In the Garden

Title: In the Garden, Chapter 10 (betaed)
Author: Sorsha
Fandom/Pairing: Elrond/OFC, others implied
Rating: R
Warning: AU (Story set several hundred years after ROTK in Aman); Het.
Feedback: Constructive feedback appreciated.
Archive: AFF.net; fanfiction.net
Acknowledgements: Thanks also to Lady Victoria for betaing this fic.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognize belongs to Prof. Tolkien. A quick check of my bank account should prove I’m not making anything off of writing my stories. Sigh!
Summary: Life in the Blessed Land has not been so blessed for Elrond. Can the happiness that has long eluded him be found in the words of a red-bound journal, the help of his scheming friends, and the granting of a wish that none thought possible?

Chapter 10 --- Leading a Horse, humm… Peredhel to Water

In a voice that dripped ice, the silver-haired elleth purred, “Why Elrond, my dear husband… fancy meeting you here. And in such esteemed company… the much heralded balrog slayer and his charming warrior wife.”

Cutting her cold blue gaze in Meril’s direction, Celebrian smirked. “And Haldir, it is my timid little cousin… the one that my parents almost trapped you into marrying? I agree with your assessment that she was not overly remarkable. Her twin at least has a pleasing personality even if she shares the same average looks… hardly the type to stir the blood of a viral elven warrior like you.”

Seeing the shock and guilt wash across her former betrothed’s face, she knew he had at some point, made comments much like Celebrian’s vicious barbs. Years of repressed anger flared in her heart and Meril spoke before the others could recover from their shock. “Unremarkable I may well be… especially when compared to one such as yourself that is so… experienced in stirring the blood of warriors… scribes, artisans… stable boys. A taste you and Haldir share, Celebrian, in case you did not know.”

“How dare you! You will not talk to me in such a disrespectful manner. You will address me as Lady Celebrian as befits my station!” Celebrian sputtered.

“I have never been in the habit of addressing you thus, Cousin, but…Lady? Surely you are not so deluded as to think anyone in Aman still considers you have right to that title. Your station is that of a common adulteress and nothing more,” Meril coolly retorted.

‘Ai! Haldir! Elrond! I demand you put this spawn of a tainted bloodline in her place!”

To their amazement, Elrond began to laugh. After a moment, he regained his composure and said, “I heard nothing the Lady Meril said that is not a truthful assessment of the situation. In any case, you lost the right to expect my defense of your character long ago. As for Haldir, the one with whom you are committing adultery is hardly in the position to defend your… honor. The lady’s family is, however, above reproach.”

“How dare you!”

“He dares because you deserve no better, daughter. Move along and cease causing further embarrassment to our family,” Celeborn’s voice coolly inserted.

Caught up in their exchange, they had failed to notice the approach of the Lord and Lady of the Golden Wood, their grandsons, and their respective ladies. Haldir’s eyes had fallen on Himiel and the pain of his estrangement from his younger siblings was clearly evident in his expression.

Seeing her sons, Celebrian demanded, “Will you not come to my defense, my sons? Does your mother not deserve your support?”

“Our mother… the selfish wanton that cast aside her honor and virtue when she took lovers in violation of her wedding vows? The one that betrayed our father, sister, grandparents… us with her shameful conduct? The one that disparaged our father’s character with her groundless slander, exposing our family to the ridicule of all Aman? The one who took as her lover one already betrothed to another… our friend, her cousin? The same mother that, by her conduct, nearly ended any prospect of my twin being with the one he loves by taking as her lover this maiden’s brother? Forgive me if I find no merit in the defense of your honor against valid charges,” Elladan retorted.

“Go home, Naneth. For once, think about someone else beyond your own selfish desires,” Elrohir added. “Our father is the only one of our parents to have earned our loyalty and respect, in addition to our great love for him. We still love you Naneth, but we have lost all respect for you by your own actions.”

