Glorfindel Unleashed

Title : 'Glorfindel Unleashed', 10/?
Author: Eawen Penallion
Type: FPS
Beta: Beloved Nienna, so encouraging!
Disclaimer: all rights to the characters belong to JRR
Tolkien - I'm only playing with them.
Rating: (R for this chapter, NC-17 overall)
Pairing: Glorfindel/Erestor in later chapters
Warnings: M/M, implied child abuse, angst, character
death


Summary : When Glorfindel becomes a child's protector,
he does not realise what Erestor will be tm whm when
he reaches majority. Can love survive the trials of
death and destiny?

Author's notes: AU as in it is my idea, but canon
where possible with regard to LOTR history.


Chapter 10

The seasons had turned and the promise of spring had burgeoned into the Gates of Summer. Preparations were in full swing for the Festival of Tarnin Austa. Elrond was unsure how Glorfindel would approach this tragic day. The golden lord's behaviour had not changed since the day of that depressing discussion and disclosure, though his more public excesses had been curbed. The miruvor supplies were still dwindling and the overall consumption had increased. However, Glorfindel had taken an interest in his twin sons, finding solace in their innocence and sweet trivialities. Their excitement at the upcoming festival was unbounded, though at their young age they would not be allowed to keep the whole vigil.

"But Ada says we may stay up a little later."

"*If* we promised not to talk."

"Or ask questions."

"Or whistle."

"Or sing."

Elladan paused, brow furrowed in dawning reflection. He raised his eyebrow in an uncanny copy of his father. "Will it be fun, 'Ro? Really?"

Elrohir paused before launching into a positive litany. "There will be music an' stalls an' lights an' - cake!"

An 'o' appeared on Elladan's mouth, and he smiled again.

"Yes, and we have a long sleep the night before, then a big lunch with all our family. There will be Ada an' Nana, an' Lindir an' Uncle Erestor an' you. You will come too, Uncle Glo'fin'l, won't you?"

Glorfindel glowed at the diminution of his name, one that the twins only used in excitement, but winced inwardly as he recalled another who had named him so.

"I will indeed, pyn-neth, if I becomecome at the table."

The elflings bounced up and down, clapping their hands with glee. The golden lord laughed at their exuberance and they laughed in return. The sheer joy caused such an escalation of merriment that all that were near turned to grin at the scene on the veranda.

In the shadows a black-clad figure smiled too, glad to see that the hurt he had caused had been somewhat assuaged by the innocence of the twins. Memories arose of similar circumstances, of a child's happiness in the arms of the golden lord and the love found therein. The solitary figure sighed, hoping against hope that this would mark a new phase in the life of the re-born warrior. Glorfindel deserved happiness, even perhaps a new love... Tears pricked at his eyes at the thought but he allowed them no ground. He had forfeited all rights to his own fulfillment by his selfish acts. Someone else should have the chance to make the Lord of Gondolin shine forth his golden light in the act of true love. A love he had once known - but now did not deserve. One last, longing look, then Erestor turned to go back to his desk and his work - what remained of his life - hopefully unnoticed by those on the veranda.

Elven eyesight is the keenest on Arda save for the mighty eagles, and the eager eyes of elflings are much more so. Elladan sighed as he sat upon Glorfindel's lap, snuggling against the broad chest of his protector.

"He is watching you again, Glorfindel," he said, lifting his head to try to meet sappsapphire gaze. "He likes you."

Glorfindel smiled grimly, reluctant to have this peaceful interlude brought low by sad ponderings. "I think not, Elladan. But that does not matter, because you two like me, don't you?"

His attempt to divert the boys did not work. Elrohir looked up from where he was playing with his toy warriors.

"He does like you, really! I was drawing a picture for him and I did a picture of you and he said it was really good and asked if he could keep it. He wouldn't do that if he didn't like you, would he?"

Glorfindel could find no answer, save to fold his arms tighter around the child in his lap. He searched his mind frantically for a way to distract them, thinking on what would attract a child's attention. An image of a small figure on a stallion's broad back brought a wistful smile to his face.

