Dearly Beloved

x. Siberia

The whole next week Dominic was forced to go home alone; Billy wouldn’t accompany him any longer. Too much had happened, too much that Billy was not able to forgive, Dom knew that. Billy had said not even one word to Dominic, leave out stayed in his presence. Whenever Dom had been walking down the school corridor and Billy had been standing right in front of him, Billy had turned around and had left the scene.

Without Billy’s presence Dom was nothing. He felt lonesome and depressed; suddenly there was no one to talk to, to touch, to feel; no one caressed him lovingly with thousands of kisses that would have made Dom’s morning frustrations go away, no one embraced him, spoke encouraging words to him. No love at all.

And yet there was something that made Dom breathe out with relief. The beat-ups were getting less, Dom not knowing why. Suddenly it had stopped. Of course he had been started and glanced at by the usual “We-beat-the-crap-out-of-you-guys”, but that had been it. It was strange though, now that he was weak and with his mind drifting away occasionally he would have been a nice and easy target. But, hey, whoever complains about not being beaten up is a complete idiot!

Friday came and with it a long, very long, unbelievably long weekend. Dominic didn’t intend to spent it that way, however; he didn’t want to stay at home risking the chance of meeting Josh – in his own house, by the way, so he decided to go out. Yes, he would do that! A little diversion from Billy would do him good. This thought was occurring to him during the last history lesson, for bloody today and for this bloody week. He had been trying to pay attention, really he had, he didn’t want to get one of Josh’s detentions again, but he hadn’t been able to stay awake for the whole two hours. Instead he started drawing stuff in his exercise book, pretending to take notes, and he made up his mind about this very weekend and his plans to go out. What would be the best place to relax…Hmmm…

And there it was. The freeing bell-ringing. Dom breathed out deeply. He almost trembled over his own feet, trying to be the first one out of the room. Nearly reaching the door, oh my it was so near, he heard a deep, greasy voice behind him say “Dominic, I would like you to stay behind.”

Like Dom hadn’t known this was going to happen.

“Yes, of course, Sir.” Dom had been emphasizing the “Sir”s this week very strongly and he didn’t think about stopping it now. At such a moment!

“I’ve read through your essay on the Spanish Inquisition.”, Josh said when they were finally alone. “And…it’s good. It’s short, but you have written down all the information required to answer that question.”

He passed Dom two sheets. Then he packed his stuff into his suitcase and approached the door.

“I know what happened between you and Billy.”, he suddenly said, not turning around. “And I’m sorry for that. I only hope that you won’t do anything stupid, like giving up hope or even worse giving up yourself.”

“What…?”, Dominic didn’t want to believe his ears. “How do you-?”

“Dominic, I’m not only a History and English teacher. Students come to me when they have problems and, obviously, Billy had some.”, Josh answered, only now looking at Dom.

“You know it…”, Dom repeated silently. “Then you might also know that it was all your fault!”

“What do you mean?”

“You made me angry, you made me furious! I didn’t want to do that! You made me! If it hasn’t been for you Billy would still…”

His stopped for no good reason. He just did. What the hell was he talking about? And the most important thing was: to whom he was talking! To Josh! No, he had really to get the fuck out of here. He couldn’t stand that bastard any longer.

“I have to go.”, Dom said in his calmest voice and left.

As he stepped outside the school building, he didn’t know where to go next. He couldn’t go home. Not in the house where Josh had been. He neither could go to the cemetery since he felt too ashamed. He mounted his bike and simply drove on. Buildings, trees, people passed him. In every corner of the little city he lived in life was blooming, joy and happiness surrounded him, filled everything. But not the emptiness inside himself. In the end, he stopped by a coffee shop, bought a coffee with milk to go and stood outside the shop, watching passengers walking past him.

“…you’ve already heard that song?”

His attention was drawn to two girls, chatting and listening to music.

“Oh my God, I love it! The best song on the album actually!”, answered the other one.

Then they burst out singing along.

“Then my heart did time in Siberia. Was waiting for a lie to come true. Cause it’s oh so dark and mysterious when the one you want doesn’t want you, too.”

Dominic shot the girls an annoyed look. Great. A sad love song. That’s what he needed right now. And yet…it expressed exactly the emotions he had. Siberia. That’s where his heart was right now. Cold, lonely, freezing, suffering. He had lost Billy forever. For he would never become the person he had once been. It was too late for that.

He decided to leave this happy place, all these joyful people made him more and more depressed. When they even were admiring a heart-breaking and tragic love song, it was time for Dom to get the fuck out for here. He checked the time; still too early for the bar. Then he halted. Hell, he forgot that he was 17! Damn it! How was he supposed to get drunk when every bar keeper in any bar or pub would refuse to give him alcohol to drink! That was a problem. But hey, he was a clever boy. And he was handsome, in some way. It wouldn’t be very difficult to get some horny, older guy to pay him at least one heavy drink. Dom smirked.

xi. The Bar

When Dominic had arrived at the door of the first bar he hadn’t been even able to get in. This could be more difficult than he had thought. He went from bar to bar, pleaded, begged, even flirted sometimes. But with no success.

“Come on, man! I really had a bad day! I need to get inside!”

Dominic gave the door keeper the most innocent look possible. The big guy just stared down at him, but then – finally – he stepped aside and let Dom in. Dominic breathed out with relief. Yes! Party time! Although…what was there to party?

