Punished

Title: Punished
Author: scots_rock
Pairing: Billy/Dom
Rating: R (language)
Summary: He didn’t deserve Billy.
WARNING: Death-Fic!!!
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own them. Nothing of it ever happened.
Feedback: feels sooo good!
Author's Notes: short drabble, I have time now, so I can do things like that again! ^^


They sat together at the breakfast table, silent as never before. Dom didn’t want to talk to Billy. He was simply too tired. Josh and the guys had taken him out yesterday evening. Well, actually they proposed that Billy could come, too, but Dom was against that idea. He didn’t even tell Billy, that they wanted to take him with them. Lately he felt very different and strange when it came to Billy. He saw some things he didn’t see before.

For example:

The way Billy would hold a cup, with an outstretched little finger or sometimes even with a thumb. It was odd and Dom saw it as a very disgusted thing.

Then there was the way Billy slept. He curled up like a little baby, his hands close to his face, one hand holding the other. Dom didn’t find that cute either. No, it was odd and Dom found it very annoying.

Of course, there was the way Billy would talk with his Scottish accent. At first, when they met each other, it was nice to hear it but after some time it just went on Dom’s nerves. It became odd and Dom hated it more and more.

There were many more things, that made Dom nearly scream out loud in frustration. But on the other hand, Billy would always come over to Hawaii for a visit; he would make breakfast every day, knowing very well that Dom worked hard for this serial; he would also put a blanket over Dom, when he suddenly would fall asleep while listening to Billy; his face would lighten up, always, whenever Dom was around. Dom could see and feel that Billy was in love with him. But Dom wasn’t sure if he himself still loved him back.

Recently, he has been spending the evenings more with the LOST crew than with Billy. Josh always persuaded him to come along and celebrate with the rest the ending of another successful episode shooting. And Dom always went with him. He and Josh became buddies; the more time they were together the stronger the bond was between them. Dom’s eyes became all glittery and sparkling whenever he saw Josh entering a room. But he didn’t know that Billy noticed that. And that this was the reason he was so quiet since a while.

“Where’s the newspaper?”, Dom asked suddenly.

“Don't know.”, answered Billy bored, inspecting and playing with his cornflakes; putting them on the spoon, lifting them up a bit and then dropping them down into the milk again.

“What is it?”, Dom wanted know and took a big bite from his toast.

“Nothin’. I’m just not in the mood to talk, that’s all.”

Dom rolled his eyes. What was going on? OK, it was true, that he came home late last night, giggling and all drunk. Maybe he had said something, maybe even done something that made Billy upset. The only thing he actually did remember was Billy carrying him to his bed and softly talking into Dom’s ear. Dom stopped eating and looked over at Billy. His eyes were swollen and red. No, Billy hadn’t been talking to Dom, he had been crying quietly.

“Why did you cry?” Dom looked at Billy with great seriousness now.

“What? I don’t know what ye’re talkin’ about!”

Dom pushed his dish aside, so that it slipped on the table to come to a halt right before the edge of the table. He stood up violently, his chair fell loudly to the floor.

“Don’t you fuckin’ lie to me, Boyd!”, he snapped.

Billy was surprised and in shock, seeing Dom furious like this. Then the muscles in his face relaxed and he watched Dom, with a great effort not to burst out in tears.

“I don’t think you love me anymore.”

Now it was Dom’s turn to look surprised. But he also knew deep inside that what Billy just had said could start the ending of their relationship. Because it was too true. He didn’t know if he loved Billy.

“I have to admit, that I’m not sure about that.”, Dom finally answered subdued.

Billy just stared at him and could not hold back his tears any longer; long, fine, watery lines marked his face now.

“It’s not like I have a choice, Bills, please understand. So many has changed in my life. I have new friends, I live in a different world. And you… It’s… You just don’t fit.”

That was hard. Very tough words had passed Dom’s lips. And he regretted them at once.

“I see. Well, I think I’ll get the paper then.”

Billy stood up from his chair, walked over to the door, grabbed his deep brown jacket and closed the door silently shut behind him.

Dom still didn’t move away from the table; his arms hung lifeless at his body, his head was down, focusing the wooden floor. Why did he say that? Why was he so stupid to say these words? Instead of “We will fix that” or “We will find a solution” he told Billy indirectly to bugger off. To make room for new friends and foes. He leaned on the edge of the table with both hands digging their nails into the wood. What had he done? Dom let out a scream and pushed the table strongly away from him; it shattered to the ground, letting dishes and cups break apart.

Dom’s feet lead him to the door and he took a look outside. But there was no one to see. No light brown hair floating in the wind. No green eyes staring joyfully back at him. No hand waving at him. No Billy at all.

Dom had been standing at the doorway of his house nearly for an hour now. Billy couldn’t take so long. It wasn’t that far to the tobacco shop. It was only some blocks down the street. He didn’t deserve Billy, he thought out of the blue. He went down the little path that lead to the beach. He watched the water floating and streaming to the land, covering the sand. He closed his eyes and listened to the rushing noise of the sea. He tried hard to think why he behaved so weirdly the last few days, weeks, months. He felt his heart beating faster; he heard the noise of the pulse growing in his ears. He opened his eyes again. No, he wasn’t happy the way he lived now. There was no Dominic without a Billy. They were parted, each one living in another country, thousands and thousands of miles away. The hole in his heart had been growing without him noticing it. He suppressed the feelings he had for Billy. He wasn’t able to bear the sadness that filled his face, his life, when Billy wasn’t there. He isolated himself from Billy. Perhaps not on purpose. But he did. And so the feelings for Billy had changed dramatically. Instead of being happy that he visited Dom he would not let Billy in his life again. He knew that Billy would fly back home one day. And that would hurt too bad. He couldn’t live in such a place, he told Dom so many times. There were rows and shouts and hurting words. But they managed to get over these problems. Now Dom went a step too far.

Dom was so concentrated in looking out for Billy that he nearly overheard the alarmingly ringing phone.

---

When Dom hang up he stood by the phone for a long time. He tried to picture Billy in his mind when he had seen him for the last time. He was crying, he was sad and he was lonely. Dom had made him that way. Billy had left Dom’s house with a broken heart. He had left to get Dom what he was asking for. A stupid newspaper.
He could still hear the voice that was talking to him minutes ago still ringing in his ears. Nothing. They could do nothing. The driver didn’t see him. He had been grasped by the car immediately. He had been injured too badly. They were sorry.

Dom couldn’t cry. Not a single tear was filling his eyes. His heart beat regularly and steady. His hands were cold. His forehead though was sweating. His hair stuck to his skin. His lips were trembling. There was nothing left in him that was worth living.

There was no Dom without Billy. And there was no Billy without Dom.

~***~

So, now you have the choice:
1. read on and find out what happens to dom after Billy's death
2. leave it like that

the next chapter wasn't supposed to be written at all, but I thought about summing it all up. PLease give me some feedback, i just wanna see who read on and who didn't. *puppy eyes*