THE SPEED OF THE END

CHAPTER ONE: COUSINS

As children Findaráto and Carnistir were not friends. The cousins were near the same age but they were too dissimilar to be close comrades, opposites in nature and attitude – even appearance. Findaráto was fair-haired, friendly, loquacious and loved to wander uninhibited through his homelands. Carnistir was tall and dark in appearance, mood and thought. As a child he was temperamental, changeable and irritable, yet beneath his formidable exterior was a soul of concealed kindness. This trait, the cousins would find later on in life, they had in common.

The children of Tirion went for lessons to tutors until they reached their majority. Findaráto and Carnistir attended the home of Master Handelerin along with a number of their neighbours’ offspring who were of the same age. Carnistir and Findaráto were driven from their homes in a horse-drawn wagon and strangely enough, rarely spoke to each other in the wagon or the classroom, although they saw each other often at family functions. Findaráto would have liked to begin conversations but was always put off by Carnistir’s aloofness and sombre countenance.

When they were about thirty years old a nasty confrontation occurred between them one day. Carnistir had arrived at the tutor’s house that morning in a foul mood and had sat brooding at the back of the classroom during the lesson. He had refused to answer any of Master Handelerin’s questions during class, remaining quiet and unresponsive. He recorded everything dutifully in his exercise book in his beautiful, flowing script, rarely raising his eyes from the page, his mouth turned down into a frown and occasionally raising his head to fix some of his classmates with a warning glare. Two of the outgoing, fun-loving lads in the class had decided to make fun of Carnistir that day by drawing a crude sketch of him with a dark cloud above his head and rain pouring down on him. Findaráto had been innocently drawn into their joke-making when one of them nudged him and handed him the drawing. He did not say anything derogatory about his cousin but he laughed at the picture and at something that one of the boys said. Carnistir sat behind them, watching them as they turned around many times to look at him and he made note of Findaráto’s posture and his smiling, laughing face.

Later, while the students were outside during a break, Findaráto stood with the two boys against one of the outbuildings, sharing a bag of sweets and laughing at a joke. Carnistir strode up to them, reached for Findaráto’s arm, and pulled the smaller Elf around to face him. “What do you think you are doing, Cousin, laughing behind my back at me? And even in front of my face in the classroom?”

“What is this you say, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto, his hair fluttering away from his face as Carnistir spun him around. A flush grew over his cheeks and he swallowed a whole piece of candy hard, and coughed. He stared at his cousin in disbelief. He saw Carnistir’s eyes flash as if blazing lights dwelt behind them. “I have not been making fun of you!”

“Disloyal cur and liar that you are! I saw you!” cried Carnistir. He swung at Findaráto with his right arm, hitting him in the chin. Findaráto fell to the ground with a cry of anguish. The two boys, now frightened or Carnistir and fearing retribution from him for the drawing, fled to the safety of the house. “That should teach you to make jest of a family member and throw yourself in with two lowly dogs of lesser people!” And Carnistir spat down upon Findaráto lying in the dirt and bleeding from his lower lip, before he turned to stride away. But Findaráto caught him by the foot and pulled him off balance, uprighting him so that he fell heavily down on top of his cousin. Findaráto grasped Carnistir by the collar and stared into his flashing dark grey eyes.

“I did not make fun of you. Believe me, Carnistir,” he said softly but firmly. His blue eyes sought the dark ones of his cousin as he strove to understand this strange Elf.

Carnistir looked down at his cousin and believed him. The fierce look of anger withdrew suddenly from his eyes, and it was replaced by a strange look of puzzlement mixed with interest in this warm, blue-eyed creature. His anger instantly melted, running from his body as an icicle melts swiftly in the beam of a warm spring sun. Involuntarily, he took note of the innocent blue eyes of his cousin, the smooth soft skin and the warmth of the slender body pressed so closely beneath his. Without another word he reached to pull Findaráto’s fingers from his throat and in that instant when their hands touched there was an understanding between the two Elves. The look in Carnistir’s eyes softened and Findaráto saw this change in him. He felt also the softening of the muscles in Carnistir’s body. The tension had left him and was replaced by an exciting vibrancy that Findaráto felt through his clothing. He prepared himself for a cousinly kiss of apology but it did not come. Carnistir pulled himself up and off of Findaráto and stood looming over him, looking down with a puzzled expression at his cousin’s fair face.

