Filling Santa's shELVES

Disclaimer: I don't own anything even remotely connected to Tolkien's universe, and will not profit from this writing in any way. Seriously - I won't get a single, solitary nickel. Not even a coupon for fifty cents off a diet Coke. It’s pathetic.

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Filling Santa's ShELVES - A Twisted Christmas Story


Chapter 13

Reluctantly, Geshi and Legolas redressed. Legolas kissed her once more, holding her tightly. She whispered to him to be careful, then, taking a deep breath, knocked on the door to be let out.

To Legolas' surprise, it was Elur who came in to fetch Geshi, instead of the usual armed guard. "I told the guards that Geshi was so frightened, she might need my help taking care of herself…afterward…so they let me come in to get her," Elur explained quietly, taking Geshi's hand. "Geshi, pretend to be weeping, and walk as if you are very weak. You know how obsessed Santa has been with the health of the babies…they'll be too busy helping me get you to your room that perhaps they won't notice that I haven't locked the door."

Geshi, surprisingly, put on a wonderful performance, weeping and wailing, and leaning heavily on Elur. Looking into the room, the guards gave Legolas rather impressed looks, then busied themselves booting Haldir and his brothers back into the room, before turning to help Elur with Geshi.

"He hurt me! He hurt me, Elur! I was bleeding, but he wouldn't stop! It hurts…it hurts!" she screamed pitifully.

Just as Elur had hoped, Geshi's screams and sobs distracted the guards enough for them not to notice that door hadn't been locked.

Smiling, Haldir elbowed Legolas saying, "She put on a fine performance! One would think she really had lost her virginity tonight!"

Legolas didn't answer, but his ears turned pink. Noticing, Rumil raised an eyebrow at the Prince. "You didn't! Legolas! It wasn't necessary to…"

"What happened in this room is between Geshi and myself, and is no concern of yours, Rumil. We are both over the age of majority and free to do as we please," Legolas murmured, turning his back on the Silvan, more out of embarrassment, then anger.

"At least tell me that you didn't give her a child, Legolas," Haldir demanded. "That would have been irresponsible."

"Do I look like an idiot to you, March Warden? I am perfectly capable of handling my own affairs in a responsible manner - I have been doing so for centuries! I cannot believe you would even ask that."

"My apologies, Legolas…of course you wouldn't…" Haldir conceded, bowing slightly. Clearing his throat, he sensibly changed the subject.
"Tonight is the night. We will wait until we are reasonably sure that most of the guards are sleeping, then attack. Does everyone understand our plan?"

"Take out the guards by our door first, then clear the hallways to the guard's sleeping quarters. We take out the sleeping guards, then go after Saruman," Orophin replied, cracking his knuckles.

"Correct. Be extremely cautious when we deal with Saruman - we have no idea how much, if any, power he has managed to retain, although I am willing to wager that he has little since he relies so heavily on his guards and their weapons. After Saruman has been disposed of, we will do a final sweep to pick off any guards we may have missed. I also would request that we dispose of the remains before we let the Elflings and Ellith out of their rooms," Haldir stated, looking at each Elf in turn. All heads nodded in agreement.

The Elves spent the next few hours stretching their muscles, trying to stay loose and limber for the fight ahead.

It was just past midnight when Haldir gave the signal. Silently, the Elves retrieved their weapons from under the mattresses, arming themselves. Knives were stuck in their boots, arrows in makeshift quivers of round oatmeal containers brought from the kitchen and smuggled into them by Elur, strapped to their backs by ropes of twisted shoeslaces. They held the small bows in their hands, since they were too small to be slung over their shoulders as they would normally carry their own bows.

Looking at each other, they had to smile. Four full grown Elves, warriors all, who looked for all the world like Elflings playing at being warriors.

"If Celeborn could only see us now," Orophin chuckled, "I'd wager we'd be given latrine duty for a decade."

"Once he stopped laughing," Rumil added.

"How we look is of no concern," Haldir said, regaining his self control, his face once again returning to his familiar stoic expression. "It is how they work that is important."

"How they work will depend only on how well we use them," Legolas added, adjusting one of the knives to fit more comfortably in his boot.

They gathered behind Haldir at the door, while he pressed his ear to the metal, listening for sound. He looked back over his shoulder, and held up two fingers, and pointed to the right.

Two guards were in the hallway outside the door on the right hand side of the hallway. Haldir could hear them breathing. He nodded at Legolas to take the lead.

Turning the handle slowly, making no sound, Haldir opened the door just wide enough for Legolas, an arrow ready to fly in his bow, could slip through. Two soft whooshing sounds followed by two, slightly louder thuds signaled the end of the two guards. Stepping out into the hallway, the other Elves saw the dead guards lying with rather surprised looks on their faces, each with an arrow protruding from one eye.

