The Warrior and the Poet(Extended Edition)

Part Nine: Hour of Reckoning


I walked shakily out onto what was left of the Deeping Wall oblivious to the carnage around me, one arm wrapped protectively around my throbbing ribs the other around Moragain. My mind struggled to come to terms with what had just happened to me and to her. I felt so very alone.

Absently, I scanned the battlefield looking for a familiar face. I longed for the sight of blond hair flying and muted green clothing, anything that would soothe my tortured soul. I tried to rid my hands of the sticky, foul smelling orc blood as we walked but it wouldn’t come off.

"Final count forty-two." I heard a familiar voice purr below me.

Looking down, I saw Gimli sitting on a fallen Uruk leaning on his axe. Legolas smugly ran his hands over the back of his bow.

"Forty-two. That’s not bad for a pointy-eared elven princeling." The dwarf growled haughtily, "I, myself, am sitting pretty on forty-three."

I would have laughed as Legolas nocked an arrow to the string and let it fly if the reality of the rape had not intruded. All I wanted was his strong arms around me, holding me tightly. I wanted to hear the soft lilt of his voice whispering to me in elvish as he stroked my hair. I clung to the wall of the stair as I unsteadily made my way down the narrow steps toward them. Just before I reached the bottom, my knees buckled and I sank to the tread with a sharp cry of pain, shivering uncontrollably.

"Nana!" Moragain cried.

"Ithilin?" Legolas asked, resting his hand on my shoulder. His voice full of concern as he glanced at Moragain.

"It is over?" I croaked, wincing as I looked up at him in bewilderment. "Please say it is over."

"You are covered in orc blood, little one," Gimli burred. "You should have stayed in the caves."

I blinked at him, confused. "I . . . I di . . .di . . . did. Th . . . they b . . . broke . . .th . . . thr . . .through," I stammered.

"You fought them alone?" Legolas choked.

I nodded my head, trying to rid my vision of the Uruk’s visage above me in the throws of animal lust. "I had no choice."

"Ithilin, what happened to you?" he asked quietly as he sat on the step below facing me. I moaned softly in pain as he gathered me into his arms, searching my eyes to find the answer. Shock and anger kindled in his sapphire eyes as he read the truth in mine, but the anger was not directed at me. No, I could see that he did not fault me for the rape. He was angry at himself because he could not protect me or her from it this time. "Eru, no!"

"I’m sorry." I whispered painfully as he held me tighter.

He pressed my head to his chest. I felt his lips against the crown of my head as I closed my eyes and relaxed against him. I was safe here. I knew he would not abandon me when I needed him most. I felt him gather Moragain to him as well and nuzzle her tousled head, speaking softly in elvish. His women needed his assurance that things were going to be all right.

"Gimli, find Aragorn. She is in need of his skills," he said, his voice tight with barely controlled emotion. "Everything will be all right, meleth-nîn. I promise."

"I want a bath," I sobbed. "I want this stench off of me."

"I know," he replied as he gently rocked me while he stroked my hair.

"Legolas?" came Aragorn’s voice after what seemed like hours. "What happened?"

There was a slight pause and I felt Legolas shift slightly. I cried out as white hot pain coursed through my ribs.

"Oh, little sister," the ranger said softly as he laid a hand on my head.

I moaned as Legolas moved to stand. The pain was reaching an intolerable level now, but I was determined not to cry out. There were others who were in far greater pain than I.

"All will be well, melethril," he whispered, shifting my weight as gently as he could to carry me easily. "Come iel-nîn, stay close to me."

"I have her, Legolas," Aragorn said as he took my daughter’s hand and glanced down. I heard his breath catch at seeing my bloody trail of footprints as Legolas lifted me. "Legolas, we need to see to her, now," he said, his voice grave.

Legolas nodded. "Stay with me, Ithilin."

I laid my head wearily against his shoulder, willing myself to rise above the pain in my body. "I’ll try," I whispered, gasping for a painful breath.

Following Aragorn, who held onto Moragain’s small hand, Legolas carried me up the stairs of the Deeping Wall, through the surround, and into the Keep. I closed my eyes and pressed my face to his neck. After all the trauma I had endured, my stomach was threatening to commit mutiny.

