Sex, Drugs, and Orcish Theatre
folder
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,029
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
-Multi-Age › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
43
Views:
2,029
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own the Lord of the Rings (and associated) book series, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Her Sister's Man
Chapter 11
Kalina had returned to the camp and was there only moments before Aragorn turned up.
"Any joy?" asked Kalina. He shook his head.
"No animals about. Not surprised, this close to the mountains. Where are the others?" Aragorn asked. "And why are you drenched?"
"Believe it or not, something attacked Haldir by the stream. He's gone off to cry like a girl now, dragging Legolas off with him."
"So why are you wet then?"
"Because being around unshaven humans makes me hot. No, seriously," she added as Aragorn looked uncomfortable. "I jumped into the water to kill whatever the fuck it was raping him. Little slimy bastard got away." Kalina grumbled then began to pull off her chain mail.
Aragorn tried not to watch, but found his eyes drawn to Kalina's chest after the armor was off. The loose shirt she had on under her mail was soaked and clinging to her. The cool temperature was only helping accentuate her exquisite body. She then bent down and began to pull off her boots and leggings.
"Kalina? What are you doing?" asked Aragorn uncertainly. In recent months he had spent a good deal of time in the wilderness with Kalina. She enjoyed spending time in the wilderness with Aragorn and his ranger buddies, hunting down ancient evil that lurked only too close to home. And she wasn't as dull as her sister and didn't have all these hideous concepts of purity and sobriety.
"I'm getting out of these clothes as any sane person would. You alright? You're turning red... Are you perving over me?" demanded Kalina.
"NO!! Elrond already hates me since Arwen fell in love with me!!! You are not hot in any way!!! I never ever think about you in that way! EVER!!" Aragorn stuck his head between his knees and began to hyperventilate.
"Aragorn, I've caught you rummaging through my dirty laundry and trying to make off with my underwear..."
"Arwen wanted some lingerie ideas for the wedding... if it ever happens."
" I caught you at it two nights ago again and I KNOW the sort of hideous white things she calls pants."
"She does? Oh." Well there was another disappointment . "You know... maybe I should have waited before asking her to marry me?"
"I wouldn't worry. I'm sure marriage will relieve years of pent up sexual frustration and maybe then l evl even wind up being able to relate to her. Doubtful, but then I just witnessed a sexual assault by some sort of undead hobbit thing of an admittedly squeamish elven warrior, (although I have to say he is admittedly well built even if he is an arse). After that anything is possible." Kalina sat down next to Aragorn. "Got your pipe? I think I still have some weed in my bag."
"Yeah, I could really go for getting stoned right about now," said Aragorn. All that talk of sexual frustration only reminded him that he still had no idea what to do about this king situation, which meant that large quantities of non-clandestine fornication were still years off. This in turn reminded him that Kalina was currently only wearing a still very wet shirt as she stood up to get the weed.
"You're staring again," said Kalina, returning with the weed.
"Can't help it. You're stunning and you're not wearing much and I'm deprived," moaned Aragorn. An evil light glinted in Kalina's eye, then she smiled and sat down close to Aragorn and gave him a hug.
"Oi! You're damp," protested Aragorn. Kalina sat back, and untied her hair. She grinned, the proceeded to shake her head vigorously, pelting Aragorn with drops of water. She laughed at Aragorn who crossed his arms sulkily, then lunged at Kalina in mock battle.
She allowed Aragorn to pin her to the ground, then wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Kalina... your father will kill me- " Aragorn saw where this was going and tried half heartedly to stop it but found his words interrupted by a deep kiss.
"My father won't know a thing. And I know you've wanted this for a long time," Kalina whispered, her fingers taking their time about unbuckling Aragorn's belt.
"Mmm... I think Narsil has been reforged in my pants..." Aragorn received a light slap across his face.
"No bad puns or no great sex. The choice is entirely yours."
"Sex!! Now!!!!" demanded Aragorn, pulling off Kalina's shirt.
Much to her surprise, Kalina found herself more than willing to let Aragorn take charge. Anyway the poor man was doomed to either go on some shitty and long winded quest or die after a rather dull and celibate life. Arwen, in Kalina's esteemed opinion, was worth neither and Aragorn was too pretty to all be wasted on one woman. Soon the two of them were naked and in an almost feral display of lust.
