An Infernal Love

Mortensen Castle, November 18th, Diary of Sir Viggo Mortensen


9 p.m.

What a day it has been!
I slept till late into the morning and when I woke found that David was asleep again. He still looked pale but seemed to be so content that one could almost forget what has been troubling us these last week. I was so afraid of losing him when Ian threw him against the wall that it almost broke my heart. Ever since I have known that I cannot just have a relationship with him, not under these circumstances. And so I did what I had to do.

I worked a sleeping spell upon David, ensuring that he would sleep through the day if I did not wake him again. I was afraid but there was no other way.
Slowly I let the matter around me fade, noticing how molecule after molecule of my body slowly drifted away, mingled with the air and the elements around me once more. It did not even take me a few minutes to completely let go of my physical body and I hesitated one last time, unwilling to leave David behind but knowing that there would be no turning back if he saw me in this form.

I rose, my astral body quickly passing through the stone roof and soaring towards heaven and gradually I left earth and all that belonged to it behind; I passed through the heaven visible to humans, through the twilight between the realms in which the lost souls had dwelt ages ago and finally reached the heavens which were part of His realm, unsure if I would be welcome.

I smiled as I saw the entrance to His dwelling. He had indeed rebuilt it in a way which comforted the human souls that travelled to live with Him after death. I do not know for how long mankind has believed that there are pearly gates, guarded by Michael, but He really took up this silly superstition! And indeed, there was Michael, as splendid as I remembered him, tall, broad shouldered with glittering white wings, flowing blond hair and totally pleasant features. A truly magnificent sight to the human souls!
A sad smile played across his lips as he stepped aside to let me pass. “We have been expecting you,” he said to my surprise, “He knew you would come.”
I nodded, too stunned to do amything else and stepped through the gates, unprepared for the beauty that suddenly surrounded me. The twilight did not linger outside the pearly gates but the original grey mist of matter and creation was still there, making it an unpleasant place to be.

I shuddered as I crossed the gardens of heaven, walking over a long, green garden filled with humans. They were laughing, chatting, playing, talking or just sitting in the shadows of the trees and angels mingled with them, still eager to learn, to understand what made these humans so special in His eyes. Barely a thing had changed since I had last walked the divine realm. Here and there I recognized a soul that had spent some time in my realm, in hell, I noted bitterly, and most of them even waved, smiling, now that they finally knew that I had never sought to destroy them. I found myself unable to return these waved greetings.

All too quickly I had passed through the garden and approached a big palace, which roof was only held by pillars. It had no walls and was open to all sides and I saw humans and angels walking in and out of it as though there were no difference between them.
A sun was shining over the gardens but the palace was illuminated by His light, by the light that shone from his very being and the closer I got to His throne, the more brilliant the light became, almost blinding me.

Both, angels and human souls, parted in front of me, unwilling to stand in my path and I heard their whispers, heard them wonder why I had come. I knew how shocked they were that in my astral body I looked almost exactly like the Archangels they had seen so far. A grim smile settled on my lips. What had they expected? Hooves and a tail? Probably.

Sighing I paused, unwilling to enter the room that housed His throne but he had already noticed my approach and His mind was already reaching out to mine, beckoning me to come closer. Slowly I steppe inside, walking through the choires and legions of Orophim and Seraphim around him, till finally I stood before His throne, head bowed for I did not want to, did not dare to, look into His light.
“Look at me.” He commanded and reluctantly I lifted my gaze, staring into the light that was Him, for even thoug we are supposed to have been created in His image, he never shows himself in any form, only as a mist of light and matter.
The Archangels had left the gardens and now stood at the sides on his throne, looking at me but leaving a space where once my place at his side had been. I waited, knowing that I had no right to speak unless asked this time, no matter how just my case might be.

“Why have you come?” He asked finally.
“My lord,” I answered, for I had always refused to call him God, “You already know what I would ask of you and I beg you not to judge harshly this time.”
Shocked whispers echoed through the halls, none of the angels had expected that I might speak like that.
“No,” the light on the throne briefly dimmed and slowly he took one of his forms, the form of a small, old man, “I want to hear from your lips what you want. As for my judgement, that is for me to decide. You know what happened the last time you challenged me. For challenging me is what you intend to do, is it not?” strangely enough He smiled.
“Yes,” I whispered, “Forgive me but I have tried to be patient, have tried to figure out your plan for your creation but in all the millenia which I walked among humans, I found nothing that indicated any caring on your side.” I straightened, knowing that there was no going back from this point, “And I firmly believe that if you do have a plan, you have made a severe mistake. And even if you do not have a plan, you have let something happen, that should not have happened at all. I would ask you to rectify that situation.”
He laughed.

“I do not make mistakes… Viggo.”
“You do. You already did.”
The shocked whisper died to a stunned silence. Only the rustling of wings and the shuffling of feet disturbed the quiet. He leaned forward, looking directly into my eyes.
“And what would that mistake be?”
“If you have a plan and all is destined then you made the mistake of lettong me fall for a mortal men.”
“I see,” he said, semingly thoughtful, “And if I had no plan?”
“Then you made the mistake of having no plan for a creation as big and wonderful as earth and mankind and I should never have met David, which makes my falling for him another of your mistakes.”

