The Crux of the Problem

Disclaimer: (In the spirit of Crimson Starlight)

Jan: *glares, arms crossed over chest*

Shana: *blinks* Now what did I do?

Jan: *throws hands out to sides* Not one, but BOTH of them?

Shana: *blink, blink* Huh?

Jan: The twins?

Shana: Ohhhhhh. Two Too Much to Handle? (shameless plug for my latest fic) *frowns* What's the problem?

Jan: What am I? Your whore?

Shana: *puts hands up in defense* Whoa there. That's a different 'verse from this and Twisted. You only get max two elves per story line. How is that being a whore?

Jan: *cries* One of your reviewers called me a "slut"!

Shana: *points* And if you had kept reading you'd have noticed her apology several lines up from there.

Jan: *sniffle* Really?

Shana: Yes, really. We cool now?

Haldir: *saunters into room*

Jan: *glomps onto Hal* Shana's being mean to me again!

Shana: *eye roll*

Haldir: And you want me to do what about it? You have more skills than she does. You need to take care of your own problems.

Jan: *pushes Hal away* You're no help.

Haldir: *looks at Shana* She overreacting again?

Shana: *nods*

Jan: Aww screw all of y'all! *stomps out of room*

Haldir: *pulls Shana up against him* I thought she would never leave.

Shana: *giggles* I own nothing and no one and make no money off any of this. It's all a product of too much free time and an overactive imagination. *gets kissed soundly by Hal* Who says I can't have more than one elf?

Chapter 10: Falling Apart

Going back about a week…

Over the course of the week following Janessa's arrival in Lothlorien Jan and Haldir fell into a routine of sorts. Mornings were spent training. Afternoons were left free with either the Marchwarden or the twins showing Janessa the various sights around the Golden Wood. Evenings were specifically reserved by Haldir for whatever he had planned. The first time Elladan and Elrohir tried to lure Janessa away from the Lorien elf with promises of drinking contests Haldir made it clear in no uncertain terms that evenings were exclusively his and his alone.

It quickly became common knowledge that something was going on between the Marchwarden of Lothlorien and the redheaded human the Imladris twins had brought with them. In public both Janessa and Haldir gave no indication they were anything more than close friends, opening the door to all manner of speculation. Further fueling the rumor mill was the fact that when someone worked up the courage to approach either the Marchwarden or Janessa they would each tell the questioner to ask the other.

The twins were relieved that at least on the training grounds the insatiable pair kept their hands to themselves. The pair's most frequent activity was target archery. Often the two could be found side by side firing off arrow after arrow until their quivers were empty.

At first Janessa had been annoyed that Haldir placed her target closer and insisted it be moved back next to his. She reluctantly had to admit that her recurve bow was designed for shorter distances than his longbow. But the fact that half of her arrows HAD hit the much further than usual target brought out the stubborn streak in the redhead. She refused to have it moved closer, insisting all she needed was practice to get better, and that she did, but never fast enough for her liking and always accompanied by colorful cursing no one could understand.

The first week Janessa was on the field her customary tight leather attire drew stares from every elf present. The woman's scowl and raised middle finger were met with confused looks, only adding to the redhead's annoyance. Once Jan explained to Haldir what the gesture meant the Marchwarden pointed out that no one would understand her raised finger as the epithet it was. Even he had not been apprised of the meaning of the human gesture in his travels.

Exasperated by a week's worth of unwanted attention the woman showed up on the field wearing one of Haldir's tunics. The Marchwarden hid his amusement as numerous elves did double takes and started asking him surreptitious questions. The fact that even with Janessa's prodigious chest the tunic swam on her form did not help. The woman managed to fire off half a dozen arrows before the bulky garment started to seriously hinder her movements.

Resigning herself to being stared at, the redhead shed the garment, exposing her usual halter and sticking her tongue out at Haldir's frown as she dropped the tunic to the ground. Shaking her arms out and popping her neck audibly Janessa strapped her quiver back on and fired off her remaining arrows in rapid succession. Jan's face fell as she looked back to Haldir in triumph, registering the annoyance flickering in the elf's eyes.

"You seem quite sure of yourself today. Perhaps you should try a different weapon." The Marchwarden stepped back and turned, offering the woman his longbow.

Further down the shooting line several elves' mouths fell open in shock. A hushed conversation was held. "Did he just…?" "Yes he did."

Silence swept down the line as Haldir offered Janessa his weapon. A collective gasp rang out as the woman pushed Haldir's hand holding the bow away, shaking her head firmly, "No."

"Don't tell me you're intimidated by my bow," the Marchwarden teased, a smile lighting his eyes.

Janessa's eyes narrowed dangerously, her hackles rising. "You must think me a fool and ignorant as well." The redhead scanned the line, shouldered her bow and stalked down to her target, roughly pulling her arrows from the bale.

His brow furrowed, Haldir watched the woman stomp away, his bow arm dropping to his side. What did I say? Clearly I've insulted her, but how? He watched Janessa jam her arrows back into the quiver, her body language screaming her displeasure with the tall elf. Haldir caught her arm as she marched past him, clearly leaving. He held fast as she tried to shake his grip off, using measured force to turn her toward him.

"Janessa." The redhead stopped fighting him, glaring up into his face. Haldir held her gaze, counting to five before speaking. "Why are you upset?" Janessa's response was to hiss and try to pull away. The Marchwarden refused to let go, his face hardening. "What is the problem?"

"You think I'm stupid."

Haldir frowned at the answer, "How did you come to that conclusion?"

"You offering me your bow."

