Deleted Scenes

Lord of the Rings
(Deleted scenes)

This is the part of the story they couldn’t tell you…
NC-17

Gandalf waited in Elrond’s chambers. Frodo had just been through the great ordeal of out-riding the ringwraiths. Gandalf needed to talk to Elrond about the fate of the ring.
Elrond entered the chambers and saw Gandalf staring out the window, his beard shimmering in the sunlight. Elrond suppressed a strong urge as he glided over to stand beside his old friend. There were some feelings that were better left ignored. And yet, as Gandalf turned, a glimmer in his eye, Elrond sensed some hidden feelings in him. Passion over took him. Elrond grabbed him lustfully and aggressively kissed him. Gandalf responded with lust in every fiber of his being. Elrond’s hand went down under Gandalf’s robes, made their way up, and finally rested on Gandalf’s wrinkly old butt. Gandalf lets out a huge moan and allowed Elrond to rip his clothes off. Elrond released him to rip his own clothes off, but stopped suddenly. He looked down and saw… practically nothing. He had never seen anything so small in his whole life. Elrond tried to catch his breath, but he seemed to have lost it.
Gandalf opened his arms. “Come here, Sexy,” he said and came toward Elrond.
Elrond threw up his hands. “Council!” he managed. “I… uh, almost forgot about the council! We have to go. Now! Everyone’s waiting.” And he turned and ran out the door leaving Gandalf alone with his naked, old, wrinkly, teeny tiny penis.

  

The council, as you know, is history. Frodo began his journey with his eight companions.
As they were setting up a makes-shift camp for the night, Frodo approached Gandalf. Frodo was having some doubts about the journey ahead.
“I just don’t understand, Gandalf,” he said, “How can I do this? What if I fail?”
“Don’t worry, Frodo,” He comforted. “Don’t let people tell you your too small. It doesn’t matter how small you are. It doesn’t matter if it’s little. I mean, not that it is little; its huge! I mean big! You! You’re big! You’re as big as you think you are. Never forget that!”
“I wasn’t really talking about my size…” Frodo said, sensing there was something more to this conversation that just the ring. “I was just concerned that I couldn’t do it no matter how big I was.”
“Oh, well… you’re fine. I knew people a lot smaller than you and they still knew how to pleasure their women. Or… I mean, you know, overcome obstacles and stuff like that. Normal, healthy, heterosexual stuff.”
Gandalf looked around nervously. “Well, better get off to bed! Good night then.”
“Right…” Frodo said to himself as Gandalf slinked off.
Frodo gave a shudder and went to join the other hobbits in the sleeping area. As he approached it, he realized all the beds were empty. Probably out looking for food he thought. Idiots.
He sat down in what he thought was an empty bed but there was something under his butt. He jumped up with a start and Pippin came out from under the covers.
“I didn’t know you were there,” said Frodo. “Sorry.”
“Don’t be,” said Pippin. He slipped out of the covers completely and Frodo realized he was naked. Pippin stood up and walked toward him, his eyes burning. Frodo could see his pulsating, oscillating, throbulating, kitbitzulating, hot, smoky member.
Pippin grabbed Frodo’s arms and pressed his body on him, rubbing his frabitulating length against him as he moaned.
Frodo ripped himself loose from his grip. “What the fuck are you doing?”
Pippin jumped back startled. “I thought… you wanted to… you know… you…what about all the heat between us? The whole trip. You can’t deny that!” Pippin pleaded in desperation.
“Heat? Heat! What the… Oh my god! What the hell is wrong with everyone tonight? First Gandalf with his wrinkly little penis, now you. There is NO heat! I can assure you! Stay the fuck away from me, you stupid freak!”
And with that, Frodo went to see if he could bed with someone else for the night.
Pippin sat down, feeling very dejected. How could this be? Just a few moments ago, there had been no doubt in his mind that Frodo loved him. Where did he go so wrong? He covered himself up and tried to keep his eyes shut.
Just then, Merry and Sam came out of the woods, looking a little too happy for just having been on a “walk.”