melme Colle (or: hidden love)

Chapter eleven Am I back?

Elrond sighehy chy couldn’t he find an answer to Legolas’ situation? He lowered his head on the desk and rubbed his temples. This was beginning to get frustrating.

He flared up when his door swung open and revealed a scared Glorfindel. He jumped up and approached his friend. “Glorfindel, man nás?”
Glorfindel panted and his eyes were filled with fear. “Erestor, he… he… he’s” Unable to find the right words he dragged Elrond along, who sped up and together they flew through the corridors.

Elrond’s eyes widened when he realised the blond was leading him to Legolas’ room and his surprise mounted when entering thom. om.

The twins were yelling at the Dwarf, who yelled right back, whilst Thranduil and Celeborn threw worried glances at the bed, where Erestor sat unresponsive. Not even Haldir and his brothers managed to drag him away.

Elrond instantly realised what had happened and rushed forward. Looking into his friend’s eyes he sighed. He signalled for the warriors to stop and he closed his eyes as a feeling of immense pain and guilt washed over him. /Why didn’t I know this? See it coming? Have I lost my gift?/

He stood and walked to the window, dragging the twins and the Dwarf along. “Stop your bickering.”
The twins lowered their eyes and they looked at the bed. “What’s wroith ith him, ata?”
Elrond sighed and shrugged. “He choose to forget this world. For some reason.”
Gimli huffed and threw his axe down, making everybody jump up, save for the elves at the bed. “Elves! Stubborn creatures, the lot of them. Nothing but trouble.”
Celeborn smiled. “We all worry for them, Gimli. How can we aid him, Elrond?ElroElrond shrugged. “All we can do is keep him alive and talk to him.”
Thranduil nodded. “We will leave then and roam the valley for now ave ave two elves to show it is worth returning to.”

Glorfindel smiled a little and nodded. He left after Thranduil, feeling the elf needed some company and he was very eager to spend more time with him. He knew he bemused Thranduil with his behaviour lately but didn’t care.

Orophin stepped up to Elrond and looked concerned.
Elrond smiled. “We all worry about them, Orophin. All we can do is hope for the better.”
Orophin shook his head and snuffed. “For someone as wise as you are, you are really dense, you know that!” He twirled and walked away.
Elrond widened his eyes and frowned. /Now what did he mean by that? That one is more erratic that the Bruinen./

He sighed and took up a seat next to Erestor. “Meldir, I know you can hear me, so listen. This is not right. You cannot lock yourself up in here and I will not stand for it. They say you haven’t eaten since yesterday morn. That can’t be good.” He picked up a food tray and butter pie piece of bread. “Here, eat this, while I feed Legolas.”
But Erestor didn’t move. His head remained on Legolas’ chest and the eyes stared into emptiness.
Elrond sighed. “Well, I am not giving up on you or fail you.”

He determinedly strode out and called the guards. “I want someone to guard this room at all times and alert me immediately when there’s a change. Any change.”
The warriors nodded and took up position, cringing when they saw Erestor slumped over Legolas, who was now a former ghost of his self.

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Three years later…

Elrond groaned. “Nothing! Nothing triggers him.” He growled. He had no more options left. He feared they were losing two very valued friends.
Celeborn and Thranduil looked at each other. They worried too. By now Thranduil was informed on what had passed during the Ring War and he sighed. “Maybe they affect each other?”
Elrond shrugged. He was completely out of ideas.

Together the three lords were the picture of total despair.

The warriors surrounding them shared their concern and worry but three of them were more concerned about a certain lord than anything else.
Orophin’s eyes never left Elrond’s form and Rumil shook his head in sheer wonder. He couldn’t understand that nobody knew of his brother’s desires. And what puzzled him more was Elrond being completely oblivious. But then again, the Peredhel did have a lot on his mind.

He forced himself not to grin as he saw Haldir’s eyes resting on Celeborn’s back. And although Haldir had always been protective of him, Rumil had the idea those looks had changed in nature ng tng the last years. But he remained silent. If Haldir wanted to talk about it, he would. But maybe he wouldn’t be the first one Haldir spoke to, whether the warrior wanted it or not, for Rumil saw Celeborn’s knowing eyes.
The former lord of the Golden realm felt Haldir’s eyes on him.

Thranduil too noticed a pair of eyes fixed on his back and he managed to hide his blush. He didn’t understand GlorGlorfindel was so interested in him or went to such great lengths to keep him happy. /It can’t be about that night. But it is more than friendship, that’s for sure. Or else he would be giving all that attention to Elrond./
He turned his head and his eyes locked with Glorfindel’s. /Why, Glorfindel, why are you doing this?/
The blond couldn’t maintain the contact and averted his eyes, unsuccessful in hiding his own blush. Another thing that puzzled Thranduil.

