Such is life

Disclaimer: Not true at all!

Author’s notes: A day can only be strange when you fall asleep in front of the television and then wake up and see there’s some weird guy on TV answering some woman’s questions about prostates… Anyway, thanks for reading and please do review!!

15. Look right through me:


“Rise and shine, my little sunbeam!” Sean exclaimed with a fake grin on his face when he entered Dom’s room with a tray with breakfast on it in his hands. He sat down on a chair he had placed next to the bed. “How do you feel?” Sean was in deep worry about his son, Dom could see it in his eyes.

“Been worse,” Dom replied weakly, banning every thought of killing his dad for calling him his “little sunbeam” out of his mind.

“Your mother has called,” Sean continued. “She told me to send you her greetings.”

Dom nodded and forced a little of the omelette Sean had brought him down his throat to please his father. Sean had developed himself into some kind of mother hen since Dom had come back from the hospital. They had decided that Dom would stay at his father’s place. He couldn’t go back to his mum’s, not after what had happened.

Dom had entered his old room only once to pack his stuff, but then he had seen the blood stained mattress and the marks that the falling dagger had left on the wooden floor and knew that he couldn’t live anymore in the place where he had decided to die and turn his back to life.

“Are you sure you’re well enough to go back to school tomorrow?” Sean asked Dom, frowning.

Dom looked up at his father. Strangely he mow felt even more dead than before his suicide attempt. It was as if the spark of life had died within him. Before, he had only felt depressed, but now he felt an indifference towards life that scared the hell out of him.

Everything seemed so meaningless, because Dom had already said goodbye. Dom had gone, but they had forced him back and now he had to force his body to work, because his will to live was gone. Dom’s lips and tongue moved, formed words. “Yes,” he said slowly. “I…I have to do something. Can’t just sit here and do nothing. It’ll eat me up…”

“Alright, that’s your decision…” Sean looked sad. “You know that I think you should take your time and stay home a little longer, but I won’t make you.” He stood up and tried to smile again. “I have to leave, Dom. Got some work to do…” Sean walked to the door, but hesitated to leave the room and turned back to Dom. “You know that you can talk to me no matter when or what about.” Sean made a little gesture with his right hand, his thumb pointing at his ear while his little finger pointed at his lips. “Just give me a call.”

Dom nodded slowly, his head turning away from Sean. “Yes…”

“Dominic!”

Dom looked up. Sean barely used is full name.

“I mean it,” Sean said firmly. “Promise me to talk to me when you ever again feel the urge to…” he swallowed heavily, “…to do something to yourself.”

Dom closed his eyes. His head was aching. Nervously he tugged at the bandage around his left wrist. “I don’t know if I can do that…” he whispered. “Talk, I mean…”

Sean nodded understandingly. “I don’t want to push you.”

Dom shivered. He suddenly felt cold. “Just haven’t done it for years.” He stumbled across his own words “You can’t teach a mute man to talk…”


~*~

The next morning Dom walked past the corridors of his school. Again it was a Monday morning. Dom shivered, feeling the uneasiness grow in his heart and tugged at the bandage around his wrist. Everybody seemed to be staring at him. They knew… Dom felt as if all the other students were looking at him from accusing eyes.

//That’s him… That’s the one who tried to kill himself.//

Dom’s head was swimming and he hurried past them to the toilets. He inhaled deeply and regarded his own reflection in the mirror. Not good at all… His eyes were wide open, panic showing in them. Dom splashed cold water into his face. //Breathe… Go slow, don’t panic… Breathe…//

Five minutes later Dom felt able to face the world again. His disguise as a human being was well enough. Hesitantly he left the toilet and promptly bumped into Orlando.

“Jesus, you scared the hell outta me!” Orli exclaimed and was just about to continue his way to Liv as he realized it was Dom he was talking to. “Dom! You’re back!” Orli wrapped his arms around Dom in a bear hug. “Liv and I were so worried about you!” He ruffled Dom’s hair playfully. “It’s good to see that everything’s alright again!”

//Alright?// Dom didn’t believe his ears. //I beg you pardon, alright?!// Nothing was alright. Dom had wanted to die, but they had forced him back to life again. How could anything be alright? //If you were so worried about me why didn’t anybody of you call me during the last weeks?//

Orli seemed to mean it as he was smiling down at Dom.

“Yes,” Dom replied in a flat voice. “It’s goods to be back…”

Liv had reacted in the same fashion as Orli when she saw Dom. After exchanging some sentences they went out for a smoke. The other students didn’t really dare to speak to Dom. It was as if he had the word freak stamped across his forehead. They thought he was even madder than before.