“Aww,” said one of the two joking boys. “Are we not going to have a fight?” Carnistir responded by pushing the boy hard against the shed wall before he strode away.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

In later years, Carnistir and Findaráto did not see a great deal of each other. They were still not good friends. When they saw each other they both would stare curiously and appraise the other Elf silently, like two cats passing, wary of each other, yet yearning for company. They each recognized a certain pulling together of their spirits but they resisted this attraction and went their separate ways.

Findaráto fell in love with a young maiden named Amarië and became her constant companion in Tirion. She was of the Vanyar and while their betrothal made his parents very happy, it did not please his cousin. Carnistir spoke to him of his feelings while they attended a feast to which Arafinwë had invited Fëanaro’s family.

“You lower yourself, cousin, to take her for your wife,” Carnistir said, a sneer upon his handsome face as he stood leaning languidly against a parlor doorframe, a glass of wine held in his left hand, his right arm folded against his body. Findaráto looked at his dark and imposing cousin, at how magnificent his hair looked as it gleamed in the lamplight, and how the colour of his deep red robes matched the rosy flush in his otherwise ivory cheeks.

“You do Amarië a disservice and me a great hurt by saying those words, Carnistir,” said Findaráto. “Why is it that you dislike me so much that you would speak so unkindly?”

“She is not Noldor,” Carnistir replied with a shrug, but he looked at Findaráto closely with a haunted expression in his eyes. “I do not dislike you at all. Meet me outside in half an hour.” And he turned and strode down the hallway, his red robes swirling behind him as he walked, taking great strides with his long legs. Findaráto stood watching him in puzzlement for a few seconds, until the door at the end of the hallway closed behind him.

Findaráto sighed. The golden glow from the nearby lamp made little bright spots pool in his eyes that emphasized his expression of sadness. He felt sad yet he knew not why. He returned to the parlor to talk with the other guests for a few moments and made his excuses to Amarië, telling her that he had to retrieve something from his room. He retired quickly there to freshen himself and comb his hair in nervous anticipation of going to meet Carnistir.

Slipping outside, Findaráto found Carnistir in the spacious garden. His breath caught in his throat as his gaze fell upon his cousin lounging upon a bench, looking splendid, breathtaking, in the red robes. One arm was thrown behind him and rested along the back of the seat. One knee was bent and his other leg was thrust straight out in front of him. The crimson robes clung to his legs. His waves of lustrous raven hair fell around his shoulders to his waist. He sat staring at Findaráto as the blond Elf approached, his eyes like hot coals burning into Findaráto’s face.

Findaráto smiled when he reached the still figure on the bench, posed as if he were an imposing stone statue. Carnistir had not removed his gaze from Findaráto, and Findaráto found his relentless stare quite disconcerting but nonetheless arousing. Never before at a loss for words, he was now, and stammered a question. “Wh-why d-do you wish to talk to me, Carnistir?”

Carnistir did not waste time on small talk. “Atar is going to cause the Valar to be very angry,” he said. “After that I am afraid that I may not see you again for a long time. Maybe never again.”

“What has Fëanaro done, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto in a tremulous voice, fear creeping up his spine like a cold sword held against his back.

“No. It is not yet done, but it will be soon. My brothers and I shall go into exile with him, Cousin. For many years.”

“How do you know this, Carnistir? I mean --” Findaráto paused for a moment because he was aware of Carnistir’s prescience. His father Nolofinwë had told him of it when Findaráto’s own prescience became known to the family. Carnistir’s had been a source of a few problems for Fëanaro in the past, and Nolofinwë was aware of this. Despite the fact that Findaráto was prescient too, he was perturbed by Carnistir’s words. “This is terrible,” he finished, his voice faltering.

“Yes,” said Carnistir, looking grieved for the first time since Findaráto could remember. He put a hand to his forehead, inadvertently disturbing a perfect coil of hair. He seemed not to notice, and Findaráto found this endearing, that the perfect Carnistir had faltered and upset his impeccable appearance.

