Between Friends

“You can’t always get what you want.” – The Rolling Stones

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Time was growing short and they would be in Rivendell in three days. Legolas knew he had to make his move.

Thankfully, Annowe’s anger had cooled rather quickly but she still remained more silent that usual. She was trying to figure out the best way to broach the subject and drag her feelings out in the open once and for all.

Legolas seemed to sense that she wasn’t angry or annoyed but preoccupied and wisely refrained from interrogating her. He would make his move before they reached Rivendell and he clung to the thought that everything would get pulled out into the open before they could part ways.

After they had eaten and settled down for the evening, she again brought out her brush and sat behind him to brush his hair. He smiled, glad that the tension had eased between them and secure in the knowledge that he would soon declare his intentions to her.

She gently began bushing his silken hair, watching the luminous strands slide through her fingers. It would be now or never. She would need every ounce of courage she possessed to tell him the truth but she was determined to do it.

When she had finished combing and re-braiding his hair, she sat down in front of him with her knees touching his and looked at him for a long time. For all her seniority, he could still read every thought on her face. She was simply too honest for deception and he loved her for it.

“I want you,” she suddenly said, startling him. Of all the things she could have said to him, this was perhaps the least expected.

“What?” he asked in confusion.

“You heard me,” she answered and continued to watch him anxiously through her dark eyes.

He was completely stunned by her revelation and didn’t quite know what to make of it. He blinked owlishly several times as random unconnected thoughts zipped through his mind. Dumbstruck, he opened his mouth to speak but no words came out, only a grunt.


Before he could recover himself enough to respond, she placed two fingers over his parted lips. “No, don’t say anything. I’m tired of dancing around this. There it is. You can take it or leave it but there it is anyway, for what it’s worth.” She was glad to finally get that out in the open and sighed to be relieved of the burden, letting her fingers fall from his lips.

They sat there staring at each other for several long minutes as a flood of emotions and thoughts overwhelmed his senses. She could see the conflicting thoughts pass over his features and waited patiently for him to digest the information.

“But?” He finally asked, feeling there was a “but” in there somewhere that he had missed. A “but” that had to do with the March Warden. Now he would hear it from her own lips.

She swallowed hard, trying to keep from crying. She had started it and she intended to finish it, no matter how deeply it hurt her.

“But,” she whispered to him gently and stroked his alabaster cheek. “But I cannot have you.”

His hand closed over hers and he tenderly kissed her palm as he closed his eyes. She wished fervently that he would stop doing that – it made her knees weak and threatened to undermine her resolve in the matter.

She sighed heavily and bit back a sob. Why did he have to be so beautiful?

He didn’t say anything but continued to hold her hand against his cheek, wanting to remember the feel of her hand on his skin. He opened his eyes to her. “It’s Haldir, isn’t it?” He asked softly, trying not to sound accusatory.

Now it was her turn to be confused. “Haldir? What does HE have to do with anything?” She wondered. He was the least of her worries now.

The tips of Legolas’ ears turned pink and he lowered his eyes guiltily. Suddenly it dawned on her what had been going on in his mind the entire trip! She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry. No wonder he had goaded her and interrogated her!

She sighed then giggled. “I’m sorry,” she began. “But Haldir? I mean, really, Legolas!” She giggled again at the thought.

Legolas didn’t say anything but she could see the blush creeping over his cheeks and found it endearing.

“No. Haldir is angry with me because of Orophin,” she started. Instantly, his head jerked up and the color drained from his face. He knew it! He knew it had to be someone!

Calmly, she squeezed his hand. “It’s not what you think,” she soothed. “Orophin wanted me but I was too enamored of you to dally with him. That is what Haldir is angry about. He thinks I’m bedding you while tormenting his brother.”

Then she giggled helplessly again. “But it would appear that you believe I am bedding Haldir!”

He looked at her for several long moments, his mind still trying to take in what she had said to him. She wanted him! She wasn’t bedding anyone! All of his ploys and questions were for naught. She had been his for the taking the entire time!

“How long have you known?” he wondered and continued to hold her hand.

Her smile faded and she grew solemn. “Oh, I’ve known it for years and years, ” she answered truthfully. It was only now that she had been pushed to the breaking point that she could admit her feelings for him.

Characteristically, she tried to lighten the mood by adding, “I was hoping you’d find some nice elleth to settle down with so I could forget about it. But you haven’t.”

He closed his eyes against the pain. “How could I?” he whispered. “My heart had already been stolen although I did not realize it.”

Despite her best efforts, a tear slid down her cheek and she pulled her hand away from him to wipe it away. “Don’t - don’t say anymore. You’re not making this any easier on me.” She stood up and turned away from him. Why didn’t he understand the risk involved?

“It shouldn’t be easy,” he countered irritably, rising to his feet. Now that it was out in the open, did she expect him to forget about it? How could he?

“Legolas, please,” she begged turning back to him. “I didn’t tell you to upset you. I’m tired of dancing around this. It was killing me. I never expected anything to come of it, please believe me. I don’t want to ruin our friendship!”

“So why did you tell me this?” he demanded coldly and drew away from her.

“I wanted you to know,” she said quietly, hesitantly reaching for him.

He scowled darkly at her and avoided her touch. “You wanted me to know? Why? You had previously decided that nothing would ever come of it so why bother bringing it up now?”

Her lip quivered and she cursed herself. “I told you because I’m tired of avoiding this and fighting with you because I can’t have you,” she glared at his cold stare. “And I’m afraid,” she added quietly.

“Afraid? You’ve never been afraid of anything in your life,” he snorted, still smarting from her insinuation that he should just forget about it.

With an effort, she held her temper in check. She knew she had hurt him deeply and his sarcasm was his way of masking the pain.

“I’m afraid that Sauron will complete his evil plans and - and lay waste to the land and everything in it. Including and especially you, Prince of Mirkwood,” she stared at him defiantly.

It took a few seconds before he realized what she had said. “Sauron’s evil plans”, “lay waste to the land”, “especially you,” he repeated in his mind and the chill crept over him again. Yes, she had every reason to fear. He could see the fear and pain clearly on her face and cursed his selfishness.

He had no idea that she had been gazing so far into the future. How could he have been so blind? He was worried about simply controlling his desire for her and plotting against Haldir while she had been worried about his very life and the fate of Middle Earth. He felt like a complete fool.

Silently, he drew her into his arms and held her close, murmuring soothing words to her as she buried her face into his chest and cried. For a very long time they stood there, Legolas’ strong arms encircling her with her small hands clinging to his back. She was very frightened and upset and Legolas realized that his own behavior was partly to blame.

She had asked him on several occasions to be honest with her and he had not. Instead he had put her off with platitudes thinking that he could deal with it himself. Why had he been so stubborn? Tenderly he stroked her hair, vowing to make it up to her.

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