To Finally Belong

To Finally Belong

Chapter 10 – New Rules


Legolas hadn’t even reached the door of the talan yet when Círa burst out and flew down the stairs past him. “Let us go!” she said, not stopping to see if he were following. Immediately changing directions, Legolas hurried to follow the agitated elleth away from the talan.

When they got what she considered a safe distance away, she turned to Legolas and started to say something but nothing would come out. How could she say it? She didn’t even know what she wanted to say, but she had to say something.

“Círa, what happened?” he asked her, worried.

“It is what almost happened that I am concerned about,” she admitted to him, not sure where to start. “Legolas I…it is Haldir…oh, I am so confused!”

Legolas thought he understood. “You have feelings for Haldir. Are you in love with him?”

“I do not know,” she admitted. “I have never loved before, so I am not sure. I desire him…very strongly, and my heart speeds up when he looks at me. When he kisses me it makes my knees weak. Do you think that means that I love him?”

Legolas gave her a small smile. Her confession did not come as a great surprise to him, though it did still hurt a little. To be honest, he knew that he was not ready to settle down with a mate and since that was the case, there was not much he could have offered Círa anyway, besides a little bit of fun while he was around. Maybe a lot of fun, but still, she deserved more than that.

“But I like being with you, too, Legolas. We have fun together and you are so handsome and so kind to me…” she started, looking into his beautiful blue eyes.

“Círa, it is not a problem,” he reached out and pulled her against his chest. “I knew when I kissed you that there was something missing in your response. We are very good friends and I wish to keep it that way no matter what happens between you and Haldir.” He pulled away from her now and found a fallen log for them to sit on. “Tell me what happened.”

She sat next to him, relieved that he had not been upset with her and grateful that they had defined their relationship. She couldn’t ask for a better friend than Legolas. She told him what had happened in the talan and spared no details.

“That was close,” was all he would say at first when she got done talking.

“So, it would have been bad if I had rutted with him?” she asked. “I thought so.”

“Well…Círa,” Legolas said, embarrassed. “First of all, can you stop using the term ‘rutting’? It’s disconcerting.”

“But Rúmil said…”

“I do not care what Rúmil said, elves do not rut. That is not the big issue, anyway. I think that we have established that you have strong feelings for Haldir. Does he love you?”

“He desires me, but that is all I know,” she said, confused. “How can I tell?”

“Well, has he told you that he loves you?” Legolas asked.

“No and in fact he has not actually admitted that he even likes me,” she confessed.

“So he might and he might not,” Legolas said. “You just need to decide what you want out of this before you ru…join with him. Now you have me saying it.”

“I do not know what you mean,” she said, even more confused.

“Do you just wish to have someone to join with physically when the need hits you or are you looking for an emotional attachment, maybe even bonding,” he asked.

“I do not know what bonding is but I want more than just the physical relationship. I have no desire to be another one of Haldir’s conquests that he goes to when he wants release. I want more than that,” she said at last.

“Then I suggest that you learn what he wants before you join with him, Círa,” Legolas said, concerned. “Haldir has lived many, many years and has never bonded himself to anybody, though he has joined with several. If you join with him, thinking that you will be the only one, I fear that you will be hurt.”

She looked at him and saw the truth in his eyes.

~~~~~~~~~

Rúmil and Orophin entered their brother’s talan, only to find him laying on his back in the middle of the floor, still staring up at the ceiling.

“Should we call a healer?” Orophin asked.

“Um. Haldir?” Rúmil asked. “Are you all right?”

“No,” he growled. “To both questions.”

Rúmil and Orophin looked at each other.

“What is wrong?” Rúmil asked.

Finally sitting up, he said, “I do not understand that elleth. One minute we were…engaged in something that looked very much like it was going to end up in the bedroom and the next thing I knew she got up…off of me, I might add…and left for a walk with Legolas!”

“Are you sure that it was what she wanted and you were not reading more into it than was there?” Orophin asked.

“Oh, I am sure! She was…very aroused. She flipped me onto my back and had started taking her tunic off when she heard his footsteps and just…got up and left, right in the middle of everything.”

“I do not know what to tell you,” Orophin laughed. “I have never met anyone like her and it is hard to know what is going on inside her head.”

“Go find me an elleth to join with,” Haldir growled.

“Just any elleth?” Rúmil smiled. “The first one we happen to stumble across?”

“No,” he sighed. “Go find Círa and tell her that she has to come back and finish what she started,” he tried.

“She may be doing that right now, if she was in a condition similar to yours when she left with Legolas,” Orophin pointed out.

“That is not funny,” Haldir told his brother, already concerned about that very idea.

