rate_review Reviews

*sigh*... I still don't think you should switch to Legolas' POV. I know people are asking for it, but in the long run i think your story would be so much better if you didn't. It would just create more of an aura of suspense. Good stuff all around otherwise. Please. I know people asked, but sometimes an author needs to write as he/she feels, and I really don't think you should switch POVs just yet. Sometimes the opinion of the masses just isn't what is best... Wait until Gimli actually sees Legolas in the brothel to then get the elf's feelings and thought. I really hope you get them together in the end. And I'm really excited about the mpreg. I really really hope somehow Legolas and Gimli get together and it's Gimli as the father of the baby. I've always wondered what a child between those two would look like. You know, there's a lot of mpreg stories out there, but none of them that have Legolas and Gimli having a child. Aren't you the least buit curious what a dwarf/elf hybrid would look like?! Hopefully that'll be the case for this story. (oh I hope i hope I hope ^_^) Hurry with more soon. And just before I go again, please reconsider changing POVs.

Till your next update!
-daughterofthemidnightmoon

Ugh! Gods! Hurry Gimli! Poor Legolas, I hope we won't have to much Elvish suffering, I'm a softy and hate to read about Leggy Torture!

AH!!! MORE!!! SOON!!!!! PLEEEEEEAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! IS BEGIN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!

hmm well you could have gimli go tearing off to the brothel, perhaps getting waylaid somewhat on the way there, but eventually making it and then getting to see the elf, who of course is tied up or something. maybe he is blindfolded and can't see gimli, and gimli has to decide then what to do. will he kiss legolas before he frees him? then they have to escape the brothel. could be gimli pays for the elf (though i can't see the brothel owner being willing to part with him for less than an exorbitant amount of gold) or the run away, in which case you have all sorts of possibilities. maybe when they get out they have to pretend legolas is gimli's slave, and they have to put on a publice tce that agrees with that.

anyway. enough ideas. get writing! pretty please? let me know when you update; i'm really enjoying this story.

Gaah!!! Too mclifcliffhangers!!! (pulls hair)

^ ^;; Sorry, this is just the second fic I've read in the last twelve hours that ended in a cliffhanger. Anyway...

(squeak!) Good lord, you need to write more!! Ahh!! (looks around pointlessly) I've only been awake for an hour or so, so my brain's not in the best condition to offer story advice. Give me a bit to shower and eat something and maybe I'll have something for you. ^ ^;;

I think you're right; this story does seem different from your others. It doesn't seem to flow the same way, but maybe the drastically different genre/subject matter is affecting how you write it. That does happen. But it's still very good. Sometimes a good intriguing plot will compensate for less than stellar writing. You might consider adding a teensy bit more detail and description, but other than that there really aren't any problems. I'll read over it again when I'm in a better state of mind.

Oh, yeah, I put my e-mail up there just so you could be sure it was me; there are a lotta Reis out there. ^ ^;; You do know you've just done something very dangerous to your sanity, you know? (tweaks nose) You've gone and gotten me hooked on this story. ^ ^ Pray for mercy.

Oh my god! When are you going to update?! This story is so good! Why aren't you continuing?!?!?! Please don't abandon it. I beg you! I really don't know what plot bunnies to give you for this, though I TOTALLY understand your plight. Bascially, I suggest Gimli going to this mysterious town and inquiring into this blonde elf the guy's pimping around. He has a hard time convincing the guy he (a dwarf mind you) wants to sleep with an elf (perhaps for novelty sake?) but finally pays him enough to buy an evening with Legolas. When he's finally ushered in to see Legolas there's a teary reunion (come on, you know you need one of those in there! ^_^) and Gimli decides then and there to free Legolas from the brothel. They manage to escape (perhaps after killing the owner and several of the other clientel there) and... you take it from there. Pretty straight forward, I know, but it's the best I got for right now, though if you give me time i might be able to think of something else. You could always though have a long planned out escape that spanned over several days, but I don't think would be able to stand the thought of leaving Legolas there for any more amount of time and just 'axes swinging!' break him out. It's up to you, but that's my suggestion. Do hurry with more soon. PLEASE!!!!! I'm dying for an update!!!!!!