Confusion was painted across the elf's face. "How does my offer imply I believe you are stupid?"

"You know damn well I can't shoot it." Janessa rolled her eyes at Haldir's continued confusion. "A) The string tension on your bow is MUCH heavier than mine. There is NO WAY I could draw your bow back. B) Your arms are longer than mine, meaning both your arrows and draw length are longer than mine. Even if you helped me pull back your bow I could never reach full extension and the arrow would fly wrong upon release. C) All of those things are rather obvious. Therefore I have no desire to be made a fool of."

Haldir blinked several times and released Janessa's arm. Dropping her gaze he murmured a curt apology. "I did not consider that. It was not my intention to embarrass you."

Janessa snorted an acknowledgement and continued past the elf, stalking away from the training fields. Haldir let her go, recognizing her need to cool off. He turned back to the line, throwing stern glares at several still-staring elves before continuing with his practice.

Janessa stomped across the field, oblivious to the odd looks she was garnering from various elves. Once clear of the training grounds the woman began to run. What's wrong with me? Unshed tears blurring her vision the redhead ran, unmindful of where she was headed. As usual, unbidden, her mind conjured a song to match her mood. The harsh strains of Linkin Park reverberated through her head.

Graffiti decorations
Under the sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true

Janessa suddenly came to a halt, her vision clearing only to realize she was standing before Haldir's talan.

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

The woman mechanically entered the flat and headed straight for her saddlebags. Tears still threatening she withdrew a battered notebook and a pencil. The redhead slumped into a chair by the table and started writing. Janessa's hand flew across the pages as the threatening tears finally began to fall, dotting the pages in wet splashes.

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

What am I doing? I've been with Legolas all this time and here I am gallivanting around with Haldir. What is wrong with me?

Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true

Janessa stared unseeing at the black-scrawled paper before her. Tears continued to drip unnoticed from her chin. In her agitated state Jan had dropped the filters and barriers she had erected against her link with Legolas. Unprotected and drained, all the put-off and pent up emotions she had been able to deflect were unleashed in a suffocating tidal wave.

Now I find myself in question
They point the finger at me again
Guilty by association
You point the finger at me again

Music still throbbing in her head and overwhelmed by the onslaught of anger, guilt and raw emotion pouring over her Janessa bolted. She took off again, sprinting out and away from Haldir's talan, trying to outrun the spectral Mirkwood prince on her heels, leaving her notebook lying open on the table, the chair overturned on the floor.

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind.

Blindsided by the unexpected onslaught Jan ran. Oblivious to her surroundings she almost caused several collisions, the elves' superior speed the only thing preventing any impacts. Luckily for Jan, Haldir's talan was situated on the outskirts of Caras Galadhon and she only came across a few elves in her headlong flight.

I'm gonna run away and never say goodbye
(Gonna run away, gonna run away)
I'm gonna run away and never wonder why
(Gonna run away, gonna run away)
I'm gonna run away and open up my mind
(Gonna run away, LIES! gonna run away)
(Gonna run away, LIES! gonna run away)

Head down, Janessa completely missed the twins' presence as she blew past the two returning from Lothlorien's hot springs.

Confusion creased the raven-haired elves faces as they watched Janessa's retreating back.

"She's upset."

Elladan caught his younger twin's arm as Elrohir moved to follow the redhead. The younger Peredhil threw a quizzical look at his twin. Elladan shook his head, quickly explaining his reasoning. "Let her go. Haldir wants to take her from Legolas, the Marchwarden needs to understand exactly what he is getting into."

"But…"

Elladan shook his head again. "No. If she wanted our help she would have sought us out. Clearly she is in distress but wishes to be alone. Let her be brother. She can take care of herself. And she WAS armed."

Sighing, the younger twin nodded and turned back, following Elladan's lead.

The throbbing beat in Janessa's head refused to let up.

I wanna run away
Never say goodbye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind

Janessa ran until she was totally exhausted and stumbling over her own feet. She tripped herself a final time, falling with a thud onto her right side, arrows spilling from the quiver still on her back across the ground.

I wanna run away and open up my mind
I wanna run away and open up my mind
I wanna run away and open up my mind
I wanna run away and open up my mind

Completely overwrought Janessa looked around from her prone position. Somewhere in the back of her head she registered the fact she lay next to one of the hot springs. What's wrong with me? Flew through her mind as her eyes rolled back and she lost consciousness, her head falling forward against her outstretched arm.

************

Haldir continued practicing, ignoring the uneasy feeling that gnawed at him. It's not a big deal. I'll give her time to calm down and we'll be fine. He went through five more cycles of emptying his quiver before he finally decided he'd given Jan enough of a head start. Gathering his arrows from the target he returned them to his quiver, snagging the tunic Jan had discarded as he headed off the practice fields.

Assuming Janessa would have returned to their talan the Marchwarden decided to make a side trip to the nearest food larder. Finding the storage space staffed, Haldir requested a flat of strawberries and bananas. The tall elf spied some fresh apple turnovers and appropriated several of those as well. Janessa loves these things, he reflected as he inhaled deeply of the cinnamon scent.

Haldir rounded out his requests, picking a number of other items including cured meats, cheeses and a couple loaves of crusty bread. The Marchwarden had everything loaded in a large hamper, slung his longbow across his back and effortlessly lifted the burden, heading back to their talan.

Our talan. Haldir chuckled lightly at himself, not a little surprised at how quickly he had come to think of his home as theirs. He had made the redhead a part of his life so totally, the Marchwarden could not fathom the absence of her presence. Haldir had given Janessa his heart, regardless of how she felt for him. Even if this is to be for only a short time I will cherish it while it lasts.