~~~~~~~~~

“So, I guess I need to talk to him before it goes any further,” Círa said.

“I would suggest it,” Legolas said. “I just do not want you to get hurt, Círa. Let us go back. He is probably wondering where you are right now.”

“Do I have to? Can I just sleep in the woods tonight so I have time to think it over?”

“No. Haldir would send out a search party for you and you would be embarrassed.”

She nodded, knowing that it was probably true.

“Let us go back,” she said.

He walked her to the talan and insisted on going inside with her, though she argued that it was not necessary. They were surprised to see Rúmil and Orophin there and Círa noticed that the talan suddenly seemed very small. Her eyes met Haldir’s and she sent him a silent apology, though the answer in his eyes was hard to discern. Círa found that she could not hold his stare this time and she looked at the floor instead, uncomfortable.

“Would the two of you please take Círa for a walk so that I could speak to your brother in private?” Legolas asked Orophin and Rúmil. Glad for an excuse to get away, they quickly shepherded the elleth out of the talan, to her protests.

Haldir frowned. This could not possibly be good. He steeled himself for the news that the elf was going to give him, suspecting that Legolas was going to inform Haldir that he and Círa were together now. Haldir hoped that if that were the case, the elleth would have told him herself, but then Círa did not do things the way one would expect her to. He tried not to show his nervousness as Legolas joined him on the floor, folding his legs into a lotus position.

“I have been through enough torture tonight,” Haldir said bluntly. “I do not need more. Just tell me what you have to say. Are you and Círa together now? Am I supposed to stay away from her?” Haldir’s face was a mask.

“No, Haldir,” Legolas sighed. “Círa and I are just friends. It is you that she loves.”

Relief washed over the Marchwarden’s face before eventually being replaced by wariness.

“She loves me? I would not be so sure about that. She is very inexperienced with emotional issues,” he stated.

“That is why you must be careful with her, Haldir,” Legolas continued sternly. “She means a lot to me and I do not want to see her get hurt.”

“I would not hurt her,” the Marchwarden assured him solemnly. “She means quite a bit to me, too.”

“You would not intend to hurt her, I am certain, but you are accustomed to dealing with elleths who are as experienced as you are. They move from one elf to another and it does not bother them. If you do that to Círa, it will devastate her. You should not join with her until you are relatively sure that you will want to keep her around for a while.”

“And is that what you would have done, Legolas?” Haldir asked, raising an eyebrow. “Are your own motives that pure?”

Legolas looked away, “No and if it had gone the other way, you would be giving me this lecture now. It is much easier to be the friend who is watching out for her, but I feel I owe her that.” He gave the Marchwarden a hard look now. “If you hurt her, you will answer to me.”

Haldir smiled at that. “Excuse me if I do not tremble in fear, prince, but I have no intention of hurting her. I have already found that I have lost all interest in other elleths, though I do not know that I can actually say that I love Círa yet. I think it is a bit early for that.”

“Then it should be a bit early for joining with her, Haldir. What were you planning, simply to take her like her Uruk did? Does she not deserve more than that? She is an elf who has never been allowed to act like an elf. Does she not deserve to have romance, to have you earn her love rather than just take her when the need hits you?”

“Legolas, I had this same conversation with myself not too many days ago, but it is difficult when the temptation is right before me all the time. She is all I think of anymore,” he said with passion, then finally looked away and thought for a long moment.

Resigned, he spoke at last, “I agree that she deserves more. I will not join with her until I have earned her love and can give her mine.”

Legolas nodded, trusting the Marchwarden to keep his word.

“Maybe you need to give her this lecture, too,” Haldir added wryly. “She is not the sort of elleth who is going to sit back and let me make all the decisions in our relationship. I can control myself but I have absolutely no control over her. If she decides that she wants more, it is going to be difficult for me to turn her down.”

“Then maybe you should talk to her,” Legolas suggested.

