Making Up for Lost Time

Rain, again...Christ it's a wonder the whole fucking set hasn't washed away by now. The Helm's Deep shoot is a living hell; the only respite was when Henry came down to do a small cameo role. That is the only thihat hat saved my sanity I think.

I am tired of mud, of rain, and the poor stunt men and women were more than paying for my piss poor mood. I wasn’t holding anything back the last few days. Each night I poured all of my anger into the battles and there were moments when I knew even though they had thick layers of padding and latex I bruised them. I felt bad about that...although probably not bad enough.

Another thing was affecting my mood…Sean Bean was gone. I didn’t realize until he left how close we had become. Best friends really, someone I think I will be friends with until the end of my days. I know that is affecting my mood because I am lonely and want my friend to return. Sure I have other friends here, but they aren’t Sean.

We would spend hours just talking about the silliest or even most serious topics, even snipe and argue but that was always in fun. The younger cast members would laugh at us. Call us “old men” though most days Sean and I could give those “kids” a run for their money. God, I miss Sean. Is this how Aragorn feels about Boromir? Perhaps so, I know that’s why I pressed Peter to write into the script that Aragorn puts on Boromir’s bracers after his death. If no one else remembered Boromir he would, I would.

Sean is returning though, in two more weeks. He had business to attend to back in England. The divorce has been rough on him so there is that too. Hours and hours of sitting around talking about the demise of my marriage years ago as well as the demise of his last three. Christ, he didn’t give up did he? After one time I was done with it…I doubt I will ever marry again, it’s just too painful when it’s over. Even though Christine or Xene as the world knows her, and I are still close friends I can’t do that again. I would rather endure real physical pain than that kind of heartbreak, that kind of failure weighing on my heart each day. It was no ones fault really; we fell in love and then out of love. We still care about each other, but I just can’t see myself ever doing that again.

Sean on the other hand is so optimistic about such things. He loves so fast and so hard perhaps it burns out too quickly. The last few months have been painful for him, but he hasn’t lost faith that he will love again, though he laughs and says perhaps he will take a page out of my book of life and avoid the whole marriage thing again. Teased that he is tired of loosing half his shite every time he or one of his significant others falls out of love.

I look up from where I am sitting. Orlando just entered the trailer.

“Hey, Viggo…so you going to come with us today?” He asks the same question every night.

I tried to smile but I know it doesn’t reach my eyes, some fucking actor I am. “No, Orli, sorry I just, I am worn out…you kids are right I am an old man. Just gona go home and crash.”

Orli watches me a few minutes with a concerned look on his face and then says something that makes me feel a bit rotten.

“If Bean was here you would go with us.” Orli sounds like a petulant child, actually he sounds like Henry when I lecture him about not wanting him to watch televis The The idea of that makes me laugh.

Orlando stands there staring at me.

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