Sleeping Beauty

Author’s Note: I have finally moved to UK and real life is chaotic right now. It turns out that my MA course is really difficult and demanding, so I cannot promise anything about when the next update will be and how often I’ll be able to update. I will try to do so, however, whenever I find some free time. Your reviews are all wonderful; thank you for giving me strength to go on. The number of hits on this story has by far exceeded all my expectations.

Disclaimer: See Prologue.

italics: thoughts

Chapter 11 – Resolutions


Alice had been staring at the closed door for hours. Rocking back and forth on the same spot she had collapsed on the previous night, she had cried more than she had ever done in her whole life; her eyes were red, the features of her face feeling swollen.

She felt numb. Lost. Confused. And very, very angry.

She had lost him. She had lost a real man who loved her, for a whim of her mind: an imaginary being, an illusion, a creation of her crazy mind.

She had lost her mind! She needed some therapy, some medical treatment. Therapy!, she repeated in her mind frustrated. She, Alice Green, the epitome of reason, to be needing therapy!

What a joke life was! How had she come to this? How had she lost everything she had built from scratch? How had she lost Logan? It was true he wasn’t the perfect man, but she felt safe with him; he was a perfectly organized part of her perfectly organized life. Now everything had melted into chaos and, in truth, this was what frightened Alice to no ends: her life had been turned upside down and she didn’t know how to start putting things back into order.

Of course she loved Logan. She had spent five years with him and it was only natural to grow attached to him. All these years, he had loved her unconditionally, treating her with respect. And what had she done? She had… God, I can’t even think of it! Maybe they had not shared their deepest secrets with each other. And maybe they had not experienced the passionate love recited in poems and praised in songs. But they enjoyed each other’s company and got along well. Wasn’t that enough?

She wanted to call him and tell him everything. She knew he would suggest a visit to a doctor and she was willing to follow his advice. She should have listened to Jean’s advice and visited that doctor before… maybe then all this mess would not have happened…

How…? How…? Her mind could not find the answer. How had it come to this? When had she lost her touch with reality? When had that imaginary being seduced her so much that she had thrown away her life and the people who loved her so easily?

Her phone had been ringing for some time now. She should have been at work. She heard the messages on her answering machine, not bothering to move from where she stood; her boss asking worriedly if she was alright; her friends asking her where she had disappeared, because everyone was looking for her.

And then the doorbell rang.

Her heart leapt and her eyes lifted towards it bright with hope. Could it be him? Could he have realized that it was all a mistake?

“Alice, honey, open the door please!”

Her face fell.

Jean started pounding her fist on the door.

“God, Alice, you’re scaring me!”

“She’s not here, Jean…” Marisa’s voice added from behind the door and Alice felt tears gathering in her eyes once more.

Her friends. Her best friends. She had never lied to them about anything. And she had betrayed their trust for what? Something that didn’t even exist!

“But her car is parked outside!”

More knocking. Alice heard Jean sigh and a muffled “Where has she gone?” before their footsteps drew away. Slowly, she got herself up from the cold floor, wincing at her sore muscles.

She wanted to stop thinking. To stop hurting. And, if possible, to disappear from the face of the Earth.

With a defeated whimper, she threw herself on her bed and curled up into a ball.

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A black cloud covered her senses the moment her sleepy mind registered the touch of his long fingers on her face. Anger traveled inside her veins and spread through her body like deadly poison. No, it wasn’t anger. It was fury. Opening her eyes, she pushed the hand away with all her might, and rose from the couch she was laying on, putting as much distance as she could between her and the elf.

Legolas’ brows had furrowed above his blue eyes at the reaction of the woman. She was frowning and glaring at him, as if he were her worst enemy. What could have possibly happened? Last time he had opened up his heart to her, his pain causing their bond to be remade. Why was she so angry at him?

He slowly rose to his feet, watching with growing irritation, as the woman took a few more steps away from him. How long would this situation have to go on? He was tired of this game; one step forward, two steps back. Every time they got a little closer, something happened and they were back to square one. Even though his situation did not allow any choice but patience, it was growing thin. He was not sure he had the courage to chase her any more. His long years in loneliness had made him weary and he needed to be released from this living nightmare.

“Don’t you dare come close to me!” she hissed in an angry voice, her green eyes sparkling with rage.

Legolas could not understand for the world what he had done to deserve her anger. He had been nothing but kind to her, and their last encounters were more than pleasant. Taking a deep breath, he willed his nerves to calm and tried talking gently to her.

“My love, what is wrong?”

Alice wanted to scream at his audacity. He invaded her dreams, destroyed her life and was acting as if he didn’t have a clue? Instead, she let out a bitter laugh and shook her head.

“What’s wrong? What’s WRONG?? Everything about these fucking dreams is wrong!”

The elf didn’t know what to make out of this. He tried to approach her once more and extended his hand towards her, but she backed away again.

“Don’t touch me!”

