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October 3, 2007 at 12:00 AM
this was good i like it. cant wait fot the next chappie
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August 10, 2006 at 12:00 AM
woah this is really goood i hope u keep up the good work
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January 1, 2006 at 12:00 AM
This is great! I'd just recently started reading this story of fanfiction.net but then I got to the 'VERY IMPORTANT' page and was shocked! So I came here to read it, but you haven't updated for a while and I am sure there are lots of us out here anxiously waiting! Plz Update!
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August 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Please update. This is sooo good.
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July 16, 2005 at 12:00 AM
pls continue...
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June 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I'm so happy to see this again! I loved it at ff.net and am glad it's resurected. Can't wait for more!
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May 21, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Let me first say I'm sorry for this, but it needs to be said. I agree 100% with Olga. I'm having a really hard time following. This story is happening way to quickly, it not really being developed at all. Some major things like child abuse is going on, but they really aren't being dealt with. For example, when Legolas tells his friends what's going, one of the first responses was going to the movies. If that was my friend making a confession like that, I damn sure wouldn't jump to the car to go see the latest Johnny Depp movie!
Plus Aragorn and Legelas realationship, I mean I can't figure it out. Legolas has this dismissive attitude towards everything and Aragorn is just sort of like "OK then." Have they really had any real kind of coversation since they got together that didn't have 10 other people with them.
I hope you take me and Olga's comments as constructive as they are meant to be. There is a great story buried in there, just needs to come out more.
Plus Aragorn and Legelas realationship, I mean I can't figure it out. Legolas has this dismissive attitude towards everything and Aragorn is just sort of like "OK then." Have they really had any real kind of coversation since they got together that didn't have 10 other people with them.
I hope you take me and Olga's comments as constructive as they are meant to be. There is a great story buried in there, just needs to come out more.
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May 12, 2005 at 12:00 AM
You gotta slow down. You're giving out so much detail so fast that it seems as though you just want to finish it as quickly as possible. For example the school scene: when you talk about the lessons they had.. you're giving it all out too fast. And the abuse scenes, it all happends just too fast, you need to make it more intense but developping the scene. It will make the story much more interesting.
All in all, the story is a good one. The plot is very interesting although it's not the most original. At times having more than 3 characters talking at a time is pretty confusing since you skip from one character to another too quickly, but you're doing a good job nonetheless.
I must say that Legolas is somewhat OOC. He's supposed to have a strong will and spirit, he's supposed to be difficult to break. His strength is seen throughout the story, but it has a very small part.
I do adore Aragon's character. You are the only person who made his character as less OOC as possible, great job.
Few typos here and there, but it's not unbearable.
By the way, in case you'll ever need a BETA, i'd be more than honored to be it.
And i'm sorry if i'm being too harsh, but i believe that if you have more honest comments, you'll only improve.
All in all, the story is a good one. The plot is very interesting although it's not the most original. At times having more than 3 characters talking at a time is pretty confusing since you skip from one character to another too quickly, but you're doing a good job nonetheless.
I must say that Legolas is somewhat OOC. He's supposed to have a strong will and spirit, he's supposed to be difficult to break. His strength is seen throughout the story, but it has a very small part.
I do adore Aragon's character. You are the only person who made his character as less OOC as possible, great job.
Few typos here and there, but it's not unbearable.
By the way, in case you'll ever need a BETA, i'd be more than honored to be it.
And i'm sorry if i'm being too harsh, but i believe that if you have more honest comments, you'll only improve.
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May 11, 2005 at 12:00 AM
wow i love this story it is so real you have a deep understanding of the abuse and the psychology of it and on a lighter note yeah man love
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April 29, 2005 at 12:00 AM
I really like your story. You're doing a pretty good job of balancing so many characters! I hope we get to see more of Frodo and Sam, and I really like how you're shifting from Aragorn to Gimli. Awesome start!!! Please keep going!!