Stunned, Celebrian stared blankly at them for several seconds before she turned and fled. Haldir hesitated for a moment. Bowing, he murmured, “I regret that we have intruded on your walk. Celebrian feels keenly the isolation we have brought upon ourselves and chaffs at the loss of those that once were her friends… the loss of her family. I share this sense of loss.”

Lifting his head, he looked at Meril. “I am sorry for the wrongs I did to you. You deserved far, far better than I gave you. I betrayed your trust in the most egregious manner and left you to learn of my behavior in a public place, exposed to the eyes of Valimar. I lacked the courage and honor to tell you my decision face-to-face, in private. I hope the Valar will grant you happiness… a partner that will deserve the gift your love and trust represents.”

Shifting his gaze to Elrond, he continued. “I have no words to excuse the wrong I have done you, my lord. You ever treated me with courtesy and respect. I caused you and your sons great harm and made you the subject of unjust ridicule from those that did not know your true character. For this and many other things, I offer my inadequate apologies.”

“My lord and lady… I failed you and betrayed your trust. Though it does no good, I wish I could undo those offenses. I offer you my regrets with a sincere heart.” Lastly, he looked at his sister. “I miss you and our brothers, Himiel. I hope you and Elrohir have found a way to move past the injury I caused to your trust and love. Your happiness is all I wish for as your forgiveness is too much to expect. I love you three and dearly regret hurting you.”

“Forgive us for disturbing your day. I must go and see to Celebrian.” Inclining his head respectfully to Glorfindel and Gwing, he turned to follow his lover.

Once the former March Warden had disappeared from sight, the small group exchanged stunned looks. To their relief, they noted that only a few onlookers had witnessed the scene and all were elves from Lorien or Imladris, their loyalty and discretion never in doubt.

Drawing a deep breath, Elrond suggested, “May I offer you all the hospitality of our home, for a glass of wine seems to be in order?”

Hearing murmurs of assent to his proposal, he was surprised to see the tears flooding Meril’s eyes. “Meril? What is wrong, my lady?”

“I am so sorry! I should have held my tongue and not said what I did. Please forgive me my inappropriate behavior, my lords… my lady.” Finishing her broken response, she turned and would have fled in the direction of her family’s talan had not Elrond reached out to snag her arm, preventing her from escaping.

“Meril… she attacked you and you had the right to defend yourself.” Sighing softly, he added, “You have had to wait many long years to confront her… to vent the anger and hurt she caused you. Do not feel you owe any apology for that.”

“But I do! I should have ignored her and not behaved in so… childish a manner.” Hanging her head, she tried to hide the tears slipping down her cheeks.

Overcome with the desire to pull her into his arms to comfort her, he stood helplessly at her side. Only the knowledge they were in the middle of a public park kept him from acting on his feelings. Raising worried eyes to the ellith standing nearby, Himiel and Gwing came quickly to his aid.

Moving to her side to guide her forward, Himiel insisted, “You are coming with us, Meril. You still have a lot of pain you need to resolve to free your spirit. Let those of us that love you help you. Now take a deep breath and come along,”

“Indeed, cousin. Besides, I was impressed by your response. It was well said and cunningly delivered! I need to remember to stay on your good side. Ada would have been quite proud of you for not accepting her cruel taunts and for defending yourself rather than waiting for one of us to do it for you!” Gwing proclaimed, a slight smile betraying her amusement in seeing the arrogant Celebrian put in her place.

Putting a supportive arm across his father’s shoulder, Elrohir urged him forward. Trading a look with his twin, he knew Elladan shared his concern that something had to be done to free them all from the wreckage of their parent’s marriage. They had seen the helpless desire to comfort Meril that had clouded his silver eyes, turning them a stormy grey. He needed to be free… free to express his growing feelings for the elleth. Silently, they agreed that they had no choice but to use this encounter to push their father to petition the Valar to free him from his vows.

They had not previously realized how desperately their mother also needed to be released from those vows. While they had no sympathy for her situation as it was of her own willful and selfish making, they were worried by the clear signs of an approaching mental breakdown. She and Haldir had become virtual pariah in Valinor and the isolation was eating away at her spirit. If the marriage was ended, she might find a way to move beyond the scandal to remake her life.