"Lord Aragorn, Master Legolas, what has happened to Lady Ithilin?" Éowyn gasped in shock as we entered the Keep. "She was fine not minutes ago when we left the caves."

"Is there someplace where we can tend to her, my lady?" Aragorn asked, urgency evident in his voice.

There was no answer from the younger woman, but I whimpered as Legolas moved again. I heard a door open then close and I was lowered carefully to a bed of sweet smelling hay. Legolas did not move away or let go, nor did I want him to. Yet even as he lay there next to me, I could feel the tension in his body. It was not the tension of battle or fear but that of worry. I buried my face against his chest seeking his warmth.

"I am sorry it is not more, my lords." I heard her say as the door opened again. "Is there anything else I can do?"

"A basin of hot water and a cloth to wash her down with."

"Nana is hurt, Aragorn!" I could hear the panic rising in Moragain’s voice. "That man hurt her! She needs me to help her!"

"Moragain, lasto enni." Legolas said calmly, leaving my side to take my frightened daughter in his arms. "Aragorn and I must do this alone. Nana is badly hurt and what we will do to help her might cause her more pain. Do you understand?" She nodded so he continued, "I know what you saw and we will deal with that but right now Nana needs our attention. You can help us by going with Lady Éowyn."

"All right," came the timid answer.

"Come, little one. We’ll go fetch some nice hot water and fresh clothing." she said as she guided Moragain out and closed the door.

"Legolas," I whimpered softly as he lay back down beside me, "I’m sorry."

"No, meleth-nîn. You are not at fault," he murmured, kissing my forehead.

I felt someone, I assumed it was Aragorn, kneel at my feet. I recoiled as a hand was placed on my knee.

"No," I sobbed softly and it was immediately taken away.

"Hush, little sister. ‘Tis only I." The ranger said soothingly. "You know I am a healer, and that you need not fear me. You are bleeding heavily, Ithilin. I need to make sure that no real physical damage has been done."

"I trust you," I stammered

"Good. I promise to tell you everything I’m going to do before I do it, all right?"

"Okay."

"Legolas?" Aragorn asked.

Legolas touched my cheek in a silent command to look at him. I opened my eyes and gazed up into his face. :Hervess, I am here.:

:I know.:

Hesitantly, he nodded at his friend as Éowyn returned with the basin of water and a shift.

"Lord Aragorn, can I help? She might be more comfortable having a woman bathe her. Men sometimes are not as gentle."

Legolas stiffened beside me, but said nothing. He was not going to let anyone but Aragorn or himself touch me. He shifted slightly, resting his free hand on the hay so that he was supported over me in a protective gesture. I slid my hand down his chest and curled my fingers around the leather strapping of his quiver harness, silently letting him know that I did not want him to leave under any circumstances.

"Forgive me, Lady Éowyn," I panted trying to breathe past the agony in my chest. "I mean no offense to you, but I would rather it be one of my companions. Besides, my lady, your own people have need of you."

"I will leave you to their care then, Lady Ithilin," she answered. "You are shivering, my lady. I will see to it that you are given some blankets too."

"Is Freda all right?" I asked, remembering the young woman and her child that I protected from the Uruk-hai.

"She is well, Lady Ithilin, and is being well cared for. She has named her daughter after you."

"Thank you, my lady." I replied as she headed toward the door. Through the haze of my pain, the full meaning of what Éowyn had said was lost on me.

"How is she?" Gimli growled worriedly as he entered.

I groaned, turning my face into the tooled suede of Legolas’ jerkin. As much as I adored Gimli, I did not want him here right now.

"Not well. Would you keep Moragain company, Gimli? She needs some one to watch out for her right now," Legolas asked his friend, sensing my desire to keep the number of people in the room at a minimum.

Gimli’s face brightened. "Aye, lad. I’ll do that," he said quickly as he lumbered back out the door, closing it behind him.

Minutes later I heard tinkle of water being rung from a rag and felt the wet heat of a cloth being pressed against my face. I sighed heavily with relief as Legolas gently wiped the filth and blood from my face and neck.