"Shall we go to see my new horse, the one your adar gave to me?" he suggested. The response was immediate and in a very short time the two determined elflings had him almost at a run as they dra him him to the stables.

The stables of Imladris were large and well-stocked, for Elrond ran his own stud further up the valley. Elves had the essential empathy with horses which allowed the full personality and nature of the beast to be brought forth. There had been a mating with a Meara, a prince of horses, some generations ago as a gift from the Mearas to elvenkind. The horses of the House of Elrond still retained their noble qualities.

The golden lord beamed with delight when he beheld again the stallion he had chosen some weeks before. Although all the mounts he had been shown were excellent, this one had stood out; a proud white horse with a golden mane, so alike to his Asfaloth of the First Age. The stallion had whickered in amusement before bowing his head to Glorfindel and giving him permission to rename him.

"Hello, Asfaloth," he whispered, rubbing his broad hand along the proud head, and grinned when the horse pressed his muzzle to his tunic pockets. "Hungry again? Well I suppose you deserve a treat." He pulled forth the apples and nuts he had secreted there and gestured for the boys to do the same. Laying their offerings expertlytheitheir outstretched palms they lifted their small hands up to the huge horse, who accepted their gifts eagerly. Glorfindel saw their delight but also saw that they had reserved some of the apples thad had taken from the barrels in the kitchen.

"Are you hungry too, boys?" he asked.

"Oh no," said Elrohir. "We want to give some to Hirnîn too. Look, there he is!"

Glorfindel's knees almost buckled at the name. He had indeed noticed the huge black stallion which occupied a nearby stall. It was a fine creature, almost perfect in presentation, and he had known that its lord must be a superb equestrian. Now he knew the identity of his rider. The boys confirmed it as thhatthattered on.

"Uncle Erestor loves to ride. Hirnîn is wonderful, you can touch the sky if you stand on his back," boasted Elladan, oblivious to the derisive snorts of his twin.

"Don't be silly 'Dan, you've never stood on Hirnîn's back!" the younger twin protested, his arms folded and his face cross. Elladan brushed off the scolding.

"No, but Erestor has taken me on a ride with him!"

Elrohir snorted again. "We were *both* on his back, at the same time, and it was only as far as the Great Cascade." He turned eagerly to the golden lord, excited at sharing his accomplishments with him. "We went theor aor a picnic for Nana's begetting day. Ada says we can go again at Tarnin Austa. There is a small pool at the bottom where we can swim. Well, not *right* at the bottom, Ada says that the big pool is too dangerous, but a little away. Will you come with us too, Glorfindel?"

So many invitations! Glorfindel was not surprised as he had been welcomed very quickly into the bosom of Elrond's family. He was delighted at the rapport he had built with the two boys, so alike in looks, so different in character. Though both were bright and spirited, Elladan was the more active of the two, always longing to be involved and desperate to be included in the younger elves military training. Glorfindel had allowed him to sit on the sidelines at some of the junior classes as long as he was quiet. Quiet was not a word which could be easily applied to either twin though Elrohir, as the more studious, was the one who was allowed into Erestor's office, drawing or writing whilst the counsellor continued with his work.

Glorfindel sighed inwardly. He had tried again to approach Erestor to discover what had frightened the advisor so on that early morning; why he had fled from the glade in such terror. At every turn he was pushed away. Recently his nightmares had worsened, undimmed by Elrond's medicine or the miruvor. Last night it was not the balrog which had burnt the flesh from his bones or seared his eyes to sightless coals. The burns had come from pure ice and as tas the ice that had been in Erestor's eyes, and touch, and breath. He had welcomed his re-lived death last night.

As he looked at the two animated boys he realized how lucky he was that Elrond trusted him with his sons. Considering his new reliance on alcohol, Elrond could have denied him access to the twins if he had thought him a potential danger. So far he did not. He smiled at the twins' chatter, playfully indulgent.

