In Her Words

Disclaimer: Tolkien owns them, I merely play with them.
Title: In Her Words
Author: Jade (aka Aragornsfavorite)
Email: elvenjade2@gmail.com
Warning: AU, angst, implied Slash.
Chapter: 11/15
Feedback: more reviews means more chapters
Summary: Glorfindel reads from Anira's journal

A/N: only 4 more chapters to go after this one, hope everyone has enjoyed reading it as much as I have enjoyed letting the elves write it.

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Chapter 11.


Elladan stirred in his sleep more then once during the night. His thoughts and dreams were of Anira and of their child. Getting up and moving to the balcony, he let the cold night away soothe him. The snow was not yet in Rivendell but it would be soon, he could feel it. There was something else in the air he could feel. A strong sense of longing that called to him. Closing his eyes he took a deep breath. Visions of the sea came to mind and for a brief moment he could hear the waves as they crashed against the shore. It was not the sea he heard now in the wind, it was Anira. She was calling him and he knew without a doubt that he would have to go soon. How soon? He just did not know but everyday he heard her more and more.

“Elladan?” Elrohir called out again, the third time since he came into his brother’s room. He had found him out on the balcony and still Elladan had not heard him. This time he placed his hand on his twin’s shoulder and called to him again.
“Did you not hear me calling?” The younger twin asked, arching an eyebrow when he still did not get a reply
“Elladan!” He grabbed his brother’s face and forced him to look over at him, letting out as startled gasp when he saw the distant look in Elladan’s eyes.
“ I hear her” Elladan finally spoke, more of a whisper than anything else.
“Who?” Elrohir asked, not understanding at first and his concern for his twin could be seen in his eyes.
“Anira.” The older twin replied before turning his head to look away from Elrohir.” I can hear her calling me.”
Elladan looked over when Elrohir had not replied, he did not expect to see the anger that was in his twin’s eyes.
“ You promised you would not leave until Glorfindel finished reading Anira’s journal” He replied, his voice straining
“ I am trying to keep this promise” Elladan replied.
Elrohir watched his twin silently and let out a deep breath. He knew this was not Elladan’s fault and to keep him here longer then he could stand would mean watching his twin fade. That to Elrohir was far worse then leaving a few days earlier.
“We will leave when you feel the need” He assured his twin. “ Now come, Glorfindel is waiting.”

When the twins did finally enter the hall of Fire, they silently walked over to their place and sat down. Everyone had watched them enter the room , yet they knew no one would ask why they were late. Instead, Glorfindel nodded and took a sip of his wine. Opening the journal, he cleared his throat and began to read.

~ ~ ~

I never would have imagined that I would be this relaxed on the night before my wedding day. Of course I know it helps to have Elladan here with me. As I lay on the bed writing in this journal, he sits on the floor facing his brother. They are already discussing who Elladan’s son will be most like. Elrohir seems to believe that he will have a bit of each twin, Elladan insists that his child will be most like him. I am sure my laughter could be heard from the halls when I mentioned that the elfling could be a little girl and end up being exactly like my father. I cannot remember a time when both the twins were speechless at the same time. It only took a minute or so before they to were laughing. I know Elladan does not mind having either a son or daughter. What I look forward to is seeing him with the baby. To watch him as he rocks either his son or his daughter. Or during the warm weather down at the lake where we could have the baby laying between us by the water. I wonder if Elladan can read my mind cause he keeps looking up at me and smiling knowingly. I love seeing that sparkle in his eyes and I know it is not just because we will be bound in less then one day.

~ ~ ~

Elladan had not even been aware that he was gripping the necklace around his neck, not until Elrohir mentioned it and he finally let go. He looked down at his hand and could see the red marks from where he had pinched his skin with the chain. It was already late and Elladan assumed Glorfindel would not read any more that night but everyone replied they would not mind staying if Glorfindel agreed to read just a bit more.
“ I know better than to refuse all of you at the same time” Glorfindel grinned.
Elladan let out a deep breath of relief. He was not ready to stop hearing Anira’s words. Even though it was Glorfindel reading, Elladan could close his eyes and in his mind he could hear Anira’s voice. It made him miss her even more yet at the same he felt closer to her.

~ ~

It is very early morning and already I can hear them as they finished preparing for today. I fell asleep in Elladan’s arms again and we had left the balcony door open. I know it is just a matter of time before Elrohir comes to get him, takes him from me until the very second I am to join him in the gardens. I look forward to being his wife yet at the same time I wish I did not have to share him with anyone for most of the day. Once he leaves this room then we will not again be alone until late in the night after the celebrations are over. I want to wake him, to enjoy every single minute I have with him. At the same time he looks so peaceful in his sleep. His hand is still resting against my stomach and every now and then I will feel his hand caressing my stomach softly.

As I have always done, I wore Elladan’s tunic to bed. Last night he had gently eased the tunic up a bit. He gently ran his hand over my stomach and I could see his eyes following the path his hand would take. It was a gently soothing touch that I enjoyed. It was the look in his eyes that I will never forget. There was more then just pride there this time, there was love, mixed with wonder and excitement. I knew then what he was looking forward to the most. He loved the idea that he is going to be a father, I am glad it is I who can give this to him.

There is only one thing that worries me. I seem to get tired more quickly then I normally would. Elladan has assured me that this is normal. I worry that it will effect what is planned for today. I do not wish for anything to go wrong for us today. I also know that Elladan will not let me over do things either. Elrohir has already promised he will also make sure I take things easy. Anyone who knows the twins will agree, when you have both of them working together then no one could stand a chance. I do not mind though and I could also not ask for a better duo to watch over me. After all these years I find it hard to see them as the annoying pranksters I once thought them to be. Well, I still see them as pranksters but feel they are far less annoying then they had been.
When I first arrived here with my father from Lorien, had anyone told me that I would be in love with Elladan while his twin was one of my best friends, I would have thought them to be insane and escorted them to Elrond to have their heads examined. Now, I can not picture my life without either of them around.