He sighed. “Elrond, let’s face the facts. For three years they both have been the same. They are not coming back. But maybe Erestor still has a chance…”
Celeborn’s eyes widened and settled on him, understanding what Thranduil was thinking and saying.
Elrond blinked as he too realised. He shook his head. “Nay, we can’t. That’ll be kinslaying.”
Thranduil sighed. “He’s my son and right now he’s withering away on that bed. He deserves to roam a realm or to dwell Mandos’ halls, nothing in between.”
Elrond sighed, understanding Thranduil’s point. “It is your decision, Thranduil, but please do not make it for Erestor. Think only of Legolas.”
Thranduil nodded. “I am! He cannot come back anymore and I refuse to see him suffer any longer. I will end his life.”
Elrond sighed and stood. “Letfetcfetch the right dagger. Wait for me here.”
Thranduil nodded.

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Erestor blinked and frowned. What time was it? He stood and immediately swayed. Seeing his own body he frowned. When had he gotten so thin?

The two guardians smiled and swiftly supported him. Alerting Lord Elrond could wait. “Steady, Counsellor.”
Erestor frowned at seeing them. “What’s the time?”
The guards smiled, pleased to hear him coherent. “Ten in the morn. Sit here while we alert Lord Elrond and go fetch you something to drink and eat. You’ve been living on scraps the last three years.” They left and left Erestor alone, knowing he needed it.

Erestor frowned. Three years? /I’ve been like this for three years?/
He forced his memory to work and grimaced when he remembered telling the twins and Gimli his past. /How could I have done that?/

He looked at Legolas. “You look so pale, and not nearly as thin as I do.” He gently caressed the beautiful face. “I bound you to me that day, Legolas. I could not bear the thought of you dying. But now you wither away because of me. I must have misread something or forgotten it. It is because of me you’re like this, isn’t it?” He smiled and leaned in closer, caressing the lips with his own. “I never wanted you to know, so you couldn’t laugh at me. I feared your rejection, Legolas. Love isn’t meant for me.”

He struggled to his feet and retrieved a dagger. He shook his head. /Warriors. Always leaving things where they do not belong./

He smiled once more and looked at Legolas. “I hope this will give you your live back, my love.” Without hesitation he sliced his arms open and simply stood there, awaiting the inevitable, never once looking away from Legolas. As he felt himself become dizzy and was unable to remain standing he smiled, seeing the eyelids flutter open. /Im mela lle./

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Legolas groaned as light assailed his eyes. Where was he? /Mandos, he sent me back. I am reborn./ He blinked a couple of times to let his eyes adjust to the light and slowly he sat up, groaning as his muscles protested. He saw he had his own body back, the one from before Mandos’ Halls; it made him frown.

Looking around he realised he was in Imladris. /How? What? Why?/ Looking for answers he sat up a bit more and looked around in earnest, smiling as he heard the Bruinen invading his hearing. /I am back. Mandos, I do not understand, but I am grateful./

He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, yearning to smell life again. Instantly his eyes flew open, recognizing the smell of blood. His eyes flashed around the room and he gasped, seeing Erestor on the floor, covered in blood.

He jumped out the bed, and instantly fell to the floor, but he paid it no heed. Worry for Erestor was the only sensation flowing through him. “Nay, you cannot do this to me. Mandos cannot be this cruel.” He cradled Erestor close and his heart sped up in careful joy. Erestor was still alive. /I need help or he will journey still./

He forced his body to cooperate and he stood and picked up Erestor, cradling him to his body. After a few clumsy steps forward he felt secure enough and started running. He needed help. Someone had to be there. At least the twins would still be here. /But what if the twins passed away and Erestor couldn’t handle being alone. Please, Elbereth, let someone dwell here still. I cannot heal him./ “And I don’t want to lose you again, Erestor.” His tears fell freely as he cursed. “If he dies, Mandos, you get me back!”

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Elladan supported Elrohir as they walked the halls. They felt gloomy. “How long will Erestor be like this?”
Elladan shrugged. “I don’t know, gwanunig.” He forced his tears inside. “I fear for him.” He sighed. “I never knew how much he really means to me, Ro. Even if this place is crawling with elves it feels lonely for Erestor isn’t one of them.”
Elrohir nodded and rested his head on Elladan’s shoulder. “And Gimli is still here. Why do you think that is? He also given up hope of ever seeing a change in them.”
Elladan shrugged and didn’t even feign surprise at hearing the Dwarf behind him. “Because someone has to take care of you lot. Better be me.”
They smiled warmly at the Dwarf. During these last three years they’ve grown to like him a lot.

Turning a corridor their eyes widened and their mouths fell open on their own accords. Elrohir blinked and shook his head. This couldn’t be. Did he really see Legolas running towards him? Impossible.

