’s arms were ad hid him immediately. Erestor lowered his eyes. “I’m so sorry. For everything.” Elrond did not know what this was about but he did know Erestor had nothing to be sorry about and he assured him of it.

Erestor shook his head. “I do, I am. I….I….hurt you all.”

“No, you didn’t. You scared us, that’s all.”

“But..” Erestor did not get far for Elrond quickly interrupted. “No buts, Erestor. It is all. You did not hurt us.” Elrond’s voice held such determination that Erestor started to belie a l a little.
Elrond guided Erestor’s face to face his own. He was shocked by the amount of pain inside the chocolate-brown orbs. “Erestor? You have to believe me! You did not hurt anyone.”

Erestor slumped in his chair. “If you say so.”

Elrond did not like this, and the bond was weakening, it gave little emotions to him and those he did receive were puzzling him. He suddenly feared Erestor might try again. “Erestor? Why did you do it?” If he knew the reason he would do anything to prevent it from happening again.

Erestor did not answer. He merely stood and, taking Elrond’s hand in his, he guided the Half-Elf to the bath room.

Elrond looked puzzled. Why was Erestor showing his bath room to him? It did not make sense. “What? Do you wish to bathe?” Right now he wondered if he even knew Erestor.

Erestor approached the tub and touched the rim. An almost loving touch. “All the time.”

Elrond had to strain his hearing to catch the words, but when he did he suddenly understood everything. How could he have been so ignorant? So blind? He closed his eyes in shame. It was now his turn to apologize. An apology Erestor interpreted wrongly. “Don’t. It’s not your fault. It’s my own. All of it, everything.”

Elrond disagreed. “No, Erestor. I should have noticed, realised. We all should have.” He now understood the words Erestor had spoken before his suicide. But he suddenly had an idea to make Erestor feel less sorry. “You say it’s your fault, but I know it’s mine. It’s because of me, you came out.”

When Erestor opened his mouth to disagree, Elrond raised his hand and silenced him. “Let’s make a compromise. We both stop feeling guilty and sorry about what happened. It happened and nothing will change that fact. We can’t turn back time.”

Erestor sat down on the rim, knowing full well what it was Elrond was trying to do. “Thanks, but this feeling will neverawayaway. It.. they…”

Elrond sat down beside him and pulled Erestor in an embrace. “I know, Erestor, I understand. -Now-. You will always remember it, I’m afraid. But it’s up to you whether you let that memory break you, meldir. And I still believe you to be stronger than that.”

Hearing the truth behind those trusting words, made Erestor cry and he slumped against Elrond. “I don’t think I am.”

“But you’re not alone. We’re all here for you. All of us.” A very soft k yok you was whispered and Elrond slowly guided his counsellor to the bed. “Come, methinks you could do with some sleep. And I will stay and watch your dreams.”

Laying down on the bed Erestor quickly fell asleep. He did not notice Glorfindel coming to check on him, nor did he hear the blond asking Elrond how things were now. Erestor didn’t wake when the twins entered, Elladan tagging Lindir along. Elrond was quickly informed and he told the others what had happened. Erestor’s sleep wasn’t even disturbed by the raging storm, that was still growing in strength. And for the first time in long months, his dreams were pleasant.

End chapter fourteen
TBC

Translations:

Enakašân means he speaks again, because:
En~ means again
Akašân literally means he says. (Valarin)
I’ve decided to leave out Ulu (water in Valarin) because if I was Erestor I would not say the water speaks again either, but merely it speaks again.

Meldir: my friend.