Honour Before Love

Chapter Ten - Beginning of the End

Legolas watched with joy as his young daughter, Nimowen, took her
first few faltering steps across the grass. She toddled from Elrond
to Elladan and the latter gave a yell of triumph as he swept the
golden-haired, giggling elfling in his arms.

'Who's the clever girl?!' Elladan demanded in a laughing tone,
swinging her around. 'Elrohir and Jarab are going to be so jealous
that they missed this.'

They were picnicking by the river, as it was such a hot, sunny day.
Just the four of them. Elrohir and Jarab had ridden out earlier in
the day to check out some trouble on the borders.

Elrond stood up and watched indulgently as his eldest child played
with his youngest. He started slightly as he felt familiar arms slip
around his waist, then he leaned back, content.

It had been an idyllic couple of years. The bittersweetness of
joining Arwen with the man she love had been greatly tempered by the
arrival of his and Legolas' daughter. Of course, nothing could
replace Arwen in his affections, but she had made her choice and was
as pleased as he was that there was another to ease hisn a n a little.

Elrond had been a little worried about the impending birth of their
daughter. He had delivered countless female elves' babies -
including his three with Celebrian - and had occasionally had to cut
them out when the baby was too large or awkwardly placed. This,
however, was slightly different...and involved the one he loved. He
had been surprised, yet very relieved, when the healer who had
attended Legolas during his first pregnancy, arrived in Imladris from
Mirkwood.

It appeared that Thranduil had relented a little from his initial
stance, and has sent the healer to make sure Legolas was properly
cared for. Most had assumed this was an overture to improving
relations, but Jarab was heard to mutter darkly more than once that
it was more likely he didn't want to risk losing a potential heir who
might *still* be influenced by him. Legolas had merely sent a formal
message thanking his father; preferring to just accept it and not
read too much into it.

For Elrond, this lifted a great weight from his shoulders, and when
it came to the birth, he was able to act like a father instead of a
healer.

One thing that had been enlightening was when Legolas asked the
healer why he had told him he could not bear any more children. The
healer had shuffled around a bit and looked embarrassed, but had
eventually admitted he had been ordered to do so by King Thranduil.

'Why ever would he lie about something like that?' Legolas had
wondered aloud once he and Elrond were alone.

'I have no idea,' Elrond had replied. 'Who knows what is going on in
your father's mind?'

'It's slightly ironic that he actually ended up doing us a favour,'
Legolas had smiled. 'After all, if I'd known I could still get
pregnant, I would never have risked making love with you just before
I lon ton the quest...'

'And our daughter would not be growing inside of you right now,'
Elrond had finished softly, placing a protective hand on his lover's
large stomach. 'It seems we do have something to thank Thranduil for
after all. No matter how unintentional it was.'

'He has done us far more harm than good,' Legolas had replied with a
frown. 'I'm not sure I can ever forgive the things he has said and
done not just to us but to Alemi and Jarab.'

'Do you think you will invite him here when our daughter is born?'
Elrond had asked. It was a subject they had avoided up until this
point.

Legolas had looked pensive for a moment before nodding his head
reluctantly. 'I will not stoop to his level and keep his grandchild
from him if he wishes to see her. I doubt he will accept.'

So, after the birth, the invitation had been sent and, surprisingly,
accepted. Thranduil had been far more subdued than his son had ever
seen him. It seemed he had had time for a fair amount of reflection
and realised what he had lost through his own stubbornness and
machinations.

He had smiled when he had seen the golden blonde hair so like his own
of the then three month old child. His lips had only pursed slightly
when Nimowen had opened her eyes to reveal the silvery grey orbs that
revealed her other parent. He had wisely refrained from any comment.

After that, communication between Imladris and Mirkwood had improved,
though Jarab still refused to forgive his grandfather for stealing
from him all those years he could have spent with his true family.