A quick glance at his grandparents confirmed they were thinking the same thing. It was time to for them to start pushing a stubborn peredhel to take action and allow them all to move beyond a very painful past. Celebrian had no hope of being granted such a request given her behavior… her flagrant disregard of their most sacred laws, but Elrond did. They had to make him see this was the best option for them all.

-----

Galadriel watched her niece inch further away from the warmth and comfort of her family and friends, seeking a way to escape and flee to the safety of her family’s home. Instinct told her there was more to Meril’s reaction than simply the unpleasant scene in the park, that the wounds to her spirit had been rent open once again by the encounter. Deciding to take matters into her hands as quickly as possible to prevent Meril’s retreat back into the shelter of her bedchambers… back to the self-imposed isolation of the past two hundred years, she rose and walked over to the younger elleth.

“Tis a lovely evening, Meril. Please come and walk with me in the garden, pen vuil.” (dear one)

As one that had grown up in the Golden Wood, Meril had not missed the command that had been phrased as a polite invitation. Following the habits of a lifetime, she meekly rose and walked with her great aunt into the growing dusk. Wrapped in the embrace of the coming night, Meril felt her connection to the living world tingle as Arda itself sought to comfort her.

Seeing the droop of Meril’s shoulders lift slightly as the whispers of the natural world worked their magic, Galadriel remained silent and slowly led the way to a bench tucked under a massive oak tree near the back wall of the garden. Settling herself, she patted the seat next to her. Once Meril had seated herself, the lady reached over to take the younger maiden’s hands into her own, her spirit offering gentle comfort and love to strengthen the damaged fëa of her niece. (spirit)

“The time for you to hide is over, dear one. You did nothing wrong, yet you have been much abused by these tragic events. I deeply regret not telling you about their affair before we sailed, but Haldir swore…” Sighing, she took a deep breath to regain control of her emotions. “Do not regret your words to Celebrian. They were well deserved. You have held your anger inside of your heart for too long. It is time you let it go so that you might heal.”

“Thank you, my lady, but it was wrong of me to engage her with harsh words. Enough hurt has been dealt to us all. I have no desire to inflict pain on anyone…I do not want to give into my anger. It does no good and only keeps the wounds fresh,” she whispered.

“Two hundred years have passed, Meril, and your wounds have not been healed by your silent suffering and withdrawal from society.” Hesitating to see if the elleth would volunteer more, she asked, “It was more than your response to her cruel taunts that upset you, was it not? What hurts you so?”

Looking down, Meril struggled to find words to express the intense anger that had taken hold of her for those few brief moments. /Be honest! I have been angry for many years and never had the chance to confront them… or the others that helped them cover their behavior./

Tears began to fall as she offered, “Many things… the look on his face that told me he had said such things to her… knowing where… when such things would have been discussed. The memory of seeing them kissing in that park… staged by Celebrian for me to witness. Anger with so many for not telling me… with myself for not questioning his behavior or the smirks and laughs I heard around me… and for being too naive to have not known. With Haldir for… using me to hide the affair from you and my uncle. For the pain and humiliation they brought to our families and friends.”

Seeing the tears begin to fall in earnest, Galadriel pulled her into a tight embrace as she whispered, “Cry pen vuil. The wounds to your spirit must be purged of this pain. Cry… rage. You have earned the right.” (dear one)

-----

Night had settled over the pair before the flood of tears and grief had spent itself. Meril found herself unable to pull away from the comfort offered by the embrace and let her head rest wearily on her aunt’s shoulder. “Why… how could she betray us as she did? She made vows to the Valar… unbreakable vows.”

“I have never understood what drives my daughter to behave in such a reckless manner. Perhaps we spoiled her… or perhaps we did not spoil her enough,” Galadriel sighed.