"...and I can ride Asfaloth!" Elladan finished enumerating his exhaustive plans. Glorfindel had not followed their discussion but guessed that the two stallions had been allotted new riders for the proposed outings.

"Only if Master Erestor and your parents agree," he warned. The lack of guile in their faces belied the plotting within.

"Oh, of course Uncle Glorfindel!"

They hurried after him as he left the stable, but the golden lord cast a glance back at the black stallion - and an idea began to form.


****


The eve of Tarnin Austa dawned with an Imladris shrouded in mist though, from the visible efforts of a struggling Anor, it seemed as if the heat would soon lift the cool strands of vapour and brighten the sky. Glorfindel greeted the day in a somewhat muted frame of mind, only too well aware of the sad history of this day. He ston ton the balcony and said silent prayers for those who had died in the battle. Courageous Rog, so valiant in his stand on the plains of Tumladen; strong Duilin; brave Eglamoth and all the warriors of the Houses of Gondolin. He even thought of Salgant, and through the remove of ages forgave him for his weakness.

And Ecthelion. His dearest friend and stalwart champion. Honourable, caring, supportive of his ill-fated love. His ready smile and cheeky grin would always be the image brought to mind, not the terrible hiss of boiling water and melting armour. Bright, brilliant 'Thel. For sure, the dark elf who took chambers a short distance from here would be making the same salutations.

The long-awaited lunch was near upon him and he dallied to ensure that he would arrive at the same time as the others. He did not want to be first for he had set a little plan in motion and he did not want to be suspected as its instigator. As it happened, he arrived at nd'snd's personal quartet tht the same time as Lindir and Erestor. He gestured for the other two to proceed into the chamber.

The family section of the house was large, encompassing many rooms. It was to here that Elrond was able to retreat to escape the duties of an elf-lord, and become a father and husband. Glorfindel had become very familiar with the quarters since his arrival, and he was grateful for the generous way in which the Lord and Lady had shared their family life with him.

The family dining room was a bright and airy room, with one side open to the private garden. The sunlight streamed in, glistening off the glasses, gleaming on the plates and cutlery set in preparation. The twins bounded up to them.

"Happy eve, happy eve!" they chorused, dancing around the newcomers. Glorfindel laughed in delight, picking up Elladan and swinging the elfling in a large le, le, barely missing the other two elves. Elrohir, not one to miss outsuchsuch fun, launched himself into Erestor's arms for a similar swing. The raven-haired advisor lifted him high and held him close, reveling in the sweet embrace. The room was filled with the joy of the day and the happiness rolled as a wave across all the participants. Glorfindel glanced around the gathered elves, realizing for the first time that here, in Imladris, he might truly have found a family to equal that which he had lost in Gondolin. In Elrond he saw both the wisdom of on aon and the friendship of Ecthelion; in Celebrían, the sweetness of Idril. He held part of Eärendil in his arms and the other was held by - by Erestor. His Erestor. Erestor, the only true connection to that other family.

The swinging had stopped. Erestor finished his spin just in front of the golden elf and his face shone, illuminating the room. His beautiful brown eyes were lit with an inner glow, the intensity of the glow increasing as they locked with Glorfindel's sapphire eyes. For a split second their spiritual connection was renewed, pure harmony emanating as their fëar resonated for the first time in three millennia. The purity of that sweet transition transported all within the room and it was as if the Song of the Valar soared to its most exquisite height - for a moment. And for that moment, that sweet moment, Glorfindel felt like liquid joy. For a moment.

Sheer terror suddenly filled Erestor's eyes and he turned away. He broke that connection and reality crashed in on the seneschal. Only the greatest of restraint prevented the agonizing pain from erupting from his chest; prevented his heart from breaking into a thousand fragments, prevented the smile from slipping from his face and a cry issue forth. Instead, in an act of supreme thespian achievement Glorfindel forced his vocal cords to contract and his lips to move as he spoke a greeting to his hosts.