Gimli dropped his axe and ran forward, releasing a happy scream. “Laddy! Bless your Valar! How…” Suddenly he stopped dead. The fact that Legolas was carrying someone, who obviously lost a lot of blood only now registered.
Instantly he took charge. “Follow me!” He kicked the twins and yelled w run running. “Get herbs and such.” He ran, showing Legolas where to go.

Suddenly the elf passed him and he smiled, seeing Elrond and Thranduil walking towards them, lost in their own world. It did not surprise G. La. Lately, all those elves seemed to be in their own world, sick with worry.

“Lord Elrond, please help.” Legolas sagged to the floor and looked up hopefully. His face was wet with tears and his chest ached from running, but he didn’t give in yet.

Hearing his voice brought the other two out their reverie and instantly Elrond lowered himself, seeing what happened to Erestor. “Thranduil, carry your son, I’ll take Erestor.”
He smiled at the dwarf. “Gimli, please go to the healers and tell them I need herbs to stimulate blood production, athelas and other strong herbs. Go!”
Gimli ran off, surprising them with his speed.

Thranduil smiled as he cradled his son to his chest, whose eyes never left Erestor’s body. A weak arm reached for Erestor and Legolas managed to grab him.
Elrond smiled, seeing the worry and concern in those blue orbs. /He’s still the same./ “We won’t give up on him without a fight!”
Legolas smiled at his encouraging words.

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Elrond yawned and rubbed his neck. Tonight he would seek Orophin out, hoping the warrior would give another massage. He felt the guardian had skilled and talented hands.

He smiled warmly at Thranduil, who was staring at the bed in worry. Legolas had refused to part from Erestor, but he did allow the others to comfort him.

Elrond sighed. /If he hadn’t woken up when he did, Erestor would be died now. And he is still warm and breathing./ He walked closer and checked his friend again.
He smiled at Legolas. “I am sure he will live.” Legolas looked at him hopeful and Elrond cocked his head. A quick glance towards Thranduil made him smile. He had read his own thoughts in Thranduil’s eyes. Legolas deserved to know.

About to speak he closed his mouth and turned to the door where Gimli sat. Elrond smiled at Thranduil, who nodded his agreement. Together they walked to the door. “Gimli, would you sit with them?”
Gimli shook his head. He had long given up how Elrond was able to sense him. He nodded and approached.

“How you’re doing Laddy?”
Legolas smiled warmly. “Better.”
Gimli snuffed. “Do you know why he did that?”
Legolas shook his head. “I don’t know anything, Gimli. I’ve been dead for… three years.”
Gimli shook his head. “Nay, you weren’t dead.”
Legolas cocked his head. “Gimli, I was there, I was with Mandos.”
Gimli nodded. “Aye, you took his place, I heard.” A grin came across his features. “You practically threatened him.” He shrugged and sat down. “But your body remained alive, laddy, even if your spirit was there.”
He rubbed his head to stop the headache. His life has gotten complicated since he’s met those elves.

At first he hadnnednned to carefully enter the topic, but now he felt the straight approach would be more effective. “You also died after Moria.” Legolas shook his head but Gimli ignored it. “Elrond challenged Mandos, who allowed you to return.”
Legolas narrowed his eyes, understanding Gimli’s words. “But…. But….”
Gimli patted Legolas’ leg, more for himself than Legolas. “Erestor offered his life-force and bound you to him.”
Legolas blinked. “But… but he… I didn’t know.”
Gimli nodded. “I don’t know why he remained silent, laddy, but he did and I am sure he figured you might come back if he died. Something like that.”
Legolas shook his head. “Nay, Mandos said it was time to be reborn.”

He frowned, only now understanding his body had never died, and therefore neither had he. Not really. Yet he had been there. He looked at Erestor and smiled warmly as sudden understanding dawned on him. /Mandos allowed me to become bound to Erestor. But he wouldn’t have done that if we wouldn’t work out. But Erestor remained silent, so we didn’t even have a chance of finding out. So when Erestor took that arrow for me, Mandos grabbed the opportunity to make him admit his own feelings towards me./ His eyes widened with realisation. /He knew I would take his place. But he didn’t kill me completely./ He nodded. /Aye, that must be it. That must be why he didn’t allow me to meet the other souls; they would have sensed the difference. He really did this to make the truth come out. But why?/

He smiled and leaned closer to the sleeping elf. “I love you, Erestor, and I am not giving up on you without a fight. We belong together or Mandos wouldn’t have aided us as he has.” He could figure out the why later.
Gimli patted his back and smiled. “Why don’t you lie down beside him? I’ll watch you both.” Legolas nodded, he did feel tired. He pulled Erestor close, making Gimli grin. /Counsellor, you got yourself a stubborn lover. I hope laddy will be able to drive those memories away./

Man nás means what is it
TBC12
beta-ed by Bettina.
ps. I am working on my own domain, so i will be reachable all the time, but still update here, promise. Let you know how it goes.