The little girl had brought a new lease of life to the whole
household at Imladris at a time when many were contemplating leaving
to cross the sea. Elladan, especially, d ond on his half-sister and
spent as much time with her as possible.

'Here, take your daughter! Some of us have work to do!'

Elrond was shaken from his musings when Elladan thrust Nimowen into
his arms with that playful comment. Over thet yet year, all three of
his sons had gradually taken over the running of Imladris. This had
left Elrond more time to spend with his lover and their new daughter,
which he greatly appreciated. However, it did have a more depressing
undertone. It meant that he no longer needed to be there.

Galadriel was impatient to leave Middle-Earth and return to her true
home, but would not leave without Elrond and Gandalf. Many years
previously, the wearers of the three rings of power had agreed to
leave together. A promise not to be broken.

Any day now, Elrond expected Gandalf to arrive at Rivendell and
inform him it was time to leave.

He knew Legolas watched him anxiously, especially when he caught him
staring towards the west almost in a trance. Elrond felt he was
being torn in two, with his desire to be with his family, and his
conflicting need to cross the sea.

***********

It was but a few days after the picnic that Gandalf appeared.

He had been greeted with faked smiles and false greetings. Gandalf
wasn't fooled. He knew what he was doing. He was aware his arrival
was the beginning of the end and so he had left it as long as
possible. But now it was time to go.

That night, Legolas entered the chamber he shared with Elrond after
checking on Nimowen. He had barely spoken during dinner and Elrond
could tell from the way he was twisting his hands together and the
look on his face, that he had something he wanted to say. Elrond saown own on the bed and gestured for Legolas to join him. Legolas sat
down, his body turned to face his lover, his eyes regarding him
seriously.

'What is it, my love?' Elrond probed gently.

'You will leave soon.' It was a statement, not a question.

'Yes,' Elrond acknowledged quietly.

'And I have accepted that. It's how it must be.' He hesitated.

'Yet there is something else? I can see it in your eyes.'

Legolas looked at him gravely and then smiled slightly. 'I can hide
little from you these days...I wish it had always been so. Yet that
is old ground which I do not wish to go over again. But yes, there
is something I wish you to do for me.'

'Anything if it is within my power,' Elrond promised.

'I-I want you to take Nimowen with you,' Legolas said suddenly,
looking at his lover anxiously

Elrond was stricken. 'I cannot do that to you,' he gasped. 'I know
how much you love her.'

'And I know you love her just as much,' Legolas replied. He lowered
his eyes, looking ashamed. 'This is not all for your benefit. I am
being selfish as well. I do not wish to give her the chance to
choose a mortal life which she would have if she remained here. I
know how much you suffer at the thought of losing Arwen and I cannot
bear the thought of that...or the thought of you having to go through
that again.'

'That is not selfish,' Elrond replied in surprise. 'It is unnatural
for one's children to die before you in human terms and it is even
harder to bear for so-called immortals like us. You already know the
pain of losing a son - at least Arwen still lives - so I understand
your concern. But I do not know if it is fair to take that choice
away from her.'

'I do not care,' Legolas said strongly. 'I will not lose her.'

'Yet she will not be in your life until you sail the sea,' Elrond
reminded him gently. 'You will miss her formative years.'

Legolas sighed and rubbed a hand across tired eyes. 'It will be
worth it to know she is safe and that she is with you,' he
replied. 'We will have the rest of our lives to spend together when
I join you.'

'And this is what you truly want?' Elrond asked seriously.

'Yes, it is.'

'Then I will take Nimowen with me.' The pronouncement was greeted
with silence. It was what Legolas wanted, but it was still difficult
for him.

Much later, they lay together in the dark, when Elrond broke the
silence.

'Will you stay here? In Imladris?'

'No,' replied Legolas almost immediately. 'It would be torture to
live here without you. I have spoken with Aragorn about this matter
and he suggested setting up a new community of elves in Ithilien.
I'm sure there are many elves within my father's realm who would be
pleased to resettle away from his firm grasp.'