Elrond, Celebrían and Lindir shook in the aftermath of the emotional storm that had erupted within the dining room. Its intense tremors still swirled in psychic eddies through the entities standing there. The lord, lady and minstrel scrambled to focus on the expressed greetings of the other two elves who outwardly showed no reaction to the cataclysmic eruption they had precipitated.

Only the boys not not seem to notice the powerful emotions that had been evoked. Instead they provided the calming element inir iir innocent chatter, forcing the adults to revert to the roles politeness thrust upon them.

"Erestor, Erestor - come look! Come look!"

"Erestor, someone has given you a present!"

"Open it, open it!"

The dark elf was led to the table where there was indeed a parcel placed at his designated seat. The parcel was of soft red velvet tied with a golden ribbon, and his name was inscribed in stylized form on a fragment of parchment. Erestor glanced at Glorfindel but the elf lord's face was a study of nonchalance. Elrond and Celebrían watched the two elves intently, determined to investigate the emotional mystery which had vexed them since Glorfindel's arrival in Imladris.

Erestor's hand hesitated over the gift, reluctant to move further. He was very aware of the attention it had provoked but he knew his reluctance was causing more concern. Taking a deep breath he began to un-wrap the parcel.

It was beautiful. In the blackest ebony, carved to the most precise proportions, was a magnificent statuette of a horse - of Hirnîn. His head was raised in a gesture of nobility and his strong leg muscles were tensed as if ready to gallop in wild abandon. The carved saddle was inlaid in silver and gold and the reins were made of fine links of mithril. It was the work of a craftsman of great skill and worthy of great praise.

"It's lovely," breathed Elladan, who immediately coveted it. Elrohir was mute with awe as were his parents. Lindir too appreciated its beauty but was bemused by the events of the morning, and glanced between the adults in an attempt to decipher the enigmatic signals flying between them.

"What is the occasion, Erestor?" Celebrían asked softly. Her gaze was most intent upon the advisor, trying to discern what troubled him. When he spoke, she knew he was lying.

"I know of none, my lady, save the day that is here to be celebrated. Perhaps there was some mistake. I should find the giver so that I can return the gift to him or her."

It was Elrond who caught the brief tightening of the mouth, the quick flash of pain twisting Glorfindel's slight smile into an unhappy grimace. He pondered on the thought that this was some courting gesture gone awry, yet another approach which had been rejected by his careful counsellor. Yet it seemed much deeper than that. The connection between the two elves which had seemed so bright but minutes before was now cold and dead, at least on Erestor's part.

The twins were protesting to Erestor.

"No, Erestor - don't give it back!"

"Aye," chimed the second twin. "Ada and Nana say that if you get a present you should always say 'thank you' politely, even if you don't really like it." Eager eyes looked longingly at the carving once more. "But *I* think that it is beautiful. Don't you like it, Erestor?"

Such a simple question, so simply put - yet pregnant with a meaning beyond the boy's comprehension. Erestor raised his eyes, looking at a point past Glorfindel's shoulder so as to avoid his avid stare.

"Aye, Elrohir. It *is* very beautiful. I am not sure - I do not think - I am worthy of such a gift."

Elrond was dismayed to witness the change in Glorfindel. Though the signs were not obvious to all, it seemed as if the golden lord's spirit shriveled at those words. As the party took their seats Elrond could tell that Glorfindel only wanted to escape, to avoid looking upon the elf who had spurned his gift - and his love? Just what *did* the elf lord want from his counselor?

The meal seemed an anti-climax after that and despite the light-hearted talk initiated by Elrond and Celebrían, and the enthusiasm of the elflings, the atmosphere was devoid of the true joy of the day. Elrond noted that the wine he had ordered for the adults was mostly filling the glass of the Lord of Gondolin. That he was the gift-giver Elrond had no doubt. The Peredhel had recognized the work of a skilled artisan of Rivendell, and Glorfindel had surely sworn the elf to secrecy. The same vow would probably have been extracted from one of the housemaids, for it must have been one of them who had deposited the gift onto Erestor's setting. The household staff, ellith or ellyn, doted upon the golden lord, who was unfailingly courteous and charming to them.