Well, at least he got in. After all, this seemed to be some kind of gay bar. There was a little stage where two male dancers were, well, dancing, almost naked by the way. Dom licked his lips. Whoa, was it hot in here or was it just him? He noticed a free seat at the bar and ordered a cola. No older, hot and horny guy around so he had to get drunk with coke and still water. He blew through the straw so that the coke was bubbling in the glass.

“Hey there!”, he suddenly heard someone say. Dom didn’t pay attention to that at first, doubting that this someone meant him.

“Hey, what did I do already to be ignored by you, kiddo?”

All right, that call was definitely for him. He looked to the right and was now staring into the face of a handsome, young man. Man. No boy. That was good for Dom. The stranger had black short hair, dark eyes, Dom guessed, and wore a black suit.

“I didn’t think that you meant me. Sorry.”, Dom answered and smiled slightly. He had done this before, flirting to get his aims.

“If I hadn’t meant you I would have told you.”, the man laughed. “I’m Matthew, by the way. And you are…?”

“Dominic. Dom.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Dominic Dom.”

“Listen, Matthew, I don’t want to make you any hopes. I’m here to drink. And if you won’t pay me at least one drink I will leave this bar at once.”

“You think that would stop me?” Matthew smirked. “But all right, I’ll get you a drink. But let’s go somewhere more comfortable at first.”

Dominic nodded and followed Matthew, after he had order one bottle of Scotch and two glasses, to a door that obviously led to the “Privacy Rooms”. Matthew held open the door and let Dom step through first in a corridor, then led him by putting his hands on Dom’s shoulder to another door, another room. Now they were alone. There was a bed, large one, king-size perhaps, some white fur on the red carpeted floor and a black leather couch with a glass table standing in front of it.

They sat down and started drinking the moment the Scotch was brought; chatted, laughed and sometimes talked seriously. Dominic though didn’t tell him about Billy. That was his own business, he wanted to solve this problem on his own. Somewhere between eleven o’clock and midnight Matthews hand landed more often on Dom’s knee, thigh, sliding up higher and higher every time. Dominic started feeling uncomfortable. He hated being touched. And especially being touched by some stranger who was only after Dom’s body. He was drunk, oh yes, but not too drunk to realize what Matthew was up to.

“I think I’ll better go now.”, Dom suddenly said and stood up from the couch. Matthew seized Dom’s hand though, not letting it go so easily.

“Oh come on, stay, just a few minutes more. I could take you to places you’ve never been before, I could show you emotions you never felt before.”

“Yeah, I believe that. But I’m seventeen and I don’t really like what you are saying. Sorry. I explained you that I didn’t want anything going on between us. I only wanted to drink…”

But Matthew didn’t let go so easily. He was the one with more strength, and so with one strong pull of his arm Dom was forced to sit down again. Matthew at once was on him and pressed his lips on Dom’s. Dom tried to kick and free himself but it seemed hopeless. And suddenly it struck him like lighting. He was in the same situation that Billy was in some days ago. Dominic had forced himself on Billy, wanted more than Billy wanted. Oh my God. It was only now that he understood what he had done. Thinking of that he suddenly had stopped defending himself and lay still on the couch, staring at the ceiling, motionless.

Apparently Dom’s nonexistent participation in this lovemaking disturbed Matthew for he let go of Dom and looked at him confusingly.

“I think you really should go now.”, he said. He had a strange gaze in his eyes, as like he would remember something. “Sorry for that…”, he added in a whisper.

Dominic didn’t need to hear that twice and left the room at once. Although he was curious about Matthew, what made him stop? Bad experience? All at once Dom felt very dizzy and sleepy. He was more drunk than he had thought. Everything was circling and he could not focus properly. Yet somehow he managed to get outside, he could not even remember how. With all the music and the people but finally he breathed in some fresh air. Oxygen streamed into his brain and he started to think sensible again. That didn’t solve his problems at all. But it had drowned them for a while. He started walking down the streets, glad that Matthew had found to his senses. He threw the hood of his pullover over his head and was on his way to the place where he had left his bike.

“Now will you look who we got here?”

Uhoh. That voice sounded familiar. It couldn’t be the guys from the school, could it?

“At last we meet again, Dominic. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”

“What d’you want, Liam?”, Dom asked threateningly.

“Maybe…revenge? I don’t know how or why or when you did it but Mr. Holloway kept watching us for the whole goddamn week. And I can’t help but think that it was you who took care of that.”

A fist hit Dom unexpectedly in his stomach. He dropped to his knees.

“Take him over there!”, Liam ordered his three companions and they all dragged him into a little side street. Dom was being roughly thrown to the hard stone ground.

“Thought we would stop, didn’t ya, fag?”

Another punch in the stomach. Dominic didn’t even had the strength to defend himself anymore, so he endured the beating. At first only Liam had attacked him, then all of them were hitting and punching fists and feet into Dom’s weak and fragile body. Eventually they let go of Dominic when they noticed that he didn’t make a move.

“You think he’s still alive?”, one of the boys asked.

“Of course he is, stupid!”, Liam shouted at him. The night was cold and white puffs of air came out of Dom’s mouth. “See? He’s still breathing!

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing there!”

This could not be. This was not happening. Someone helped him. Someone wanted to safe him. Rescue him. Keep him from falling down. Going under. Dying again.

Dom tried to cry out the name of that someone, but his call ended up to be a soft and painful whisper.

“Josh…”