“Why are you telling me this?” asked Findaráto. “I am not sure I can do anything to prevent it, although I shall try, if that is what you ask of me.”

“No, no, Findaráto,” said Carnistir, and grasped Findaráto strongly by the wrist, pulling him down onto the bench. “That is not why I told you.”

“Why then?” asked Findaráto, trembling with excitement caused by Carnistir’s touch.

“Because,” said Carnistir, leaning in closely toward his cousin. “Of this.” Findaráto could see sparks of white in the irises of his dark eyes and flecks of blue within the grey. He had never noticed before what a beautiful complexion Carnistir had. Smooth ivory skin but with an attractive flush of colour in his cheeks. Carnistir raised a slender hand to touch Findaráto’s face. Then he moved his face slowly forward until Findaráto could feel his breath on his skin. Findaráto closed his eyes. Carnistir’s breath was rapid, falling in a series of short pants onto Findaráto’s cheek. It made exquisite flutters ripple through his stomach. Then he felt a soft touch like a dove’s wing against his face when Carnistir placed his cheek against Findaráto’s. At the same time Findaráto felt a hand upon his thigh and it moved searchingly toward his groin. Findaráto moaned and dropped his head to rest his mouth against the soft red fabric covering his cousin’s shoulder.

Carnistir gasped and bent his head to nibble the tip of Findaráto’s ear and his hand searched and found the warm place between Findaráto’s legs. He began massaging the soft, velvet-covered protuberance that lay there, fondling it as it grew larger and harder beneath his fingers. “Not here,” Findaráto panted. He moved his mouth from Carnistir’s shoulder. “Someone will see us.”

“Where then? Show me,” hissed Carnistir, removing his hand and face reluctantly from Findekáno’s body.

“My parents’ guesthouse is at the bottom of the garden,” said Findaráto. “There is a sofa within.” The two Elves made their way quickly to the shed, running along a moss-covered path edged by swaths of colourful and fragrant flowers, but the two young Elves were oblivious to the beauty of Eärwen’s garden.

Once inside the small house, Findaráto shut and locked the door behind him. “We should not do this,” he said. Carnistir took his hand and led him to the wicker day bed that lay against one wall and was covered with comfortable-looking cushions and a floral-patterned duvet.

“What we do shall not hurt anyone,” he said softly, and crossed the floor to unfasten the window curtains so that they fell closed. “Now come to the bed and sit down.” Findaráto did so and Carnistir sat beside him and turned his face to Findaráto’s. Placing one hand in the small of his cousin’s back while the other cupped Findaráto’s chin, he put his full, sensuous lips over Findaráto’s. He began to kiss him slowly and tenderly, feeling with the tip of his tongue the curves of Findaráto’s soft lips.

As the kiss progressed, Carnistir became more demanding, kissing deeper and with more passion, pushing his tongue against Findaráto’s teeth. His hand slid from Findaráto’s chin down to his chest and began to play with the clasps on his formal robes, undoing them slowly one by one. When Findaráto gasped for breath, feeling overwhelmed but with ripples of delight coursing through his body, Carnistir lowered him down until he rested lengthwise on the bed, and lifted Findaráto’s legs up and placed his feet upon the duvet.

At length Carnistir broke the kiss and with tender fingers opened Findaráto’s robes and his shirt beneath them to expose his heaving chest. Findaráto gazed up at Carnistir’s face and its expression was surprisingly tender while the dark-haired Elf attentively watched every movement that Findaráto made. Carnistir’s hands moved to unfasten Findaráto’s leggings.

“We shall hurt Amarië if she finds out about this,” whimpered Findaráto, nervous during the silence between himself and Carnistir. While Findaráto always talked quite a bit during lovemaking trysts with Amarië, mainly to coax her into having sex which she was usually reluctant to do, he found that Carnistir did not talk at all, but rather used his eyes and his hands to look and to touch, as if what he saw and felt told him everything of his lover’s feelings. Findaráto was beginning to feel guilty. His thoughts turned to the implications of his actions with Carnistir. He found that he could not accept that this was to be a brief fling with his cousin only to be soon forgotten. He did not feel that such a thing should be considered in a light manner and then discarded as if it had no meaning. And then there was Amarië…

“Shut up,” said Carnistir suddenly. “Stop talking in your mind and just enjoy the pleasure of this experience. Do not spoil it for us.”

