Feel so different

Title; Feel so different (11/14)
Author; Az (ElladanadoresElrohir@gmx.net)
Parings; Legolas/Elrohir (Rumil/Celendir Glorfindel/Elladan Haldir/Erestor implied)
Warnings; MPREG, AU, Angst if you’re squeaky.
Rating; None (sadly smutless chapter, sorry guys)
Summary; after Legolas’ child is born, he finds that there are still loose ends that needs to be fixed.
Disclaimer; don’t ohem,hem, don't sue me
Authors note; this is the sequel to Underneath it all, I want to thank all of you who gave me such sweet fb when I really, really needed it. And I want FB as always (I live for it you know :P ) – hmmm I forgot that I cannot remember where it is I got Celendir from, but I know it had something to do with Miriel :*smiles*
- Please visit my homepage http://www.nad-no-ennas.net
This is betaed by Lisbet Karlsdottir – thanks sweetie.

-Az

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I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up in surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules that "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

Dido – White flag
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Chap 11 – Where’s the sense in that?

Glorfindel padded Asfaloth on the head and silently mounted the large horse. He whispered sweet words in his ear, and the horse seemed to understand and bobbed his head, not making a single noise, ready to carry his master wherever he wished. Glorfindel sighed and spurred the horse slightly and rode out the large doors of the stable. He looked up at the last homely house once more. He had been so happy there but it was only a tomb for his soul now. He would never be able to go back to how it was, or to feel whole there again. He took a deep breath and spurred Asfaloth over the bridge. He vowed to himself he would not cry, he gritted his teeth – but stthosthose treacherous tears started to fall.

Glorfindel wiped them away angrily, and patted the horse gently. “Ride, Asfaloth, ride like the wind!” he whispered to his horse, and grabbed hold of the rein as he felt the huge animal jerk into sudden movement under him. He had no reason the guide the animal, he knew the horse knew where they were going. They had been there before, but it had just been on arrival, not departing.

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Elrohir woke early the next morning, and stretched, turning to wrap his arms around his beloved, but was rudely brought to awareness when the other side of the bed was cold. Legolas had not been there for a while! Where could he have gone?

A terrible thought struck Elrohir as he sat up in the bed and swung his legs out over the edge in a quick move, much to quick – the abrupt move made his head spin. He shook his head, and ran a hand through his disarranged hair. No, Legolas had not left Imladris, and his knapsack was still in their room. “Good,” he whispered to himself, and slowly got up from the bed. He would find his mate and then arrange for food for their journey. He knew the maids in the kitchen had arranged for lembas. He frowned – Lembas, he hated them! They tasted like they smelled and looked: dry, and crumbling pieces of nothing! Luckily it was but a necessary evil when on the road, and not everyday food.

Elrohir quickly dressed and left his chambers. "Now where could that runaway elf be?" he thought to himself and scratched his neck – Erestor. He has gone to Erestor, of course! He has sought out the elder elf's counsel.

He made his way to the sombre counsellor’s chambers and knocked. No one answered, and he gently opened the door and peeked inside. All the lights were out and the fireplace cold. Erestor had not been here. He sighed and closed the door again. What about Erestor’s study?

Then he began alk alk there, looking at the corridors as he passed through. He had always thought the last homely house to be, well... homely, but at this time when everyone should still be asleep or just about to wake, it was dark and lifeless; nothing like itself in the days when it was bright and filled with life everywhere. He reached Erestor’s study door, and knocked there too. Again there was no answer, and when he quietly slipped inside there was only one light on, at the desk. He went over to blow it out when he noticed two parcels, one apparently to his father, and the other to Elladan. Elrohir wet his lips. He was not supposed to do this at all, but he snatched the parcel for Elladan and broke the seal. He chuckled nervously. “You are so wicked, Elrohir” – but he nonetheless opened the letter, and started reading.

---------------------------
Elladan
I write you this letter because there is no reason for us to talk about it anymore. We will only have an argument, and that argument will lead to what it has always done, and we will have gotten nowhere nearer the goal. Was there even a goal, Elladan? Or was it just me who put something where it should never have been? Here at the moment of my departure I would like to believe that we had something once, and since you are not here to tell me I am silly, you will just have to listen to me for a change. I was ready to bind myself to you, but you chose others' company, time and time again after returning to me, telling me I was seeing ghosts, and I needed not worry. I wanted to believe you so badly, Elladan, but I knew the lie in your honey-coated words. I cannot live like that anymore; I refuse to. And so I would have you know that I will journey home, and by the time this parcel reaches your hands I should be well halfway. I hope you find someone to mend that fickle heart of yours; I know I will never find anyone to replace you.