"Legolas." I whispered, laying my blood stained hand on top of his. :Hold me.:

:Not yet, Ithilin.: he answered shakily, licking his lips as he wrung out the rag and handed it to Aragorn. :Let’s tend to your injuries first, then I will.:

"Ithilin, I want you to relax as much as possible. You are going to feel my hands on your legs." The ranger said softly, kneeling at my feet again

I nodded, letting out a trembling gasp as I felt his hands on my knees. I closed my eyes trying very hard to relax. While consciously I knew that he meant no harm and that his presence in that region of my body was far from threatening, I could not stop the terrified reaction to his touch. I felt water run down my thigh and I hissed in pain as he sponged the rag against the raw skin.

"It’s all right, little sister," he murmured in elvish. "I’ll be through soon. I just want to make sure there is no irreparable damage inside."

Legolas shifted uneasily next to me as I felt Aragorn’s callused fingers gently probe my opening. If Aragorn had not warned me about what he was going to do, I might have felt more violated then I already did. I clung to Legolas, trying desperately to push the fresh memories of the rape from my mind. I felt so vulnerable laying here unable to move.

"Legolas," I whimpered, pressing my face against his chest and suppressing a sob. He nuzzled my hair in unspoken reassurance. His lips brushed my forehead as his long, slender fingers interlaced with mine over the buckle on his quiver harness.

Aragorn withdrew his hands and sat back. "Most blood is coming from the lacerations on your thighs where the Uruk’s armor cut into you." He paused. "I need to ask you something personal."

I nodded.

"Where are you in your Moon Cycle, penneth."

"About mid-cycle." I swallowed nervously. "Why?"

"I found Uruk seed. I will need to give you some herbs to prevent it from developing and bring on Moon Dark."

"No!" The mere suggestion went against everything I believed. "It’s wrong! It’s murder!"

"Ithilin, calm down and listen to me." Aragorn grasped my shoulder and forced me away from Legolas’ embrace. "If this had been done by a Man, Dwarf, Hobbit, or, Valar forbid, an Elf, I would leave well enough alone, as you are capable of bringing any of these races to birth without difficulty. However, I have seen what happens when orc-spawn are allowed to-"

"You speak as though it is a disease, Estel. It is a child."

"If it were any other race I would agree."

"No! It is not a choice!"

"Ithilin, you must see reason. This thing is not a child. It will eat at you, from the inside out, wasting you slowly until you beg for death."

I stared at him in horror. This was wrong but what he described was not a child, but a demon, a monster.

"You must, little sister. The more time we waste arguing the stronger the abortive will have to be and I risk your overall health."

"Legolas, please, this child did not ask to be conceived," I pleaded.

Legolas closed his eyes. The pain that crashed through the link overwhelmed me. "Forgive me, meleth," he said simply as he nodded at Aragorn. "Give it to her, Estel."

I had been betrayed. It was like a knife to the gut. "No! No! I hate you!" I howled, letting him feel my pain as I beat against his chest with my fists. "I hate you both!"

He sighed but did not let go or move away. "I love you, Ithilin," he whispered, "and that is why I ask that Estel give you the herbs. If you died, so would I."

I stopped fighting him and looked at him.

"The bond is very deep even without a marriage and consummation. My father was devastated when we learned that this was the reason for my mother’s death. Allowing you to . . ." A tear escaped his lashes and dropped on my cheek. "I almost lost them both, Ithilin. I am not willing to lose you. For my sake, for Moragain’s, I ask you to do this." He gazed at me, stricken. "Please."

I nodded, resigned. "For the record, I don’t like this. Give it here."

Legolas helped me to sit up as Aragorn pressed a steaming cup into my hands.

"Drink, please. I know it is bitter but it can not be helped."

Quickly, I drained the contents of the cup, ignoring the taste. "It is done. May Eru have mercy on my soul."

"Ithilin-" Legolas began.

"Don’t," I whispered sadly, "just don’t. I understand your reasoning, just don’t make it worse."

"I love you." Eventhough I wanted it to be false, I could feel the depth of his emotion behind his words.

"Would you get this filthy thing off of me and burn it? The sooner it is gone the easier I will be able to put this whole nightmare behind me." My voice was cold and hard, even to my own ears.

"As you wish." I could hear the sorrow and pain in his voice.

