Knocking At Heaven's Door

Title: Knocking At Heaven's Door
Author: TICS
Rating: NC17
Warnings: Everything I can think of without being overly gross and offensive.
Pairings: Um, yeah…everybody.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Tolkien, and really, not much of anything else.
Summery: Ever wonder what happens to fanfic writers after they die? Would heaven be heaven without Elves and sex? Um…no. No, it wouldn't.

Chapter 13

Elrond's Big Book of Sex


Morning came much too soon, considering how little sleep I actually got between the ebony haired Advisor and the golden haired Balrog-slayer. Erestor was hooked on the entire "experiment" idea, seeming to come up with a new line of research every fifteen minutes that simply could not wait until the morning to be tested.

I counted myself lucky to be able to walk without assistance when I finally rose, dressed, and found my way down to the kitchens for breakfast. I left Glorfindel teaching Erestor the fundamentals of mass displacement with a large vial of sandalwood oil and what might quite possibly be the largest sex aid I had ever seen.

Erestor's yelps could be heard all the way down the hallway and halfway down the stairs.

I found the kitchens quite by accident, having first found the library, the linen closet, the broom closet, and the servant's quarters. I was lost, and pleased to find the servant in his quarters, still wearing his dog collar and nothing else. He was quite pleasant and accommodating. He even gave me directions to the kitchen afterward.

Finally making it to the large, spacious kitchen area, I found the twins having breakfast. Actually, they were having each other, which was no surprise to me anymore.

Elladan had Elrohir bent over the wooden kitchen table, and was in the process of serving him a large, heaping helping of "Elladan Surprise."

Grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl on the counter, I munched away, leaning on the doorjamb, enjoying the view. "I do hope you plan on washing your hands before you eat," I remarked as Elladan collapsed on top of his twin.

Smiling, they greeted me in unison. "Been pretty busy with Erestor and Glorfindel, we hear," Elrohir said, straightening up from the table. "Although how you can suffer through an entire evening with that stuffy Scribe is beyond me."

"You'd be surprised at how creative he is, actually. He's really a romantic at heart," I replied, finishing the apple and tossing the core into the trash.

"Really? I'd never have guessed," Elladan said, rinsing his hands by the sink. "He was our tutor for a couple of hundred years, you know…but sex was the one topic he never seemed to have an opinion on."

"He seems to be into experimentation now…you might want to ask him for a little…er, refresher course. I think he'd be most anxious to be tutored by his former students."

Elrohir raised an elegant eyebrow at his twin, who shrugged. "Why not? If we can pry him away from the Balrog-slayer."

"We could always just include Fin, 'Ro…now that might be interesting…" Elladan laughed, biting into a pear. Juice dripped down his chin onto his chest. I watched that single drop of juice slide down his smooth chest, between the rock hard muscles of his abdomen to become lost in the nether regions between his legs, and I was sorely tempted to clean it off for him - with my tongue.

"Have you seen Ada this morning, Milady? I believe he was looking for you," Elrohir inquired, beating me to the punch by beginning to clean Elladan himself.

"No, I just came from Erestor's room, and wanted to find something to eat," I answered. My eyes followed 'Ro's pink tongue as it flicked its way down his twins chest, my own tongue licking my lips.

"I think he may be in the House of Healing. We'll take you there," Elladan offered, earning him a nip from Elrohir.

"I’m kind of trying to do something here, 'Dan," Elrohir said, frowning up at his twin from somewhere around Elladan's navel.

"We can wait a few minutes, 'Ro. You know how Ada gets when he's made to wait…"

Sighing, Elrohir rose to his full height, rolling his lovely black eyes. "I know, I know…he's such an Elfling sometimes. Well, let's go then. The sooner we get a move on, the sooner I can get moved on."

They led me out of Elrond's House, down a cobblestone pathway lined with fabulous red rose bushes bearing huge, fragrant blossoms. Elladan picked one, and stuck it behind my ear, kissing my cheek.

I smiled, thinking briefly how sweet the twins really were…how spicy, sweet, and just a tiny bit salty they were. Once again, my tongue licked my lips.

"Sorry, Milady…but Ada is waiting…" Elladan apologized, looking very sorry indeed. "Perhaps after he's through with you…er, talking to you…"

Elrohir opened the door to the House of Healing for me, and we entered its white halls. Everything here was white - it reminded me a lot of the reception area of Heaven.

The twins led me to a room far off one of the many corridors. Entering, I immediately spotted Elrond sitting in a chair at a desk, evidently deeply engrossed in whatever book lay open before him. It was easy to spot the dark Elf against that expanse of white - he and twins stood out in these rooms like charcoal on paper.

"Good Morning, Lord Elrond," I said, "You wished to see me?"

Turning, he eyed me up and down, much as he had done when I first arrived. I could see that he was also in the same condition he was in when I arrived, except that Erestor currently wasn't tasting his goodies.

"Yes, I was…for about two hours, now," he said, frowning. "I expected you to be ready when I called for you."

"Sorry, My Lord, but I was in Erestor's room, and didn't know you were looking for me," I answered, a bit put off by the highbrowed Elf.

"I was wondering whether you might be willing to help me with some research…"

"You too?"

"Huh?"

"Never mind, My Lord. What type of research?" I asked, not wanting to get into the entire Erestor/Glorfindel/Great Experiment thing.

"I have been studying this book, and I need to make certain that the information it holds is valid before allowing it to be added to the Library," he explained, holding up the book for me to see. It was a lovely, leather bound, fully illustrated copy of the Kama Sutra.

"Um…I can pretty much guarantee that the information is correct, My Lord…" I said, raising an eyebrow at the title.

"Really? Have you tried all of these?" He asked, flipping through the pages.

"No, I was never quite that flexible," I answered truthfully.

"You are now…" he smiled, putting the book down on the table, turning to an interesting position entitled the "Cobra," and walking toward me.

"That's our cue," Elrohir said to Elladan, taking his twin's elbow and starting for the door.

"Just where do you two think you're going?" Elrond asked, fixing a baleful look at his sons.

Elrohir and Elladan both looked surprised. "You're going to be busy for a while, judging from the size of that book, Ada…we were going to go visit Erestor."

"Erestor? No, you can visit Erestor some other time. I need you here…to assist."

The twins looked at each other, raising identical eyebrows, then looked at me, and smiled identical, lecherous grins. "Yes, Ada," they replied in perfect unison.

Looking at the trio of indigo-haired Elves advancing on me, I couldn't stop a rather silly, giggly grin from spreading on my own face.