He caught himself humming May It Be under his breath as he came into sight of their flat. The melody cut off as he registered the open front door. That uneasy feeling from earlier intensified as he hastened his pace, stepping into the abode. "Janessa?" he called out as his eyes swept across the room, taking in the overturned chair by the table. Frowning, he called out again, "Janessa? Are you here?" as he strode to the table, placing the hamper on the opposite end.

Haldir surveyed the room, reaching down to right the overturned chair. As he placed the piece of furniture back in its proper place his eyes fell upon the notebook lying open on the table. His eyes narrowed as he took in the water-spots dotting the paper. Noticing the frantic scrawl across the pages Haldir removed his bow, propping it against the table as he sat and began to read, his hackles rising.

I’m losing control
I’m losing my mind
I can’t do this
Now is not the time

Emotions circling
So close to the surface
Can’t let them break through
Now is NOT the time

Calm and collected
Always in control
You’re so strong
You can handle
Anything

Haldir frowned. This is a poem. By the script Janessa must have written it. He swept his thumb through a still-wet spot on the paper. And just recently. This cannot be a good omen.

Why can’t they see?
I’m falling apart

The Marchwarden choked back a gasp. WHAT?

I can’t do this
I can’t be like this
I can’t cry
I don’t want to cry
Why am I crying?

What is this inside?
So close to the surface
Waiting…
For the wrong moment
To come out

Why me?

Why does it hurt?
Why do I feel?
I DON’T WANT TO FEEL!

Haldir worried his bottom lip. What is going on? Why didn't you talk to me? Unable to tear his gaze away he kept reading.

Turn it off
It’s not appropriate
Have to be in control
Shorten the leash

I don’t want praise
I want to be adored
I want to be ignored
Leave me alone

Why must I shine?
Why do I try?
Why do I work
So HARD
For acceptance
I don’t want?

The Marchwarden's unease grew with every line.

I don’t care
What you think
But I want you to like me

Why does it hurt?
Why am I here?
WHAT DO I WANT?
What do you want?

He couldn't stop himself from answering the question. I want you to love me.

What can I do
To impress you?
Have to be perfect
Have to do everything right
No room for mistakes
Anything less than an A is an F

He drew his brows together in confusion, A? F? I don't understand.

Why me?
Why me?
Why me?

Did I ask for this?
Did I ask to be smart?
Did I ask to have talent?
Did I ask for any of this?

Make it stop!
Make it all go away!

Leave me alone
I don’t wanna be alone
Hold me
Tell me you love me

Haldir's heart answered, Forever Janessa. Forever.

Lie to me
Tell me it’ll all be alright
Tell me there’s a reason

Let me out!
Let me go!
Make it stop!

No more emotions
No more feelings
No more hiding

Lock it up!
Lock it away

No one cares

Haldir found himself shouting defiantly, "I CARE!"

It doesn’t matter
You don’t matter
I don’t matter

Let me die!
I don’t want to die
Why does it hurt?
I don’t WANT to feel!

Something clicked in Haldir's mind. Why do I have a feeling Legolas has something to do with this?

Go away
Get out of my head
Get out of my heart
Get out from under my skin

Haldir was fuming. Who did this to you? Was it that nancing Mirkwood prince? Or was it someone else? Valar! Why do you torment yourself so?

I’ve got my own little worldview
I think outside the box
I’m still inside a box
Mine’s just bigger
Than everyone else’s

I feel sick
I can’t deal
But I do
Take those lemons
And make lemonade

Hold onto it
Let it go
Head’s not on straight
Straighten it out
You have to think this way
No, be yourself

I’m looking for approval
That I don’t want
Why can’t you just leave me
Alone
In my own little world

Haldir slammed the book shut, dropping it to the table surface with a bang. The uneasy feeling had increased to the point he actually felt he might lose his lunch, something he never did. Something more is wrong than just that unthinking move I pulled this morning. Things have simply been TOO quiet this past week. The calm before the storm.

The Marchwarden stood from the table, shouldering his bow again before making a quick circuit of the flat, making sure Janessa was indeed not there. Now seriously agitated he stepped out of the edifice and stopped. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, centering himself before reaching inward, searching for the tenuous connection he had established. Focusing on Janessa he found the spider-silk thread and turned his senses outward, reaching out to the flickering light at the other end.

There! Haldir's eyes snapped open and he turned, leaping over the walkway railing. Following the weak lead he raced through the trees, leaping from branch to branch silently with concentrated purpose, a deadly shadow flitting though the treetops.

It took the Marchwarden bare moments to reach the hot springs. He stopped at the edge of the tree line, sweeping his gaze across the multiple pools and surrounding areas. From the corner of his eye he caught a spill of red beside one of the larger pools. Focusing his vision he beheld Janessa's sprawled form, her red hair mingling with the red-fletched arrows strewn around her.

Cursing silently he dropped out of the trees and knelt by her side, sweeping her hair away from her face with gentle fingers. Haldir could see the rise and fall of her chest, but she did not register his touch, remaining insensate. Pushing aside his anxiety the Marchwarden placed his longbow on the ground and leaned over Janessa, gently running his hands over her limbs. He swiftly assessed her state, ascertaining she had no broken bones. Her only injuries were a sprained right ankle and a small lump on her forehead where it had impacted with the ground.

Relieved that he found no serious injuries Haldir deftly healed the hurts. That taken care of, he carefully lifted the small woman, removing her bow and quiver, placing them next to his longbow. He retrieved her scattered arrows, returning then to her quiver, removing his own quiver and adding it to the pile of weapons.