Kalina had returned to the camp and was there only moments before Aragorn turned up.
"Any joy?" asked Kalina. He shook his head.
"No animals about. Not surprised, this close to the mountains. Where are the others?" Aragorn asked. "And why are you drenched?"
"Believe it or not, something attacked Haldir by the stream. He's gone off to cry like a girl now, dragging Legolas off with him."
"So why are you wet then?"
"Because being around unshaven humans makes me hot. No, seriously," she added as Aragorn looked uncomfortable. "I jumped into the water to kill whatever the fuck it was raping him. Little slimy bastard got away." Kalina grumbled then began to pull off her chain mail.
Aragorn tried not to watch, but found his eyes drawn to Kalina's chest after the armor was off. The loose shirt she had on under her mail was soaked and clinging to her. The cool temperature was only helping accentuate her exquisite body. She then bent down and began to pull off her boots and leggings.
"Kalina? What are you doing?" asked Aragorn uncertainly. In recent months he had spent a good deal of time in the wilderness with Kalina. She enjoyed spending time in the wilderness with Aragorn and his ranger buddies, hunting down ancient evil that lurked only too close to home. And she wasn't as dull as her sister and didn't have all these hideous concepts of purity and sobriety.
"I'm getting out of these clothes as any sane person would. You alright? You're turning red... Are you perving over me?" demanded Kalina.
"NO!! Elrond already hates me since Arwen fell in love with me!!! You are not hot in any way!!! I never ever think about you in that way! EVER!!" Aragorn stuck his head between his knees and began to hyperventilate.
"Aragorn, I've caught you rummaging through my dirty laundry and trying to make off with my underwear..."
"Arwen wanted some lingerie ideas for the wedding... if it ever happens."
" I caught you at it two nights ago again and I KNOW the sort of hideous white things she calls pants."
"She does? Oh." Well there was another disappointment . "You know... maybe I should have waited before asking her to marry me?"
"I wouldn't worry. I'm sure marriage will relieve years of pent up sexual frustration and maybe then l evl even wind up being able to relate to her. Doubtful, but then I just witnessed a sexual assault by some sort of undead hobbit thing of an admittedly squeamish elven warrior, (although I have to say he is admittedly well built even if he is an arse). After that anything is possible." Kalina sat down next to Aragorn. "Got your pipe? I think I still have some weed in my bag."
"Yeah, I could really go for getting stoned right about now," said Aragorn. All that talk of sexual frustration only reminded him that he still had no idea what to do about this king situation, which meant that large quantities of non-clandestine fornication were still years off. This in turn reminded him that Kalina was currently only wearing a still very wet shirt as she stood up to get the weed.
"You're staring again," said Kalina, returning with the weed.
"Can't help it. You're stunning and you're not wearing much and I'm deprived," moaned Aragorn. An evil light glinted in Kalina's eye, then she smiled and sat down close to Aragorn and gave him a hug.
"Oi! You're damp," protested Aragorn. Kalina sat back, and untied her hair. She grinned, the proceeded to shake her head vigorously, pelting Aragorn with drops of water. She laughed at Aragorn who crossed his arms sulkily, then lunged at Kalina in mock battle.
She allowed Aragorn to pin her to the ground, then wrapped her arms around his neck.
"Kalina... your father will kill me- " Aragorn saw where this was going and tried half heartedly to stop it but found his words interrupted by a deep kiss.
"My father won't know a thing. And I know you've wanted this for a long time," Kalina whispered, her fingers taking their time about unbuckling Aragorn's belt.
"Mmm... I think Narsil has been reforged in my pants..." Aragorn received a light slap across his face.
"No bad puns or no great sex. The choice is entirely yours."
"Sex!! Now!!!!" demanded Aragorn, pulling off Kalina's shirt.
Much to her surprise, Kalina found herself more than willing to let Aragorn take charge. Anyway the poor man was doomed to either go on some shitty and long winded quest or die after a rather dull and celibate life. Arwen, in Kalina's esteemed opinion, was worth neither and Aragorn was too pretty to all be wasted on one woman. Soon the two of them were naked and in an almost feral display of lust.