“Yes, I suppose I should,” Haldir said, knowing that the other elf was right.

The sound of voices outside let them know that their discussion was coming to an end.

“I promise that I will talk to her,” Haldir said. “I promise that I will try not to hurt her and that I will not take her until I can honestly say that I love her.”

Legolas nodded and stood just as the others came back into the talan. He kissed Círa goodnight on the check before turning to leave with Rúmil and Orophin right behind. Unsure what to do now that she was alone with the Marchwarden once again, Círa continued to look down at the floor.

“Come here, Círa,” Haldir said, motioning to the pillow next to him.

After briefly considering staying where she was, she decided that there was no point. She was simply stalling, not trusting herself to be too close to him. She sat, but looked down at her hands that were folded in her lap.

“We need to talk,” he told her, but she just nodded. She was not going to make this easy. “Círa?”

She looked at him, but he could tell that she was nervous and that made it harder. Finally he just started.

“Legolas is afraid that I am going to hurt you and I want you to know that I have no intentions of doing that. I made him a promise and the promise was that I will not join with you until I can honestly say that I love you and you are sure that you love me. We both agree that you deserve that.”

“I do not wish to be one of your many elleths,” she informed him. “I will never settle for that.”

“Right now, Círa, I have no desire for them any more, only you,” he told her gently.

She looked up at him, surprised, watching him for a moment before finally replying. “If that is true, then we do not need to wait. That was my only fear, that I would become one of many to be tossed aside when you were done with me. If that is not the case then I wish to be in your bed with you, as you suggested earlier.”

Haldir groaned, never having dreamed that she would start testing him so soon. “Not yet, Círa, Legolas was right. You were treated like an Orc your whole life and your only physical relationship of this nature was at the hands of an Uruk. I do not wish to take you that way. I want you to feel special and I want there to be no question as to our feelings for each other at the time.”

“So, we cannot kiss or anything?” she asked, looking heartbroken. “I enjoyed the kissing.”

“We can kiss, but we will have to know when to stop,” he smiled at her comment. Leaning over, he carefully kissed her lips and soon she was responding. The two previous times that they had kissed, her hands had remained at her sides, as she had not known what else to do with them, but this time as he touched her face and arms, she began to touch him, too. Slowly bringing her hands up as though she was nervous to make the step, Círa’s fingers grazed Haldir’s face, tracing the line of his jaw. She suddenly noticed his gaze and looked up to meet it. Showing much more self-control than he felt, Haldir took Círa’s face in his hands and softly kissed her again, rather than throwing her to the floor as he would have liked to do.

“I want to be in your bed with you,” she told him. “Why do we need to listen to Legolas?”

Haldir muffled another groan against her shoulder before looking at her. “We could be in my bed right now if you had not taken off for your walk with Legolas, but now everything has changed Círa, and that is how it has to be. I made a promise and I intend to keep it, though it may kill me in the process.”

“I should not have left but I was afraid. I am not afraid now,” she told him.

“Círa, you are trying my self-control,” he growled, his eyes smoldering as he took her mouth again, a little longer this time. After several moments, he reluctantly pulled away. “We need to do something else or there is going to be a problem. Shall we read?”

“Yes, I would like that,” she replied. He reached back to grab a book and when she reached around him to get her own book, he kissed her on the way back. She smiled. “I like this. It is like playing.”

He had never thought of it that way, but it was true. He tucked her beneath his arm and she settled her head against his chest as they both read their own books. She had to stop and ask him about an occasional word and he eventually set his own book aside, just enjoying holding her while she worked her way through the pages. Watching her eyes as they followed the page, he noticed every detail about each feature of her face. Her lips moved slightly in time to the words and her blue eyes moved back and forth across the page. The idea that he was already in love with her crossed his mind; his thoughts were on her every waking moment of the day. When he contemplated not having her in his future, he recoiled at the impossible thought and if that wasn’t love, what was? But that was only half of the issue, he reminded himself. Legolas’ words had caused Haldir to make himself a promise, more important than the one he’d given the Mirkwood elf. He had promised himself that he would make this…seduction…good for Círa. He would take his time earning her trust, letting her enjoy each step along the way as young elves do when they come of age. When they finally joined, it would be like nothing either of them had ever experienced before. The only problem was that he did not honestly know how long his resolve would hold while she was living with him. Every moment was utter temptation for him, especially since she now seemed ready for their union to happen. When she looked at him with her innocent eyes he just wanted to grab her and…

“Haldir?” she said.