Letting her mind wonder back over the millennia, she mused, “For much of her youth, Celebrian traveled with me from one home to another. I never left her behind, even when my husband was forced to leave us to see to his duties. We have often wondered if those early experiences marked her and made her crave what she did not have.”

“If anything, my lady, I would have thought it would have made her crave stability. Her marriage to Lord Elrond gave her that. He would have protected and cherished her,” Meril offered. “With all that she was given, what made her… either of them behave as they did? There is no precedent in our people’s history for their behavior.”

Sighing deeply, Galadriel struggled to answer the question. “Having had many years to reflect on that question, I have come to suspect Haldir’s obsession with my daughter was born to some degree not out of love, or even lust, as much as from a desire to regain the position he felt we had taken from his family.”

Reaching up to stoke the soft golden hair that spilled over her niece’s shoulders, in search of comfort as much as to give it, she let her thoughts focus on the distant past. “When your uncle and I arrived in Lothlorien, Amdír still lived and was king. Haldir’s grandfather had served as Seneschal to the king and died with him at Dagorlad in a reckless charge that served no purpose and cost many lives. By Silvan tradition, his son was to have taken his place, but Amroth, thrust onto the throne by his father’s death, asked Celeborn to serve him in that capacity.”

“Remember, they were still in Mordor as part of the Army of Last Alliance, and Amroth needed someone like your uncle to lead his troops… wisely and prudently lead. Feredir, Haldir’s father, was reckless and headstrong like his own father, and Amroth felt he was not suited for the position, especially in the wake of the losses Lothlorien had sustained at Dagorlad.” Galadriel paused for a moment to settle her thoughts before continuing. “Lacking an heir, Amroth was not willing to risk placing Feredir in so prominent a position in the midst of a war. Sadly, his fears about Feredir’s character later proved justified.”

Taking a deep breath, she recounted, “In the years that followed, the King was away from Lorien much of the time, searching for Nimrodel. The realm needed someone to rule in his stead. My lord husband and I took on that role and we, at last, found our home. When the King was lost, we officially became the Lord and Lady of Lorien, as you know. Feredir hated us for this as he felt Celeborn had taken the place that should have been his, and, as a consequence, denied him his destiny to be the king of the realm.”

Turning to face Meril, Galadriel held her niece’s gaze, hoping to impress upon her the complicated politics of that time. “Seeing Feredir’s attitude, we appointed Cugyl as March Warden, ending the position of Seneschal, and invited your father to attend us as our chief counsellor. This meant that no Silvan held a top post in our realm, but it also meant we had elves we could rely upon in these key positions. It also created jealousy among some of the Silvans we overlooked by making the appointments we did… jealousy that later came back to haunt us when they kept the knowledge of the affair from us and your parents. Some, undoubtedly found Haldir’s conduct understandable and amusing.”

“Haldir’s mother was a sweet and gentle lady, a Sindarin and a niece of Amdir. The endless ranting and blind jealousy of her husband broke her spirit and she was too weak to recover after the birth of her youngest child, Rúmil.” A look of deep sadness clouded the turquoise-blue eyes of the lady. “Her death drove Feredir to state of uncontrolled recklessness. He, without the approval of Cugyl or one of us, took a patrol and attacked Dol Guldur. They were greatly outnumbered. All were lost to no gain or purpose.”

“So… Haldir was driven to obtain the red cloak of the March Warden to regain his family’s position. This helps make sense of why he was so utterly focused on that goal. But, how did having Celebrian as his lover further this desire? It was what ultimately destroyed his ambitions and caused him to loose favor with his sovereigns. I do not understand, my lady,” Meril admitted.

“Indeed, his conduct destroyed our trust in him and made us consider his demotion. Had the times been different, we would have done so,” she admitted. “We left him to defend the City rather than let him captain our forces in the assault on Dol Guldur both as a punishment and out of concern he was as reckless as his father.”

