schedule
May 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
thankyou, ill keep that in mind, sometimes i tend to do that without realising it, heck i had to rewrite several paragraphs for one story (which is not posted on here) because i kept repeating myself. Lol still, im glad you like it.
schedule
May 1, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Remember me ?
I liked your story. It gets the reader to feel the emotion of the characters. Beautifully written and good alternation between setting description, dialogue and inner thoughts.
One minor critique I would like to make, though. It is not incorrect, but a bit inartistic to begin three paragraphs by the same introductive form, in the present case, “Frodo”. Also, you could rethink the spacing between taragaragraphs, because you begin with them but slowly they are lost until there is just disorder.
Otherwise, your writing is impeccable and the only thing I feel should be improved is the presentation.
I liked your story. It gets the reader to feel the emotion of the characters. Beautifully written and good alternation between setting description, dialogue and inner thoughts.
One minor critique I would like to make, though. It is not incorrect, but a bit inartistic to begin three paragraphs by the same introductive form, in the present case, “Frodo”. Also, you could rethink the spacing between taragaragraphs, because you begin with them but slowly they are lost until there is just disorder.
Otherwise, your writing is impeccable and the only thing I feel should be improved is the presentation.
schedule
April 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Lovely ... I hope there is more than one chapter.
schedule
April 21, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Glad you like it.