His last remnants of patience disappeared. Legolas was not an elf who took kindly to people screaming at him; even if this person was his beloved Alysse. He deserved more respect and, definitely, some explanations. She was on the verge of hysteria, her face’s features having taken a wild expression and her body ready to explode. No, he was not worth this. Not after what he had done for her; and certainly not now that she knew.

“Calm yourself and explain,” he said in a cold voice, his own blood starting to boil.

“Explain what, that you destroyed my life??”

Destroyed her life? What about mine? Hurt and disappointment filled him. He had stayed for her sake; for a dream that belonged to both. What had happened to it? When would she remember?

“I only meant for us to be together. I do not believe I have harmed you in any way.” Legolas looked away momentarily, before locking his gaze with hers again. “I love you too much to see you in pain.”

She gasped. She could not believe her ears. How sick was her mind to make up all this? What kind of twisted mechanism created all these illusions and made them so real?

“You love me?” she said in a whisper, her whole body trembling. “You love me??”

Her vision blurred. God, she wouldn’t cry in front of him. She wouldn’t. But her will betrayed her again. Her lower lip began to tremble as a tear fell down her cheek.

“How dare you…?” she accused him through clenched teeth. “How dare you come into my life and blurt out all this nonsense?? You have no right, do you hear me? You have no right to ruin my life, because you’re just a creation of my sick mind!” She was heaving with sobs by now and had to stop and take a much needed breath. “I lost… I lost my friend’s trust because of you… I lost my peace of mind! And…” She looked down, still unable to believe that which she was about to voice. “…I lost the man I love…”

Legolas’ head snapped up at her words. She had lost him? Had he succeeded in separating that accursed man from his wife? Guilt seized him for a moment; his beloved was in turmoil, yet he felt relieved at her words. At the same time, however, a thought disturbed him: was that man so important for her to be in such a state? No, it could not be. She had probably misunderstood her feelings of compassion and guilt for the mortal for love.

“You don’t love that man, Alysse. You never did,” he replied in a calm manner, trying to talk some sense into her.

Alice just wanted to run her fingernails across his face and wipe that stoic mask he always wore.

“Do not presume to know my feelings for Logan,” she snapped at him, her finger shaking as she raised it towards him.

“You belong to me, as I belong to you. He will have to accept that,” he continued in the same manner, as he started walking towards her. Alice did not move; so stunned was she by his impassiveness.

“That man is real Legolas! He is flesh and bones, unlike you! He cares for me! And I said your name while he made love to me!”

Legolas froze at her words, his hands slowly balling into tight fists to keep them from breaking something. While he made love to her? Were they married? No, she could not be! Her spirit was joined with his and she would never feel ready to bind with anyone else because of that! How then…? You betrayed me, my sweet Alysse…? You betrayed our love…? A fleeting look of madness appeared in his eyes and Alice flinched. She watched terrified as he backed her into the wall, his face inches away from her own.

“He made love to you??” he said in an angry whisper.

Alice’s jaw dropped down at his question. What was that all about?

“I have every right to have sex with my boyfriend, you lunatic! And for the last time, my relationship with Logan is none of your business!” She had stopped crying now, her anger building up defensive walls.

“Not my business??” The elf’s eyes were blazing, the features of his face betraying that he believed her statement unthinkable. “My wife is lying with another man and it’s not my business??”

“How many times do I have to tell you; I AM NOT YOUR WIFE! I love Logan, Legolas! I’ve been with him for five years and I would be for many more if my stupid mind hadn’t made you up!”

Legolas’s face acquired an ironic smile that unsettled her. She knew she was about to be backed in a corner and not only physically, like she was at the moment. He placed his palms flat against the wall on either side of her head and leaned towards her, his eyes making the butterflies in her stomach dance wildly once more.

“Why did you say my name if you claim you love him, then?”

Her heart jumped. What was she supposed to answer? She knew she could not get around the elf so easily. In truth, she didn’t want to either; things needed to be cleared up, if she wanted this madness to stop. Maybe she needed to confront her mind to find the cure to her disease… perhaps he was the personification of some kind of fear she entertained in her mind and she had to fight him…

“I asked you a question, Alysse, and I’m expecting an answer,” he pressed her on, after she remained silent for too long.

“I had a vision,” she replied, her voice no louder than a whisper. “I saw everything, as if I was standing in a corner above…” her eyes moved downwards, and Legolas had to lift her chin with one of his hands. His eyes held the unmistakable glint of curiosity when she met them again.

“And?”

Alysse looked so vulnerable under his intense gaze. It hurt him to see her so upset, but he would not have any mercy on her tonight. He had chased and begged and explained and tried so hard, and this time his immortal patience had actually found its death. He was not perfect; but above all, he was madly in love. And that by definition, made him unreasonable and desperate. Her small voice broke the heavy silence again.

“I felt everything… as… as if it was happening to me…” she tried to drown her sob at the memory of the vision, but the lump in her throat was too painful to avoid. How real had it felt! “That girl… you made love to her… you married her…”

Legolas’ eyes did not lose their steely gaze. He knew the content of that vision, for it was also a memory of his own. It was enough proof for the truth of his words; he would make her admit it.