Throughout the whole process Janessa did not stir a single time. Haldir frowned at her lack of response, knowing it was not the result of any physical injury. He knelt next to her, gently drawing her into his embrace. He stood slowly, carrying the redhead with him over to a bench located next to the waterfall between two of the larger interconnected pools.

Haldir sat carefully, arranging Janessa in his lap so she sat across it. Her head rested against his shoulder, her left arm pressed to his chest, hands resting in her lap. The elf wrapped one arm around her back, the other laid across her thighs, hand clasping her leg. The woman still remained unresponsive, her body limp in his arms. He rested his cheek against her forehead and closed his eyes.

As relieved as he was that Jan was not injured, her continued unresponsive state disturbed him. Her hastily scrawled poem had unsettled him more than he cared to admit and he feared she had completely withdrawn. "Come back to me Janessa. Please. Whatever happens, whatever you need, I'm here," he murmured as he started gently rocking back and forth, calling out to the woman through their tenuous connection as well.

The Marchwarden began to sing softly, choosing a song Janessa would recognize, hoping she would hear it, hearken to his voice and return from wherever her mind had fled to hide.

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

I know that you feel like
The walls are closing in on you
It's hard to find relief
And people can be so cold

When darkness is upon your door
And you feel like you can't take anymore

Silent tears welled in the Marchwarden's eyes, his dark lashes sticking together.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Haldir felt Janessa move in his arms, muscles in her back twitching as she shifted in his embrace.

When you feel all alone
And a loyal friend is hard to find
You're caught in a one way street
With the monsters in your head

Daring to hope, Haldir held her closer, singing louder, pouring his feelings into his voice.

When hopes and dreams are far away
And you feel you can't face the day

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Because there has always been heartache and pain
And when it's over you'll breathe again
You'll breathe again

Janessa took several deep breaths, turning in the elf's embrace, her face pressed to his chest, inhaling his unmistakable scent, her right hand coming up to clutch at his tunic.

Relief washed over Haldir as the redhead found her way out of her fugue state.

When you feel all alone
And the world has turned its back on you
Give me a moment please
To tame your wild, wild heart

A tear found its way from the elf's closed eyes, down his face to drop into Janessa's hair. Her eyelids fluttered as her mind followed the melodic sound of Haldir's voice back to consciousness.

Let me be the one you call
If you jump I'll break your fall
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night
If you need to fall apart
I can mend a broken heart
If you need to crash then crash and burn
You're not alone

Janessa slowly opened her eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light as she carefully moved her head away from Haldir's chest. She looked around, blinking as she realized she was next to the hot springs, ensconced in a strong embrace. She turned her head back to look up into Haldir's softly smiling face. Her eyes closed for a moment as the elf pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

She gazed up again as he withdrew, her brow furrowing as she took in the moisture trail down one side of his face and the unshed tears still shining in his eyes. With her thumb she brushed the wetness away, the powerful elf turning his face into her palm. Her gaze locked with his, Janessa took a shuddering breath and asked hoarsely, "What happened?"

Haldir frowned slightly and answered, "I was hoping you could tell me. I found you collapsed by one of the springs."

The redhead trembled suddenly in his arms, the past several hours rushing back over her. Janessa took several stabilizing breaths as she pushed back the flood of emotions rising up to surge through her link with Legolas.

Haldir watched her silently compose herself, waiting patiently. When she was ready the redhead explained simply, "I got upset and in my anger I apparently let my guard down and got overwhelmed by the emotions I'd been holding off."

"What else is going on? I saw the notebook. What aren't you telling me?" the Marchwarden gently pressed.

Janessa sighed, resigned to relinquishing the information the elf wanted. "I was upset, you remember." Haldir nodded. "I tried to run it off and ended up back at your talan." The elf flinched inwardly at her use of "your," but let her continue.

"Whenever I feel overwhelmed I usually write to get it out. That's what you saw in the notebook. It didn't work this time. It finally hit me that all of Legolas' emotions that I'd been holding back had been released and I couldn't stop them. So I ran from him, sheer exhaustion my final outlet."

Haldir tilted his head, looking down at her. "It wasn't all Legolas though, was it?"

Janessa squeezed her eyes shut, her answer barely audible, "No."

"You feel guilty being with me."

"NO!" Janessa's eyes snapped open with her denial. She saw Haldir's disbelief shining in his eyes. "Yes. No. I mean… a small part of me feels like I'm betraying Legolas, but the guilt is coming from him." Jan sought to reassure the elf who held her. "I know I need to choose…"

The Marchwarden cut her off, shaking his head, "Don't. I will not pressure you into a decision. You will tell me when you're ready. Until then I can be patient."

Jan bit her lip and spoke up again. "Please don't think I don't want to be with you. I'm here because I choose to be."

"I know," Haldir smiled softly.

Something suddenly struck the redhead. Changing topics completely she asked, "How did you find me?"

Haldir winked, "You know I have superior tracking skills."

Janessa still looked confused. "I heard you. I heard your voice. You were… singing?" The elf nodded. Recognition spread across the woman's face, "You were singing Crash and Burn," she looked at him with wonder.

"Aye, I was."

"I love that song. You sang it beautifully, much better than Savage Garden." Janessa drew her fingertips along his jaw, tilting her head back. Haldir read her invitation and brought his lips down to cover hers, responding as she kissed him slowly and sweetly. She pulled back, smiling up at him. "Would you sing something else for me? Please?"

