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May 26, 2012 at 12:00 AM
Great story. Please continue writing and updating chapters
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December 18, 2010 at 12:00 AM
good so far please update!
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March 25, 2009 at 12:00 AM
It would be much better if you broke the story into smaller paragraphs, especially when there is dialog. In fact, Dialog should be it's own paragraph, not part of one. Indent your paragraphs, check your spelling and do a little more character development. All I know about your OC is that she's a victim, there has to be more to her than that right? You're writing a very common fanfiction theme and need your story to stand out.
And one more thing, add more detail, you're moving too fast through your story.
And one more thing, add more detail, you're moving too fast through your story.
schedule
January 13, 2009 at 12:00 AM
This is very good so far. I am curious to find out what happens next.
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October 18, 2008 at 12:00 AM
i really like this, it's a nice spin -x- keep it up
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August 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
hey this is good id like to read more. longer chapters lol :) hope you update soon.
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July 15, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this seems like it could be a good story. I like it so far. I cant wait to see where you take it.
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April 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I like this story. I hope that you update soon.
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April 5, 2008 at 12:00 AM
this is really really good so far. i truely hope you continue this story. please update again soon!
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March 22, 2008 at 12:00 AM
Excellent idea and great momentum within the plot and pacing. Please keep going!