“What?” he guiltily pushed aside those thoughts. Bad elf, he told himself. It was not time.

“I need another book. I am done with this one. I would like the next one to be more difficult,” she informed him. He smiled and kissed her, biting softly on her bottom lip before planting a soft kiss on her chin. “We will do that tomorrow after training. I think I am going to go to sleep now.” That was always a good way to escape her and end the torment.

“I should do the same,” she stated, stretching her arms. “I do not wish to get in trouble by being late again tomorrow.”

“No, I have heard what a hard-hearted taskmaster that Marchwarden is,” Haldir told her, playing with her hair. “One can never tell what sort of punishment he might dole out to you if you were late again.”

She frowned at that and the smile dropped off his face.

“Círa, what is wrong?” he asked her, growing worried over the look of distrust he now saw.

“Will you beat me if I upset you?” she asked him, warily.

“Círa!” he said, appalled. “How could you even ask that? I would never lay a hand on you in anger!”

“You knocked me to the ground when I attacked your warden,” she reminded him, warily.

“That was different,” he said, still wishing he’d never done it. “I was defending my warden. I honestly thought that you were going to rip his throat out, the way you went after him.”

“I would never do that unless I had to,” she informed him.

“Well, that is a relief,” he rolled his eyes then became serious again. “Círa, elves are not like Orcs. We do not teach with violence. We do not beat those who do not do what we wish. Yes, I will do what I must to protect my wardens, but I will never beat you. I promise you that.”

She looked into his eyes and saw that he meant it and nodded. He saw the pain in her eyes and an incredible surge of hate rushed through Haldir’s heart for the Orcs who had treated her so badly, who had scarred this poor elleth so deeply.

“I am so sorry for what they did to you,” he told her, pulling her into his arms.

“It was a long time ago,” she said, brushing it aside. “They quit beating me when I got strong enough to defend myself.”

“Tell me about it,” he said, hoping the discussion might be therapeutic.

She shrugged, embarrassed, but he urged her to talk to him, explaining that part of their relationship would be getting to know each other better. She smiled at the elf, liking that idea. Lurtz had not exactly been talkative, their romantic chats usually involving only grunts. The smile disappeared now as she took herself back in time.

“They beat me every day from the time they stole me away,” she began. “I went to bed bruised and hurt every night for years but it was not because they were just being mean or did not like me; it was simply how they taught. If I did something wrong, I was beaten. It worked, because I learned very quickly not to repeat a mistake. The day finally came when I had had enough. The Orc that was beating me was my size but I had grown very strong through long, hard days filled with work and training. I knew that I could take him. He had been using a whip on me almost daily and had been enjoying it far too much. This time, when he went to strike me, I grabbed the whip from him. You should have seen the look on his face. I wanted it to stop there, but he became enraged and came after me with his fists. I had crossed a line and no longer had the option of backing down so I fought him, knowing that it would be a fight to the death. I broke his neck with my bare hands.” She stopped for a moment, eyes distant as she remembered her first kill. Haldir kissed her hair, silently encouraging her to continue when she was ready.

“I was in a rage; my vision was literally clouded with red and I had noticed absolutely nothing around me except for the Orc I was fighting. When I finished with him, I looked down to see my hands still gripping his twisted head. It was like waking from a dream as I began to be aware of all the others gathered around me. I was certain that they would kill me instantly for what I had done, but instead they simply dragged his body away and never said a word. It was the last time I was beaten. From that point on, I became the equal of the older Orcs and had to fight them for food as they fought each other, but I had earned their respect and was finally considered one of them.”

Haldir remained silent, not knowing how to respond to what she had just told him. After considering it, he simply said, “Thank you for telling me this. It means a lot to me to know what you have been through.”

He lowered his mouth and caught hers in a gentle kiss, keeping it light as they held each other for a while longer. When he saw her yawn, he smiled.

“Círa, why do you not take my bed? I can sleep on the floor for a change,” he told her.