As quietly as only Elves could move, the quartet of warriors trotted down the hallway to where it forked. The left side went to the workshop, while the right went toward the guard's sleeping quarters. Haldir turned left, wanting to clear as much of the building as possible before attacking the guards who might be sleeping.

They found three more in the workshop, playing cards at one of the tables. Spotting the Elves, one of the guards nearly had time to pull off a shot before an arrow found his throat, severing the main artery in his neck. He dropped the gun, his hands clenching his throat, great spurts of blood covering the playing cards on table, where he collapsed. The other two guards had been dead before his gun hit the floor.

The Elves left the workshop, quickly checking the shower room and outer entry. They found only one guard at the front entrance, who Orophin took out swiftly with a swipe of his knife across the guard's throat.

Backtracking, they stood before the guard's sleeping quarters. This would be tricky. They had no idea of exactly how many guards would be in the room, or what their placement would be. No light shone from under the door, however, which gave the Elves, with their keen night sight, an added advantage over the guards. Plus, the guards would be groggy from sleep, hopefully dulling their reflexes.

All four Elves nocked arrows before Haldir opened the door. No sooner had they stepped foot in the room that targets were selected and the arrows flew. Four men died without ever waking. Four more soon followed, only one living long enough to make a sound.

Unfortunately, that was enough. Light suddenly illuminated the room, as the remaining five guards sat up in bed, looking around them at the carnage. Three died before what had happened could actually register, but the final two were quicker. They rolled off their cots narrowly dodging the arrows that flew through the air over their heads.

Shots rang out, and Legolas felt a sharp pain in his left arm as a bullet found him. The force of the shot staggered him a bit, but he recovered quickly, diving to the ground behind a cot, as had the other Elves.

Aiming at the light from his place on the floor, Haldir sent an arrow into the florescent tubing, plunging the room into darkness again.

The guards continued to fire blindly, their targets lost to them in the darkness.

Slithering on their bellies, Rumil and Orophin snaked their way silently toward where they could see the two guards lying near the back of the room behind the cots. Gripping both of their knives in their hands, they reached the guards, who were still firing over the mattresses. Two swift slices relieved the guards of the ability to hold their weapons, and two more slices relieved them of the ability to breathe.

"They are done," Rumil announced, wiping his blades on the blankets of the nearest cot, then sheathing them in his boots.

"Legolas…you were injured," Haldir said, concerned at the flow of blood down Legolas' arm.

"It is nothing, Haldir," Legolas replied, "I have sustained worse on the training grounds."

Haldir used his knife to rip a blanket into strips, using one to bandage Legolas' arm. "Have the Ellith attend to that as soon as we're finished," he ordered.

Legolas smiled a bit at Haldir's imperious order, but used to his friend's manner, simply nodded in assent.

Leaving the bloody ruins of the sleeping quarters, the Elves made their way further down the corridor to the double-doored room Elur had described as being Saruman's. They gathered before the doors, nocking their arrows, preparing to storm the room, when the double doors suddenly flew open, a brilliant light blinding them.

"Foolish Elves! Did you dare to think you could seek to take me unaware?" Saruman bellowed from within the light. The Elves felt a strong pull on their weapons, too strong to resist. Their bows and arrows flew into the room, bouncing harmlessly on the floor.

They felt that same force slam them to the floor as well, and though they struggled, they found that they could barely lift their heads from the cold cement.

"You think you have won? Ha! I can easily have more guards brought in…my plans will not change! Your children will be my slaves, as will the Ellith who bear them. You, however, will not live to see them born! I will simply have more Elves brought in…but much younger than you, I think. You have been too much trouble. Yes, I think four Elves, not quite at their majority would do nicely. Not old enough to know battle…but old enough to know how to do what I need them to do."

By this point, with the Elves immobilized on the floor, Saruman seemed to be talking to himself, working out his strategy out loud.

Without warning several rapid fire shots rang out. Saruman looked down at himself, incredulous at the spreading red stains on his sleeping robes. He looked up, his mouth working to speak, but uttered no sound, as he slumped slowly to floor. His eyes clouded, staring blankly at the four Elves lying on the floor in front of him.

Suddenly freed of the spell that kept them immobile, the Elves sprang to their feet, spinning around to face who ever had fired the shots.

Elur stood shaking, the gun hanging loosely in her hands, Gish, Geshi, and Ayaz huddled behind her. The gun fell to the floor, as Elur's knees began to give out.

Haldir flew the short distance between them, catching her before she hit the floor, cradling her in his arms. "Brave one…sweet one…it is over, and you have saved us."