-May luck and love smile upon you-
Glorfindel.
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Elrohir paled. Glorfindel! And he never suspected such a thing. Elrohir reread the letter. “Home?” he said to himself. “But, but… home is...” he gasped at his discovery. This was dire indeed. He grabbed both parcels and darted out the door, forgetting about Legolas and the candle burning in Erestor’s study.

He flung open Elladan’s chamber door. “Elladan, Elladan!” he panted. “Wake up!”
Elladan sat up with a disoriented look. “What?” he mumbled sleepily. “Where’s the fire?”

“Here,” Elrohir stated gravely and handed Elrohir the parcel, before sitting down on his brother's bed, and lighting a candle for his twin.

Elladan looked at the letter and then at his brother. “This is a letter addressed to me, and yet the seal is broken. Are you of the delusion that your name mayhap be Elladan?” he said sarcastically.

“Just read,” Elrohir said and settled down.

“Alright,” Elladan answered and opened the parcel, beginning to read. Elrohir followed his brother's facial expressions as they changed from normal, to deep red to deadly pale. “He left?” he whispered.

“It seems so,” Elrohir whispered back, and reached for his twin's hand. “Oh Elladan, what did you do?” he asked softly.

“I...I...” Elladan whispered and then shook his head. “He really loved me,” he said more to himself than to Elrohir.

“Yes he did,” Elrohir answered and squeezed Elladan’s hand. “You should not have done as you did, my deaotheother.” Elrohir moved closer to his brother to take his other hand too. “I love you, you know that, but you did not do Glorfindel’s heart justice, Elladan, you treated him unfairly.”

“I did, didn’t I?” he whispered. “But what am I to do?”

“I don’t know, Elladan, but if you love him, you'd better change your ways, fast – really fast,” Elrohir answered with a slight smile.

“I think I need one of those ludicrous plans of yours, Elrohir,” Elladan said, and looked up at his brother.

Elrohir looked thoughtful. “Follow your heart, no matter where it takes you.”

“Even if it takes me to the white shores?” Elladan whispered with teary eyes.

“Yes, even that,” Elrohir answered. “You need to take a stand for what you believe in and love, and if you love him, you'd better hurry up, for he’s leaving as we speak.”

“Would you?” Elladan asked innocently.

“For Legolas, yes I would,” Elrohir said without blinking. “I would follow him to whatever end, but the question is, do you love Glorfindel enough to do the same?”

Elladan bit his lip and squeezed Elrohir’s hands back. “I need to think, brother.”

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When Elrohir had left his brother, he continued the search for Legolas, but now he had to find his father too and give the other parcel to him. And just when he was about to give up and hope that Legolas would return to their chambers by himself, he heard a familiar voice coming from the hall of fire. He went inside and saw Legolas and Erestor sitting there playing a game of chess. “There you are,” he said.

“Good morning, my love,” Legolas said and smiled.

Erestor turned his head and nodded. “Good morning, Elrohir.”

“It is the most horrendous morning of the past decade,” Elrohir sighed and walked over to kiss his mate.

“Why is that?” Legolas asked. “Because we are leaving?”

“No, my love,” Elrohir laughed. “I know you look forward to seeing your home again. No, it is Elladan.”

“Glorfindel, he found out,” Erestor said in a soft tone.

“Yes he ” El” Elrohir said and leaned against his mate. His heart went out to his twin, and he felt like he needed his husband's support to keep him sane. “Are you all packed and ready?” he asked.

“Yes, and you?” Legolas asked.

“I am. You go to the kitchen and pick up the drinking hides and the lembas; I need to see my father,” Elrohir said, ignoring Erestor’s questioning look at the parcel in his hand.

“I will,” Legolas said and made a move to stand up, “if you kiss me first.”

Elrohir leaned in and kissed his mate before he stood up. “I will see you in the stables in a hour. We ride at dawn,” he said before leaving the room.

