Such is life

Billy is waiting for Dom to wake up.


Disclaimer: I don’t know anything about Dom Monaghan and I know even less about hospitals! Not true!!

Author’s notes: Of course he wakes up! I couldn’t kill me Dommie! As always: Feedback would be really appreciated!


14. Welcome back, Dommie:

Billy’s POV:

It was five days since I had gotten the call from Samantha. I still couldn’t recall what she had said, I had only understood two words: Dom and dying. Numbly I had put the phone down and then not wanting to lose precious time I packed my stuff and took the next train home.

Six hours later I was sitting at Dom’s bedside, holding his cold hand in mine. I had not really left the hospital since then, sitting there on a chair night and day, protecting Dom with my presence. It hurt my heart to see how small, how frail he looked under the white covers of his bed. After five days he was still unconscious and with every minute that passed my fear that I might lose him grew.

I knew it had been no accident, Monica had told me with tears in her eyes, describing how she had found Dom lying in a puddle of his own blood. She handed me a letter.

“He left a second one for me and Sean,” she whispered, her voice barely audible. “I had no idea…” Her voice broke and I took her into my arms as sobs shook her body violently. “I feel so guilty,” she finally cried. “Guilty that I didn’t realize that my son is slowly dying in front of my eyes.” She looked at me from wide eyes. “Why did he think that his life wasn’t worth living anymore, Billy? Why did he choose death instead of talking to us?”

Honestly I shook my head. “I don’t know why he couldn’t talk about it with us…” I replied softly. “Dom has felt very lonely for a long time. Sometimes he said it was like he was captivated in a world he didn’t quite fit into and that no matter how much he struggled he would never find his place in it…” I inhaled deeply. Why hadn’t I seen how far he was gone already?

Monica looked down at her hands. “I always thought that it was just in his nature to be like that.” A sad smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Some people are just born old. Even as a baby Dom was very thoughtful and silent…”

During the nights I spent at Dom’s bedside I read his letter again and again, searching for answers in the words he had addressed to me before his suicide attempt.

~*~

//To my one and only Billy, my other half…

Yes, that’s what I consider you. My other half, my soul mate. Sometimes I think you’re the only good thing in my life, the only reason why I carry the heavy burden of my life day for day. I just feel like I can’t go on like that anymore, because I fear facing a new day more than death. Whatever I do it’s never enough.

I hope that you can forgive me one day for leaving you alone, but I don’t wanna live as long as this misery claws at me every day. I have to end it before it eats me up completely.

As I want to die knowing and being who I am I’ve told my parents some of the mysteries around myself in their letter. There’s one last thing I want to ask of you: Please do not tell them how badly their divorce crushed me. I don’t want them to regret their decision back then, because they were right to choose that way if they couldn’t live with the other anymore…

There’s so much I could tell you now, but it doesn’t seem to matter anymore.

Thanks for being a part of my life…

Dom //


~*~

“Why do you always have to be such a bloody fucking twat?” Billy asked Dom in the dim light of the night. They were alone now. Dom’s parents had left to sleep some hours, but only when Billy had promised them to call if anything special happened.

He took Dom’s “healthy” hand into his again. “Why?” Angry tears were running down his cheek.

Yes, Billy was angry. He was angry at everybody who had driven Dom to his decision to commit suicide, but he was even more angry at Dom for really doing it. “You fucking bastard!” Billy sobbed. “Why did you do it?”

“Because I had to…”

Billy froze when he heard Dom’s voice. He barely recognised it as it was weak and hoarse. “Dom…” he whispered and looked up at his friend.

Dom’s eyes were open, but he was staring blindly into the room. “The pain, it’s like a mental rape…” Dom’s voice was barely audible, his eyes gazing off into nothingness. “And you’re crying out for more…”

Billy shivered, but didn’t say anything as Dom continued in a grave voice. “Just this once I answered the call, gave in to my yearning for the pain until it was enough…” Dom sighed, a nearly dreamlike expression on his face when he remembered the growing dizziness in his body. Slowly he turned his face into Billy’s direction. “Who found me?”

Billy swallowed heavily. “It was your mother.”

Dom nodded. “Thank god, it wasn’t Lij…” He let his eyelids fall closed, suddenly feeling too weak to stay awake.

This time Dom didn’t lose his consciousness, but fell asleep. “Welcome back, Dommie,” Billy smiled before standing up to inform the doctors and Dom’s parents that Dom had finally woken up again.

Tbc…