Breaking the Barriers

Chapter 13

When he arrived, his love was standing on the blanket. Estel ran up to him and gathered him in his arms. He started to cry because of what he had done. He was placing small kisses on the elf he had in his arms.

"I love you. I did not mean to hurt you.” He was crying so hard that the sobs overtook his body.

"Meleth nín, it was not your fault.” The elf was trying to set his mind at rest but was not succeeding. “Here I am without pain. At least we are together.” He looked at his lover and kissed him deeply. “I know that you would never hurt me. You love me as I love you. You will always be in my heart. We have this place to ourselves. Peace and quite where no one can bother us. We’ll find a way of forgiving here. But I would never have to forgive you for what you have done. It was a misjudgment on my part. . I’m suppose to be quicker with my reflexes but somehow I forgot what I was doing. At some point in time, I seen something cloud your judgment. That was what brought me off guard. So it was not entirely your fault.” He cringed again trying not to remember what he seen. (My love)

"I do love you,” Estel said. Then he seen the cringe. “Lie back against me, my love. I will hold you and comfort you.” With that he moved to the tree and half leaned against it using the roots at the base like a pillow. Legolas crawled up to his love and laid his head on the man’s chest. He found this painful so he laid on his back and put his head in the crook of his love’s arm. Estel brought up his arm and placed it around the top part of Legolas’ chest. Just the smell of his love’s body made Estel know that everything was ok. He played with Legolas’ hair, running it through his fingers and smelling it.

"My love? Why is it that I can feel my pain here? It hurts where I got hurt. Did you not tell me at one time that we can come here and escape the hurts of Middle Earth. Then why do I feel pain?”

"You feel pain because I feel it at the same time. What you feel, sense, love, I also have those same things. Like the jealousy you have for Arwen. I know you can feel it because you told me so. Therefore I feel your pain. Let us lay in each other's arms. Let our love heal you and then we can go with Halbarad and his men on that trip.” With that said he place a kiss on the crown of his love's head.

Legolas was placing small kisses on the arm that was draped around him. He had forgiven Estel when he seen him first crying on the practice field. He just wasn’t paying attention to what he was doing. His skills were better than this but with him fighting his love, it caused him not to concentrate. The look in his love’s eyes for that instant were not his but something else’s.

"Estel, I need to tell you something.” He got up carefully into a sitting position and looked into the eyes of his love. “For an instant, before I was... you know, I seen in your eyes something that I did not recognize.” He was having a hard time trying to keep his eyes on Estel. After speaking, Legolas bowed his head not wanting to see that look again.

"What are you talking about, meleth?” Estel asked, placing his hand below his love's chin and drawing it up.

"Just before you, you know, I looked at you and for an split second I seen something that I can't quite understand. It looked like the ugliest beast I have ever seen. Have you seen him before? He was, believe it or not, running in the light of day. He looked more like an orc but wasn't. Orcs move at night or are hidden from the trees. Does this mean anything to you?”

Estel was not believing anything Legolas said. He thought the wound and the herbs that were place there were blinding his way of thinking.

"Are you sure you seen an orc? I have never seen this beast before because I have never been outside Rivendell before especially not an orc that lives under the sun. We somehow need to talk to father about this. He is the one with foresight. Maybe he can inform us if this thing that you seen in my eyes does exist. Right now, I want you to lie back and rest. We have a long way before either one of us are healed again.” Estel opened his arms and let the elf find his way into them again. He placed a light kiss on the forehead and they found peace once more.

This was one place that they would always find peace. The land around them went on forever. There were birds chirping in the trees, animals came out to see who was in their garden and the sound of a waterfall could be heard everywhere. It had everything that was made of tranquility and calm. They had no cares from the real world when they were here, just the two of them.

Just then, Estel felt a hand shake him a bit. He woke up in the field where him and Legolas were sleeping. He noticed that his love was still asleep.

"Meleth, I think someone wants me to wake up.” He looked down at the face in his arms. The look that came up to his eyes was of love. “I need to go. I will return.” He kissed the lips that were there, softly. Estel got up from the blanket. Just then he disappeared.

*****

When he woke, Estel was in the healing houses realizing that morning was just breaking. He looked down at the elf sleeping in his arms and placed a kiss upon his lips. He turned to see Adar sitting on the edge of the bed with the head healer standing beside him.

"My son, how is he?” A look of concern was on the Eldar’s face as he spoke to Estel.

"He going to be ok. He looks fine and he has color in his cheeks.” Estel seen a look come over his Adar’s face with a question on it.

"What do you mean ‘ok’? Elrond said. “He’s still sleeping. Did he wake sometime during the night?”

"No, Adar, I never told you! When Legolas and I first met, we met in a field filled with flowers, trees and grass. It has the greatest beauty that I have ever seen. I don’t know where it is but it has become a safe haven for the two of us. There we can talk, laugh, be alone…whatever we want.” Estel blushed at the last part. “OH! Sorry, we can’t do THAT there. Anyway, he is doing well. But I think it will be sometime before he awakens. He has a lot of healing to do on the inside. Both of us do.” He picked up a bunch of Legolas’ hair and brought it to his lips to kiss.