A tear ran down her cheek, to Meril’s distress, as she concluded her tale. “Celebrian is our only child. I believe he saw her as the way to claim a link to the lordship of Lorien. When she wed Elrond, an outsider… another non-Silvan had once again claimed that prize. His desire to reclaim what he felt was taken from his father became an obsession and their affair not only gave him the elleth he lusted after, but a means of retribution against the non-Silvan elves that he felt had harmed his family.”

Leaning in to share the comfort of her niece’s presence, she mused, “Whether or not he realizes any of this I cannot say. He has never been able to admit his father’s faults and blamed us for his mother’s suffering. Today was the first time I have ever seen him take any responsibility for his actions.”

They sat in silence for many minutes before Meril hesitantly asked, “But, why would Celebrian… she was married to a fine elf of great honor and intellect? He is so warm and caring…” Blushing, she dropped her head to cover her embarrassment at betraying her regard for the peredhel.

“He is indeed one of the finest spirits I have ever known and has suffered more loss than I can contemplate. I am glad you realize his great worth, my dear.” Squeezing her hands, Galadriel struggled to answer her question. “I think my daughter always felt she had no control over her life. She was pulled from home to home for much of her early life. We urged her to marry an elf she barely knew for the good of our world… for duty and not love. While she loves her children, they were an expectation rather than a choice. I think she grew to resent it all and wanted to assert some control over her life regardless of the cost.”

“Elrond and Celebrian barely knew each other when they wed.” A sad smile twisted her lips, but did little to brighten her face. “She had little interest in the duties that came with being the Lady of Imladris and preferred to spend her days in pursuits that demanded little of her. Elrond was so busy with matters of governing the realm, his duties as a healer and loremaster… the White Council and the lingering threat of Sauron.”

Sighing, she observed, “While my daughter is intelligent, she is not an intellectual. She had little interest in the pursuits that Elrond so loves… she found him too serious. While he initially found her lovely to look upon, they did not share a bond… or love and he soon grew weary of her idle, self-indulgent manner. Their marriage became an empty shell that neither wanted… the only love they had was for their children. For all this, Elrond remained faithful because he took his vows with a true heart.”

Distressed by what she was about to confide, she hugged her niece tightly to her side. “I think Celebrian could not, in her heart and spirit, take those vows with genuine commitment, so had no compulsion about breaking them. This is the only explanation for the fact that no bond formed after… She has always had the full pride of the Noldor. Perhaps if we had let her come to know Elrond and feel the choice was hers, it might have been different. I believe her infidelities gave her some sense she was in control of her own life, at least in regards to those she chose to share her bed.”

“But… she had children… and the vows she broke were made before the Valar! I understand what you have told me and it gives me new insight, but… I fail to truly comprehend how one could do such a thing,” Meril sighed.

“I cannot tell you, Meril, for I have the same difficulty. I confronted her on my arrival and she seemed to be ready to reform…” Bowing her head, she continued. “Twas all a show to gain her the attention she craves. She never gave Elrond a chance, nor saw the warm, gentle spirit under his formal exterior. She failed to see how easy and protected her early life was, even if it we had moved about, especially if one considers what Elrond endured… but, that was not to be and we have all suffered as a result. Once Arwen was born… she told me she felt she had done her duty and had the right to follow her own desires.”

“He deserves so much better.”

“Aye, he does. It is my dearest hope he will decide to petition the Valar to be released from his vows. There is no marital bond between them and he has been greatly wronged. He needs the comfort of a true life-mate… a lover and friend to share his life. His sons and closest friends have urged he do this. I soon hope he will come to us for our guidance. We will join our voices to those urging him to try.” Looking away to hide her fears, she added, “Having seen the precarious state of my daughter’s mind, she too needs this release. I fear for her if he does not soon act.”

-----

A solitary figure melted back into the shadows cast by the lush plants of the garden. Silently making his way back to the house, Elrond found he had much to consider… and, perhaps, some reason to hope for better days.

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Feredir (hunter) --- Haldir’s father
Cugyl (Bow bearer) --- the Marchwarden prior to Haldir

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I would tell you its the only evil cliffie in the story, MarzBar... but you'd never believe me! More to come!