I cracked my eyes open when heard the singing tone of one of his knives being drawn. While I did not fear the he would hurt me inadvertently, I shuddered involuntarily as the flat of the cold blade touched my skin. With a quick flick of his wrist, he cut the soft wool from my unyielding body. His eyes closed in shock as the extent of the damage was revealed to him. His hands shook slightly with emotion as he carefully removed the remnants of the dress and tenderly washed the blood and grime away.

Silence surrounded us just as a soft knock came at the door.

"Gimli." Aragorn called through the closed door, "Would you ask Lady Éowyn for some bandages?"

"Aye."

"Aragorn?" a male voice called from outside. "Aragorn, the lady said you might need aid."

"Nana?"

"Aye, mellon-nîn. Have you brought bandages and a blanket?"

"No, I don’t want Moragain to see this." I gasped in a panicked whisper.

Legolas shed his cloak and draped it over my naked form, then nodded to Aragorn. "Better now?"
I nodded as I drew a labored breath. My ribs were in agony, but the pain in my heart was much worse. The knowledge of what I had agreed to weighed heavily on me.

"Let them finish taking care of her, lassie." I heard the dwarf growl softly outside. "Why don’t you show me that paving stones game you were trying to teach to Legolas."

I chuckled painfully as Moragain reluctantly agreed to teach hopscotch to the dwarf.

"How fares our little warrior?" The door opened to reveal the same elf that had purred his greeting in Lórien. "I have what you seek, Aragorn."

"Haldir?!" I gasped. "You’re alive?!"

The blond elf smiled as he knelt beside Aragorn. "Aye, little one, that I am."

"Haldir, help me bandage the wounds on her legs. Then we can stabilize her ribs."

"Aragorn, Ithilin’s breathing is becoming more laboured." Worry was creeping into Legolas’ voice.

I shivered as the cloak was lifted and I felt strips of soft cloth being wound around my thighs. I cried out softly as he lifted me back into a sitting position so Aragorn could wrap my bruised ribs.

"Ithilin, this is going to hurt worse than anything I have done so far, but you will be able to breathe better when I am done," Aragorn said laying his hand against my head.

:Bite my hand if the pain becomes too much.: Legolas’ voice whispered in my mind as he pressed his hand against my lips.

"I want you to look at me, little sister. Do not drop my gaze whatever you do." Aragorn gently touched my cheek and I looked up helplessly at him as he crouched over me. "I have done this to Legolas before."

I held his gaze, panting against the pain as his hands moved slowly over my damaged ribs. Resisting the urge to cry out or sink my teeth into Legolas’ hand, I balled my hands into fists as Aragorn carefully maneuvered each bone back into place if it was in the wrong spot. I could not let Moragain know how much pain I was in. I panted as he set the last one and began wrapping bandages around my torso, Haldirsilently handing him the bandages. I wondered vaguely what he must be thinking.

Legolas helped me into the clean, loose fitting shift and carefully laid me back down. "Aragorn, how long until the herbs take effect?"

"Soon," Aragorn said as he washed my blood from his hands. "She will bleed heavily for several days so she should not be moved if it can be helped."

Legolas looked at me and nodded, his eyes full of pain and sorrow.

Aragorn nodded. "There are others I need to tend to, so I will leave her in your care, mellon-nîn. Shall I send Moragain in?"

Legolas sighed softly, but nodded as he spread the blanket over my shivering form.

Exhaustion was beginning to set in now that the pain was starting to ebb. I could barely keep my eyes open long enough to see Moragain walk reluctantly into the chamber. I heard Legolas say something to her and her frightened reply but that was the last thing I remembered before unconsciousness dragged me under.


* * *


Pain gripped me even in the depths of unconsciousness, making me cry out.

"Hush, Ithilin. I am here." Came the whispered words of comfort as warm fingers brushed softly against my cheek.

"Legolas! Oh Valar, it hurts!" I cried, trying to curl up against the pain lancing through my belly.

"Here?" I felt his hand move over my abdomen.

I nodded, tears streaming from my eyes as I whimpered in pain. I felt like someone had run a dagger into me. The pain, while clean, was excruciating. The herbs had done their job.