I can hear more commotion outside and I know that means it is not long until breakfast will be served. Elladan is to have breakfast with his family in Elrond’s room while I will have breakfast with my family. I know Haldir will also be there, as well as Rumil and Orophin. I was glad to hear that they had made it and I look forward to seeing them. I do get letters from them from time to time but it will be nice to see them again.

I know Elladan is awake now, his hand caresses my stomach once again and I can feel him watching me. We have little time left before it becomes hectic and I wish to enjoy a few more peaceful moments with him. I can not help smiling as I think how when I write my next entry in this journal, it will be as Elladan’s wife.

~ ~

Glorfindel closed to book gently and placed in on the table next to him. He looked over at Elladan but the younger elf had fallen asleep, curled up on some furs next to his twin.
“ How many more?” Elrohir asked quietly
“How many more what?” Glorfindel asked when he saw that the question had been directed at him
“ How many more entries in Anira’s journal?” Elrohir asked again
Glorfindel opened the journal to the entry he had just finished was.
“Two” He replied before closing the journal once more
“Elladan will sail after the last one” Elrohir told everyone.” He is barely holding on and not only hears the call of the sea but Anira’s call as well.”
He looked down at his sleeping twin and was glad to see he at least looked peaceful at the moment.
“ Do you not hear it as well” Elrond asked his son.
“ No but when he leaves, so will I” He replied” I can feel his need to go and the thought of letting him go without me is unbearable.”
Elrond looked at his wife and could see the sadness in her eyes before she turned her head away. Elrond knew this was to hide her tears
“We will make sure everything is prepared for when you sail” Elrond said, barely concealing the emotion in his voice.
Looking over at his father, Elrohir wanted to explain that he could not let Elladan make the journey alone. The look in his father’s eyes told him he already understood. With a silent nod, he quietly woke Elladan up and without another word the twins left the room.

Glorfindel waited until everyone else left the room then finished his drink slowly. Anira’s journal was still in his hand and closed his eyes briefly
“ You are thinking of sailing as well” Erestor said softly.
Glorfindel was shocked to see that Erestor was still there. He looked around to see if anyone else had stayed but they were alone.
“ It has crossed my mind” He admitted. “ Though I know it is only because I wish to see that she is alright.” He added.” I will not sail for a while yet.”
Erestor has not realized he let out a sigh of relief until he noticed that Glorfindel had raised an eyebrow slightly
“ You do not wish to see me sail?” He asked
“ Had you chose to do so I would have accept it” Erestor replied honestly. “ Though it would have been hard to watch you leave.”
Glorfindel thought he saw something more in Erestor’s eyes, something he was not admitting. After a moment he thought he must have read it wrong, or was just hoping to see more then there had been.
“ Good night Erestor” He said, sighing softly as he stood up and began to leave the room
Erestor watched him as he walked away. He had seen the sadness in Glorfindel’s eyes and it was tearing his own heart to pieces.
“ Glorfindel” He called to him as he stood up. The golden elf had stopped just before he had reached the door and waited as Erestor made his way over to him.
“ You are not the only one suffering” Erestor said as he moved to stand in front of him.” We all are and not only because Anira left” he added
“ Tell me then , Councilor” Glorfindel replied, arching an eyebrow. “What other reason is there for your suffering?”
Erestor saw the sudden challenge in Glorfindel’s eyes. Anyone else might have been intimidated. He had known Glorfindel for too long to know he had nothing to worry about.
“ Because I know that you are.” He finally replied. “ Yet you have allowed no one to comfort you.” Erestor added
“ There is nothing anyone can do to ease my guilt” Glorfindel almost snapped. “ I should have been there to protect her” He added angrily.
“ You protected her all her life” Erestor bit back. “ Something’s, as bad as they may be are out of your control.”
Glorfindel knew Erestor was right but knowing that did nothing to ease his guilt.
“ You know nothing of what I am going through” Glorfindel growled. He was angry at himself and knew taking it on Erestor was wrong but he could not seem to help it.
“ Are you sure of this” Erestor replied, standing his ground.” I see you walk the halls late into the night. You barely eat more then a few bites of food and your drinking has increased.” He snapped as he moved closer. “ Anira would not want you to suffer this way. It was the reason why she left, she knew that seeing her suffer would be even worse for both you and Elladan”. His own anger was building and he pushed Glorfindel up against the way. “ She left to save the two of you and this is how you repay her?”
Glorfindel was shaking and he was not sure if it was from his anger or the fact that Erestor was right.
“ Erestor I..” He started to speak but Erestor cut him off
“ Are the most stubborn elf in all of Arda” Erestor growled. “ For once Glorfindel allow yourself to be comforted” He added. Before he lost his nerve,Erestor leaned up and kissed him hard.

Glorfindel opened his eyes slowly. The room was lighter then he had expected and he realized that for once he had slept though the night. Turning onto his side he silently watched Erestor as he slept. After the first kiss, Glorfindel had given in and let himself be comforted. Erestor had done just that and much more then either elf had realized. Sighing softly to himself he rested his head back down and closed his eyes as he drifted back to sleep. His arm draped gently over Erestor and pulling him closer against him. Had his eyes been open he would have seen the smile on Erestor’s face.
~
TBC.