Bird's First Homely Karaoke Bar

Arwen grabs her guitar and sits on the stool provided for her on stage. She looks out into the crowd and clears her throat; "This song is dedicated to all those ellyth who've ever traded immortality for a human." She briefly tunes her guitar and strums a few chords of a folk song, and begins to sing...

"When I was a young elleth like normal ellyth do
I looked to an elf's love to help get me through
I never needed any more than an elven touch
I hated the thought of kissing a man it really was too much

I did not think that I'd never sail west
Tho' I loved the legend of Luthien and Beren best
My family, they were proud of me were proud of what I am
But then along came Aragorn and my tale of woe began

(Chorus)
I traded in my immortality for the love of a mortal
My life was so much simpler when I was screwing Rumil
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me trade in my immortality for a man with a smelly beard

It was the Third Age when Rumil and I did part
He said he loved another elf, my god, it broke my heart
I was bitter and disillusioned to lose another elf-friend
Aragorn came to live in Papa's house and decided to ease on in

Before my last heartbreak nothing made me more sick
Than a hairy-chested, dirty and smelly man with a hard dick
I guess that I was curious, heck I guess that I was young
I guess it was that miruvor, I guess that I was dumb

(Chorus)
I traded in my immortality for the love of a mortal
My life was so much simpler when I was screwing Rumil
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me trade in my immortality for a man with hairy ears

For of course, for an elleth to love a human she must accept his smell
And if an elleth don't die beside her man then she will surely fade
As I sit in this karaoke bar and reflect upon my past
I think about those elf-friends and why they did not last

For there's certain thrills that elven love simply cannot supply
Like twirling your fingers in chest hair that is curly and wiry
And so I say to you my friends with this man I'll die

SPOKEN: CAUSE IF I HAD LISTENED TO MY ADA, I WOULD STILL BE IMMORTAL!!!! (then continues singing…)

So listen to my tale of woe and hang your head and cry

(Chorus)
I traded in my immortality for the love of a mortal
My life was so much simpler when I was screwing Rumil
But the love of a strong hairy man has turned my head I fear
And made me trade in my immortality for a man with stringy hair "

Standing up Arwen bows to the crowd as the curtains close. Aragorn leans over to Mei at the bar. "Do I really smell?" She wrinkles her nose, but says nothing, afraid to breathe.

Kath rolls her eyes, "Mei...tell him the truth - somebody has to...Aragorn, you reek like a dead warg left out in the sun for a week. Here's a little tip...water is not just for drinking."

Aragorn begins to sob, "Why does everyone pick on me!!??"

Faramir comes up behind him and gives him a sweet and tender hug. "I don't think you smell, sweetie pie."

Aragorn looks up a little surprise and smiles weakly at Faramir, suddenly noticing how clear his eyes are and how they sparkle in the lights. "Do you mean that..?"

Bird walks up and rolls her eyes at the moonstruck duo. "Come on you too, get back to work!"

Aragorn turns around and flips Bird the bird......then pulls Faramir over to a dark corner to suck face.

Coming out from back stage, Arwen sees the two mortals and proceeds to beat both senseless while screaming about two-timing mortals and how she gave up immortality for this. Both men lay unconscious on the floor.