Seconds later the bell released Dom and he walked up the stairs to his classroom. Of all of his subjects it had to be arts with Mortensen as his first lesson back at school. Dom sat down on his chair. The room was filled with happy voices. Dom stared down at the desk in front of him. He could feel Mortensen’s presence at the door before the man spoke.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen!” Mortensen’s voice was cheerful as ever. Then he saw Dom. “Dominic, what happened to your wrist?” he asked, pointing at Dom’s bandage.

Dom looked up at Mortensen to see if the man was being serious asking Dom what had happened to his wrist as if he simply had broken his arm. Mortensen really seemed to be oblivious to what had happened. “And I thought that everybody knew!” Dom laughed bitterly, flinching at the sound of his own voice. He looked directly into Mortensen’s eyes before he continued to speak, a cold smile tugging at the corner of his lips.

“Suicide attempt,” he said, cradling his bandaged hand to his chest like a little baby. “But they found me… So I’m back again.”

Dom saw how the colour drained off Mortensen’s face. He opened his mouth as if to say something and closed it again. “Please excuse us,” he finally said to the other students. “You know what you are supposed to do.” He pulled Dom up from his chair. “We have to talk.”

Perplexedly Dom let himself be lead out of the classroom by his teacher into the storage room where all the paper, paint and other things Mortensen needed for his classes were kept.

“Why?” Mortensen simply asked.

“Certainly wasn’t because of you if that is what you mean by your question,” Dom hissed.

“I didn’t mean that,” Mortensen said and waited for Dom to answer his earlier question.

“Why? Why, why?” Dom started giggling hysterically. “That’s what everybody keeps asking me!” Suddenly he felt the urge to cry. “You don’t understand what I feel like! I had already said goodbye, but where am I now? Bloody fucking here! I chose death, but what did I get? Life!”

Dom flinched when Mortensen pulled him into his arms, but suddenly something broke inside of him and hot tears were streaming down his face. “Don’t pretend to be so damn understanding, cause you can’t be! You can’t understand!” Dom sobbed.

Mortensen let go of Dom. “Believe me, I do understand far better than you think…” Dom looked wide eyed at Mortensen who rolled up his right sleeve and then showed Dom his wrist, tracing tenderly the faint lines on it. “I do understand,” Mortensen repeated, capturing Dom’s gaze with his.

Dom shook his head, not believing what he saw. “You can’t,” he whispered.

Mortensen sighed. “Dominic, I want to be your friend. If you just would let me…” Tenderly he stroked Dom’s hair. “Dom…” he breathed, for the first time using the affectionate pet name before he lowered his head slightly and kissed Dom onto his lips.

Dom’s initial reaction was to push Mortensen away, but something deep inside of him was screaming for the kiss, for a proof that Dom was still able to feel, to live. After some seconds Dom answered the kiss hungrily, welcoming Mortensen’s hot tongue in his throat.

A low moan rose from Mortensen’s lips and he pushed Dom back against the wall, grinding his rock hard erection against Dom’s.

Dom gasped sharply and let his hands travel down Mortensen’s body, finally resting on his crotch, reaching out to undo Mortensen’s pants. “Need you…” Dom breathed between kisses.

Instead of an answer Mortensen groaned deeply and pulled Dom’s loose pants down his narrow waist. He really knew what Dom needed now and so he positioned himself at Dom’s entrance and pushed all the way in with one thrust.

Dom’s howl of pain was mixed with a scream of pleasure when he slung his legs around Mortensen. He let his head loll back against the wall, his mouth gawking open in a silent moan.

They didn’t care that anybody could just come in and find them as Mortensen thrusted frenziedly into Dom’s body. It didn’t take long and Mortensen came with a deep groan, Dom following soon after.

He could feel it. Dom could really feel the spark enlightening deep within his chest that he had thought had died forever. He broke down in Mortensen’s arms, sobs shaking his body violently.

The older man pulled back and they both sank to the floor, Mortensen cradling Dom in his arms. “Sshh…let it out,” he whispered into Dom’s ear. “You have to let it out or it will kill you…”

And really for the first time in years Dom completely let go and cried until there was no tear left in his body.

Mortensen took Dom’s face into his hands and looked deeply into his eyes. “Remember that you’re not alone,” he breathed and kissed Dom once again and for the first time in his life Dom knew that these words were really true, that he was not on his own.


Tbc…


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