-daughterofthemidnightmoon

Ok, here's some more things I've though of while reading some of the other readers' reviews. First off, yes. No teary, whimpering, Legolas. That just won't do. Best characterization for him is strong, proud, not yet broken, and fights till subdued or beaten into submission and even then refused to willingly yield! Got it? Alrighty then... Next, agaies. es. No immediate sexual comfort. Gimli should be a strong support for Legolas in the days following any kind of escape, but not as a let's-have-sex-and-make-you-forget-all-about-those-nasty-men-that-raped-you thing. No no no! Later, they could get together, but as someone else said, just not right away. Moving on! Mpreg... Well, I've read other fics where elves chose when they want to concieve and become pregnant. If Legolas did not want to become pregnant (let alone be raped...) then that would very plausibly rule out forced pregnancy by one of his nightly customers. He might also have been clinging to life with the hope of one day escaping and finding his friends again. Don't forget, if Gimli was so adamant about finding Legolas, Legolas might have been just as adament as holding on life and trying to one day reunite with him. I know that's kind of mussy, but it'll work as long as you don't dwell on sugery sweetness (which by the way you did very well with Gimli's side of waiting out the year waiting for Legolas to show up again. Very good!) Also, just one last thing, I don't suggest switching to Legolas' point of view. It creates a greater aura of suspense to leae the reader wondering what Legolas is going through until we actually see him in the brothel when Gimli gets there. That's about it. I'm eagerly anticipating another chapter soon. Don't leave us waiting too long!

-daughterofthemidnightmoon (again! :P)

Well, this is an improbable storyline, but it is an AU... So far I would say that you have done fairly well with it. As to what to do (or NOT to do) in the future...

It would be nice if you would avoid the weak whimpering Legolas that we have seen in all too many BAD fanfictions. Okay, so he was overpowered and captured and is in duress. Even though it has been a year, it doesn't necessarily mean that he has been broken. This is a prince and a warrior, after all! I'm not saying that he isn't grieving, isn't in despair, isn't suffering, and so forth. Just, not weak and whimpering. (It would be REALLY nice if you could somehow address the issue of the canonical Raped Elves Die Syndrome. Why hasn't Legolas died rather than continue to endure sexual abuse? Can you come up with some reason for him to hang in there and endure the continuing defilement?)

It would ALSO be nice if you would avoid the usual "hurt/comfort" storyline where the sexually abused victim (in this case, Legolas) gets rescued, and then is sexually "comforted" by his rescuer. This story may indeed eventually head off into Legolas/Gimli slash, but please, not right away. Legolas would have had quite enough of sex for a while! (In fact, the story could plausibly end with the beginning of a Legolas/Gimli love/slrelarelationship that has yet to be consummated.)

I see that you intend mpreg somewhere along the way. Hmmm. Well, if Legolas is the one to get pregnant, then seriously consider that he is pregnant as a result of the forced prostitution. That would make an interesting angsty addition to the story. Otherwise, you will be forced to PLAUSIBLY explain how it is that a year of sexual slavery did not make him pregnant, yet hooking up with Gimli did.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this story shapes up.

That chapter was interesting, sparked my curiosity. What *I* myself would do then, now that you've admitted to where Legolas is but not given any information about *him*, would be to do the next chapter with Legolas. Let Gimli rest for a while and show us what Legolas is going through. Then come back to Gimli and his journey to Herthdale or wherever. Let us see *why* its so important that Legolas is saved, give us reason to believe he is in *real* trouble. Just my opinion. Great job on this so far!
Rutaari

Yeah! You updated. I don't have any suggestions as to what to write about, but I have to implore (read: beg) you to include portions of the story told from Legolas' point of view. Perhaps you intended this already, but I thougt I would plead anyway. Oh, and, will you be involving Aragorn or anyone else in this adventure? I was just thinking of the complications that having them aroundld bld bring. Makes for good drama.