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June 11, 2010 at 12:00 AM
*sniff sniff* I'm all teary eyed. That was excellent. One of the best I've read.
Rock on.
Gwilwileth
Rock on.
Gwilwileth
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August 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I dont know if that was the end to it or not but i like the rewrite alot. I read it before you did all the rewriting and i like the way you redid it. is there going to be more? I would like to see more if i could.
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September 11, 2008 at 12:00 AM
wow i loved this! i know it says complete on the front but i wish it kept going! i want to hear about thier children and thier lives and what not. I loved Aragorn in this, i normally hated reading fics with him in it but uve changed me lol. Fantastic, loved it! Keep up the great work.
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August 9, 2008 at 12:00 AM
aside from the fact that legolas falls for her so easily and boromir fights him for her affections, i don't consider your character to be a mary-sue...honest! a true mary-sue would have the perfect little body, wouldn't already be married with children, so no complications, and after she was raped she would be able to hop in bed with legolas with no hesitations. i thought your writing was rather realistic, aside from the earlier point, and i thoroughly enjoyed it.
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May 31, 2008 at 12:00 AM
To begin, your prose flows well, your grammar is good, and your spelling is accurate. You don't know how much that means to me, you really don't.
I won't complain about your character being a Mary-Sue. You've already stated that she is one, and since you're aware of it, I won't point it out again. I will say, however, that you have not done justice to her. There is not much in the way of character development. Rather than bending her to the world in which she finds herself, you have bent that world to suit her. That's not how a character that is realistic should be. Nor have you developed the existing characters in a realistic manner. In a realistic scenario (it doesn't matter that it's fantasy, a good character should seem real, whether they pick up groceries, or kill hordes of maiden-eating dragons) the Three Hunters would not slow down and cater to a slow-moving (and she would be slow, she's never had to run for days on end with orcs on her tail) third party who can't defend herself or others. They are on a rescue mission where time is of the essence. They can't pander to anyone who can't keep up. They would have left her in the first sanctuary that they found and kept an eye out for her child. Nobody would have time to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. You only bother to develop Legolas. That's fine, juggling many characters is difficult, and I don't blame you for trying to focus on ones you want to do well- I'd do the same. The problem with what character development you HAVE done is that it doesn't conform to the rules Tolkien set out for the behavior of Elves. It's an existing world, with existing rules. If you use the language, the setting, the characters, you also accept the cultural standards as developed by the original author. It's not fanFICTION, it's FANfiction. There's a difference. Adapt your characters to their situations, and they'll behave in a more realistic way, and be much more fun to read. As it is, they are standard fan-fiction cutouts.
As for your OC. I'm sure that you don't mean to have what character development you DO have to make Hesper an unsympathetic character. But she is. You claim that she loves her children and her husband. She throws over her husband with astonishing speed for someone who claims to love him, and want to work out their marital problems. Moreover, she's inconsistent in her complaints about him. First he only sleeps with her when he wants to do the nasty. Later, he's indifferent, and she has to do the initiating. Pick one. As for her children- I'm nobody's mother. I don't completely understand that bond. But I do know that my mother would bring down armies to bring me safely home, and would be so glad to see me when I was found that she would't let me out of her sight- or arm's reach. I understand that a mother isn't just a mother, she's a woman, but in this situation- a good mother would be a mother first. I know you want to portray Hesper as a good mother. As it stands, she is not. She's too worried about sleeping with Legolas. She never worries more than superficially about her child, and gives her up for dead with what amounts to an "Oh, well!". I know you didn't mean for that to be how she comes across. But she does. She doesn't even seem to be overjoyed to find the little girl alive. She seems to behave like a sixteen-year-old who can't go to prom because she has homework. If you want to create a flawed character, bring out Hesper's living in a fantasy world more. That's a source of conflict between her, her husband, her children, and her world. You could make a compelling story out of that kind of insanity. (Read "the Yellow Wallpaper" if you haven't already)
I won't complain about your character being a Mary-Sue. You've already stated that she is one, and since you're aware of it, I won't point it out again. I will say, however, that you have not done justice to her. There is not much in the way of character development. Rather than bending her to the world in which she finds herself, you have bent that world to suit her. That's not how a character that is realistic should be. Nor have you developed the existing characters in a realistic manner. In a realistic scenario (it doesn't matter that it's fantasy, a good character should seem real, whether they pick up groceries, or kill hordes of maiden-eating dragons) the Three Hunters would not slow down and cater to a slow-moving (and she would be slow, she's never had to run for days on end with orcs on her tail) third party who can't defend herself or others. They are on a rescue mission where time is of the essence. They can't pander to anyone who can't keep up. They would have left her in the first sanctuary that they found and kept an eye out for her child. Nobody would have time to whisper sweet nothings in her ear. You only bother to develop Legolas. That's fine, juggling many characters is difficult, and I don't blame you for trying to focus on ones you want to do well- I'd do the same. The problem with what character development you HAVE done is that it doesn't conform to the rules Tolkien set out for the behavior of Elves. It's an existing world, with existing rules. If you use the language, the setting, the characters, you also accept the cultural standards as developed by the original author. It's not fanFICTION, it's FANfiction. There's a difference. Adapt your characters to their situations, and they'll behave in a more realistic way, and be much more fun to read. As it is, they are standard fan-fiction cutouts.
As for your OC. I'm sure that you don't mean to have what character development you DO have to make Hesper an unsympathetic character. But she is. You claim that she loves her children and her husband. She throws over her husband with astonishing speed for someone who claims to love him, and want to work out their marital problems. Moreover, she's inconsistent in her complaints about him. First he only sleeps with her when he wants to do the nasty. Later, he's indifferent, and she has to do the initiating. Pick one. As for her children- I'm nobody's mother. I don't completely understand that bond. But I do know that my mother would bring down armies to bring me safely home, and would be so glad to see me when I was found that she would't let me out of her sight- or arm's reach. I understand that a mother isn't just a mother, she's a woman, but in this situation- a good mother would be a mother first. I know you want to portray Hesper as a good mother. As it stands, she is not. She's too worried about sleeping with Legolas. She never worries more than superficially about her child, and gives her up for dead with what amounts to an "Oh, well!". I know you didn't mean for that to be how she comes across. But she does. She doesn't even seem to be overjoyed to find the little girl alive. She seems to behave like a sixteen-year-old who can't go to prom because she has homework. If you want to create a flawed character, bring out Hesper's living in a fantasy world more. That's a source of conflict between her, her husband, her children, and her world. You could make a compelling story out of that kind of insanity. (Read "the Yellow Wallpaper" if you haven't already)
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May 22, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Aww beautiful story. I wish you would write more. Seems so open ended.
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December 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
well written.
compelling...
i'd like to read the rest...
compelling...
i'd like to read the rest...
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December 14, 2006 at 12:00 AM
What a wonderful story!! Please update soon. While reading this story,I feel as though I am there with all the characters. It's fantastic!! Once again, please,please update soon!
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October 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This story has touched me like no other LOTR story I have read. I could see and feel like I was there and I loved it. You have to continue. Please Please Please continue. And when you do update please email me I'd love to know the minute you put it up, LOL.
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October 21, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I love this story you have to update.