Geshi rushed to Legolas, alarmed at the sight of the makeshift, blood soaked bandage on his arm. Murmuring soft words, she tried to lead him to the kitchen to attend to it, but he resisted gently, insisting that he was all right, and that they needed to make sure the building was secure. "We must also find the young one we met on the first day. Saruman said he would be kept hidden away to ensure we did as we were told."

"Ah, his name is Mattel. He is fine, Legolas. Saruman had him return to his duties as soon as Haldir…er…did as he was told," Geshi informed him, blushing.

Rumil went to Ayaz, calming her trembling form by taking her into his arms, just as Orophin did with Gish. The Ellith told of slipping out of their rooms, unable to wait, horrified and frightened out of their wits by the first of the dead guards they had encountered. Elur had had the foresight to pick up one of the guards' rifles, and together they followed the Elves to Saruman's room.

Having regained his senses after a few moments, Haldir was once again his old, arrogant self. "Elur! What were you thinking? You could have been killed! I told you not to leave your room until we came for you!"

Elur looked stricken at his harsh words, stepping back from the big Elf's embrace.

Orophin shook his head, smiling. Not reliquishing his hold on Gish, he moved closer to Haldir and Elur. "Do not pay him any heed, Elur. He is only upset because he knows of the danger you put yourself in, but we are still grateful. We would not have survived to let you out of your room if you had not taken that chance." He threw Haldir a warning look, and Haldir had the good grace to blush.

"I am sorry, Elur…it is just when I think of what might have happened…"

"Don't, Haldir. We are all fine, except for Legolas, who seems to bearing up well enough. Things could have gone much worse. I…we…are all so grateful to you for everything…I…" Elur could not continue as her emotions took hold. Haldir drew her back into his arms, burying his face in her hair.

Finally, he looked down at her, smiling. "Take the others and go to the Elflings, Elur. They are probably frightened and worried for you. We will come as soon as we know the rest of the building is safe."

Nodding, Elur and the other Ellith reluctantly left, heading back the way they had come.

Wasting no more time, the Elves made short work of checking the rest of the building, as well as the few outbuildings, but no more guards were found. They bolted and barricaded the entry doors after hauling the carcasses outside into the snow. Saruman's body was the last to be thrown on the heap, Orophin fulfilling his promise to spit on the remains.

Already, the makeshift grave was half covered with snow, which was falling fast and hard. The Elves, as sturdy as they were, shivered in the freezing temperatures, and moved quickly back inside once the gruesome job was completed.

Finding their way to the Elflings' sleeping quarters, they opened the door to find the Elflings huddled around the four Ellith, plying them with questions.

Spying their heroes, the Elflings rushed the four Elves, practically throwing themselves on them, wrapping themselves around the Elves' legs and waists, to the laughter of the Ellith.

"Is Santa really dead?" "Did you really kill all the guards?" "Do we really not have to make toys anymore?" "Are we really going home?"

Question upon question, a roomful of eager little hopeful eyes staring up at them, the four Elves looked at each other and began to laugh.

"Yes, Little Ones, yes to all of it!" Legolas smiled, hugging as many as his arms could reach.

"You are free, now…no one will command you anymore…no one will hurt you anymore," Haldir added, his arms also full of Elflings.

"What are your names?" one small Elleth, who was missing her two front teeth, asked, turning her bright grey eyes on Rumil.

"I am Rumil, this is my brother Orophin, and my brother Haldir, and my friend, Legolas," he replied, pointing at the other Elves in turn. "What is your name, Little One?"

"I'm Malibu Stacy," she replied with a slight lisp.

Rumil cocked an eyebrow, looking up at Gish. "That's a lovely name," he told the young Elleth. Looking over her head, he gave Gish a curious look.

"Santa renamed the Elflings after toys," Gish replied. "He said it would keep their purpose in mind all the time." She pointed to a few of the Elflings huddled around Rumil. "This is Bathtime Barbie, this is Summer Sun Ken, this is G.I. Joe, this is Mousetrap, Yatzee, and Monopoly, and those two over there are the Parker Brothers. "Those little ones hanging onto Legolas' knees are Playschool, Matchbox, and Hasbro. You already know Mattel…" she explained, pointing to the Elfling they had met on the very first day they arrived. He was currently being held in Haldir's arms, his face buried in the neck of the strong Elf.

"Well," Haldir said, kissing Mattel on the head before placing him gently on the ground, "It has been a very long night for all us. Legolas' wound needs tending, and then I think we should all get some rest. Tomorrow we will begin planning how we will return to Arda." He smiled at the chorus of small voices raised in protest, as well as the small mouths opening in yawns.

Together the eight adults tucked the Elflings back into their cots, happily accepting the hugs and kisses offered by the young ones, watching as they drifted off to sleep.