“No, I will not sleep in your bed until I can share it with you,” she informed him stubbornly.

~~~~~~~~~

The next day was spent on bows and more hand-to-hand combat. It bothered Círa that she had been unable to beat two of the elves the previous day and she asked Haldir if she could try again. Once again she lost the matches but she made progress, using the move she had worked on with Haldir the previous night. Of the two elves, the one named Tamor gave her a bad feeling. Both elves were equally good so it had nothing to do with his abilities, rather the looks he gave her and something else she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She inherently knew that he disliked her and resented her being in the Galadhrim, but could not say exactly how she knew it. She supposed that she just sensed it. Their matches were tense and he always looked smug when they ended, his lip turning up in a sneer that could make the Marchwarden himself envious. More than just being smug, it was almost as though he was saying that she should not be here if she couldn’t beat him. Círa decided that she disliked the elf.

For a while after the match, she worked with Orophin while Haldir stood by and gave her instructions, feeling it was safer for him not to be in physical contact with the elleth himself. He doubted that he could be so close to her without the others discerning his feelings. Besides the fact that he was afraid he would start kissing her in the middle of a match.

When she finished with Orophin, she insisted on another match with Tamor. Haldir frowned slightly at her request, noticing something different in her demeanor regarding the elf. He had seen a similar attitude in Tamor when the two had fought earlier and he wondered if there was a problem between them. He would let them fight, but he would keep a close eye on both of them.

When the match began, Círa circled her opponent, knowing that she needed to stay on her feet as long as possible. Earlier, Orophin had taught her some of the kicks he used and he had been surprised to see how flexible she was. She could kick her leg straight up, parallel to her body and that would give her a great advantage. She would try to use these kicks now, since it might give her the edge she needed to beat this egotistical elf.

Tamor lunged at Círa at once, wanting to bring her to the ground and end the match immediately to maximize her humiliation. Moving her feet quickly, she side-stepped him and watched as he did a face-plant onto the ground. There were a few scattered laughs and it upset the elf, causing him to glare at Círa. Trying something new, he punched at her now, very forcefully. Self-control was supposed to be used in these matches and it seemed like he was losing his, but she thought she’d use it as an opportunity to make a point. She glanced up to see Haldir frowning and looking as though he wanted to interfere, but she shook her head slightly, sending him a message with her eyes. Hesitating a moment, he nodded, assuring her that he would not step in unless he had to, though it would take all of his will power.

Eyes back on Tamor, Círa let one of his punches land intentionally. It was a hard hit but she simply smirked at him. Her stomach muscles had been tightened for the impact, lessening the effect of the blow. It still hurt but it was nothing she could not live with. She stood still while he hit her two more times and her only reaction was to bear her teeth at him and growl. The look in his eyes showed her that her actions were intimidating him.

Flying at him now, she pummeled him with her fists, striking hard twice with the right fist then following with a cross from the left. He staggered back a step, then another, having not expected the onslaught. While he was off-guard, she took the opportunity to use one of the kicks that Orophin had taught her, getting Tamor in the head a little harder than was necessary and calling it payback. She saw his head bounce to the side and it took him a moment to clear his vision before coming after her in a fury. Keeping in mind the lessons she had been learning from Haldir, she let him wear himself out, as she simply dodged and blocked the other elf’s moves. When he began wearing down, she jumped at him, shooting her right leg out in a side-kick that knocked the wind from him and left him sitting on the ground. Before he had a chance to get back up, she had her weapon at his throat, ending the match. The boisterous cheering of the spectators covered Tamor’s words as he said quietly to her, “You will pay dearly for this.”

Círa growled and bared her teeth again as a reflex response to his words before she stepped back, eyes fixed on his. The crowd quieted, aware that something had happened as Haldir moved immediately between them and dismissed the others.

“Is there a problem between the two of you?” he asked them both.

“Nothing we cannot handle ourselves,” Círa assured him. Tamor nodded, still glaring at the elleth.

“Then make sure you do that,” their commander told them. “I do not want any problems during training and that goes for both of you.”

He gave them separate training instructions before walking away, casting one last glance at them over his shoulder. As Círa turned to grab her bow, Tamor reiterated through clenched teeth, “I meant what I said. You will pay for this.”

Turning to look at him, she sneered, “I look forward to your attempt.”

~To Be Continued~