Findaráto whimpered and did as Carnistir said and let himself be transported by Carnistir’s attentions. Once he had untied Findaráto’s velvet leggings, Carnistir stopped touching Findaráto and began to unfasten his own robe, and once it was undone, he moved his hands down to his leggings.

Carnistir untied his lacings and stood so that Findaráto could watch him reveal himself. First, he let the unfastened robe fall from his shoulders onto the floor. Findaráto saw that his chest was smooth yet muscled like a warrior’s. His long, lean abdomen was rippled with muscle. Carnistir began to tug at the top of his tight leggings until they slid over his hips and down his hard thighs. His arousal was strong and magnificent. Tears welled in Findaráto’s eyes when he gazed upon his cousin’s beautiful face and form and he cried out softly in his passion.

Carnistir continued to stare steadily at Findaráto and on his face was a look of great tenderness combined with desire. Findaráto had never seen Carnistir look so relaxed. Carnistir gave a little sigh and moved his hand down the length of his own body, stroking it from chest to groin, and pulling his hand lightly down the length of his arousal so that when he released his rigid length, it sprang back to point straight forward again at Findaráto.

He knelt upon the bed, straddling Findaráto’s knees, the ends of his dark waves of hair falling onto Findaráto’s thighs. He bent forward and began untying Findaráto’s leggings, and eased them down his legs, pulling them gently past Findaráto’s knees. He watched Findaráto’s erection spring forward and saw that it was exceedingly hard and needy. A smile curved Carnistir’s lips while he gently pulled off Findaráto’s leggings and dropped them onto the floor. He put his hand in Findaráto’s golden hair and began to stroke it, smoothing it down over his shoulders.

“Carnistir, you are so beautiful,” Findaráto began to say, but Carnistir put a finger to his cousin’s lips to silence him. He placed gentle hands upon Findaráto’s chest and stroked it carefully, playing and experimenting with his nipples to elicit different responses, and taking his time while he wriggled his hips over top of Findaráto’s thighs. Findaráto wanted to scream. He did not know how Carnistir could remain so controlled.

Carnistir moved his hands to Findaráto’s belly, stroking it slowly, without touching his erection. Findaráto could not help himself. He whimpered and moaned, and bucked his hips upward so that his aroused member touched Carnistir’s briefly. The contact inflamed him and he wriggled his body in lust. He raised his hips again in futile hope that Carnistir would fondle his arousal. Carnistir backed his body away from Findaráto, keeping his hands the only contact between them. His tender fingers continued to stroke Findaráto’s belly and passed down his legs, feeling the softer flesh of his inner thighs, kneading them before moving to the hard outer thighs and underneath them to his buttocks. He gave them a little squeeze before releasing them. Findaráto thought he would go mad with desire.

“Carnistir!” he cried.

“Shh!” was the only thing that Carnistir said.

Findaráto watched Carnistir open his mouth. He opened it just slightly, his full lips red and ripe, his pink tongue lying pressed against his bottom teeth. It was a look of pure lust. Findaráto writhed, his head moving from side to side and he moaned in expectation. His anticipation was rewarded as Carnistir then flipped his long mane of hair over his back and bent his head down. He placed his sensuous lips upon the tip of Findaráto’s erection and gently sucked it. Findaráto let out a squeal of delight, and Carnistir wrapped his tender fingers around Findaráto’s girth and began to stroke his arousal slowly. His soft lips worked to envelop Findaráto’s perfect spire. He sucked slowly and languidly, doing things with his tongue that caused Findaráto to scream. He licked down the sensitive underside of Findaráto’s shaft and twirled his tongue around the head, sucking the trickle of juices that flowed. Findaráto bucked and writhed with eyes closed, while he envisioned what his cousin was doing to his body. His movements caused his member to slide out of Carnistir’s mouth. Carnistir had to put his hand on top of Findaráto’s stomach and push him down hard on the bed in order to keep him still.