I knew they were all staring at me, unwiliing, unable to believe what I had just said and yet I meant every word of it and could not comprehend how they could not see the rtruth in my words.

Minutes of silence passed, an eternity in the heavens, before He finally answered me. “And what would you have me to to rectify the situation? Turn back time?”
“No.” I inhaled deeply, unsure how to phrase this best, “I want you to make me mortal.”
I almost quavered as He stared intently at me and I felt that he was searching my heart as well as my mind, was accessing all those precious memories I had of my time with David, was mulling them over and quietly passing His judgement.
I released the breath I did not know I had not been holding as His presence finally withdraw from my being and he settled back in His throne once more, still studying me as if I were a particularly interesting animal.
“Mortal,” he repeated after a while, “No, I think not. I need you.”
“Need me?” I yelled, “When have youo ever needed me? You need nothing but these blinded fools,” I pointed at my once fellow angels, who were gathered around as, “To sing your praises, but you have never needed me! You would be content, listening to their tales and songs of your glory for ever, but I need David! I need to be close to him, I do not want to see him grow old and pass and have to live on without him! I long to be mortal.”
“I said now,” He waved a dismissive hand at me, “My decision is made. I cannot afford to listen. Creation is never complete without an element of chaos,” He paused, “And that element is you. I always knew what would happem and there is no one else but you to do what I expect of the devil. No, I will not allow you to become mortal.”
I could only stare at him.
“You may go now.”

I wanted to protest, to stay in spite of His command but I could not and fell once more, the ground suddenly seemed to swallow me and I was back on earth, back in the David’s room, standing right beside the bed where we had spent the night, had made love the day before. And I was still as immortal as I had been before. For the fist time since I had come into being I really felt like crying, really knew what desperation meant. God had given me no choice but to make the best of the time I had left with David, to enjoy the few decades given to us.

I sat down at the edge of the bed, studying David as he lay sleeping. He lay on his back, legs tangled into the blanket, one arm thrown over the edge of the bed and the other nestled behind his head. He looked aboslutely comfortable. With a sad smile I tucked a wayward strand of hair behind his ear, relishing in the feel of it. Sighing I reversed the sleeping spell and woke him up.

Drowsily he opened his eyes, smiling as he saw me. “Morning,” he yawned, stretching like a cat.
I grinned and captured his lips in a kiss, delighted that he returned it eagerly and even tried to take control.
“Viggo?” he panted as I drew back.
“Yes?”
“What about Ian?”
“Ian?”
“I have to know that he is really dead.”
Sighing I nodded. “Very well, but afterwards,” I playfully nipped his chest, “We have to do something else…”
“Viggo!” he blushed, even the tips of his ears turned red.

Quietly we walked down the stairs, holding hands as we finally reached the yard. Directly under the window with the broken shutters lay a small pile of ashes. Favid’s hold around my hand tightened.
“Is that all that is left of Ian?” he whispered, his voice coarse with emotion.
“Yes,” I answered irritatedly, feeling the presence of at least one Archangel. Frowning I looked up while David still stared at the pile of ashes. On the other side of the yard stood Raphael, smiling in a way I could not quite label. Nevertheless his smile made me uneasy.
A golden flash suddenly appeared in his hands as he raised them over his head.
I did not even have the time to scream before he released the flash of lightning, which hit David, throwing hm to the ground where he lay unmoving.
“No!” I yelled and rushed at Raphael but he merely smiled and vanished, returning to the heavens.

Helplessly I stared up into the mercyless sky. “Why?” I screamed, “Why take him from me? Why now? Why take the one person that made my life bearable? You do not need me to hate you!”

But alas, no answer came and I slowly crossed the yard, walking over to David’s fallen form with tears running down my face. Sobbing I gathered him into my arms, stroking his hair and cheeks.
“David….” I whispered again and again. Suddenly I noticed something strange. His skin was still warm. “David?” I asked, not daring to hope.
Centimetre by centimetre he opened his eyes. “Viggo?” he asked, confusion evident in his eyes.

“David!” I was laughing crying at the same time as I kissed him, vowing to never let him out of my sight again. He moaned, his lips moving against me as his arms sneaked around my shoulders and pulled me close.

Suddenly I heard a voice in my head. “An immortal companion for an immortal devil,” His voice suddenly echoed through my mind, “Make this work, Viggo, for I can just as easily take this gift from him.”
“I will,” I vowed silently, relieved as I felt his voice fade.

“Viggo?” David was looking quizzically at me, “What happened?”
“You fainted when you saw what had become of Ian,” I invented quickly, deciding to tell him what had happened later, when the time was right, “It must have been a shock for you.”
He nodded and I quickly gathered him into my arms, grinning like a fool as I carried him back into the castle and into our room. We had all eternity.
And I intended to make the best of it.

I still do.