The Marchwarden lowered his eyes, and then looked back to her, "Aye, if you wish."

Janessa snuggled back against Haldir, her ear pressed against his chest, left arm wrapped around his waist, right hand resting next to her face on his pectoral.

Haldir took several deep breaths, debating what he would sing for her. I know… Closing his eyes, he raised his voice to the sky.

Janessa caught her breath as the Marchwarden began, immediately recognizing Truly Madly Deeply. She closed her eyes and listened as his chest vibrated soothingly beneath her cheek.

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.

I love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do.
I will be strong,
I will be faithful
'Cause I'm counting on
A new beginning.
A reason for living.
A deeper meaning, yeah.

I want to stand with you on a mountain.
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever.
Until the sky falls down on me.

Janessa let her mind drift, lulled by Haldir's sweet voice. The tenderness the notoriously cold Marchwarden had bestowed on her was entirely unexpected. It was clear to her that something more than mere lust moved him. She was more to him than just a good lay.

And when the stars are shining brightly in the velvet sky,
I'll make a wish send it to heaven then make you want to cry
The tears of joy for all the pleasure in the certainty
That we're surrounded by the comfort and protection of
The highest powers
In lonely hours
The tears devour you.

Be realistic. Were you ever this happy with the Prince? Did Legolas ever do anything as blatantly ludicrous as that longbow stunt earlier? Has Legolas EVER done something without first considering every angle? Has he ever really treated you as an equal? And do you REALLY want to be a princess? Janessa had to admit the answer to all her questions was no. For all their similarities Haldir and Legolas are really nothing alike.

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me.

Oh can't you see it baby?
You don't have to close your eyes
'Cause it's standing right here before you.
All that you need will surely come.

Janessa moved imperceptibly closer to the elf, her left hand gliding across his well-muscled back, the fingers of her right hand tracing circles on his chest. The Marchwarden began purring under her gentle caresses. He took several calming breaths before continuing the song.

I'll be your dream,
I'll be your wish,
I'll be your fantasy.

I'll be your hope,
I'll be your love,
Be everything that you need.

I'll love you more with every breath
Truly madly deeply do...
(I love you.)

Haldir huskily whispered that last line, placing a chaste kiss atop Janessa's head.

I want to stand with you on a mountain,
I want to bathe with you in the sea.
I want to lay like this forever,
Until the sky falls down on me...

The Marchwarden held the last note for a moment, letting his voice fade away. Opening his eyes he found Janessa gazing up at him, adoration shining in her eyes. He smiled softly and bent down to claim her lips, beginning a slow exploration of her mouth.

Janessa answered his kiss enthusiastically, tracing his lower lip with the tip of her tongue, seeking entrance. He opened his mouth to her, their tongues dueling as they lost themselves in each other. It was some time later that they finally came up for air. They simply sat still, foreheads pressed together, catching their breath as they gazed into each other's eyes.

Haldir remembered the repast he had collected for them. Leaning back, he took in the angle of the sun's light, ascertaining there were still several hours until sunset. A smile creased his face as an idea formed in his mind. He dropped his head, again catching her lips. As he kissed her he carefully untangled them until they sat side by side, Haldir leaning over her.

Janessa murmured a protest as he released her. The elf smiled, "Melamin, why don't you stay here while I go and retrieve something?"

"Do I have a choice?" Jan pouted.

Haldir laughed, nipping at her protruding lower lip, "No. I will return shortly." With that he was gone, disappearing up a tree.

As he moved lithely through the treetops the Marchwarden consciously pushed aside his reservations that Janessa did not return his feelings. I said I would be patient. I need to keep that promise, but Valar that hurt. I can only wait and see how this turns out.

Janessa looked around her at the steaming pools, eyeing the waterfall beside her in particular. She noticed the pile of weapons Haldir had left lying a short distance away. She stood and retrieved their bows and quivers, depositing them next to the bench the pair had been seated on. Suddenly aware of her disheveled appearance she brushed at the dirt clinging to her bare arms and pants. She only succeeded in making a bigger mess of herself. I need a bath, she decided. Hopefully I'll be done by the time he returns, but if I'm not, oh well. Decided, she stood, stripping off her clothes and laid them on the bench.

She stepped forward, sliding her foot into the water, testing the temperature. Satisfied that she would not be scalded she gazed into the pool's depths. There was a submerged ledge at her feet, but beyond that she could not see the bottom of the clear pool. Assured that she would not hit her head, she put her left foot back, swung her arms back and then forward, pushing off in a clean dive.

The heated water enveloped her form, the warmth instantly seeping into her limbs. Jan dolphin-kicked into the depths, searching out the bottom. She was forced to turn back as her lungs began to burn with the need for air. The woman breast-stroked her way back to the surface, releasing her held breath with a great gasp. Panting at the unplanned exertion, she tread water for several moments, re-saturating her blood with oxygen.

Heartbeat under control, Janessa turned on her side, leisurely stroking her way over to the waterfall. Nearing the spill of water the woman realized steps had been carved into the stone with the water falling in such a way that one could easily stand under it. Oooo! Lorien version of a shower. Unable to resist the desire to try it, Jan clamored out of the pool and under the spray, closing her eyes as the water beat against her.

Haldir froze mid-step, eyes widening at the sight he beheld. Janessa's back was to him, the water cascading over her skin. His breath caught as she turned under the spray to face him, her head thrown back. The Marchwarden suddenly found stray lines from one of Jan's CDs running through his head.

Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe
Is there anyone out there cause it's getting harder and harder to breathe

Haldir smirked, shaking his head. If there was ever any doubt I had accepted her in my life it's gone now if I'm thinking like this. The elf stepped back into the shadows, watching the woman as she moved out from under the falls and dove into the pool. Valar, she is beautiful. He waited until she had swum over to the near ledge and settled herself sitting down, her hair fanned out on the stone surrounding the water.

Moving silently, Haldir slipped out of the shadows. He set the food hamper down on the bench, quickly shedding his own attire. He placed his clothes next to Jan's and picked up the basket again. Still moving soundlessly he carefully set his burden down within reach of the ledge, diving past Janessa into the pool.

Jan sat up with a start at the unexpected splash to her right, her eyes scanning the pool for the source of the sound. She let out a shriek, climbing out of the water onto the stone edge when something tickled the bottom of her foot. Moments later a blonde head surfaced to her left. Outraged, Janessa kicked a wide spray of water at the laughing Marchwarden.

Haldir fended off the wave, still chuckling as Janessa crossed her arms over her chest, pouting. The position pushed her breasts up, showcasing her assets quite prettily. Haldir couldn't resist the urge to leer, gazing pointedly at the enticing mounds.

At the Marchwarden's directed stare Jan realized the exact position she had placed herself in. A sound of disgust leaving her lips she slid back into the water, the liquid reaching her neck, effectively hiding herself from his gaze. The woman steadfastly refused to meet Haldir's gaze still pouting as he swam over toward her. Just before he reached her she pushed off the ledge, disappearing into the pool's depths.

Haldir grinned, swimming out into the pool, his eyes scanning the water for her form. His grin turned to a frown when after several moments the redhead had not come up for air. He turned in circles, even ducking his head underwater to look around, trying to find her, concern now etching his features.

On the other side of the waterfall Janessa surfaced for a breath when Haldir's back was turned, quickly slipping back under when he turned, her proximity to the spill masking any air bubbles that escaped her nose and mouth. She pressed against the warm stone, orienting herself to the Marchwarden's position before kicking off, diving deeper into the pool. The woman moved lithely through the liquid medium circling Haldir from below, then swimming up to yank roughly on one slender ankle.

With a startled cry, the Marchwarden went under, resurfacing seconds later, sputtering and coughing. He quickly ducked back under to make a grab for the woman only to discover she had already flitted away. He came up, again scanning the rippling water for her, checking every shadow. With a gasp he nearly dunked himself as he felt slender arms circle his waist and hands begin stroking his semi-aroused length. As soon as he reached for them, the hands were gone, the only evidence of her presence several stray bubbles popping behind him.

The Marchwarden reluctantly had to admit Janessa was his superior in the water, not even his brothers had been able to evade him for this long. She moves like a fish, darting here and there. The elf turned around again, only to be hit square in the face with a blast of water. He shook his head, clearing the liquid from his eyes to find Janessa treading water several feet in front of him. Her arms and shoulders were out of the water, hands extended in front of her, legs whirling beneath.

Janessa watched Haldir as he swam toward her, his eyes never losing sight of her. When he was near enough he lunged, Jan letting him capture her in his arms. "Got you!" Janessa simply smiled at the statement, twisting suddenly in his arms. Seconds later, the Marchwarden found himself holding nothing but water, Janessa's laughter ringing from behind him. When he turned she playfully kicked a small spray toward him.

Annoyed, Haldir stroked swiftly toward her. With a giggle Jan turned, arms coming up and over her head, performing a textbook butterfly stroke, her feet following, sending a wall of water straight at the elf. He quickly ducked underwater, surfacing to continue his pursuit, Janessa heading for the ledge by the bench.

The Marchwarden caught up to her as she was climbing out and pulled her back in, the woman twisting around to face him. Haldir trapped the redhead on the ledge with his body, his knees straddling her thighs, his hands gripping the stone edge, bracketing her torso. He chuckled as Janessa twisted her head back and forth, evading his questing mouth. He watched her for a moment, timing his moves to capture her lips in a searing kiss.

Janessa moaned softly, answering the kiss, her hands coming up to rest against his chest. She slid her hands under his arms, her thumbs coming up to circle Haldir's nipples, teasing the sensitive flesh into hardened peaks.

Haldir growled low in his throat, dropping his hands to grasp her waist as he twisted them around, reversing their positions. He pulled Jan flush against him into his lap, his proud length pressing into her abdomen. He drew his hands up her back, clutching her shoulders as he deepened the kiss, exploring the recesses of her mouth.

Janessa gasped as she felt Haldir's arousal against her stomach. Her hands slid back up his chest to tangle in his silver mane, her hips rocking forward. The redhead brazenly rubbed her pierced nipples across his pecs, moaning at the friction.

The now painfully aroused elf released Jan's shoulders, one arm circling her back. The other hand he insinuated between their bodies, searching out her sensitive core, rubbing the spot in tight circles. When the woman began writhing wantonly in his lap he dipped his fingers further down, sliding first one then two digits into her folds. He teased her for several moments, peppering kisses along her neck and throat, Janessa's head thrown back, granting him greater access.

Janessa mewled softly in protest as Haldir removed his hand, kneeling up for him to guide the head of his throbbing arousal to her entrance. A sigh escaped her lips as she slowly lowered herself down his length. She held him close, his face buried in the curve of her neck as he trembled for several seconds, the feeling of being buried within her depths nearly too much.

Haldir tipped his head back, looking into her eyes as she ever so slowly drew herself up his hard length before swiftly impaling herself again. The pair moaned loudly with every thrust, the circulating water whisking away Janessa's natural lubrication with every up-stroke, adding to the already normally intense friction. The situation forced them to move slowly, lest one or both of them sustain injury. As a result, their passion built gradually, their rapture mounting moment by moment, their gazes locked together.

