How I Saved Middle Earth

How
to Save Middle Earth by Nephthys

Summary: Read and be
amused. Goofy.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Irreverent. Hick chick crashes into Middle Earth and Gandalf insists that
only she can save it (and a distraught Legolas) from the Mary Sues!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> And just what is this Black Book of Doom he
insists she must be carrying?

Author’s note: Yes,
I realize that if one actually fell into Middle Earth the language would be
indecipherable. And there wouldn’t be
any pickup trucks there, either (which is really too bad!)

Disclaimer: I don’t
own LOTR. And I don’t own Kentucky,
either, just for the record.

( )style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Is an after thought.

Prologue:

I closed my eyes and waited for the knock on the door,
giggling like an idiot. Finally!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I would have my revenge!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I had made a vow to myself that if we
managed to save him from Red, he would pay dearly for his insolence and now it
was payback time!

I squirmed in anticipation as I listened to Eowyn’s fingers
clicking over the keys. She’d make one
hell of a secretary, I thought fleetingly.
Then the room started to spin.

“Ugh, it feels like too much tequila,” I groaned and held my
gut.

The room screeched to a halt and I clutched at a chair to
steady myself.

A quiet knock sounded on the door. I tried to hide my grin as I flung it open but it was no
use. God help me, he was an absolute doll
baby! (And he’s not gay!style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Not gay, dammit!)

Mere words cannot describe his beauty.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> I smiled as I drank in the sight before me -
those dark eyes, that mane of thick platinum hair to his waist, those long legs
and that beautiful skin. She’d even
managed to capture that pout of his that used to drive me to drink (quite
literally) but was now driving me toward hormonal madness instead.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> (Must not pee myself from excitement!)

He smiled warmly at me.
I nearly fainted.

“Girl,” Legolas purred in his silky voice.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> “I want you.”

Without a word, I reached out, grabbed the neck of his
tunic, hauled his fine ass into my room and slammed the door shut.style="mso-spacerun: yes"> Payback’s a bitch, babe, and my revenge will
be sweet!