“Who was that girl?”

Alysse squeezed her eyes shut to hide her shame for the admittance of what he had been telling her all along. He had broken her down; so much for confronting him.

“It… It was me…”

She felt his fingers letting go of her chin, an audible sigh escaping his lips. Was it because he felt exasperated? Was it because he had been right? Was it because he was finally going to leave her alone? She opened her eyes in relief to see him standing several feet away from her, his arms crossed and his face turned towards the garden outside the room. That’s when she noticed her surroundings: she was backed against the white stone of a large room, decorated in a fashion that reminded her of the halls in Minas Tirith. The open glass doors overlooked a fully grown garden, the rays of the sun kissing tenderly each petal of the colourful flowers. The garden was extremely beautiful; and if the situation had been different, she would have definitely taken a stroll in it.

She jumped when she heard him speak again.

“Your memories are coming back.”

He turned to face her once more.

“What you saw was a memory. Your memory of the day you bound yourself to me, before I left to join the Fellowship in Rivendell.”

She sighed. The same nonsense again. Tales of times and places that did not exist anywhere but in her imagination. Her mind was trying to completely separate her from reality. Perhaps I should write a book! she thought for a second amused. It could be an excellent fantasy novel! She sighed exasperated and shook her head; the situation was getting completely out of hand again.

“Rivendell, Gondor and the same bullshit! Well, where are we today, my beautiful husband?” she asked in an ironic voice. The irritated look in the elf’s face could not be missed.

“Ithilien,” Legolas answered frostily; he didn’t like being mocked.

“Ithilien…” she repeated tapping her finger on her chin, as if thinking. “Last time it was the Shire, before that Rohan and then we had the Golden Wood and –voila!- before I know it, we’ll be talking about the Wizard of Oz!“

“Mind your tone, Alysse,” Legolas warned her. He had no idea who this Wizard of Oz was, but he could tell by the sarcasm in her voice that she was still not taking him seriously.

Alice faked a gasp.

“You’re just my dream, Legolas; a creation of my crazy mind. You have no power to tell me what to do.”

Legolas had enough. She was laughing at him. Laughing at all the pain he had to go through for her; for their love. And he was tired trying. Tired to make her believe. His own wife, the woman he had been waiting for thousands of years, the person for who he had sacrificed everything for, had thrown to his face the fact that she had made love to another man, accused him that he had destroyed her life and still claimed that he was not real; the elf had only so much strength.

“What would it take for you to believe me, Alysse?” he growled in a voice equally angry with hers, if not more. “How can I make you see the truth?”

His insistence made Alice explode once more.

“What truth??” she yelled back. “It’s all a sick fantasy of my mind, YOU are a sick fantasy I need to stop before I’m driven to madness!!”

“You felt it…” Legolas could not believe the words he heard. “You felt my pain…you felt my emotions… you relived a memory – YOUR memory- and yet you say ‘tis all a game of your mind?”

The hurt in his eyes almost made her lose her resolution; the disappointment; the pleading for her to believe him. Yes, she had felt his pain; she was feeling it right now and she was about to crumble beneath its weight. Who are you? she thought in frustration. How can you speak so easily to my heart? Instead, she straightened up and said:

“I don’t know who you are or what you are. I don’t know what is happening to me and why. But you need to stop, Legolas,” she told him in a voice that held no room for argument. “You need to stop these dreams. You need to let me go.”

Legolas looked at the young woman before him, a painful realization brought home. This woman knew nothing of visions; nothing of bonding for eternity and the ways of the elves. She thought she was going crazy and he had taken whatever peace she had in her life. He finally realized that he had truly invaded her life and demanded things he had no right for. Alysse had her own life; and he was not a part of it, as painful as it was to admit it. Gandalf was wrong: he had done anything in his power to make her believe he was real, without surpassing his limits, those constraints the wizard had placed and the warnings he had given him, but his Alysse was not back. Before him stood a woman whose soul was married to him, but whose mind was a stranger to the elf and everything he represented.

It was all in vain.

He looked down defeated. He had nothing more to lose.

Grabbing a chain resting around his neck, he pulled out the emerald pendant that was hidden inside his tunic.

Alice gasped, recognizing the jewel in her vision. How could she have missed this before?

With an abrupt move, he broke the chain and threw it on her feet.

All her rage left her. Her own breath left her. And her heart broke into a million tiny pieces.

“Shall be it.”

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Alice woke up with a start, her breath coming in short gasps. She reached at her face, her fingers touching the wet trails of her tears. Her chest felt heavy, as if something was weighing down on her heart. She sat up to take a deep breath and caught her reflection on the mirror across her bed.

Her piercing screams reverberated in the silence of the room.

She tore the thing off her neck and threw it away, jumping from the bed and running to the other side of her bedroom, where she slid down the wall and hugged her knees to her chest. She could not control her loud sobs and the terror that seized her.

And from its place on the floor, the tear-shaped emerald glared at her, a tangible proof that the elf and everything he had told her was real…

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