The slow pace was sheer torture for both as the need for release grew ever more demanding. They each cried out loudly as Jan drove down Haldir's length, circling her hips against his lap. The pair moaned together as Haldir gripped her hips, pressing upward as she bore down, their bodies rubbing together wantonly.

Unable to bear the torment any longer, Haldir shifted forward to the edge of the ledge. Janessa, reading his intent, wrapped her legs tightly about his waist, her arms around his neck. One arm around her back, he placed his other hand behind him. Using the hand behind as a pivot point, he turned them in the water, bringing his legs up to kneel on the ledge. He swiftly stood, carefully depositing the redhead on the stone edge of the pool, his length never leaving her depths.

Completely oblivious to the potential for discovery by others, Janessa leaned back, gripping Haldir's upper arms as he leaned forward, placing his hands against the stone on either side of her hips. Jan moved her legs down to curl, knees bent, about his thighs, pulling him deeper inside her. Needing no further encouragement, the elf drew back and thrust into her channel, his strokes quickly coming faster and harder as she arched into each one, both of them crying out loudly as they neared the precipice, their voices melding with the sounds of skin kissing skin.

Haldir bent his head, capturing Janessa's mouth to swallow her scream as her passage convulsed around his elfhood, her body quaking as she came hard, dragging the elf with her into ecstasy. They fell back against the warm stone, tangled together, Haldir's pulsing length pouring his essence into her depths.

With the little energy they had left, the pair sat up and slipped back into the heated water. Janessa arranged herself in Haldir's lap, straddling his legs. She gently pulled his hair from the water, spreading it out over the stone, and then loosely wrapped her arms around his shoulders, her head turned to the side, forehead pressed to his neck.

Haldir drew the length of her hair back over both their shoulders, the silver and red strands mingling on the edge, giving the elf unrestricted access to her back. He traced random patterns across her skin as they sat quietly, relaxing and recovering from their uniquely intense coupling. Haldir forced himself to live in the moment, enjoying the simplicity of it, noting, as he did every time he held the redhead, how perfectly their bodies fit together, as if made for each other.

Janessa caught him this time as he began humming May It Be. She laughed lightly, observing from her position, "I take it you like that song."

The Marchwarden gently drew her back until he could look into her face. Searching her eyes he answered, "Aye, I do." Suddenly remembering the repast he had returned with, he queried, "Are you hungry?"

The woman's stomach answered for her, emitting a loud grumble. Blushing, Jan responded, "I think that would be a yes." She climbed off of his lap, allowing him to rise and climb out of the pool.

Janessa found herself staring, mesmerized by the water dripping off the elf's form, half-turned toward her. She indulged the impulse, her eyes moving over his body brazenly as Haldir threw his head back, reaching up to squeeze the water from his hair. She followed the path of one particular water droplet as it fell from the tip of his aquiline nose, landing on his pectoral. It continued its journey, joining a rivulet that wound around his peaked nipple and down over his ridged abs, sliding lower still to turn inward past the hollow of his hip and back out to his thigh. Her gaze strayed to his still-impressive semi-hard length before returning to his leg, following the droplet as it meandered back and forth along the thickly muscled limb, down to his tapered calf and ankle, disappearing from sight into the arch of his foot.

The redhead brought her eyes back up to follow another droplet, only to have her view obscured by the elf wrapping a large towel around himself. A soft murmur of protest escaped her lips, causing Haldir to turn, still drying himself and ask, "What is it?" Janessa blew out a loud breath and pouted, refusing to answer him.

Haldir smirked down at the woman, her arms folded, leaning against the pool's edge. He had caught her staring and had waited until her gaze had reached his feet before drying himself off. He had patently enjoyed her clearly appreciative look, wondering idly if she ever looked at Legolas with such frank desire. He pushed the thought away, securing the towel around his waist, suddenly aware of their potential for discovery and wishing to save Janessa any embarrassment. He could care less if he was seen nude but knew Janessa had no desire to be seen thusly by just anyone.

The Marchwarden held the other towel open, inviting her out of the water to join him. A light flush coloring her skin, Janessa hauled herself out of the water and stepped into his towel-shrouded embrace. He wrapped the absorbent fabric around her shoulders, allowing her to grasp it as he returned to setting up the picnic he'd brought. Haldir retrieved the blanket he had brought with the hamper, shaking it out and spreading it across the ground bordering the pool. He turned back to find Jan rifling through the hamper. He gently batted her hands away, pushing her toward the blanket.

Janessa stuck her tongue out at the elf, rearranging her towel to wrap under her arms and over her breasts, the length coming to the tops of her knees. She arranged herself on the blanket, leaning to her left, legs together, knees bent back and to the right side.

Haldir placed the hamper at the base of the blanket, kneeling next to Jan. He brought forth several wrapped packages containing sliced meats and cheeses and one of the loaves of bread. Rummaging through the basket he discovered the attendant had added a bottle of wine in addition to what he had requested. The elf brought that out too, uncorking the bottle while the redhead helped herself to samplings from the various packages.

With her first bite Janessa realized just how hungry she was and began inhaling the food. Haldir caught her wrist as she brought another morsel to her mouth, laughing lightly as he shook his head. "Slow down. There is no one here to take your meal from you if you do not eat fast enough." A red stain crossed her cheeks as she dropped her head, avoiding his eyes. He dropped her wrist and gently reached out to tip her face up. He smiled softly at her, "Take your time and enjoy your repast," he shifted to his side to brush a fleeting kiss across her lips, whispering, "A'maelamin."

