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July 8, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Run! Hide! It's actually surprisingly good! (More Sam-torture is your friend)
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July 8, 2003 at 12:00 AM
EMMA! You left me hanging by a single thread with this chapter!! Please post soon!!! I can't stand it !!! Q.
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July 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I think for a story like this to work, you need to do two things.
1) Convince your reader that this AU is possible and interesting -- you've made major changes to all the characters, and your Merry doesn't appear to have anything to do with Tolkien's character of the same name; you need to give the reader some reason to suspend disbelief. One way to do this is to write dialogue and actions that are believable coming from the character in canon. I'd suggest a beta who has od eod ear for dialogue and character voice, because currently Merry is coming off as a caricature Evil Thug. The other way is to explicitly set up how the AU got to this state. You could let us see that Merry is an avid reader of erotic melodrama -- has pinned his ideas about adventure on those conventions -- and suggest that the Ring is taking advantage of that. Or you could show us the Ring affecting some other people in similar ways beforehand, so that when it happens to Merry, it isn't so incongruous.
2) Give the reader someone in the fic to care about. Villains can make great protagonists, if they are in some way sympathetic or else very entertaining (i.e. their dialogue is especially witty or insightful). Alternatively, you could help your readers care about his victims. You can't rely on the reader liking your Frodo and Sam and Pippin unless you either convince us that they are the same as Tolkien's characters (who we already care about) or else write them so they are interesting in their own right.
I hope this helps
1) Convince your reader that this AU is possible and interesting -- you've made major changes to all the characters, and your Merry doesn't appear to have anything to do with Tolkien's character of the same name; you need to give the reader some reason to suspend disbelief. One way to do this is to write dialogue and actions that are believable coming from the character in canon. I'd suggest a beta who has od eod ear for dialogue and character voice, because currently Merry is coming off as a caricature Evil Thug. The other way is to explicitly set up how the AU got to this state. You could let us see that Merry is an avid reader of erotic melodrama -- has pinned his ideas about adventure on those conventions -- and suggest that the Ring is taking advantage of that. Or you could show us the Ring affecting some other people in similar ways beforehand, so that when it happens to Merry, it isn't so incongruous.
2) Give the reader someone in the fic to care about. Villains can make great protagonists, if they are in some way sympathetic or else very entertaining (i.e. their dialogue is especially witty or insightful). Alternatively, you could help your readers care about his victims. You can't rely on the reader liking your Frodo and Sam and Pippin unless you either convince us that they are the same as Tolkien's characters (who we already care about) or else write them so they are interesting in their own right.
I hope this helps
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July 7, 2003 at 12:00 AM
poor Frodo*sobs*...and Merry and Pip and Sam...hm,someone should write a fic about Frodo's parents.Emma?
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July 4, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 30 made me cry.
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July 3, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I have been checking every day for this story to update. Heh. And if I'm not careful, I'm going to be late for work. But I thought I'd drop you a quick line, letting you know how much I enjoyed this bit of the story. If one has a terrible vivid imagination, one mighve ave almost felt like they were drowning with poor Frodo. But my favorite bit, was easily the ring's influence. Oh, that is one nasty piece of work. I love how you show the effect it is having on some otherwise, quite sane and generally cheerful hobbits.
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July 3, 2003 at 12:00 AM
amazing story!...i'm completly hooked and cant wait for the next part!
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July 2, 2003 at 12:00 AM
this story sucks. a lot. i think shoushould cut your hands off.
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July 1, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Don't you dare take the 'obvious action' readers inaccurate comments to heart! This story is wonderful!! You have woven a tale that is absolutely terrifying in that someone Frodo has trusted for years has changed before his very eyes and become incredibly maniuplative and cruel. The way you have unfolded Merry's devious ways is very exciting, as well as Sam's loyalty and Frodo's bravery. So this story isn't Die Hard with a Vengence, it is instead a Tale of a Very Twisted Mind who has gotten very lucky in his control over his relatives as the lure of the ring corrupts him. This is the one story that I checked on while reading the HP5 book and that is saying alot. So keep up the good work, don't be afraid to take your time- it is the slow breaking of Frodo that makes this story so unique and fascinating. For those that can read into more than your basic physical action (ie Legolas torture stories)- they will rate this story as excellent.
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July 1, 2003 at 12:00 AM
1) This fic is most definitely not boring at all. I love the wonderful use of psychological torture. Especially in the Merry/Pippin relationship. I also liked in this chapter, (or it may have been the one before?) the bit where they are all pretty posessive of the ring. Or at least in awe of it. Heh. Evil little thing, isn't it? I adore this story so much I was almost late to work today... just wanted to keep reading it. Now I am up at 2 am finishing when I have class in the morning... silly me.
2) I am a girl. But I'm not a straight one... so that's kind of like being a guy? But not at all. Oh well.
3) Constructively, there are some serious formatting errors in chapter 28... I'm glad I like this story so much, or I wouldn't have been able to read it. For some reason, quotations aren't showing up. Hmmm.
4) I haven't *squeed* yet and jumped all over this fic because it so wonderfully good. And dark, and evil Merry is so very cool. And I love nothing more than seeing a dominant personality dominated. It's so nice to read. Ahhh. Will Merry actually break Frodo? Well. I reviewed, so I best find out yah? And will Gandalf eventually get away from dear 'ol Saruman and come to our poor hobbitses rescue? I hope so. But not until more angst ensues. Yes.
2) I am a girl. But I'm not a straight one... so that's kind of like being a guy? But not at all. Oh well.
3) Constructively, there are some serious formatting errors in chapter 28... I'm glad I like this story so much, or I wouldn't have been able to read it. For some reason, quotations aren't showing up. Hmmm.
4) I haven't *squeed* yet and jumped all over this fic because it so wonderfully good. And dark, and evil Merry is so very cool. And I love nothing more than seeing a dominant personality dominated. It's so nice to read. Ahhh. Will Merry actually break Frodo? Well. I reviewed, so I best find out yah? And will Gandalf eventually get away from dear 'ol Saruman and come to our poor hobbitses rescue? I hope so. But not until more angst ensues. Yes.