Gently he pulled me closer to him as he stroked my belly.

"I am sorry, my love," he whispered, nuzzling my hair.

"I want to hate you for asking me to take those herbs. I want to blame you, but it’s not your fault, Legolas. It’s mine. I should never have tried to fight those Uruk-hai." I said turning my face away from his and letting the silent tears come. "I should never have fallen in love with you. All of this was a big mistake. Like the rest of my life."

"Your life is not a mistake, Ithilin. Who has told you this?"

"My mother. Nothing I did pleased her. Not the man I married, not who I was, not what I chose to do with my life, not even the children I bore. My life was one big mistake after another. This is just another manifestation of how big a mistake my life is."

"My love for you is no mistake," he said softly, brushing a strand of hair from my face. "Your mother does not exist here and can not tell you that this was a mistake. Your actions here have made me very proud of you. Not just me either. There are others who have asked after you, many of them women from the caves. You brought a child into this world and then turned around and slay six Uruks. I could not have done that."

"Sure. The Pride of Mirkwood not be able to so something like that," I replied bitterly.

"While I have had some training as a healer, I do not know how to midwife a child to birth, Ithilin. You have been in her position three times and therefore you knew what she was going through. I would not."

I felt his hand on my belly again, stroking and soothing the pain that still held the muscles tightly clenched. "This is only a temporary set back, hervess. There will be others."

"I don’t want others, elf," I spat angrily pushing his hand away. I hurt inside and out but the pain in my heart blocked out everything else. "I don’t ever want another child. Yours or anyone else’s."

"If that is your wish, meleth-nîn," he answered steadily, but I could hear in his voice that my words had stung. "I will not force it on you."

The silence stretched between us. I felt like my heart had been ripped out and a gaping hole left in its place. How could he not seemingly care that I mourned the decision that I had been forced to make? How could he see this as only a setback? How did he have the gall to tell me that there would be others?

"Ithilin?" he asked softly, "Forgive me, meleth. I did not mean to hurt you. Can you not understand that I can not lose you?"

"You can never know this pain, Legolas. You will never know what it is to have a life ripped from your hungry arms before it ever reaches them. You can not know."

"I watched my mother die because we acted too late. I believe that life is precious but it would have killed me to watch that again, especially to you." I heard him swallow painfully. "Help me to know your heart, Ithilin. You have been cut off from me the minute you passed out. I can not know if you do not tell me."

"Cut off from me?" I asked stunned, turning to face him. "How?"

I still felt some sort of bond between us but there was something else too, something strange yet familiar at the same time. Yet while it did not feel like Legolas it still gave me a sense of security and safety.

"I can not sense you or mind speak with you." he replied, his long fingers tracing the outline of my face. "You have no idea how worried I have been."

"I’m sorry I said those things, Legolas." I sobbed. "I thought you didn’t care about what just happened. That my pain was nothing to you."

"No! Oh, Ithilin," he sighed and gathered me carefully into his arms. "No, love. I would never have forced you to take those herbs nor would have Aragorn if the sire had been anyone but an orc."

"I’m sorry. It’s just that I have wanted another baby for so long." The tears came unchecked as he held me close. The old ache rising to the fore once again.

"Hush now, love. Shh. How long have you wanted another child?"

"Since the last one stopped nursing over a year ago," I sniffed scrubbing at the tears, "but we just couldn’t afford it. Not to mention the fact that my mother was never happy about getting a grandchild."

Anger flashed across his eyes. "I told myself that I would not interfere with your decision, Ithilin, but now I feel I must. I will not let you go back to that."

I sighed, moving my head so that it rested against his chest. "It’s not your choice, my love. If I could relinquish it to you I would, gladly. But I somehow doubt that you would see me in the same light again if I did so."

He chuckled softly as he smoothed my matted hair.

I nuzzled him insistently. I knew he would worry about hurting me. "I need this. I need you."

His elven light brightened slightly allowing me to see his face. Worry lit his sapphire eyes. "What of Moragain, Ithilin? If she wakes, she could think I am hurting you."

"Where is she?"

"Curled against my back. She was terrified, meleth, and worried. More than I, I believe," he said, glancing behind him at where my daughter lay in a fitful sleep. "I tried to explain what she saw but I do not think she would see the difference between the rape and our love making."