Elrond looked at his son and felt the hurt in his heart. He seen a tear work its way down his cheek. He wanted to brush it away and hold him.

Estel got up from the bed and looked at his Adar. “Let me know if he wakes.” Estel ran from the room with tears streaming down his face. He didn’t want his Adar to see him cry. After seeing his love in the field it was too much for him to keep his feelings inside. He kept on running until his lungs hurt. He was so exhausted that he did not see where he was going. He looked around at his surroundings and realized he was on the practice fields. Estel fell to his knees and started pounding the earth trying to release his tension. This is where it all started. Why did his feet take him here? The tension that built up in him from the action that he did to his love just exploded. He looked at the men on the field and screamed like no man has ever screamed before.

Glorfindel was on the field going over a patrol duty roster with Haldir when he heard the shriek. He looked around the field and seen Estel there in a nightshirt kneeling on the ground. He was pounding the earth as if he was hurting something or someone. He ran to him leaving Haldir with the men.

"Estel, what’s wrong? You look horrible!” Glorfindel knelt next to Estel on the ground. He placed his hand under his chin and looked into his eyes seeing the hurt and pain. “It was not your fault.” Then something changed in the look of Estel’s face.

"Yes it was!” He screamed. “If I was concentrating on what I was doing, I wouldn’t have done what I did to my love. Now he will never forgive me. What am I going to do, Glorfindel? I won’t be able to look at him in the face.” He bowed his head and cried feeling the guilt taking over his body making him believe that Legolas would never forgive him.

Glorfindel brought him into his lap and caressed his back trying to relieve his sobs. “Come let’s us go into the tent where we can have some privacy. I need to talk to you.” He picked Estel up off the ground by the shoulders and took him over to the tent.

Glorfindel pulled the flap aside letting Estel enter. The only furniture inside was a cot with a cupboard beside it and a table with three chairs around it.

gWe use this place for soldiers when they get hurt on the practice fields. Sit here and I will get you a glass of wine to calm your nerves.” He left the tent and came back with two glasses and a wine bottle. He poured two glasses, set one in front of Estel and took his seat with the other glass.

After a few sips, Estel looked a little calmer. “Now, tell me what happened.”

Estel found it hard to begin. “I went to the field with Legolas to talk and clear my mind on how he was feeling.” He took a sip of wine, soothing his nerves a little. He wiped his face, getting rid of the tears but only to have fresh ones take their place. “He told me it was not my fault but it was. My love also told me something else.” He still couldn’t look at the seneschal’s face so he fidgeted with the glass. He knew he could trust him.

Glorfindel had his hand on Estel’s trying to calm him. “What did he tell you?”

"He told me that there was something in my eyes, an image that was hideous. It was of an orc that can travel during the day. I have never heard of this. They either stay in the shadows or hunt during the night. What does this mean, Glorfindel? And why was there an image of an orc in my eyes? Do I have foresight?” He looked at Glorfindel for any kind of sign that would make him believe that there was such creature.

There was a look of astonishment that came over Glorfindel's face. “I have never heard this before and I have gone out with many patrols in my day but never came across this before. Maybe this is something that will come of the future. As for your foresight, I don’t know. I should seek out Elrond. He has foresight and maybe he can look into it. But right now you are in no condition to see him. Lie down on the cot here and try getting some rest.”

Estel got up from his chair, downed his last bit of wine and went to the bed. He sat on the edge and cried into his hands. He was feeling sorry for what he had done to his love. He would never forgive himself. This will be etched into his mind forever. He laid on his side and brought his knees up to his chest.

Glorfindel put a blanket on him and sat on the edge soothing Estel with caresses along his back. He could feel the sobs start to stop in his young charge.

"Estel, don’t let this eat at you. It was not your fault. I will find out what this all means. There has to be some kind of reason behind all this.”

Estel looked up into his teacher’s eyes and asked, “Glorfindel, I know this is a stupid question but will my essence help heal Legolas in the state that he’s in? Will he start to heal faster? He told me in the field that he has healed all he can on the outside but the inside needed more time. What do you think?”

Glorfindel stared at Estel and thought about the question. “You know, Estel, it might help in the healing process. The bond you both share may have some healing properties. Maybe making love will help him. But right now I want you to get some rest. Legolas needs to heal and rest a little more. I will go to Elrond and find out about this orc we talked about.”

Glorfindel left the tent and went to seek out Elrond.

Back in the tent, Estel was trying to calm his nerves but it wasn’t working. Why was he thinking about making love to Legolas when right now he couldn’t stand the sight of him. He would never be able to look him in the face without seeing what he had done to his love. Everything seemed to remind him of what had happened on the training field. He decided to get up and leave, kept on walking, not realizing where he was going. Estel just needed some peace. He found a tree and sat underneath it. He pulled his knees up to his chest, crossed his arms across them and bowed his head. He didn’t want anyone see him crying. He didn’t know how long he had been there when he heard a noise.

Wiping the tears from his eyes, Estel looked up and seen a group of riders approaching. The leader of the group got off his horse and approached him.

*****

tbc