'It sounds like a good idea,' Elrond agreed.

'And Gimli has settled at the Glittering Caves, so I will also be
close to him,' Legolas continued, his voice wavering slightly.

'That will be an advantage.'

'Thus I will be close to many of my friends and be able to see more
of Middle-Earth...which I have always wanted.' His voice was even
more wavery.

'It all sounds like an excellent plan.'

'Then tell me something,' Legolas half-sobbed. 'Why do I feel as if
my heart is breaking?'

Elrond gathered the shuddering form in a tight embrace, feeling his
own tears threatening. He tried to think of some words of comfort
and yet nothing would come to mind. 'I love you,' he finally ended
up saying, knowing it was totally inadequate.

'And I love you,' his lover whispered between sobs.

Gradually Legolas quietened, the shuddering dying down until the even
breathing told Elrond he was asleep. Only then did he let his own
tears fall. He wished everything could be different but could see no
way of changing it.

********

The next day they informed Elrohir, Elladan and Jarab of their
decisions.

'No!' exclaimed Elladan, sending an distressed look towards Nimowen
who beamed back at him, not understanding the events that were
unfolding. 'You can't seriously mean to take her awaom uom us...from
Legolas.'

'It was my choice,' Legolas said unhappily, almost flinching as three
pairs of accusing grey eyes stared at him. 'She will be better off
with your father in Valinor.'

'Better off than she would be here, with you and her three brothers?'
Elrohir demanded disbelievingly.

'I won't be here,' Legolas replied. 'I plan on moving to Ithilien as
soon as I can arrange it.'

'And what about me?' Jarab asked, his tone low, yet almost
mocking. 'Have you made plans for *me* as well?'

'Jarab, you are well past your majority.' Legolas said levelly. 'Of
course, I would be pleased if you wished to come with me, but it is
your decision.'

'Then I choose to stay here...with my brothers.' Jarab replied
immediately.

It broke Legolas' heart to hear those words, but it had been what he
was expecting. The three brothers had formed a strong bond despite
Jarab being so much younger. 'I thought you would,' was all Legolas
said, though his face gave away a little of the sadness this brought
him.

Three days later found them gathered in a group at the gate for the
farewells that meant they would not be together again for many
years. Elladan was hugging Nimowen so tightly that she was
protesting. Elrond and Legolas faced each other, gripping each
other's hands and just staring. Hardly believing that this moment
had finally arrived.

'It's not so long,' said Legolas in a strained voice, not quite sure
whom he was trying to convince. 'We survived two hundred years
apart, a hundred years or so should pass quickly.'

'It cannot pass quickly enough,' Elrond replied fervently, his grey
eyes shining with held back tears. Legolas, himself, blinked back
the tears furiously that were threatening to blur his last memory of
his lover.

All too soon Gandalf had mounted his horse and was seen to be waiting
patiently for Elrond to finish his good-byes. They were to meet up
with Galadriel on the way.

Reluctantly, Elrond removed himself from Legolas' embrace and gave
each of his son's a final hug, as Legolas held his daughter for the
last time. Then, he swung himself up onto his horse and took Nimowen
from his lover's arms, placing her in front of him. The little
elfling seemed to have no idea of the gravity of the situation as she
laughed in delight at the novelty of being on horseback. Elrond
leant down one last time and stroked the soft cheek of his
beloved. 'I will be waiting,' he said softly.

'Just do not forget me,' Legolas half-choked out.

'Never,' Elrond vowed. 'I will think of you every day until we are
reunited.'

'And I you,' Legolas returned. Legolas gave one last longing look at
his lover and daughter before stepping back so they could depart.

As Elrond rode out of the gate with Gandalf and the rest of their
retinue, he did not look back for fear his resolve would fail at the
last moment. Thereby sparing himself the sight of seeing Legolas
fall to his knees as his emotions finally overtook him.

TBC.