Janessa consciously made an effort to slow herself, blushing again at Haldir's heated gaze upon her as he ate as well, occasionally offering her the wine bottle, advising her to sip it as it was a strong vintage. Once he felt she had had enough, he swept the remains of the meal from in front of her, reassuring her protests with the promise that there was still more to come.

With a flourish he brought out the still-warm turnovers and fresh fruit, delighting in her reaction to the fresh pastries. He would not let her take one, insisting on feeding it to her instead. Janessa acquiesced, taking dainty bites of the fluffy concoction. She finished the treat and captured his wrist, holding it fast as she slowly licked his hand clean, sucking on each of his fingers, her eyes never leaving his, taking note of the way his breath hitched at her behavior. Next he offered her a strawberry dipped in cream. She repeated her actions with each new treat he procured until he was practically shaking with restrained desire.

A low growl emanating from his chest, Haldir pinned Janessa to the blanket. Having had enough, he dropped his head to savage her mouth, bruising her lips with the intensity of his kiss. Janessa moaned as he pressed the length of his body against her, his aroused state more than evident. He pulled the lower part of her towel aside, reaching between her thighs with one hand, his questing fingers finding her wet and ready for him. Her hands tangled in his hair, keeping his mouth on hers as he opened his towel and settled his throbbing arousal at her entrance.

Haldir slid his hands under her back to grasp her shoulders, his weight resting on his forearms as she brought her knees up on either side of his hips. With one sure thrust he sheathed himself in her warmth, swallowing her cries with his mouth. He held still for a moment, enjoying the feeling of being one with her again before he began to drive into her with long, hard strokes, setting a demanding pace. Neither one of them expected to last long at the rate they were going at, Janessa's feet coming to rest against the backs of his thighs, driving him even deeper as she arched up into his thrusts, his hands on her shoulders acting as leverage.

Haldir released her mouth, both panting with exertion as they raced each other to the edge, falling over it simultaneously, howling their completion to the heavens. At the moment of climax, Janessa opened her soul to him for the barest moment, solidifying their tenuous connection into a tangible thread. The Marchwarden looked down at the woman's closed eyes in disbelief, her features flushed with afterglow, wondering if she understood what she had just done, cherishing it as the gift it was.

He knew as her bond with him increased in strength, her connection with Legolas would weaken, but until she actually severed it, that bond would remain. Light-headed, he gulped great draughts of air, slowing his hammering heart. He dotted feather-light kisses along her neck as he exalted in the clear sign he had an actual chance with her. He would have already been content if all he sought was her body, but the Marchwarden was after a greater prize and he intended to win it.

The chance of discovery increasing exponentially with every passing minute, Haldir gently disengaged from his lover. Kneeling, he put aside his towel. Taking Janessa's hands he pulled her up into a sitting position, observing the dazed look in her eyes and the rather lopsided grin on her face. She was still lost in the euphoria of opening herself to him. He shook her lightly, calling her name softly. He smiled serenely at her as her focus returned. "Shall we wash off?"

Jan nodded, allowing him to help her stand on wobbly legs, her towel dropping to the blanket. They stepped over to the edge and Janessa startled the Marchwarden by letting her body fall forward, only bringing her arms up at the last second before she hit the water, performing an effortless dive.

Haldir watched her twist onto her back under the surface so when she came up she was facing him. He smiled and dove in after her. He rose up next to her, snaking out one arm to pull her to him, kissing her bruised lips soundly, healing them as he did so. He released her with a kiss to her forehead, swimming backwards toward the waterfall. Janessa followed, taking long, languid strokes through the water.

The Marchwarden climbed out onto the stone, turning back to haul Jan up out of the pool next to him. Together they stepped under the pounding spray, Haldir holding her by the hips, her hands resting on his chest as the water poured over them. They remained thus for several moments, fingertips tracing tiny circles across their skin.

The elf released his grip on Janessa's hips only to find himself pitching back into the pool. He surfaced to find the woman several feet away, laughing as she headed for the ledge. He gave chase, again catching her just as she reached the wide stone step. As he once again captured her sweet lips, he could not dismiss the nagging feeling that she had let him catch up.

The two climbed out of the pool, both drying off with Haldir's towel, Janessa's soaked from their latest joining. Haldir retrieved both their clothes as Jan repacked the hamper, draining the final drops from the wine bottle before adding it to the basket. They quickly donned their attire, moving to fold up the blanket together, stacking it with the towels on top of the hamper. They each donned their weaponry, Janessa taking Haldir's longbow as he hefted the now-lighter basket.

Silently, they headed back to their talan, walking so close they brushed against each other with every step, Janessa's fingers hooked possessively around Haldir's belt. The remainder of the evening was spent quietly in each other's company, talking about whatever topic came to mind, the offending notebook hidden safely back in the redhead's saddlebags. The pair fell asleep, limbs entwined, just holding each other, thoroughly satiated from their earlier lovemaking, a slight smirk gracing Haldir's lips.

**********

A/N: This chapter took me 4 DAYS to write and is 25 pages. I hope this will tide you over for a bit. I'm super-busy with work so I don't have as much time to write as I'd like but I'm not abandoning anything, never fear!

Please review. It not only lets me know you like my writing, but tells me that SOMEONE is actually reading this.

Song credits: Runaway by Linkin Park
Crash and Burn by Savage Garden
Truly, Madly Deeply by Savage Garden
Harder to Breathe by Maroon5