“Ai! Carnistir, you have undone me!” cried Findaráto. “I shall explode! Stop! Stop!” Carnistir released Findaráto and looked up at him in surprise.

“Please!” Findaráto whimpered. “Let me do the same to you. I want to taste you. I want to feel your cock in my mouth. Yes! I have said it now. I shall not try to deny myself and my true feelings any longer. I want you, Carnistir. I have wanted you for a long time, since that day in the tutor’s yard when you lay atop me. I want you badly!”

Carnistir let him spend his words and laughed a deep, throaty, sensual laugh that drove Findaráto mad with desire. Carnistir was lying back propped on one elbow, brushing strands of hair from his face. Findaráto launched himself at his dark-haired cousin and began kissing him feverishly.

He kissed his lips hard, sucking on them with such fervour that Carnistir drew his breath in sharply. Findaráto released his lips and began to kiss his neck and chest. He moved his mouth over the satiny skin to suckle each nipple, moved down over Carnistir’s stomach, leaving a series of kisses there. He relished the sensation of Carnistir’s hard length rubbing against his thighs and his own belly and chest as he wriggled down the length of Carnistir’s body until his mouth was on a level with Carnistir’s rigid member. He gazed at it with longing before he took it into his mouth. He tasted it slowly before beginning to suck it rapidly, exploring its ridges and smooth places before he released it to move to his soft sac and begin kissing that tenderly. With his hand he parted Carnistir’s thighs and explored the cleft between his buttocks with his fingers. Carnistir did not hold back his moans of pleasure as Findaráto sucked and stroked him.

Findaráto raised his head. “I must have you, Cousin,” he said. “And please do not shut me up this time. I want to enter you and I want to know you.”

“It is what I want as well,” Carnistir panted while he sat propped up on his elbows and watched Findaráto intermittently suck on his cock as he spoke. He groaned and flipped his hair back over his shoulders. His skin was covered with a thin layer of perspiration.

“Then please turn over,” said Findaráto, breathing heavily.

Carnistir obeyed and rolled onto his stomach, exposing his backside of glistening rosy skin, his cleft deep and inviting. Findaráto straddled him and stroked the smooth cheeks. “Oh Gods!” he cried. “Have we no oil?”

Carnistir turned his head. “Is there something here that your mother uses while gardening that will do in its stead?” he asked.

Findaráto leapt up and began searching the cupboards. Presently he found a jar of hand cream. “I think this will do,” he said and dashed back to Carnistir. The dark-haired Elf moaned when Findaráto spread the thick cream onto his backside with eager hands, dipping in between his buttocks. When he inserted a finger into Carnistir’s tight entrance his cousin cried out and his body jolted forward. Findaráto was amused at this. Was Carnistir losing his firm grip on his self-control? It excited Findaráto to think of Carnistir losing control. He grew harder at the thought. He would endeavor to do everything in his power to cause that loss of control to happen. He inserted another finger into Carnistir’s passage. Carnistir yelped. “Oh, I like that little squeal. Will you squeal for me again, Carnistir?” asked Findaráto, and bent forward to nibble the tip of Carnistir’s ear. Carnistir moaned and wriggled his hips.

“Would you like this inside you, Carnistir?” Findaráto asked wickedly as he slid his slick cock up and down Carnistir’s cleft. Carnistir moaned again. “Tell me,” he whispered into Carnistir’s ear before he took the tender tip into his mouth.

“Yes,” Carnistir whispered. “Yes. Please, Findaráto,” he begged. “Please put your hard cock inside me.”

“Ah. You spoke, and you begged! That is what I wanted,” Findaráto purred, and he nuzzled Carnistir’s neck, leaving a series of love bites on the soft, milky skin. He moved his hips over top of Carnistir’s backside and probed his entrance again with his fingers and readied it for warmer, deeper penetration. When Carnistir was ready, Findaráto positioned himself and entered him carefully, easing himself into Carnistir’s opening bit by bit. Carnistir yelped when Findaráto breached his entrance with a little push. He gasped when Findaráto entered him fully after a series of small thrusts, until he was fully sheathed.

