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March 18, 2005 at 12:00 AM
WOW, As an elf girl I don't usually read hobbit stories but this was just fantastic! I know this is not a new story. (I decided to look up older fics and I am glad I did) but I wanted to review anyway.
You took their characters, the four of them, kept them recognisable, but took them to an extreme and twisted them darkly, especially Merry's of course.
Pippin's remembrances of Merry and the love and joy they shared in the past was lovely and highlighted how things had changed, but Pippin was still clinging desperately to Merry and coping the best he could. Like a lover would, even if the relationship had changed and become one sided. That was so poignant.
The langauge you use impressed me,
"walking was the best thing; the numbness it brought was better than ale or wine, better than Merry's hands on him, better than sleep. He longed to feel the ground fly away under his feet, to tip himself forward into the wind, open-mouthed, to walk until his mind was blank as a white sheet and his body so weary that he was a clear smooth channel through which thoughts and words and memories could fly without catching on the hooks of his mind." just great...... it is like that, trying to escape from pain and unwelcome knowledge.....
and your imagery, never overdone but saying everything....
"smile razoring coldly over him." "as if something precious were leaking from Pippin's eyes and Merry's gaze could bandage it." ....
Your timing was brilliant throughout. Frodo, childlike and vacant was portrayed excellently. The dark threat at the end that showed that no one could escape Merry's evil designs. Yes i really liked this. Wonderful writing.
You took their characters, the four of them, kept them recognisable, but took them to an extreme and twisted them darkly, especially Merry's of course.
Pippin's remembrances of Merry and the love and joy they shared in the past was lovely and highlighted how things had changed, but Pippin was still clinging desperately to Merry and coping the best he could. Like a lover would, even if the relationship had changed and become one sided. That was so poignant.
The langauge you use impressed me,
"walking was the best thing; the numbness it brought was better than ale or wine, better than Merry's hands on him, better than sleep. He longed to feel the ground fly away under his feet, to tip himself forward into the wind, open-mouthed, to walk until his mind was blank as a white sheet and his body so weary that he was a clear smooth channel through which thoughts and words and memories could fly without catching on the hooks of his mind." just great...... it is like that, trying to escape from pain and unwelcome knowledge.....
and your imagery, never overdone but saying everything....
"smile razoring coldly over him." "as if something precious were leaking from Pippin's eyes and Merry's gaze could bandage it." ....
Your timing was brilliant throughout. Frodo, childlike and vacant was portrayed excellently. The dark threat at the end that showed that no one could escape Merry's evil designs. Yes i really liked this. Wonderful writing.
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January 3, 2004 at 12:00 AM
^_^
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August 8, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I've said this so many times, you must get bored, but I love this tale. I keep asking what Merry did to frodo, and someday, someday I will hear an answer ;)
Meanwhile, I write "ring around the MErry" to picture how to break a perfectly good hobbit. If you get board, leave a review!
-emma (lj -- aelfgifu
Meanwhile, I write "ring around the MErry" to picture how to break a perfectly good hobbit. If you get board, leave a review!
-emma (lj -- aelfgifu
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April 14, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I've written you before to say that this is just an amazing fic! This fic, and the fic I beta and illustrate (Nasty Hobbitsess) got me to fall in love with the whole concept of Evil!M. I. I was bummed that your fic was only one chapter, though I see that it is complete, and there would be nothing you could add that would make it any better than it already is.
But I was interested in the concept of the journey that the hobbits went through to get to the point you leave them at. After 39 chapters of Nasty Hobbitsess (in which Merry breaks Frodo over the course of theat time) I decided to write my own bookverse Evil!MErry story. If you want to take a look ever, I do want you to know that your short story was one of the 2 inspirations for Ring Around the Merry (on this site). It will be quite long, and the hobbit's persona's will not be the same as yours or Iorhaels (NH) and I'm not even sure where they will be going, or where they will end up. I may even do a happy ending-but will put all involved through hell in order to get there. but Merry will still be evil, just as I love him. And your evil Merry is the most deliciously evil that I've seen yet!
BTW is you want to see my illustrations for NH - here are the sites. I was wondering if you ever wanted this story illustrated, because I illustrate A LOT of stories. I also have done pics for Moria's revenge, the price, and recaptured, if you've ever read those.
-http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics1.html
http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics2.html
http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics3.html
Well, would love to get your feedback as I proceed with my fic, as it is my first. But you only had 3 reviews, and such a great yarn deserves more!
sincerely
Emma
But I was interested in the concept of the journey that the hobbits went through to get to the point you leave them at. After 39 chapters of Nasty Hobbitsess (in which Merry breaks Frodo over the course of theat time) I decided to write my own bookverse Evil!MErry story. If you want to take a look ever, I do want you to know that your short story was one of the 2 inspirations for Ring Around the Merry (on this site). It will be quite long, and the hobbit's persona's will not be the same as yours or Iorhaels (NH) and I'm not even sure where they will be going, or where they will end up. I may even do a happy ending-but will put all involved through hell in order to get there. but Merry will still be evil, just as I love him. And your evil Merry is the most deliciously evil that I've seen yet!
BTW is you want to see my illustrations for NH - here are the sites. I was wondering if you ever wanted this story illustrated, because I illustrate A LOT of stories. I also have done pics for Moria's revenge, the price, and recaptured, if you've ever read those.
-http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics1.html
http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics2.html
http://www.geocities.com/aelfgifuemma/nastyhobbitsesspics3.html
Well, would love to get your feedback as I proceed with my fic, as it is my first. But you only had 3 reviews, and such a great yarn deserves more!
sincerely
Emma
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February 22, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Holy crap, that has got to be the best darkfic I have ever read. I love you. PLEASE say you'll write some more stories!
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December 9, 2002 at 12:00 AM
This is a very good begining. It is so dark and moody. I hope you can write more.
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October 15, 2002 at 12:00 AM
I have to say, the first time I read this I was unsure of the premise. That Merry would hahe Ohe One Ring. But that didn't stop me appreciating the fine writing and the characterisation. The chess game with Frodo and Merry was so damned chilling, a lesson in how to convey menace and cold intent the like of which I have rarely read.
On second reading, I find I believe more in the idea. And I still find the writing superb.
You have done an amazing job. My heart aches for Frodo and Pippin and Sam. And yes, for Merry, too.
Thank you.
On second reading, I find I believe more in the idea. And I still find the writing superb.
You have done an amazing job. My heart aches for Frodo and Pippin and Sam. And yes, for Merry, too.
Thank you.