Elrond focused first upon the seneschal, then the counsellor. This was no simple courtship. The bond that they had all felt was so bright, so intense that it had felt almost like.... Ai, it was like his own bond to Celebrían! The two lords were soulmates! The elflord felt Celebrían look at him in query at the slight gasp that escaped his lips - a gasp almost echoed when his unspoken thought sounded in her head.

Elrond's discovery was valid, but the bond laid before them was not sound. This was a fractured union they had witnessed, a deliberate denial of the compulsion laid upon two souls by Eru to find and bind to one another. Just when their initial attraction had begun the lord did not know, but after his previous discussions with Erestor he suspected it was in Gondolin. Erestor had always claimed that he was from Lindon, a refugee from Nargothrond, but it was apparent that he had lied in that respect. And Glorfindel - it was obvious that he yearned for the raven-haired advisor. Suddenly all the mood swings, his nightmares and his dependency on miruvor became clear in light of the constant rejection by Erestor.

The seneschal and the counsellor had been mostly quiet during the meal and with the two boys so lively their silence was un-remarked. Lindir was the first to leave as the party began to break up but one glance at him told Elrond that the musician would be discreet. Elrond cast him a grateful glance in farewell. Erestor rose to leave too and was almost at the door when Elladan called to him.

"Uncle Erestor, you forgot your gift!"

The counselor stopped, not looking back but casting a doleful glance at the floor.

"I did not forget, pen-neth, but it is not an item I can accept at this time. Perhaps you would look after it for me?" He glided from the room, and a puzzled but pleased elfling danced delightedly with the horse in his arms.

"Come on, Elrohir! We can play in the garden with Hirnîn!" The boys dashed into the open garden and Celebrían hurried after them, casting an anxious glance back to her husband and the glowering Glorfindel. The golden lord had leaned against a pillar, one hand covering his eyes, the other clenching and releasing in tight emotion by his side.

"Glorfindel..." Elrond began softly. The large elf stood straight, uncovering his face to reveal sorrow and anger in his expression.

"I gave him Hirnîn, Elrond!" he cried, anguish apparent in the ache in his voice. Elrond nodded in confusion.

"Aye, Glorfindel, it was a beautiful statue..."

The golden lord slammed his fist against the pillar, the force of his frustration cracking the plaster.

"No! Not the statue, nor the horse out in the stable! I gave him Hirnîn, the horse running so free upon the canvas in his office! It was my gift to him for his forty-eighth begetting day..." A sob broke from his chest, the torture of the past few hours finally releasing in anguish, as a cry from a heart ragged beyond endurance.

Elrond stared, hardly believing that his suspicions were confirmed, confused and stricken with compassion for this desolate being dissolving before him. He reached out to take the weeping lord into his arms but Glorfindel broke free and sped from the room. Elrond followed in all haste, but the long strides of the re-born warrior left him behind. By the time Elrond had reached the courtyard Glorfindel had removed Asfaloth from his stall and was already mounting himthe the disbelief of the watching elves who had been passing through the area.

"No, Glorfindel!" Elrond was desperate to stop the elf lord, for who knew what the distraught elf would do in this frame of mind?

Glorfindel turned the stallion, pure rage upon his face, determination set into his pose.

"I can take no more, Elrond! My return has been nothing but torture to me. Well, the Valar can find another pawn for their game, for I will be played no more!"

Elrond blanched at the implication.

"Where are you going?"

The laugh which emanated from the golden lord chilled all who heard it, and dread filled the Peredhel. Glorfindel snarled his response.

"To Mandos! And if Námo will not take me - then to hell!"

And with a shout and a prompt spur of the fleet horse, Glorfindel galloped from the yard and from Imladris, leaving a frantic Elrond in static shock.


Elvish:

Ada - daddy
Nana - mummy
pen-nyth - little ones
Adar - father
ellith - female elves
ellyn - male elves
Peredhel - half-elven (sing.)
Peredhil - Half-elven (pl.)