I nodded then gasped as pain lanced through me again. Quickly, Legolas curled around me, pressing his hand to my belly again.

"Do you trust me?" he asked.

Sobbing silently, I nodded, biting my lip to not cry out in pain.

"It is over for now, melethril." he said in a choked whisper. "The pain will soon fade."

"I have never had to do this, Legolas. Why do I feel like I’m being punished for something I’ve done wrong."

"You are not alone in that feeling, Ithilin. I, too, feel that this is a punishment. I could not protect you this time. I failed you and Moragain"

He would never allow others to see anything other than the warrior he was. I would be the only one who would see him grieve this perceived failure.

"Forgive me, melethril."

I smiled sadly as tears streamed from my eyes. His illuminated face a blur through the tears. "There is nothing to forgive, Legolas. Neither of us could foresee this happening. You protected us as best you could."

"There is nothing I would not do for either of you." He kissed my forehead as he lay back down beside me then gently lifted me on top of him.

"Legolas, I thought you didn’t like to get stuff all over you?" I protested.

He chuckled as he shifted the blanket to cover both of us, "My leggings are already soaked through with your blood, Ithilin. A little more will not inflict irreparable damage."

Sighing, I relaxed against him, laying my head against his chest as his hands moved in soothing circles over my back. I loved this elf with all my heart. I thought I knew what I wanted or at least wanted what was best for every one involved. If I stayed what would happen to him. Would he be forced to abandon us? Was he looking at being disowned because of me and Moragain, because we were human? What would be our place here?

If we went back, was I looking at a mental institution and padded walls. Highly possible, considering I had changed so much in the last month and a half. Few in my family would believe that I had been sucked into Middle Earth, lay with an elf, and battled six Uruk-hai. My own mother made it very clear on several occasions that she thought I was slightly unbalanced. Of course I could always plead amnesia but then what if Moragain said something. How could I protect her from those same accusations or being forced to believe that it had all been a dream?

"Legolas?" I whispered, tracing the scrolling leaf pattern tooled into the suede of his jerkin.

"I thought you asleep, Ithilin." came the reply.

"No, just thinking."

"What about?"

"Where to go from here. Would your father accept Moragain and me if we stayed?"

"That has been very much in my thoughts of late and to tell you the truth I just do not know," he sighed. "Would you stay/"

I yawned and settled back against him. "Honour, Legolas. This is about our honour. You know I would if there was nothing for me there, but honour dictates that I return. For my boys if nothing else."

"I know, meleth, more than you know."

I felt my eyes close and blessed unconsciousness drag me under once more, taking me away from the pain in my body.


* * *


"Wake her." Thunder rumbled softly overhead as Gandalf’s voice broke through the peaceful darkness of the rainy dawn.

I was a wake but lay relaxed on top of Legolas with my eyes closed, breathing in his calming scent. How much longer would I have this? I still was at war with what was the best decision for everyone involved. Could I survive in the time I came from now? I had changed so much. I no longer needed the extraneousness of 21st century life. I was content with what I had here. The quiet and the unhurried pace of this new life had settled me. I no longer searched for something outside myself. Maybe that was what I needed to find. Not just Legolas’ love but the knowledge that I was more capable than I realized. I could stand on my own. I was proud of that fact. But could that strength and ability and contentedness be transferred to a fast paced world and a family that wouldn’t understand?

"She needs rest, Gandalf." Legolas’ voice rumbled in his chest beneath my ear. "Both of them do. Can it not wait a few days? She was hurt."

"I am sorry, child, but the gate will only be open for a short time. She must go now."

"I’m awake, melethron," I whispered as I moved my arm from beneath his head. "Better now than later."

"Ithilin," he started to protest, "you are in pain and Aragorn said you needed rest. You still bleed heavily."

"Legolas, we don’t belong here. You know this. We have been over this. Who knows what damage have I wrought in this world by being here and by interfering like I have?" I levered myself up away from his body and his warmth, trying desperately to find the answer to all my questions. "Gandalf, how long do I have?"

"Enough to dress, little one, and wake the child," he answered.