He rocked his hips against Carnistir’s backside while the dark-haired Elf lifted his buttocks and drove them back against Findaráto’s loins, trying to take in as much of his cousin as possible. He gasped and moaned while Findaráto, holding him by the waist, pulled him up so that Carnistir was balanced on his hands and knees. Findaráto grasped the rigid cock that jutted out needfully in front of Carnistir’s body and began to pump it, sliding his slick hand up and down the hard shaft. His hips undulated to drive his own cock deeper into Carnistir’s body.

Finally, with a loud scream, Carnistir came, jets of pearly fluid spurting onto the duvet. Soon Findaráto followed, exploding his seed into Carnistir’s buttocks with a shuddering cry. He held Carnistir around the chest, his hands caressing the perspiring skin of his stomach and loins. Carnistir gasped and took several deep breaths. His body shook from his exertions. He let his head fall forward, his mass of dark hair stuck to the damp skin of his shoulders and back, and to Findaráto’s glistening chest.

“Ah, Findaráto,” he cried. “I am undone.” He turned to his golden-haired cousin and embraced him. The two clung together and kissed each other tenderly, their lips slowly and languidly exploring each others’ once more. “Findaráto,” said Carnistir after breaking the kiss, “I love you. I want you. I will not be able to live in exile without you.” He moaned piteously. He began to kiss his cousin’s neck and nuzzled the sensitive place where it met his shoulder.

Findaráto sighed and considered this confession. He was overcome with lust for Carnistir, especially since his control was forgotten and he was begging for Findaráto. Even now, after they had just made love, he wished to do it again, only this time to have Carnistir make love to him. He wanted to feel Carnistir’s hard length inside him. Their bond would not be complete unless they both possessed each other. Their bond! Did he mean that? And what of Amarië?

Carnistir groaned. He had sprouted a new erection and he pressed it needily against Findaráto’s groin and held his cousin’s face between his hands. “Quiet your thoughts, Findaráto,” he said to him once again. “Yes. That is a wonderful idea. Bond with me. Do you love me as I love you?”

“Yes,” Findaráto whispered in capitulation, but he was afraid. “We must talk about this. Please, Carnistir?” he asked.

“Please make love to me,” Carnistir wheedled. “I need to feel you inside me. I want that bond as I have wanted nothing else.”

“So do I. But Carnistir,” Findaráto pleaded. “No, no, please stop doing that,” he begged as Carnistir fell to his knees and began to kiss his stomach, inserting his tongue into Findaráto’s navel.

Carnistir stopped but he laid the side of his face against Findaráto’s groin and breathed in the musky scent of Findaráto’s sex. “You are very distracting,” said Findaráto. “I am trying to be serious. We need to talk about what we are about to do. We shall be mated for life. I was not even ready to do that with Amarië.”

“That is because she was not the right one for you,” said Carnistir, poking out his tongue and licking the side of Findaráto’s semi-hard member.

“I used to think that she was,” said Findaráto. “Carnistir, stop it! Ai! You shall have me on the floor in a moment if you keep doing that!”

“My intention exactly,” said Carnistir, smiling wickedly while he nibbled the tip of Findaráto’s cock, taking only the head between his lips, just down to its ridge, sucking on it as he would a piece of candy. When it grew hard he released it from his mouth. “If she were the right mate for you, you would have made your bond a long time ago.”

Findaráto sighed. “But you speak also of going into exile,” he said. “What shall I do if that happens?”

“Come with me,” said Carnistir.

“But then our families will know about us.”

Carnistir laughed. “Yes. They will have to know. Does that thought bother you so much?”

Findaráto considered this. He was still worried. He knew not what to do yet he knew he loved Carnistir. Of that he was certain, and he knew he did not love Amarië as deeply or as passionately as he loved his cousin. He would have to tell her as soon as possible of his change of heart. He looked at Carnistir, and his beautiful face, flushed and framed by his masses of dark hair, caused warmth to spread through his body. He placed his hands around Carnistir’s head and kissed his hair. He sighed and said, “I do not know if we should bond now or wait until I have thought more about what I should do.”

Carnistir sighed against his cousin’s thigh, and cupped his hands around Findaráto’s buttocks. “If we do not do this now, we may never have the chance again.”