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They met at the stables later, and Legolas seemed to be glowing with happiness. “I can't believe it, we are actually going,” he whispered to his horse, which made Elrohir laugh. “I am sure that once this animal carries you to Mirkwood, the two of you won’t be buddies anymore!”

Legolas stuck out his tongue and mounted the little white mare, leading her to the courtyard where Elrond and Elladan stood. Behind him he heard Elrohir’s horse. They rode over to the two waiting elves and jumped down. “Are young tng to be alright, Elladan?” Elrohir asked.

“I will be fine, little brother,” Elladan said with a sad smile. “I know what I must do.”

“I am glad,” Elrohir answered and hugged his brother. “I am sorry to leave you in midst of all this turmoil.” “Don’t worry, Elrohir, I have ada to look after, so please come home soon,” he teased and kissed his brothers forehead.

Elrohir turned to hug his father as well and whispered, “We will be home shortly, all three of us.”

“I will miss you all,” Elrond whispered back. “I pray you have a safe journey.”

“Thank you,” Elrohir answered and then leaned inwhiswhisper in his father’s ear. “Take care of Elladan for me.”

“I will, trust me,” Elrond chuckled. “Now be off before Legolas has a nervous breakdown!”

Elrohir let go of this father and turned to look at Legolas, who was manically stroking the horse's side. “Yes, you are right, father,” Elrohir said and smiled. “Come Legolas, let us ride,” he said and mounted his horse.

Legolas let out a breath he was not aware he had been holding. “Yes!” Before he too mountis his horse he tuned to look at Elladan and Elrond. “Thank you, Elrond. I owe you more than I can express, and Elladan – please take care,” he said before he turned the horse and swiftly left the courtyard.

Elrohir shrugged. “Never was one for proper etiquette,” he chuckled and hurried after his husband.

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Elrond had been brooding all afternoon, worrying about Elrohir and Legolas. Waiting for news from Lorien, with word that Haldir, Orophin and Amcar had reached there in safety. And on top of it all he was worried about Elladan and Glorfindel. It had come as a shock to him that the counsellor had left like that, leaving him only a mere parcel. He had been Glorfindel’s friend for decades, and he was puzzled as to why the blond had not confided in him to begin with. Why had he taken this so far? Elrond knew Glorfindel had left because of Elladan, and he knew they had been lovers. He had never really approved of the thought; he had known it would end wrong, as Glorfindel was serious and mature in the matters of his heart, and Elladan was shallow and childish. Well, if Elladan wanted to confide in him, he would do so by himself, and pushing him would lead to nothing.

He let out yet another sigh as a knock on his door told him it was time to greet the men from Gondor. He got up and left for the dining halls. He had learned through experience that when dealing with mortal men, eating always seemed to improve their mood.

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They had been dining for some time, when Elladan suddenly crashed through the doors, dressed in his riding suit. “Ada,” he said.

“Elladan, my dear son. I’m glad you come to see me, but this is hardly the time,” Elrond said and gestured towards the men, who did not seem to understand a word they were saying.

“Here,” Elladan said and laid his princely head jewel on the table.

Elrond looked at it, and then up at Elladan, raising a brow in question. “What is that supposed to mean?”

“I renounce my claim,” Elladan said. “I will follow my heart, ada. I will go to whatever ends. And therefore I should not have a claim to this realm.”

“Dearest Elladan,” Elrond said, looking at his son in disbelief. “Please stop and think.”

“I have been thinking, ada,” Elladan said. “Elrohir has a family, and an heir. It is only fair the place at your right side belongs to him.”

“But it belongs to you,” Elrond said and massaged his temples; this was just not his day.

“I care not! And I do not wish it anymore,” Elladan said and smiled before he leaned in and hugged his father. “I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too, Elladan. But…” Elrond whispered back.

Elladan freed himself from Elrond's arms and smiled. “I hope I will be back shortly, ada, farewell.” And with those words he quickly left the dining hall. Elrond stood up and called after him, but Elladan didn’t turn back. He knew what he had to do. He knew he had no other option left, and he knew he had been a fool.

As he galloped over the bridge leaving his childhood home, he had a grave look on his face. He was determined to find Glorfindel and make wrongs right. Whatever it might take.

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-tbc-