I nodded, my head dropping to Legolas’ chest. "I don’t know what else to do, my love. I’m sorry."

"I will help you dress, Ithilin. You are still in a lot of pain and it will be difficult for you to dress yourself," Legolas sighed as he rolled me off of him.

"Hannon le, melethron."

"I will leave you to make ready then, Palandiriel." Gandalf said inclining his head as he left.

Legolas helped me out of the shift in silence, taking great care not to jostle my bandaged ribs. He still did not speak as he slipped the silky fabric of my tunic up over my shoulders and hooked the clasps.

"Legolas, speak to me!" I croaked, unable to bear the silence any longer. "Say something. Please!"

"What else is there to say, Ithilin," he whispered in a tight voice as he slid the suede leggings up my legs. "We both know this is for the best. That what we had was nothing more than a dream."

"‘Twas no dream. My love for you is real, Legolas."

"Is that why you leave? Because you are afraid of reality? Are you still afraid this won’t last? Haven’t I proven that it will?" he hissed angrily. "Or is the love I have given you not enough?"

Even in the semi darkness I could still see how he held himself, so tense and rigid. He was angry, more at the injustice of the whole situation than at me. How could I leave him like that? How could I leave my babies? What decision could I make that wouldn’t hurt anyone? I sighed in resignation.

"I know you are angry, Legolas. You have every right to be. What can I do that won’t cause someone pain. I know what you want me to say but there is more at stake here than just you and me. What happened to honour?"

His shoulders slumped forward as he sighed heavily. "Forgive me, melethril. We have both known this from the beginning. Maybe this would be easier if we had not gotten involved with one another."

"Somehow, I don’t think we had much of a choice in the matter," I chuckled as he carefully lifted me to my feet and tied the lacings on my breeches then buckled the leather belt around my waist.

His smile was sad as his long blood stained fingers brushed my cheek. It was my blood that stained his hands and his body. However, he seemed to not notice it.

"No. I do not believe that we did," he said finally as he bent to kiss me lightly. "We had better wake, Moragain."

I nodded as I wiped tears from my eyes.

"Moragain." I heard him whisper softly as he knelt beside her, tenderly brushing her unruly curls from her face. "Wake, little one. It is time to go."

"Go where, Ada?" came the sleepy reply.

"Home, Moragain."

"I don’t want to go home, Ada. I want to stay with you."

"I know, but it is time."

"Don’t you love Nana anymore?"

"This has nothing to do with my love for your mother, Moragain. Please, do not argue with me about this. It is time to go." He helped her to her feet and led both of us to the door. "Forgive me if I do not accompany you to the gate, melethril. I can not say goodbye again."

"I understand, my love," I said tightly as I took Moragain’s hand from him and walked slowly away from him, more out of reluctance than pain.


* * *


"Are you ready?" The wizard asked as I looked back down the corridor, wishing that I could have one last glance at my beloved’s face before I left. But then his image and his love were both burned into my heart and mind.

"I’m here, aren’t I?"

"Nana, why can’t we stay with Ada?" Moragain asked tearfully as she clung to my hand.

"Sweetheart, both of us have told you that we don’t belong here. Your daddy needs us, as do your brothers." I sighed as I saw the stubborn stance appear on her seven-year-old body. How did I make her understand about the sacrifices we make for those we love? "Sometimes, doing the right thing means someone you love will get hurt. I have to choose the least number of people who get hurt. It’s not that I love Legolas any less than I love your daddy or your brothers. The good of the many out weighs the good of the few."

"It is time, young one."

Drawing a shaky breath, I nodded and took up Moragain’s hand again. "How are you going to explain our disappearance, Gandalf?"

"Let me worry about that." Gandalf said as he opened a door and a blinding flash of light enveloped us. "Now, all you have to do is think of home and you will be there. Time is faster here and it will set you down about three months after you left, but it will work itself out in the end."

Home. That should be simple. Home. I closed my eyes and called to memory everything I could about the sights, sounds, and smells of home. The sound of my husband’s voice, his scent, the feel of his body next to mine. The happy shriek of children and the smell of a prairie thunderstorm. The touch of little hands and the sound of my name.

"I wish . . ." came a whisper from beside me.